Should you tell your spouse EVERYTHING?

I bet a lot of people who are newly married have this question in their mind. Because I did too. You might notice I use past tense because I have found the answer, thus I am no longer questioning.

But for those who are questioning about the answer…. let me start a (quite) long post.

Like usual, let me give a cute GIF to start the post!

Let me tell you a story first about my conversation with my mom that happened long time ago. It was when I was 15 or 16 years old and I didn’t have many relationship experiences, most of my experiences were bad, in a way that I was mostly hurt.

My mom and I were not close, however on that particular day, she decided to have a little talk about relationship and marriage. She said, “when you get married someday, keep some of your secrets for yourself. Don’t share EVERYTHING to your husband. Always keep some secret.” She even emphasized the word don’t share everything. She even said it twice.

Do you think I agreed with her?

Answer is so obvious!

If you know me well, you would know by now that I never agree with my mom about everything. LOL.

I didn’t agree with her on that very moment, but I knew I didn’t have any arguments to defend myself so I chose to shut my big mouth up.

Now that I’m married (tough luck, eh, Mom? LOL) I still disagree with her. But I don’t think she’s wrong.

I don’t think it is wrong not to share everything with your spouse.

But I know for a fact that for me it’s not gonna work. If I didn’t share everything with my spouse, my marriage would fail. That’s me.

So, let’s come back to present moment. I am happily married for 8 months now. I’ve been living together with my husband for 4 years and been together for almost 9 years now.

I do tell my husband EVERYTHING. Seriously, EVERYTHING. So to you, my good friends, when you told me “Don’t tell Bandi!” after you told your story… I never promised. If it was a very secretive thing and I did promise, there is a very small chance I didn’t tell Bandi. (But if someday Bandi asked about it, I would tell him in a heartbeat.)

The thing is…

I’m not good with secrets. Secrets tend to be tied with lies and I am a TERRIBLE LIAR. Seriously I prefer to do anything other than lying. Lying is like a snowball. Once you lie, you have to cover your lies and so on and so on. (I don’t have spare rooms in my brain for this kind of thing!)

Not enough brain cells to lie.

The biggest lie in my life is probably when I live together with Bandi. We have to cover the situation to some people and it was THE WORST! I hated it so much so in some point, I decided to just tell my parents that I lived together with Bandi. There, out of the chest.

For you, male population, who read this, you’re probably wondering how stupid I am, that I am so delusional and I might not know that my husband actually doesn’t do the same thing, which he is NOT telling me everything.

Well… Truth be told, what I’m saying is purely from my side of coin. Yes, I won’t know the fact if Bandi did the same thing to me. But dear… if you don’t trust your spouse, you might as well call a lawyer now and get divorced. Marriage won’t work without trust. This one, I’m 100% sure.

So, I trust him. I trust Bandi is also telling me EVERYTHING.

Bottom line, we tell each other everything. We always thought that healthy relationships have the same thing with us, that the couples tell each other everything, until one day… we found out that it was not the case.

I found out that very moment that the husband lied to the wife about something, even though from my personal opinion, the lie wasn’t even that important! It was a silly lie but he lied anyway and he insisted us not to tell his wife.

Eh, wait! Blackmail idea!

But then after a long conversation with Bandi, we realize that… There is not such thing as a rule of thumb for a perfect relationship. Everyone can design their own relationship and feel perfect about it.

I was so judgy I didn’t know maybe he was protecting her feelings, maybe he knew it better that his wife was better off with lies.

So, let’s go back to the question that made you guys click this blog at the first place. So…

SHOULD YOU TELL YOUR SPOUSE EVERYTHING?

The answer is Yes and No.

It goes back to the purpose of your marriage. This is something that you should discuss with your spouse before you actually got married. So let me put on Dr. Phil mask and do some analytic.

Yes, if you…

  • Are the type of person that value honesty and openness.
  • Are better hurt knowing the truth than not knowing at all.
  • Think it’s about the journey, not the destination.
  • Are a risk taker.

No, if you…

  • Are a goal oriented person.
  • Think ignorance is a bliss.
  • Are practical.
  • Are the type of person that value pride and privacy.
  • Are easily insecure.

So, at the end of the day, it goes back to what type of person you are and what kind of relationship you want. Both are perfectly fine. I have only one thing to underline here… if you have doubts with your spouse, ASK. Never assume. Assuming is the most stupid thing you do in marriage.

When you ask, always believe what your spouse tell you. That’s just how it works.

If you don’t trust your spouse, again, please seek professional help. Something is very wrong.

I hope this post clears any doubts because Valentine’s day is coming!!! I love Valentine’s day! It’s a one-day pass to be mushy mushy in social media! :D

>> What’s your Valentine’s day plan?! Let me know! I love sweet stories!<<

Cheers,

May, assisting Dr. Phil. :p

What happened other than gaining weight and lost all my angpao for gambling?

This is one of those moments when I write a post without any purpose. I just feel like writing everything. On the contrary of my previous post, this would be a non-serious anything goes writing as I like. Hmm, where should I start?

Other than gaining probably 2 or 3 kilos from my CNY pigging out week and lost all my angpao money gambling at my Boss’ open house CNY party, nothing is really worth the sweat to complain about. I should’ve learned from the past two years of my Chinese New Year gambling record that I never win at gambling, but it was worth the fun anyway. In Singapore, there’s this tradition to gamble every CNY because they said our luck is doubled up during this period. But if that’s the case, doesn’t it mean everyone’s lucks are leveled anyway? Duh!

I had so much fun at my house back in Jakarta, which rarely happens and that’s probably why lately I’ve been feeling so lively and happy and grateful even of simple things. I know my family is not the most tragic of all but I can say it’s one of them, so when we had a nice time together last CNY, I sent a little prayer to thank and did some high five with the universe. This brings so much joy for me.

The kindness of my blogger friends

I got a tiny enlightenment if I didn’t want to call it a-ha moment when I read comments from my blogger friends for the previous post about Bandi missing the flight back to Singapore. I don’t want to explain too much regarding the thing on this post because I don’t want to make this post to be another serious post, but I’m so glad I received many kind comments and even an honest comment from Arman that slapped my face. I hope this is a good news for anyone who knows me and cares about Bandi and me.

The Candy Crush Craze

You probably get annoyed by friends who post their Candy Crush Saga achievement on their facebook, but please don’t hate them, they are innocent. They are just infected by the Candy Crush Craze like me and the facebook post is automatic if they reach certain level.

And yeah, I’m infected too. I’m ashamed to admit this but I know I’m sick when I walked on the pavement and I saw these leaves and suddenly had the urge to swipe one of the leaf to line them up. (WTF, Brain!?)

I know I'm sick.

I know I’m sick.

The game is basically about matching 3 (and more) types of candy, but it’s not like the regular Bejeweled game, my friend! This game needs strategy as you are only given limited moves. Every level also has different types of mission and task, such as clearing the jelly or bringing down ingredients.

IMG_3565

I think the key of Candy Crush success is that they synchronize the game with facebook and you are allowed to see where your friends are and because I’m very competitive, this is so much fun for me.

IMG_3564

This game is also not the pushy kind of game, you know like those sim games that require you to open the game every certain hours to check whether you burn your food or your plants are withered. But trust me, once you get the fun of Candy Crush, you can’t stop. And it would probably effect your blog posts which I believe happened to Dian for her lack of posting. LOL.

So, happy sugar-crushing!

The Snapseed Magic and Photonia Euphoria

I read Bebe’s recommendation for photo editing app and tried Snapseed (which is the only app I haven’t tried mentioned) and MAN! Is there anything more awesome than this? This app doesn’t give you ONLY filter effect like instagram, which is kinda boring and is meant for lazy people, when you add vintage effect on yourself holding ipad (what an irony). Snapseed gives you full control of what you want your photo to be. Do you want it to be brighter, smoother, sharper? You can also add contrast as you like, straighten up crooked photo and this is the best, you can edit only certain part of the photo! It’s like mini photoshop on your phone! And, and, and… you can add drama! Oh how I love this app! Here’s a proof why I didn’t exaggerate…

Snapseed Magic with a touch of drama.

Snapseed Magic with a touch of drama.

You see that the area of my and Bandi’s face has more light because there is a tool of adding details at the area you choose. Snapseed is free on Apple Store and Android (I think) but costs $19.90 if you install it to your laptop.

After you edit your photo with the Snapseed magic, it’s time to collage your photos with the gorgeous Photonia. At first I didn’t understand how to use this app so I just used the default settings and frames but once you learn the full control of scrapbook-ing your photos with this app, it’s going to be fun!

Photonia Euphoria!

Photonia Euphoria!

The unfortunate thing about this app is that they only give you limited free frame and and background. You must purchase for more and that’s a bummer. =(

The Lovey-Dovey Valentine

I’m not that kind of girls who must celebrate Valentine’s day but somehow I feel this year’s Valentine is the sweetest Valentine for me. Actually there are no amazing gifts or excessive dinner whatsoever but I feel that this year, I have a content heart (could also happened after the missing flight a-ha moment).

I was on a break with Bandi on our first year of Valentine and I was having too much fun with my single girlfriends. (You know how “too much fun” definition equals to swearing over happy couples and jerk guys for one night, right?)

The second year was ended up with fight.

The third and fourth year were in a long distance relationship.

The fifth year, he surprised me with his one-way ticket from Texas and moving in for good to Singapore. Then we spent the whole Valentine’s day in Sentosa Island. It was pretty awesome. =)

The sixth year was the first growing up Valentine’s day ever with him sending a bouquet of flowers to my office and took me out on a cute date to a cafe called “Vanilla” with a vanilla smell all over it. I love Vanilla smell. =) We were also eating the weirdest (yet delicious) cake we’ve ever eaten called The Dirt Cake.

The Dirt Cake! It feels like eating a dirt, unless it's delicious!

The Dirt Cake! It feels like eating a dirt, unless it’s delicious!

The seventh year was last week, with no dinner, no spending money, just us having the house for ourselves (because my other roommates were still in Indonesia for their CNY holiday). I remembered a day before we went back to Jakarta, I asked him whether we had to prepare anything for Valentine’s day and he said no. I thought it’s because we’re in a long term relationship and it was the time for us to stop being lovey dovey on Valentine’s day.

But however I bought him a card and a watch because I just couldn’t help it. I’m a helpless romantic, even hundred years from now I can still think of way making my loved ones happy and give surprises for them.

Photonia 2

Pardon my cheesyness, this was made with Photonia too!

He, out of my expectation, brought me a stalk of rose and chocolate. Take note that Bandi is the kind of guy who always meant what he said. If he didn’t prepare anything, it means he really didn’t. Then I asked him why he decided to give me things. He said he didn’t want to erase the tradition of giving me flowers on Valentine’s Day. He also gave a card and I always love cards. He said we should never stop giving cards to each other even when we turned eighty and couldn’t even read properly. I would probably ask my grand daughter to accompany me to gift shop and help me browse. =)

We had this for dinner anyway and it was the best McDonald I’ve ever tasted. The reason why it felt so perfect is because I had no expectation at all. You know that high expectation leads to disappointment so when you don’t expect at all, everything feels so great.

Mc Donald's for Valentine's Dinner

Mc Donald’s for Valentine’s Dinner

Anyhow, the “missing the flight” moment turned out to have a silver lining that leads to my own a-ha moment. =)

The Back-To-Work Zombie

After one week of having fun, I finally came back to work yesterday. I guess my brain forgot how to function properly and I pushed it to actually think. You know what happened after work? I fell asleep as if I was dead.

The first day in Jakarta, I had too many things to chat about and I was literally 24 hours awake. I was hanging out with my friend until 4 in the morning and fetched Bandi to airport straightaway for his 6 am flight. Then the next morning was CNY first day so I couldn’t wake up too late otherwise my mom would kill me. The the next night I was going for a road trip with my two best friend to Bandung and we had too many things to update to each other, we didn’t stop talking. My friend who was driving almost hit the road barrier! And this is weird, we didn’t even take one photo of us!! Guess we forgot because of too much talking.

The bottom line is, I didn’t have enough sleep and I didn’t use my brain so much anyway during the holiday so on my first day of working, I was like a zombie. Well, it’s not interesting. So, just skip this part, I understand.

The Europe Funds

Beside our personal saving account for our Europe funds, Bandi and I have a gentong of saving for us to pay the hostel, train/local plane tickets and pre-purchased Museum tickets. (It is literally a gentong bottle we bought in Boracay. We managed to smuggle this bottle to Singapore! Haha.) We would just throw in $10 once in a while and $100 every month. We also sell unused things on ebay such as jump rope, old mp3 players, my crappy camera and even the new hair dryer we got from Company D&D lucky draw.

ebay funds

It was the total of our unused stuffs sold on ebay until last week, and guess what, we just sold Bandi’s old Samsung phone yesterday and got hard cash of $240.00! It added the ebay money for total $416!!! We went to Roxy at Jakarta to sell the phone and no one wanted to buy it because the phone was purchased outside Indonesia, can you believe it? I thought international purchase would be an advantage in Indonesia but I was wrong. So we brought the Samsung phone back to Singapore and advertise it on ebay and the next day it was sold! yeah baby! So we technically get additional cash of $416 for selling things we don’t need.

Eight months to our European adventure and I’m getting more and more excited. Bandi asked me to re-plan my route soon and make up my mind for either Prague or Lucern but I’m just too confused and too lazy to think. (Gee what a problem, May!)

The IKEA fever

After finding out that my IKEA member’s points are accumulated for the new lifetime member card (The FAMILY card), I got excited to shop at Ikea. It turns out I still have free $20 voucher that hasn’t been claimed and guess what, it’s lifetime membership now so I don’t need to shop unnecessary things in order to fill my one year quota etc.

Because of Snapseed, my photos transformed to be professional look photos and could be proudly framed on my bedroom wall, so yeah I used the Ikea’s member points excuse to buy a frame and it looks great, isn’t it?

This is the third time you see this photo on this post LOL. Please don't unfollow me!

This is the third time you see this photo on this post LOL. Please don’t unfollow me!

And I found a great standing lamp to create a luminosity effect on my tiny dressing space so it’ll feel like a walking closet (even though it’s not even close) LOL.

Photo 17-2-13 3 46 26 PM

You know how much it cost? Freaking $9.90! Isn’t Ikea the best or what? I know Ikea doesn’t provide the best quality for furniture but hey, that explains the cheap dollars your paid for and they provide at least 5 years warranty so that gives us excuse to do furniture shopping and rearrange your space every five years. Am I smaaart?
=(

The letter from my mom

My mom replied my letter. She gave me the letter on the day I was going back to Singapore. However the letter was packed on my big yellow luggage and it was left on Jakarta with Bandi so I could only read the letter the next day (even though I couldn’t wait to read!)

She didn’t talk much about what happened then but more for what will happen next. She said I shouldn’t be afraid to get married if I really want to. She asked me to do more prayer and strengthen my belief. She mentioned about happiness too that being happy is a state of mind. Indeed. Other than that, she wrote about usual stuff.

The letter is very personal and I don’t let anybody including Bandi to read it. It’s like the thing that bond me and my mom together. And that’s pretty cool.

Whoa, what a post! See what happens if I let myself writing without plot or purpose? I’ll just write and write non-stop and probably finish my free quota from wordpress. (Gee! Drama queen!)

To close this post, let me show you the cute CNY cupcake! Do you know what they said about usually pretty things are not good on the inside, well they’re right. This cupcake tastes weird. But cute so it’s forgiven, aye?

CNY Cake

Cheers,

May, who seriously needs to stop obsessing Candy Crush.