Blabbering about wedding, Disney’s princes, Euro Cup final, and a chance of getting knocked up.

This is a blabbering post. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn ya!

So yesterday I tweeted that it’s been 6 years and 6 months together with Bandi. Apparently some people found it weird that I don’t do anything about it. They expected me to plan my wedding by this time of relationship and again, “in this crucial age” of a woman, of all the “We, women must have kids before 30 blah blah blah”.

Apparently readiness of having a kid is not the first priority. They were so scared that having a kid after 30 years old will turn the kid to be autistic. Well people, I tell you something. I also don’t want to have an autistic kid. I wish my kid to be healthy mentally and physically. Universe is so kind to me, I believe I will have the best kid possible. But people, do you prefer to become a parent when you are not ready to pass down value, when you don’t even know what’s your purpose of life, when you’re still as selfish as Kim Kardashian? NO! Your kid will turn out to have mental problem, a lot of psychological disorders and maybe, *knock on wood* will be a teenage slut because apparently she doesn’t get attention from her parent. WHAT JUDGES THAT IS BETTER THAN AUTISTIC?

When I was a teacher, I taught autistic kids. They are difficult. I know. But they will be easier when the parents are willing to communicate and cooperate with us, the teachers, than those normal kids who like to talk bad words and push other kids to bleeding (who are ALWAYS the ones having dysfunctional parents).

I’m not a parent, who am I talking about dysfunctional parents? I don’t know how hard it is to be parents. BUT I WOULD LOVE TO BECOME A PARENT SOMEDAY. A GOOD ONE.

Not when my age hitting 29, but when I am ready. If I turned out to be ready before 30, then it is a bonus. If I got knocked up before 30, then it’s a luck for Bandi. (LOL. Ignore the last sentence)

Ok, let’s go back to the main idea of this post (the ones typed in black font).

Then people frowned upon my travel guts. That I’m willing to save money to travel but I’m no at all closer to wedding. I know what makes me happy, and if it’s not a wedding and a house, does that make me a social criminal?

(AGAIN, I would love to get married (chillax Bandi!)) I am not resenting wedding. NO, that’s not true. I love weddings. It’s just that it’s not my priority now. It’s like I want Macbook and travel to India. Then I prioritize India first before buying a Macbook. So, after I travel to India, then I will think to buy the Macbook again. But right now, I don’t want to buy the Macbook because my mind is filled with India. GOT IT?

Then again, what’s with the “Oh Poor Bandi, he had been waiting for May to be ready for too long…” WTF, people? Bandi is not waiting for me to get married. Remember the Italy vs Spain EURO CUP FINAL?

The Italy vs Spain EURO CUP FINAL side story

Bandi and I are tifosi numero uno of Italy National Team. We have different team on the Serie-A though. He’s worshiping Juventus while I’m forever with Parma. But when it comes to national team, we pour our heart out for Azzurri. In 2006, when we first got together, Italy won the World Cup. We were so happy we thought we are meant to be together forever, but everything went down hill ever since. Italy performed worse and worse. EURO CUP 2012 is a shock, including Balotelli’s performance. AND THEY WENT TO SEMI FINAL!!! We were so surprised, in a good way though. We never expected them to go this far.

Then Bandi said, “If they won the Euro Cup, We’ll get married the next weekend.” And I said yes.

Italy went to FINAL FOR GOD’S SAKE! They freaking defeated Germany!! Then I prepared myself to write a simple guest list, and to buy a cheap simple white dress. I was thinking to buy 7 stalks of Lilies for my hand bouquet and picked the church across our flat for the simple ceremony. I told Bandi that any rings will do.

It’s good to know that getting married in Singapore is damn easy! Government dying to have the citizens to be married and producing babies, thus getting married here is a piece of cake. I just need to bring 2 witnesses and then sign the paper.

But then, I’m ringless now. All because of that too-good-Spain national team!!!

My point is… I’m a girl who lives with impulse dramatic moments. I know I will marry Bandi eventually. (Come on, what’s about him not adorable?) but I just have to wait for the moment to happen. That moment of “This is it. Let’s do it.” People may not understand what I mean because wedding should be planned right?

But I know what I want. Again, I’m a person who really knows what I want. And for now, I don’t want wedding. I want to travel the world. And that’s not a sin. That doesn’t make people right to perceive me as immature and irresponsible. I’m just getting what I want, like all of those women looking for any guys to grab as long as they can get married.

Oh yeah about that, what’s wrong with that women? It’s really pissing me off!!!

Nowadays, with the ticking clock, women would grab any men they saw and got married. Just because they needed to be impregnated. THAT IS SO STUPID OH MY GOD I WANNA SHOT MYSELF.

Try falling in love, ladies. It’s worth the wait.

4151332269_554c6d57fb be patient good things come to those who wait by Mykl Roventine at flickr

Let me tell you about my Shoe Philosophy.

A woman going shopping, she finds a nice wedges shoe. She tries it on. Oh, too big, there are no other numbers left. She puts it back and walks to another store. Wow, a very striking red stiletto.  She tries it on and it’s too small. She thinks, “I can live with it. I probably won’t find any shoe better than this.” So she buys it! And she lives with that painful foot all of her life.

If only she could be patience and walked to another store, she probably would find a fit winter boots that would be very comfortable for her.

Of course you can’t compare men and shoes. You can always throw away the stiletto and buy a new one. But this is just a way to perceive relationship. Usually the shoes that are being forced into your feet will hurt you, even though it looks good on the outside, you’re dying on the inside.

Don’t just grab the stilettos nearest to you, walk around and find the perfect one. It’s worth the wait and worth the effort. I believe that there is one perfect person custom made by god for anyone. I never doubt this, because I have found mine. And it feels soooo good in every way. And if only everyone wanted to wait to find the perfect ones, there will be no war.

I hate when women give excuses like, “All men are jerks”, “I’m on my thirties, it’s easy for you to say that coz you’re young!” or “I have already waited for too long.”

BULLSHIT. You’re just too lazy or too scared or too self-centered or too pessimistic. (Oh I have pessimistic people, they are the worst!)

Women can not always blame men when the relationship ends. Even if your men cheat on you, you must have blamed your judgement by choosing him at the first place.

Don’t swear on me for having a lucky life. I PERCEIVED MY LIFE AS LUCKY, THUS I BECOME LUCKY.

I was growing up in a very suicidal family, I wished everyday for my parents to be divorced, but they had worse, they must live with each other and tried not to kill each other everyday. I was always depressed about it back then, but now I laugh on it, sometimes I joked about it with my sister.

I blamed my parents for my skeptical perception of love and marriages, for my mental disorders and my suicidal attempts. I blamed my brother for taking all the attentions from me, for going to jail so I had to work my ass off for money so he won’t be killed by the other prisoners, for all the hatred I had created for myself, for my parents and for society. I cursed my friend for having a good parent, for having a caring brother and flawless skin. I was one hell of angry person. (I am still anyway. (LOL)) I closed my heart so tightly I was afraid a simple shake would kill me.

But then I met Bandi, and everytime I rest my head wrapped around Bandi’s arms, all the hatreds magically dissolve to be love, the world stops turning and it’s only me and him. It’s a very wonderful feeling and it’s true that they said Love Conquers All. It really does. It conquers all the differences, the fights about who should compromise to whom, the debate of whether Jesus Christ is just a really cool guy but not a messiah, a screaming over a smelly sock, a headache of managing our money, the lost house keys, or should we watch Juventus or Parma’s game or which cities should we visit first.

What I was trying to say is… Falling in love like in the Disney’s movie is real. The prince might not be riding the white horse, but he could still treat you just the same like the real prince.

And that being married doesn’t necessarily equal to being happy. This is the correct equation:

Equotation

So if that guy makes you happy, then get married, make babies, repopulate the earth, I will be so excited to attend your wedding. But if he still treats you like shit and you’re still marrying him, then shame on you, woman! Shame on you!

I guess this is the end of my blabbering today.

Be happy people! Life is too short to be grumpy!

Cheers,

May.

Look Closer to Apple Pie and Cinnamon

Nope this is not a culinary post or a recipe blog. Sorry to disappoint hungry people though.

This post is about a  story of a girl. Let’s call her Apple Pie. Apple Pie has been in a long term relationship with her boyfriend, whom would we call Cinnamon, since they met in college, here in Singapore about 5 or 6 years ago. They’ve been together ever since. Apple Pie then had everything she wanted. A good settled life in Singapore, with so many great friends around, a good career, even an offer to be a public teacher (which is sooo amazing in Singapore), but she turned down the offer, and she must quit her job that she liked and she would sadly leave all of her friends and she must leave Singapore.

Why?

She did them all in the name of love.

Because her boyfriend (was then in a long distance relationship with her) proposed to her. Then she must follow her boyfriend (then became future husband) to where he lived, which is a city that if compared to Singapore is much less developed. And the most horrifying thing was, she didn’t know anyone in that city. She must restart her life. She leave everything she has just because of a guy.

In this paragraph, you probably would think “This girl is so stupid.”

I would too…

That, until I knew what her reason is, and that this is not “just a guy”.

I was in the same condition with her when Bandi was talking about going back to his hometown and I straight away told him “No way, we’re breaking up.” So I was blown awayyy with how universe works. Universe arranged my encounter with this girl and we talked and talked and talked until midnight and she opened my eyes of how idiotic love can be. And love should be that way. I requested Bandi to be idiotic, while I stayed sane. That wasn’t fair.

Now let me tell you the other side of the story of Apple Pie and Cinnamon, and let’s take a closer look.

Apple Pie and Cinnamon had the amazing two years relationship when they were in college. Spent so much time together and later found out that they were made for each other. Apple Pie learned a lot from Cinnamon, especially of how Cinnamon treated his family. He was the family guy every girls dying to have to be their husband. Cinnamon was not like that at all, then she learnt how to call her mom and asked her how she is and stuffs. That was one of so many things Apple Pie learnt from Cinnamon.

Long story short, after graduated, Cinnamon moved back to his hometown, a city in the other part of Indonesia, far from Capital city Jakarta, and not Apple Pie’s hometown either. Cinnamon had to move back because he had to inherit his father’s local business. His father was getting old and that was something he must do. Apple Pie tried to understand that but she still stayed in Singapore, for another 2 or 3 years and for that period of time, they were in a long distance relationship.

I know Apple Pie loves living here and it must be so hard for them to decide what to do for their future. They must decide something or otherwise they would be in an LDR for the rest of their lives! (And trust me that’s not a wise idea!) So I met Apple Pie, about 3 months ago. She told me she would go back to Indonesia for good. I asked her why and she said because I wanted to be with Cinnamon.

I asked why again, and she explained.

In the first two years of relationship, when they were still in college, it was all about her. She was the center of the universe. Cinnamon did everything for her. Because it was only the two of them. There were no parents or family involved. Apple Pie knows that Cinnamon would do anything for her. If he could, he would stay with Apple Pie in Singapore, and continue to treat Apple Pie as the center of the universe.

But Cinnamon has a family and he must take care of them and that is something that a man must do. And this is the time for Apple Pie to pay back the favor. Now she wants him to be the center of the universe. She would do anything to make him happy. And she knows he’s happy when he’s with her and his family. So she would move in with him, to an unfamiliar town, which language she couldn’t talk.

I, before knowing her personally, would never ever ever understand why a woman would make a sacrifice for a man like that. That is so degrading for a feminist like me. I would probably call her names like dumbo or stupido or anything.

But then I knew her, and she was not at all stupid or delusional or weak. She was just in love. And she proved me that love does conquer all, my friend.

I am so touched with her bravery and her big heart. It surely wasn’t an easy thing to do, but remember this:

“Sometimes the right thing and the hard thing are the same thing.” (Liz Lemon – 30 Rock)

I’m sorry I didn’t know her sooner. But I’m glad in that short period of time, I met her and got to know her better. We could’ve been BFF if she didn’t move out, but however I’m grateful that I met her.

She made me reflect about my relationship with Bandi which is more or less in the same situation. Bandi is just as worth to sacrifice as Cinnamon and there’s nothing I should hesitate that he will take care of me like he takes care of his sisters and his mother. He’s a family guy that every girls dying to have to be their husband.

But, my heart is not as big as Apple Pie. I am selfish and for these 6 six years of our relationship, not even once I put Bandi as the center of the universe. It’s been always me, me, and me. I have to be the center of his universe, now and always. I have to be spoiled in every possible way. And I don’t feel bad, because I love that.

God knows how much I love Bandi.

I told Apple Pie that. And she said, people speak different love languages, like in Gray Chapman’s book. And I shouldn’t feel guilty. Everyone express love in different way, different language. (You can find more about this in Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages).

Universe works in a strange way. I met Apple Pie in a cycling event, got to know her over a Pasta cooking session and talked to her til passed midnight, and finally realized how love conquers all over a short coffee in Cafe Cartel. Yet this lady made a difference in my life.

The wholemeal spaghetti that we cooked.

I hope I can deliver the message of love and sacrifices in this post. I hope there are no more stupid judgments over the things people do in the name of love. I used to be that person and now I’m not anymore. Love is the most important thing in life. Everything is worth sacrificing for love.

Hey there, Apple Pie. Thanks for inspiring me, and changing my perspective about love and sacrifices. Have fun on your next adventure with Cinnamon. And see you on your wedding day! So excited!!!

Cinnamon’s niece drew this for their wedding day.

Love,

May.

P.S. All photos are taken from Apple Pie’s instagram.

P.P.S. I use fake names just for fun purposes. :p

P.P.P.S Update: Apple Pie’s reaction of this post!

The Vision and The Expectation

I received this message this morning:

He cancelled his wedding.

Well, it’s not the first time I receive an ‘exciting’ news about wedding cancellation. Nowadays people just don’t perceive marriage like they used to. Marriage and wedding are no more scared, no more personal, becoming shallow and cheap. It’s a sad truth.

I understand being 26 years old and unmarried in Asia could be depressing when all your peers keep posting photos of their babies in facebook. Peer pressured might be the primary reason why people got married out of rush. They get married because other people do that. So they follow.

The ones who cancel their wedding, I consider as the lucky ones. Because they were brave enough to cancel. But hey, that doesn’t mean you’re not wrong! YOU ARE WRONG! If you weren’t ready or you weren’t sure, why did you say yes at the first place? Don’t talk trash about how the diamond rings were sparkling or the moment was right. Fuck it! Just admit that you were WRONG.

So my bestfriend whastapp-ed me this morning, talking about this ‘big’ news, how on earth somebody cancel their wedding? In this case, the reason was “She’s not ready.” Well, I might said it before girl, but if you weren’t ready why did you say yes FOR GOD’S SAKE?

Then it got us to a long conversation that lasted the whole lunch,

Then, how would we know we are ready for a marriage?

Sure, wedding would be fun. All the free drinks, white pretty dress, and all the attention to you would be a great reward for a woman. But wedding wasn’t just a one night thing, it lasted your whole life!

My bestfriend and I share the same feeling about our parents’ marriage. Their marriages failed. And we found out why.

So, basically, we both compare two guys, which I would call as a candidate.

Candidate A is the guy that you could hang out as friend, having fun with and of course a very nice guy. Let’s call him “Nice Guy With him, you could create a perfect future. He likely to put your name in his imaginary future. Thus, he is your vision.

Candidate B is the guy that you wanted passionately, comes and goes to your life, and of course the jerk who we’re deeply falling in love with. Let’s call him “The Jerk”. With him, you have a bunch of expectation, and the imagination to achieve those expectations keep you going with him. Because the feeling of achieving something is good, but the fact is you haven’t had achieved it. Thus, he is still ONLY your expectation.

So, when we are facing options with this two guys, we would choose The Jerk over Nice Guy. Why? Because women are idiot. We make decisions based on feeling. AND FEELING IS A BAD GUY!

So, we decided to be with The Jerk and we keep putting our expectation that someday he would change for me. This expectation is a time bomb. Because guess what? He will never change. And the expectation would never be achieved and what’s left is disappointment.

Starting a marriage with expectation is WRONG. You suppose to start it with vision. And only with the Nice Guy you could share this vision. Get it? So 10 years from now, you are divorced with 2 kids and 1 big disappointment. You look back and see this before your eyes:

Nice Guy = Vision / The Jerk = failed expectation.”

My bestfriend and I see this in our parent. The failed expectations. And that is so unhealthy.

It’s just our simple theory about failed marriage. How would we know, we are never married. But we have this big hope that our marriage won’t be like our parents. We are trying everything we could so we would marry the right guy, with the right reason.

We are 26 years old. Unmarried. Not even plan to. So I can’t make sure the theory is correct.

You see, I receive news of cancelled wedding and even one news of not-even-one-year-anniversary-marriage’s divorce and that made me think… a lot.

I don’t want to get married just because I have been in this relationship for so long, just because thousand of people have been asking ‘when’, just because his mom, his grandmom, and his uncles said so, just because he proposed, just because wedding seems pretty.

I want to get married when I want every morning of my life feeling “Being Mrs. Cahaya is what I want for the rest of my life.” Sounds a little inception, huh? But it’s true. I will get married when I want it just right.

I might still will be unmarried when your kids go to primary school. I might still don’t want it. But life is only once, and I want to do this right, my way.

Me and him might walk so slow in our relationship, but as Confucius said, it doesn’t matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop. We don’t stop, we’re just walking slow. And we’re enjoying every steps.

I hope people ‘walk’ more slowly and enjoy the scenery. Don’t rush on something. Take your time for every thing. Who would have thought you’ll find a coin on the floor? =)

Cheers,

May

P.S I wrote about marriage before. In here. And in here.

P.P.S. Hey you, if you read this, please bear with me. Some people might be fast learner. But I’m slow in this thing. I want you. Just you. I know you want marriage. Me too. Just be patience with me.

Yes and No and a commitment between

Another three months absence, again, I’m back with a flash news. I don’t know how to say it in the best way. So let me describe and picture the moment.

8:15 in the morning, Joo Koon MRT, on my way to work. There he was, waiting for me with his smirking smile. No words were spoken, just a shrieking high-pitched sound from my throat, and a warm long hug.

He came back to me. He did.

He actually literally did.

Flying 32,187 kilo meters to say, “I want you back.”

I still can’t believe he did that.

Should I ask now what I’d say to him? Wasn’t it a definite yes?

The best thing about the yes is that I say a yes to a short distance relationship. Yes, yes, yes, he’s back here in Singapore, FOR GOOD. Yes, yes, yes how obvious is that for a yes?

And yes, since we’ve lived in the same page of atlas now, the “when” question has been popped every time we meet old friends. Since the distance was the only thing that kept us apart, now there’s no reason to not getting married.

Ow, Oh, getting married.

This post would be a very long post.

About four years ago, at the church, we talked about getting married on 19th of March 2011. I didn’t remember how we picked that date, but I remember why. He thought that if on that day we’re still together, then this relationship must be a serious relationship and a commitment-phobia like me should have solved all the issues.

Now the date just passed. Well do I see any ring? No. No. No no no no no. NO! It was obviously a No.

Saying “Yes” and “No” is an easy thing. To be committed about it is what’s hard.

I don’t think it’s weird having a long term relationship and still not ready for marriage. However people shouldn’t get married because of “it’s been a long term relationship” but because “I am so ready for marriage (and all the shits).” Not only people should marry the right person, but also with the right reason.

I have the right person here with me.  Never even a second I’m doubting him as the best. Yes, I would never find a better man for me. Then why am I not marrying him?

Because I’m NOT ready. Because marrying him when I’m not ready will destroy everything we have been built. The trust, the feeling, the well communication, the romance, and everything that has gone well.

For me, marriage is a lifetime commitment. Lifetime love? Sure I can love him for the rest of my life. But Committing to be his wife, legally attached; sharing his bank account, his bed and children; cleaning his toilet, his family mess, and his potty when he’s old? Am I ready for that?

I don’t wanna saying “Yes” for only “Yes, I will love you for the rest of my life,” cause that would be easy.

I wanna say “Yes, I will love you for the rest of my life, and I will be committed to that,” and the most important, with 100% assured tone.

I will say that “Yes” word someday… When I’m ready. Not when I need to, or even worse, when I have to. I don’t care how old I’m gonna be on that day, I don’t care how many people had been asking, I don’t care about all the traditional or scientific facts about marriage, all I care is me and him and the commitment between.

Don’t get married when you’re not ready, girls. Wanna risk it? Well, it’s a lifetime risk. So, make sure you’re ready.

Love, May.

You shouldn’t get married!!!

I know, as someone who doesn’t believe marriage, I talk about marriage a waaayyy too much, but whatever, this is my blog. :D

Two days ago, one of my best friends called me in the middle of the night and mumbled in her crying, “I broke up.” And after long conversation about how she wasn’t supposed to be with him at the first place, she yelled at me, “Gosh! Everyone said that! And why didn’t everyone tell mew long time ago?”
“Coz you were still with him. And it’s not appropriate.”
“But friends should tell everything.”
“Nope, friends tell you what you want to hear. Friends support you even it was impossible thing to do. Friends always believe in you. And we somehow wished that we could believe you.”
I knew that she was a lucky girl who happened to be brave enough to cut off her relationship even though everyone said “Your boyfriend is so nice. He’s a good guy, etc, etc…” I understand that we don’t love somebody because they’re nice or good. We love somebody despite of!
So, that call reminds me of the book/movie “He’s just not that into you!” which show how naïve women are, and we really should change, girls!!
It’s time for tough love!

You shouldn’t get married, if these words ever occurred to your mind at least twice:

  1. Does he really love me? If he really loves you sincerely, you won’t ever question him or his love. Trust me. I’m very sure about that.
  2. We’ve already been in this relationship for too long. I’m too lazy to start over a new relationship.
    Being in a long-term relationship doesn’t mean you have to stay in it even though you knew you didn’t love him anymore. You’ve tried so hard to make yourself fall in love with him again, but you keep failing, but you deny it to leave your comfort zone. If it wasn’t working then, and it’s not working now, then it will NEVER work. Leave your comfort zone (relationship) for good.
  3. Will he ever cheat again? (If your boyfriend ever cheated.)
    If you’re living with a paranoid mind that he will cheat again if you didn’t call him 24/7 or be with him 24/7, then you’ll live with it for the rest of your life. You’ll always be nauseous every time he goes with his friends or meet new clients, and girls, it’s not healthy at all. And the more you imagine it, the real it’s gonna be. Shame on him if he fools you once, shame on you if he fools you twice! So, if you think that you won’t ever trust him again, leave him.
  4. Everyone would be so jealous to know I marry a rich/handsome guy!
    Get real, He won’t always be rich and he won’t always be handsome. But YOU could be always smart! So, start being smart now by leaving him.
  5. I know that he would change when we get married.
    Whatever he does, is it hitting, abusing, cheating, lying, possessive, and other things he said he would change.
    No, he won’t! And you will say “I married with the wrong reason” some years from now if you’re still marrying him for that reason.
  6. I’m old. I have too tie the knot soon. Then you will grab anybody who’s also looking for marriage and get married and later you will keep questioning, “Why did I get  married?”

I know this kind of marriage work for some people, but I think 99% of them just keeping their marriage for their comfort zone, coz a kind of people who married with this reason, also kept the marriage with the same reason, “I don’t wanna be a widow when I’m this old”.

And 1% of them are just gorgeously lucky to find a true love in this way. :)

So far, those are what I have in mind. Feel free to comment, and if you think to add the list, just spit it out. :)

I will add some other too later, but now I’m hungry and my niece waits for me. :)

May

Tentang pernikahan, seks, dan Ibu Kartini.

Pernikahan menjadi topik saya hari ini, dari pagi2 dengan sesama teacher, sampai malam ini di chat windows messenger saya. Saya belum menikah, but planned to. You all know how I perceived a marriage. To sum up, it’s a scary thing.

Tapi yang saya yakin, Jangan menikah karena target umur sudah lewat

atau karena males berkarir jadi nikah aja, atau gak ada pilihan lain.

Jangan menambah data perceraian di Indonesia, please….? Jangan menikah dengan alasan yang salah, apapun itu!

Girls, you always have choices!!!

Menikahlah karena anda jatuh cinta… =)

Dan jika belum jatuh cinta, just hang on and take it easy. Coz somehow God creates a nice maze for you. Just enjoy it…!

Ini adalah suatu perbincangan yang cukup ‘berbobot’ antara saya dan pacar saya yang berada nun 10276 miles jauhnya dari saya. Setiap hari kita chatting dan membicarakan hal2 tolol yang jauh dari romantis. So, saat malam ini kami finally have such a thick conversation, saya sangat bangga dengan dia dan diri saya sendiri. Hahahaha!!!

Semoga berguna bagi nusa dan bangsa! Khususnya bagi kaum Hawa!!!
subandicahaya: halo meitri
subandicahaya: kan aku kangen makan indomie bareng kamu
Mayellow: hahahah
Mayellow: aku juga kok

subandicahaya: aku mau pee bntr aj
subandicahaya: give 5 minutes
Mayellow: ok
subandicahaya: i’m back
subandicahaya: kamu masi bermasalah dgn updatean avg ga
subandicahaya: aku udah ketemu solusinya
Mayellow: apa tuhh?
Mayellow: ih udah lama niyh ga update
Mayellow: wahahahaha

subandicahaya: jadi kamu
subandicahaya: masuk ke http://www.avg.com nya
subandicahaya: kamu download updatean nya manual
subandicahaya: truz udah beres donlod
subandicahaya: kamu update dari avg interface update from directory
subandicahaya: beres d
Mayellow: au ah
Mayellow: hahahah

subandicahaya: yeeee
subandicahaya: mau ga
subandicahaya: aku kasi direct link nya d
subandicahaya: aku tau kamu rada males soalnya
subandicahaya: hahaha
Mayellow: huahahaha
subandicahaya: kamu daritadi ngapain aj?
Mayellow: lagi blogging
subandicahaya: kamu nulis lagi??
subandicahaya: yeiyyyyy
subandicahaya: nanti mau baca ahhh
Mayellow: hehehe
subandicahaya: besok hari jumat yahh
subandicahaya: pake baju polkadot dung
subandicahaya: inget
subandicahaya: pake jaket
Mayellow: oh iyah yah
subandicahaya: nanti masuk angin
Mayellow: btw
subandicahaya: apa
Mayellow: Happy 2 years earlier wedding day!
subandicahaya: upsss
subandicahaya: iyaaa
subandicahaya: happy 2 years earlier wedding day chaymuuu
subandicahaya: AMIN yahh
Mayellow: AMIN
subandicahaya: bnyk2 doa yahh
Mayellow: kmu juga
subandicahaya: iya dunk
subandicahaya: so pasti
subandicahaya: bbrp waktu yg lalu
subandicahaya: aku ntn perempuan punya cerita
subandicahaya: gila pergaulan anak smp dan sma jogja
subandicahaya: parah euyy
Mayellow: embeeeeeer
subandicahaya: film nya juga parah
subandicahaya: semuanya cerita sex bebas semua
Mayellow: hahahaha
subandicahaya: cm wanita jadi korban eksploitasi
Mayellow: ember
subandicahaya: jadi ga tega
Mayellow: wanita selalu jadi objek!
subandicahaya: aku ga ampe abis ntn
Mayellow: makanya aku maw tunjukin ke orang2
Mayellow: kalo dalam pernikahan
Mayellow: gak selamanya wanita jadi korban

subandicahaya: oh jadi aku korbannya neh
subandicahaya: wakakaka
Mayellow: serius ini mah nyet
Mayellow: kmrn temenku cerita
Mayellow: suaminya blg

subandicahaya: iya
Mayellow: kok skrg kamu gendut? badan kamu benerin dunk… (sambil menunjuk ke toket)
Mayellow: yah kan iya udah ngelahirin, menyusui yah pasti gini…

subandicahaya: truz
Mayellow: bisa ga jadi kurus lagi? jadi kayak dulu lagi.
Mayellow: DANG!
Mayellow: Laki laki BAJINGAN semua
Mayellow: gila

subandicahaya: eitsssss
Mayellow: yang bikin hamil juga dia
Mayellow: dan cewe TOLOL

subandicahaya: ralat kata semua

Mayellow: laki2 bajingan dan cewe tolol
subandicahaya: iya aku tau meitri
subandicahaya: dasar dia ga mikir pake otak kali yah
Mayellow: ban
Mayellow: cowo yang kayak gitu bukan dia doang
Mayellow: BANYAK

subandicahaya: iya aku tau
Mayellow: dan cewe tolol yang maw2nya diexploitasi dan dijadiin objek sama cowo tuh BUANYAK juga
subandicahaya: banyak bgttttttttt
subandicahaya: iya tuhh
Mayellow: FYI
Mayellow: dari awal aku blgin sama kamu

subandicahaya: iya
Mayellow: when we get married
Mayellow: ga ada tuh
Mayellow: kita plg kerja berdua
Mayellow: sama2 cape
Mayellow: dan kamu seenaknya
Mayellow: sayang, bikinin teh dunk, atau pijetin aku, aku capek!!!
Mayellow: MBAHMU!!!

subandicahaya: WAKAKAKAKA
subandicahaya: iya neng
Mayellow: pokoknya teamwork
Mayellow: capek yah bareng2

subandicahaya: iya meitri
Mayellow: bikin teh bareng
subandicahaya: iyaaaaaaaa
Mayellow: pijit2an bareng
Mayellow: rendem kaki bareng
Mayellow: aku bukan babu kamu

subandicahaya: iya meitri
Mayellow: dan kamu bukan boss aku
subandicahaya: kalo ngangkang aj capek ga
Mayellow: nyeeeeeeet
Mayellow: serius dah

subandicahaya: iya
subandicahaya: aku serius
subandicahaya: aku tau may
subandicahaya: bukannya selama ini juga kita begitu
Mayellow: it’s all about take and give
Mayellow: yah kita kan baru pacaran
Mayellow: aku harap saat kita married
Mayellow: ga ada yg berubah
Mayellow: hanya status kita
Mayellow: bukan lagi pacar
Mayellow: tapi suami istri
Mayellow: that’s all

subandicahaya: may
Mayellow: tapi cara mencintai kamu masih tetap sama
subandicahaya: iya aku tau
subandicahaya: iyah itu pasti
subandicahaya: dan aku cm mau ingetin
subandicahaya: pasti ad yg berubah
subandicahaya: tetapi
subandicahaya: aku tetap yakin dan bangga punya kamu
subandicahaya: karena kita bisa bahas hal2 dari kecil ampe gede
subandicahaya: jadi walaupun aral melintang menghadang
subandicahaya: kita bekerja sama ngadepin nya
subandicahaya: ok partner?
Mayellow: udah mulai sakit pinggang
subandicahaya: hahaha
Mayellow: maklum nenek udah tua nih kung
subandicahaya: iya neng
subandicahaya: udah mau jam 9 neng
subandicahaya: nenek
subandicahaya: btw kasi comment dunk
subandicahaya: buat tulisan engkong tadi
subandicahaya: setuju kaga nenek
Mayellow: hah?
Mayellow: apa?
Mayellow: kung2 cuma komen gitu doang

subandicahaya: yeeeee
subandicahaya: si nenek mahh
subandicahaya: hahaha
Mayellow: yah nenek pasti setuju atuh
subandicahaya: yawda atuhh
subandicahaya: skrg nenek istirahat satu jam sana
Mayellow: ga maw ah kung
subandicahaya: kenapa nek
Mayellow: nenek maw bahas yang tadi lagi kung
subandicahaya: ayoo bahas tadi lagi
Mayellow: gini loh
Mayellow: cowo tuuh
Mayellow: suka ga mikir kalo mereka yang bikin body cewe hancur
Mayellow: dan mereka malah cari cewe lain
Mayellow: hanya untuk seks
Mayellow: emang nikah itu cuma SEKS aja?
Mayellow: dan cewe tuh tolol
Mayellow: kalo udah nikah
Mayellow: cewe harus bisa muasin suami
Mayellow: bikin suami betah di rumah
Mayellow: biar suaminya ga suka maen
Mayellow: HEEEEEEEEY
Mayellow: emang pernikahan itu
Mayellow: cuma prjuangan istri aja
Mayellow: GILA AJE

subandicahaya: iya
Mayellow: yah kalo cewe yang ga puas di ranjang
Mayellow: cowo tetep ga salah
Mayellow: salah istrinya

subandicahaya: blh kasi comment
Mayellow: TAIK BABI
Mayellow: belum

subandicahaya: go on
subandicahaya: aku tunggu
Mayellow: truz kalo cewe cape
Mayellow: tetap mesti urus suami
Mayellow: anjiiir
Mayellow: ‘enak amat jadi cowo
Mayellow: Ibu Kartini bisa nangis bombay tuh denger itu
Mayellow: oke
Mayellow: komen deh kung

subandicahaya: gini
subandicahaya: sblmnya
subandicahaya: coret namaku dari list cowo2 brengsek itu
subandicahaya: ok
subandicahaya: udah niii
subandicahaya: inget kan kita pernah bahas
subandicahaya: kaloo
subandicahaya: nikah itu harga yg harus di byr dari seks
subandicahaya: buat cowo
subandicahaya: mknya otak cowo semua kyk gtu
subandicahaya: cm mikir enaknya aj
subandicahaya: aku juga ga tau
Mayellow: ban
Mayellow: di buku itu juga blg
Mayellow: seks itu harga yang dibayar wanita untuk pernikahan
Mayellow: hey
Mayellow: it’s not for me!
Mayellow: semua hal dari pernikahan itu ad baik buruknya
Mayellow: seks itu bukan hal yang buruk.
Mayellow: aku ga akan melakukan itu kalo aku ga maw

subandicahaya: yg ga mikir buat kerja dan buat cari kariernya
subandicahaya: mknya di bodohin sm suami
Mayellow: aku tuh ga setuju orang blg
Mayellow: nanti kalo udah nikah kita males ML
Mayellow: tapi mesti, demi suami
Mayellow: hey!
Mayellow: aku bakal buktiin
Mayellow: kalo emang aku ga maw
Mayellow: yah ga maw
Mayellow: aku akan blg ke kamu aku ga maw
Mayellow: dan kamu akan ngertti
Mayellow: krn itu, aku pilih kamu untuk jadi suamiku
Mayellow: krn kamu ngerti aku
Mayellow: dan aku yakin

subandicahaya: iya sayang
Mayellow: kamu ga akan cari cewe lain hanya krn aku nolak ML sama kamu
Mayellow: ban
Mayellow: emang bener
Mayellow: di otak cowo
Mayellow: pernikahan itu hny seks aja???

subandicahaya: hemmm
subandicahaya: aku ga prnh bahas ini sihh
subandicahaya: sm temen aku
subandicahaya: karena itu terlalu jauhh
subandicahaya: jadi aku ga tau bgt
subandicahaya: cm aku bisa pastiin kyknya
subandicahaya: emg dalem otak cowo sih isi nya itu semua
subandicahaya: SEX
Mayellow: ok
Mayellow: jadi kalo kamu?
Mayellow: kamu akan sakit hati kalo aku nolak ML sama kamu?

subandicahaya: aku gpp kok
subandicahaya: kita ngomong may
subandicahaya: kita bahs
subandicahaya: kita diskusi
subandicahaya: dan aku ga masalah
subandicahaya: iya kan
Mayellow: iya seh
subandicahaya: aku udah bilang
subandicahaya: aku sayang kamu
subandicahaya: TITIK
Mayellow: bandi
Mayellow: janji yah

subandicahaya: iya
subandicahaya: apa
Mayellow: segala hal bisa kita omongin
subandicahaya: may
subandicahaya: aku milih kamu
subandicahaya: yah karena kita bisa bahas semuanya
subandicahaya: ga semua pasangan bisa memiliki
subandicahaya: kesempatan dan ke
Mayellow: nah itu
subandicahaya: ke apa itu
subandicahaya: ga bisa di ucapkan dalam bhs indo
Mayellow: yah apa inggrisnya?
subandicahaya: kelegaan
Mayellow: Naon
subandicahaya: dalam mengungkapkan
subandicahaya: perasaaan
subandicahaya: misalnya
subandicahaya: may aku males keluar
subandicahaya: masak di rumah aj yuk
subandicahaya: si meitri
subandicahaya: lg males bgt
subandicahaya: ni beres2 rumah
subandicahaya: secara kalo bandi masak
subandicahaya: rumah jadi kapal pecah
subandicahaya: hahaha
subandicahaya: jadinya kita bahas d
subandicahaya: yawda
subandicahaya: kita makan di luar d
Mayellow: you know what?
subandicahaya: iya
Mayellow: I used to hate and scared of marriage
subandicahaya: iyah
Mayellow: now you make it seem simple and fun
subandicahaya: bu grammar
subandicahaya: ada yg salah
subandicahaya: bukan scared
subandicahaya: tp scare
subandicahaya: hahaha
Mayellow: kalo I used to scare
Mayellow: aku dulu sering menakut2i
Mayellow: sayaaaaangkuh yang sotoy

subandicahaya: iyaaaaaaa
Mayellow: I used to be scared
Mayellow: mestinya

subandicahaya: sayangkuhhh yang pintel pisan
Mayellow: sorry kurang be
Mayellow: parahnya
Mayellow: now
Mayellow: I want it with you

subandicahaya: hahaha
subandicahaya: iya sayang
subandicahaya: sabar aj yah
Mayellow: And I used to be scared of LDR
Mayellow: but I’m doing it with you

subandicahaya: iya
Mayellow: you make it simple
Mayellow: but this one
Mayellow: I don’t WANT it

subandicahaya: masalahnya
subandicahaya: kembali ke orgnya may
subandicahaya: mencintai
subandicahaya: seseorang
subandicahaya: sepenuh jiwa itu
subandicahaya: tidak segampang
subandicahaya: bilang
subandicahaya: aku cinta kamu
Mayellow: bener
subandicahaya: tp semua pengorbanan dan cinta itu terwujud
subandicahaya: walaupun aku sangat annoying
subandicahaya: dan aku bego
subandicahaya: aku harus di bilangin 2 kali
subandicahaya: aku berani jamin
subandicahaya: kalo aku cinta kamu
subandicahaya: aku maunya kamu
Mayellow: mencintai orang sepenuh jiwa itu, menerima dia apa adanya. meskipun dia jorok dan kalo kentut bau banget.
subandicahaya: babi kamu
Mayellow: Mencintai orang sepenuh jiwa itu
Mayellow: MAU melakukan apapun untuk membuat dia bahagia
Mayellow: MAU LDR demi dia
Mayellow: MAU nunggu dia OL setiap malem, nongkrongin monitor
Mayellow: dan deg2an kembali saat bunyi TUNG! dan ada tulisan “Subandi Cahaya is now Online”

subandicahaya: hehehe
subandicahaya: iya sayangggggg
subandicahaya: aku juga memikirkan hal yg sama dengan kamu
subandicahaya: semua itu demi nanti ke depannya
subandicahaya: kita jalanin berdua
subandicahaya: kita awali berdua
subandicahaya: dan kita tuntaskan berdua
subandicahaya: ehh
subandicahaya: kita tuntaskan ber 13
subandicahaya: kan anaknya 11
Mayellow: APA???
Mayellow: engga yah nyet
Mayellow: katanya pernikahan itu komunikasi

subandicahaya: 3 aj d
subandicahaya: boleh ga
Mayellow: nah yang ini bahas dunk
subandicahaya: hehe
subandicahaya: iya
Mayellow: atur aja lagh
subandicahaya: 3 aj
subandicahaya: aku ga akan minta lebih
Mayellow: toh kamu yang cari duit, aku tinggal engkang2 kaki di rumah sambil main kartu dan ngipas2 bak ibu2 cina.
subandicahaya: babi
subandicahaya: dasar
subandicahaya: kamu juga cari duit sono
subandicahaya: wakakaka
subandicahaya: cari duit yg bnyk2 bgt
Mayellow: aaaaaaaaaaah tidaaaaaaaaaaak!!! Aku dieksploitasi!!!
subandicahaya: impian kamu
subandicahaya: mau kerja di unicef
subandicahaya: jadi reporter
subandicahaya: jadi penulis kek
subandicahaya: sebelum punya anak sokk
subandicahaya: tp setelah itu
subandicahaya: kamu harus kurangi
subandicahaya: aku tau itu ga mungkin buat kamu tuk berhenti
subandicahaya: tp kamu bisa tau nanti prioritas kamu
Mayellow: iyah dut
Mayellow: aku tau
Mayellow: makasih yah

And that’s how I’m in Love with him… Hahaha!! Emang dasar cowok. Otaknya mungkin sudah terprogram seperti itu. But somehow gw yakin, gak semua cowok di dunia ini bajingan. ada yang gay juga…. Huahahaha!!!

Coz love like this is worth fighting for.

Soekarno Hatta Airport, Terminal 2, Gate D.Saturday, 10th of january. 7:30 pm.

It’s so amazing how so many people and the crowded can play with your emotions.

On that day, I saw a man who’s about to leave his wife and daughters. I don’t know where he’s going, but since this is an international terminal, I bet he’s going quite far.

His wife is a beautiful lady. She was weeping and needed to stay strong in front of her daughters. The man kissed his little girls goddbye then kiss her forehead, cheeks and lips. And he went through the gate.

I coudln’t believe i almost cry of a strangers.

There is also a foreign man with his (maybe) 7 years old son, kept saying “Thank you” to an indonesian family. They were hugging each other while the little boy was playing with the indonesian child, they were dancing happily and their eyes were sparkling. It’s so sad to see them separated coz of the stupid boarding calls.

And there was couple, sat together side by side, quietly, kept hugging each other.

People has let go their friends, bestfriends, dad, siblings, relatives… It was just sooo emotional.
I hate International Departure Terminal! >:p
On that moment, suddenly. I have found the faith that I’ve been looking for to go on with this relationship. A faith to be sure that so many people has fallen in love and separated. But they survived.

That,, you can find in arrival terminal. It’s much happier atmosphere there! hehe. Which I’m sure someday I’ll stand there, waiting him to come out from the gate and run to me. And never go again.
when you’re already not questioning love no more… all you need is to hang on and struggle. And it’s all gonna worth it. :)

And I believe Love still has its glory.

So, it turns out that letting him go inside the gate is not as scary as I thought. And he kissed me goodbye. And I know It won’t be the last kiss,, coz I gotta meet him again. I don’t know when, but someday. =)

And he’s making the complicated LDR to be simple. Coz he’s always making things easier. And something like this is worth struggling.

so,, for those who is in LDR. Just stay sane, stay strong, and keep on believing. We’ve got each other’s back! =)

May, who missed him already

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mineNow you want to be free
So I’m letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
No!

You’ll always be a part of me
I’m a part of you indefinitely
Boy don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby

I ain’t gonna cry no
And I won’t beg you to stay
If you’re determined to leave boy
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you’ll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You’ll always be a part of me
I’m part of you indefinitely
Girl don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby

I know that you’ll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you’ll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it’s only a matter of time

You’ll always be a part of me
I’m part of you indefinitely
Girl don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my my baby….

Maybe this is why people got married.

Long time back then… I never wanted to get married, til some months ago, I still didn’t want it, surely.

The reasons are common. I watched failure marriage, and later on in my teenage years, boys were jerks. So, I just couldn’t imagine to live together with somebody for the rest of my life.

I fell in love, you guys know with whom, and I still thought falling in love doesn’t mean getting married. And I watched Oprah show. Janet Jackson was in there, they had talk about her new film, “Why did I get married?”

She said, she thought she could “change him” (Chico Debarge). And it was a wrong reason to get married. And she didn’t tell, if it was wrong, then what is right??

So… I kept wondering until it automatically faded away with newer things to think about.

Today, I talked with my boyfriend. I kept saying I’m afraid that I’ll lose seconds and minutes with him for unimportant things. Coz I only have 4 days left with him, and when you know you have limited times, you’ll live to the fullest.

I said, I’m afraid to sleep coz it takes lot of times and i’ll lose so many hours just to see him or touch him, feel him and kiss him. I’m too obssesed with calculating times.

Until he said, you will never ever get enough of us.

Then I realized when I was praying. Yes, I will never get enough of us, of him. Even though I have a full 4×24 hours with him, it won’t be enough.

And it occured to my mind, Maybe this is why people get married. Becoz they never get enough.

Becoz forever is the exact amount of time to spend with somebody you love the most.

And you get married to get law-security so there will be no one to get you separated from each other.

All I know is, living life with him is easy. He makes everything hard become much easier, simpler and more fun. So, I just want to be with him always and always, share every moment with him.

So, maybe I should get married with my own reason. =)

I just want to be with him… for the rest of my life.

And decided to get married can be that simple.

May.