Should you tell your spouse EVERYTHING?

I bet a lot of people who are newly married have this question in their mind. Because I did too. You might notice I use past tense because I have found the answer, thus I am no longer questioning.

But for those who are questioning about the answer…. let me start a (quite) long post.

Like usual, let me give a cute GIF to start the post!

Let me tell you a story first about my conversation with my mom that happened long time ago. It was when I was 15 or 16 years old and I didn’t have many relationship experiences, most of my experiences were bad, in a way that I was mostly hurt.

My mom and I were not close, however on that particular day, she decided to have a little talk about relationship and marriage. She said, “when you get married someday, keep some of your secrets for yourself. Don’t share EVERYTHING to your husband. Always keep some secret.” She even emphasized the word don’t share everything. She even said it twice.

Do you think I agreed with her?

Answer is so obvious!

If you know me well, you would know by now that I never agree with my mom about everything. LOL.

I didn’t agree with her on that very moment, but I knew I didn’t have any arguments to defend myself so I chose to shut my big mouth up.

Now that I’m married (tough luck, eh, Mom? LOL) I still disagree with her. But I don’t think she’s wrong.

I don’t think it is wrong not to share everything with your spouse.

But I know for a fact that for me it’s not gonna work. If I didn’t share everything with my spouse, my marriage would fail. That’s me.

So, let’s come back to present moment. I am happily married for 8 months now. I’ve been living together with my husband for 4 years and been together for almost 9 years now.

I do tell my husband EVERYTHING. Seriously, EVERYTHING. So to you, my good friends, when you told me “Don’t tell Bandi!” after you told your story… I never promised. If it was a very secretive thing and I did promise, there is a very small chance I didn’t tell Bandi. (But if someday Bandi asked about it, I would tell him in a heartbeat.)

The thing is…

I’m not good with secrets. Secrets tend to be tied with lies and I am a TERRIBLE LIAR. Seriously I prefer to do anything other than lying. Lying is like a snowball. Once you lie, you have to cover your lies and so on and so on. (I don’t have spare rooms in my brain for this kind of thing!)

Not enough brain cells to lie.

The biggest lie in my life is probably when I live together with Bandi. We have to cover the situation to some people and it was THE WORST! I hated it so much so in some point, I decided to just tell my parents that I lived together with Bandi. There, out of the chest.

For you, male population, who read this, you’re probably wondering how stupid I am, that I am so delusional and I might not know that my husband actually doesn’t do the same thing, which he is NOT telling me everything.

Well… Truth be told, what I’m saying is purely from my side of coin. Yes, I won’t know the fact if Bandi did the same thing to me. But dear… if you don’t trust your spouse, you might as well call a lawyer now and get divorced. Marriage won’t work without trust. This one, I’m 100% sure.

So, I trust him. I trust Bandi is also telling me EVERYTHING.

Bottom line, we tell each other everything. We always thought that healthy relationships have the same thing with us, that the couples tell each other everything, until one day… we found out that it was not the case.

I found out that very moment that the husband lied to the wife about something, even though from my personal opinion, the lie wasn’t even that important! It was a silly lie but he lied anyway and he insisted us not to tell his wife.

Eh, wait! Blackmail idea!

But then after a long conversation with Bandi, we realize that… There is not such thing as a rule of thumb for a perfect relationship. Everyone can design their own relationship and feel perfect about it.

I was so judgy I didn’t know maybe he was protecting her feelings, maybe he knew it better that his wife was better off with lies.

So, let’s go back to the question that made you guys click this blog at the first place. So…

SHOULD YOU TELL YOUR SPOUSE EVERYTHING?

The answer is Yes and No.

It goes back to the purpose of your marriage. This is something that you should discuss with your spouse before you actually got married. So let me put on Dr. Phil mask and do some analytic.

Yes, if you…

  • Are the type of person that value honesty and openness.
  • Are better hurt knowing the truth than not knowing at all.
  • Think it’s about the journey, not the destination.
  • Are a risk taker.

No, if you…

  • Are a goal oriented person.
  • Think ignorance is a bliss.
  • Are practical.
  • Are the type of person that value pride and privacy.
  • Are easily insecure.

So, at the end of the day, it goes back to what type of person you are and what kind of relationship you want. Both are perfectly fine. I have only one thing to underline here… if you have doubts with your spouse, ASK. Never assume. Assuming is the most stupid thing you do in marriage.

When you ask, always believe what your spouse tell you. That’s just how it works.

If you don’t trust your spouse, again, please seek professional help. Something is very wrong.

I hope this post clears any doubts because Valentine’s day is coming!!! I love Valentine’s day! It’s a one-day pass to be mushy mushy in social media! :D

>> What’s your Valentine’s day plan?! Let me know! I love sweet stories!<<

Cheers,

May, assisting Dr. Phil. :p

“The rest of our life”

It was a warm evening on the bus ride from a local Supermarket to our hdb flat when Bandi suddenly said, slowly and dreamily, “Do you realize it? We’re finally living the rest of our life…”

You probably don’t get it. At first I didn’t get it either. What did he mean by that?

“You see, I’ve been saying I wanted to marry you for so long, I’ve been striving to the day I could finally marry you and I’ve been wishing to spend the rest of my life with you… And now it’s happening… You’re already my wife. And we…”

“We are already spending our lives together. We’re already there.” He lifted up the grocery bag on his hand, smiling happily.

Was that contentment I saw in his eyes? I hope so.

Yes, it’s true that we’ve only been married for 3 months but we’ve lived together for the past 3 years. But somehow… I know that he needs security. He needs to title husband to feel content, to know that he is living the rest of his life now.

The phrase “The rest of my life” sounds very long, forever even. It is until the day you die. When we said “I want to spend the rest of my life with you”, we didn’t really realize that the “rest of the life” could actually come.

Now.

The rest of the life is now.

Now is already part of the rest of the life.

The rest of our life has already started.

It contains of sharing dreams, cooking meals, cleaning the house, traveling on new adventures, visiting family, working for personal growth, and a lot of grocery shoppings.

It didn’t start merely on the day we said “I do.” It wasn’t like in a movie where there’s a grand orchestra as the background on the first day of the rest of our life.

It was on a bus ride, with sweats on our shirts and grocery bags on our hand… when we finally realized “We are living the rest of our life.”

And he finished it with a happy smirk on his face while saying, “Oh my god, you are finally my wife.”

MayBand 002-RCheers,

May, the wife.

 

Two weddings and one funeral

I don’t remember having a normal night when I don’t have any plans for the next day. My life has been in a fast lane this past one month.
I don’t remember waking up late because I have been putting all my energy for the most important day in my life: wedding days. In my case I have two wedding days. So please double all the rempongness and the energy consuming.
7 June was the best day ever in my life and then followed by the hangover and the prep for the next wedding (exactly one week after that)
Then, 14 june was a blast for both of our family. They called it as the happiest wedding of their lives. Well, Bandi and I were under influence of course and we went along with it. It was a typical Chinese wedding with so many people we didn’t know, but well, as long as both parents were happy, we were happy too. The next day after the second wedding, I woke up at 5 am in the morning to watch Azzuri’s first match against England and we won!!! I thought to my self, could my life be anymore awesome?! Yes it could!!! Because we were flying to Maldives in 2 hours!!! Woot woot!!!
Bandi had prepared our honeymoon: one week in Maldives.
Our route was: Palembang – Batam -Singapore – KL – Male – Maldives (Medufushi Resort)
It was still a long way and we were so tired, but we sucked it up because we knew we would have one week to just lazying around in our private water villa. I already packed sunglasses, sunblock, novels, and new bikinis. I was sooooo thrilled that we could finally spend some alone time together and oh how I planned to f**k hard. Lol. (FYI I was on my period on my wedding day 7th june and all along we always spent the night with either friends or family, so yeah we never had sexy time)
When we landed in Batam at 10am in the morning, Bandi called home because he had a bad feeling. And he was right…. His grandpa just passed away. 12 hours after the wedding.
I’m a bad person because the first thing crosses my mind was… I was upset because obviously the honeymoon was cancelled.
Bandi told the cab driver to return back to Batam airport after we dropped Angel (my bridesmaid) to the ferry harbor. We bought a ticket back to Palembang later that night.
He told me that he was sorry that we had to cancel our honeymoon and that he knew I was physically super tired and obviously needed rest and we both know how tiring Chinese funeral could be, but he said we had to do the right thing. Life is only once, and if we do it right, once is enough.
It took me only a couple of minutes to remember why I married him in the first place. I married him because he’s kind and wonderful and I realize I just wanna be with him, whether it’s in maldives or in a funeral home. I married him because he puts people he loves first before himself, and I love him for that.
So we flew back to Palembang that night and we went straight to the hospital. He broke down and cried. I just held his hand and I thought to myself, from this day forward I would dedicate my life just to make sure he’s fine and he would never face anything alone anymore.
Suddenly losing Maldives didn’t feel so hurtful anymore. Because I would never lose this amazing man beside me, who would sacrifice anything and do anything for his family.
Maldives will always be there. But we can never turn back the time to the day we say our last goodbye to the people we love. To the day he say goodbye to his grandpa, a man who technically a father figure in his life since Bandi’s dad passed away.
Life is short and it is funny and ironic sometimes.
We just danced happily on our wedding, and we received so many flower arrangements saying “congratulation on your wedding” and now just 24 hours later we cried and received another flower arrangements saying “deep condolences”
Ain’t life funny?
We could laugh sarcastically, but why should we be bitter, when we could just laugh along with it?
Yesterday afternoon his grandpa was finally buried and he said his last goodbye. It was very emotional for him and all I could do just be there… Just to hold his hand.
Tonight we will fly back to Singapore to take Bandi’s brother to hospital because he’s sick.
I hope everything will be fine eventually. So we made a vow to always be with each other for good times and bad times, and the bad times stroke first, so what?
As long as we’re together, nothing seem so bad anyway. :)

Death ends life, not relationship – Mitch Albom

Kisses,
May, Palembang 19 June 2014.

20140619-092553-33953298.jpg

Are you with your mediocre love?

This morning, I saw a quote on my path, saying:

Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life; Love shouldn’t be one of them.

I’ve been looking for the right way to express “settling down for less” and this morning, I finally found it. From now on, I will call it mediocre love.

What is a mediocre love?

Well, I don’t know how to express this, because I have never had any mediocre love. I’m one of those persons who loves hard, even to my friends and family.

But I tell you what’s not mediocre. It’s that feeling of loving someone so deep, you could actually feel your heart crunch a little bit when you think about them. When you think about how happy they make you, you will feel something warming up in your belly, when you worry about them, maybe they’re sick or something bad happened to them, you will feel your heart aches. I don’t talk figuratively, I meant literally. Because when one of my loved ones were sick, I could worry til my heart really hurt.

When you first met a guy you liked, you would have what we call “butterflies in your stomach”. This was really exciting. It meant you liked him, there were chemistry between you two. When you talked to him, the butterflies just couldn’t wait to fly, your stomach felt funny; fun funny.

When you got together, you guys were passionate, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You wanted to heat his heartbeat, you wanted to feel his skin, you wanted to bite his nose. You just couldn’t have enough of him. He was addictive!!!

When you had your first unsettlement, you fought, you got bored with him, anything about him looked dull and annoying. But… you just couldn’t be without him, with no logical reason explainable.

When you knew him even deeper and you knew his family and his friends and even you didn’t like some of them, you decided to stay. You found out his weird bad habit, you found out his sad past, yest you stayed.

When you couldn’t wait to see him, just to get cozy with him, wrapped your body on his arms and just talked all night. For you the best place on earth is anywhere as long as you’re in his arms. And suddenly all of the love songs you’ve heard made sense. :)

When you were busy at work and then you stopped for a while for coffee and then you caught yourself smiling thinking about him and how he was cute on his spongebob boxer dancing to a Barry White song last night.

When you received a very exciting news and you cannot wait to tell him.

When you realized that he’s your best friend in the whole world and you could count on him and he would do anything for you.

:)

Those whens don’t always have to come in that order, but those whens are necessary for a love story. Medicore loves don’t have those things.

Why mediocre love?

Medicore loves happen when two persons have goal to get married, so they just find some candidates and whoops, this candidate looks okay, and my parents agree, oh well… let’s get married and have babies and repopulate the earth! Yaiy!

I would prefer live my life alone and happy than settling down with mediocre love. NO HELL WAY. My mom and my dad are two amazing people, but they are mediocre love to each other and for everyday in my life, I regret that they got married.

I know society sucks, they push you and you delude yourself into a made-up romanticism that you created in your head and then you settle down for less… much less… For mediocre love.

Don’t.

For this one person, you might be his mediocre love, but for somebody out there, that one particular person, YOU ARE HIS WORLD.

Why shouldn’t we have mediocre love? (It’s easier, huh?)

Life is only once.

You could have a mediocre house, drive a mediocre car, work in a mediocre company, watch a mediocre movie, eat a mediocre hamburgers, but.. you should not settle down with a mediocre love. NO. A gazzilion million times NO.

Love is sweet, it’s comforting, it’s liberating, it’s everything that a cotton candy should have. :)

Cheers,

May, the romantic one.

 

Ten amazingly stupid reasons to get married

Yesterday I saw a very shocking photo on my facebook. A single acquaintance of mine got married. Huh? What?

Yeah. The last time I met her (not that long seriously) she was still babbling about how she is happily single. Somehow she decided to take a leap of faith stupidity that decided to get married faster than I even decide which dress to wear for Christmas dinner.

I know, I know, Strawberry has preached me thousand times about how people are happy with different things and not everyone perceive marriage like I do blah blah blah, BUT THIS DESERVE A BITCHING TIME.

I never understand why people got married with so FREAKINGLY stupid reason but Strawberry always told me that they have different value and I must accept the fact that some women are dreaming to get married, thus their achievement is to be married and be a wife. FULL STOP. Do I condemn a housewife? NO!!! I adore housewife who can juggle all the works in house and also take care of the kids. But you don’t marry the first guy who arrive at your doorstep, geez. You don’t pick a creepy guy from the street to be your husband, right? You get to know him, you fall in love, you commit, have a fight and then make up and then fall in love again and then get married.

You need LOVE to be married. And I don’t believe that people who just met three months ago could love each other unconditionally. Yes, you can count the SWOT analysis, you can study his/her family tree, bank account and assets, but you can’t test his/her love.

I am judgmental? No. I am an idealist.

So, let me list down the stupidest 10 reason to marry someone: (in randomly order)

1. Because he’s hot/rich/insert as you like

Do I have to explain this?

2. Because according to my parents/grandparents/insert as you like this is the proper time to get married.

(Other wise i have to wait another 3 years/4 yrs/insert as you like)

Yeah, I know someone who do that. You’re not ready yet but according to your grandparents, this year is a good year to get married. What rubbish.

3. Because I am old/my boyfriend is old

Because if you turn 35 years old and you haven’t married, you will die, right? That’s why you use this reason, right?

4. Because we’ve been together for so long.

LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP doesn’t validate any marriage. You think you know someone and you don’t want to waste any more time so you just get along with it. It’s not right. Remember that he might be the right person to marry, but do it with the right reason too, ok? =)

5. Because I am lonely

Get a cat! Or an inflatable dolls! Not a husband/wife!!!

6. To legalize sex.

THE WORST OF ALL. So you can’t handle the hormones, so you want to bang your gf/bf, then just do it! (with protection of course) Do you really have to get married to have sex? And then you know that you’re married and the worst thing happen, she’s pregnant and you don’t have a proper foundation and the kid is the victim of dysfunctional family.

Here’s the thing, if you want to stay virgin until you’re married, make sure your soul stays virgin too. Honor your commitment. But if you can’t, then don’t be a hypocrite. Don’t use marriage as an excuse for having sex.

7. Because I’m in a relationship and the next step is marriage

I think this reason is almost the same with no.4 so I won’t talk about it again.

8. Because it is bad luck to refuse a proposal from a guy.

This is true story. I have a friend who gave me a surprise by telling me she’s getting married with a man who hasn’t even been together with her for a year. I asked why, she answered because he wanted to get married and it’s bad luck to reject. Did he even buy a ring? Come on, any ring! Did he even made a romantic gesture asking you to marry him? NO!!! He just asked and she accepted because….

“My mom said it’s bad luck (pamali) to reject when a guy asked you to get married. If we reject, there would be nobody ever wanted to marry me.”

And people….. She’s pretty.

I bet million dollars that so many guys want to marry her. Sadly, pretty face is useless without a good brain.

9. Because my dying grandparents requested.

I’m sorry, this might be a sensitive issue. Because Bandi was bummed so badly when his grandma died and she kept asking Bandi to get married and he refused and when his grandma died, his family implicitly blamed him not to get married earlier.
WHAT THE FUCK. He was depressed for quite some time and bought me a ring. That was the rejection. Because I knew it is NOT the right time. And the right time will come.

10. Because I’m miserable and I want to be happy.

So you think marriage is rainbow and unicorn? Huh? So your happiness depends on other human being? OH MAN You’re so SCREWED!

Hey May, why don’t you mind your own business and stop bitching about marriage?

Well, I’m gonna tell you why. My mom and dad married with the wrong reason and look how I turned out? I’m technically crazy.

You have no idea what I had gone through in my childhood. I don’t say my parents are bad parents but they are certainly not working well together.

It is a miracle that universe sent me Bandi and I managed to want to get married. (Bcoz oh GOD I didn’t want it. The only marriage I know is horrible) But seriously, it is fine to get married with the wrong reasons as long as you don’t involve children. But when you has children and you two didn’t even synchronized as team work, would it be sad for the kids? :(

I’m a living proof, my friend. And trust me, you don’t want ME as your kid. :p

Please do think 1000 times before you get married. You have to be 100% sure that you WILL NEVER LOOK BACK. That this is what you want. And that person you’re marrying can give you security, safety, comfort and infinite love.

You trust that person with your heart, no terms and conditions.

And most importantly, you love that person passionately, wisely and unconditionally.

Cheers,

May, your favorite bitch.

Happy-go-lucky bridesmaids and a guessing game

I’m gonna talk about marriage and wedding and I swear to god as much as I don’t wanna talk too much about this because people will unfollow me (LOL), I don’t have any other interesting to blog. But I had to because of the “post a week” pact I made. Anyway… I have been busy booking BnB and preparing documents for visa application next month for the Euro Trip. It’s getting closer and I’m getting more excited and I’m getting broker! :D

The haze has faded and now PSI level comes back to normal but we don’t wanna get our hopes too high though because the haze now is being shifted to KL and probably would come back here again if the wind blows back south.

But let’s talk about the interesting thing. The REAL aftermath of my engagement. (not the oh-I’m-over-the-moon-fairy-tale-happy-one.)

I’ve only been engaged for 3 weeks and already it’s everyone’s wedding. I don’t complain. Because I really love how my friends are so excited about Bandi and I getting married, how they self-appointed themselves to be bridesmaids (yeah I have shameless friends) and they even already started choosing dresses (I don’t even choose my wedding gown yet!) But seriously, I love my friends who all suddenly became wedding expert (google involved) and troubled themselves for me.

Afterall, I do my wedding for them. For the people who actually care about me and Bandi. =)

If you asked, my dream wedding would be this.

Only Bandi, me and the sea.

Oh how I wish I could be that selfish. How I wish I could be careless about everyone. I would just go to Santorini and be Bandi’s wife.

But yeah, you guessed it right. As a Chinese, being the first grandson from his grandpa makes Bandi’s wedding very important for his family. And again, you guessed it right. I will be just a smiling doll on my wedding with people I don’t care about (and I don’t even know).

Again, I must not complain. Because I did complain to my mom (OMG I love my mom so much, she’s so cool about everything!!!) and my mom gave me pointer of how Chinese people loves wedding. It’s like their ego-booster if they succeeded to marry their child/grandchil/niece/nephew/[insert anything].

My mom on the other hand is so cool about everything. She said she’s okay with everything I plan and she talked mostly about how my wedding gown would be. Awww, mom, why so cute?

When Bandi’s Mom came 4 days after the proposal (bet she doesn’t want to delay even one day to discuss the wedding) Bandi and I told her that she could have anything she wanted for the wedding, we won’t protest.

Bandi said, “I only have one condition. I don’t want any Shark Fin’s Soup on my wedding. If I found out there would be Shark Fin’s Soup, I’d pack my bags back to Singapore. I swear to god.”

OH MY GOD I WANTED TO MARRY HIM ON THAT MOMENT!

And I swear I didn’t even bring up the Shark Fin issue at the first place. It was all his idea! I mean, yeah I didn’t want Shark Fin OBVIOUSLY but I didn’t know he would dare to talk like that to his alpha-female mom! Hahaha.

His aunt objected at first, saying that Shark Fin represent wealth for the Chinese and Bandi only replied, “then you can have your wedding. I won’t be there.”

OMG!!! ISN’T HE THE AWESOMEST MAN ALIVE!!! AAAAHHH!!!

Cony Aww

I always think I have the best possible. A guy who loves me unconditionally. But now, it’s even better! A guy who defends animal and loves me unconditionally!!! WHAT A PERFECT MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN! LOL LOL

Anyway Bandi knew that I hate chinese tradition and that I compromised so much to do this so yeah, I get to have my own wedding. MY WEDDING. hahahaha. Not the Santorini wedding of course, because I want my friends to come and party with us.

I won’t post details about my wedding like vendor and stuffs because not only there are a lot of wedding blogs out there you can trust more than me haha (and trust me you won’t find my wedding applicable LOL) but because my maid of honor and the three bridesmaids do most of the work. Hahaha.

Sometimes it’s sad to be away from all my friends. Maybe you all will think I’m weird for loving my friends more than my family. Well, there are different kinds of love. I love my family too, duh!

But friends are the ones you picked. You chose to be with them and made effort to always keep in touch. Let me talk about my three bridesmaids. One of them is my cousin, Renny. We’ve been bestfriends since I was one day old. And the other two are Fenty and Tannia whom I’ve been friends with since I was ten.

We’ve been friends since Fenty was still super fat, Tannia’s hair was still like lion and Renny was still crying about everything. LOL.

Ok now I have an idea for a GAME and I promise this involves a gift!! Yaiy!

I will tell short story about the three of them and you must guess who is whom from the photo. This is a guessing game of how you should never judge the book by its cover. For those who guess it right will get a gift from me. haha. Now this post sounds not so boring anymore, eh?

Renny

She’s a pre-school teacher, loves kids so much. Awkward in front of men, especially the one she has a crush on. Currently single and (seriously) looking. She’s witty, clumsy but would love to do anything to help me. She’s the most creative one among the four of us, thus she’s in charge of decoration (of course will get scolded by Ulen- my maid of honor because Ulen has OCD) and yeah, Renny is messy. She holds the record of losing her wallet, she mastered the art of blocking credit cards and reporting lost items to police. LOL. She’s independent, strong and a gym freak.

Tannia

She’s a flight attendant and the smartest one among the four of us, used to be working for one of the big four of public accountant firm for her brain. Her love of traveling (and of course her good looks) brought her to be a flight attendant. She’s an excellent scuba diver and like all other divers, her favorite spot is Raja Ampat. She was one of the diver when Indonesia team made the world record on Indonesia’s independent day in Wakatobi. She’s very close to her mom she tells her everything. She’s the queen of karaoke and everytime we went for karaoke she was the last man standing. Currently single but not looking.

Fenty

The one who called couple of places in Bandung to ask for quotations when she knew I was engaged. Thanks to her, I got my dream venue and is in the process of booking it. She is the shy one, the girl next door that you would love to have as a friend. Currently busy with work, boyfriend and adjusting her independent life. After 26 years, she finally lives alone by herself and she loveees every second of it. She has the prettiest hand writing among four of us and even though she had a very good grade at school, she’s the slowest one to catch our fast and rapid conversation. So, she must scroll and scroll and scroll up on our whatsapp group chat. She’s one of the strongest woman I know. =)

Here’s a pic of me and my three bridesmaids.

We've been friends since we were ten. =)

A, B, The Bride to be, C.

Here’s how to WIN the Game:

You just need to guess it who is whom in the comment. Example: “A is xxx, B is xxx, C is xxx” and don’t forget to mention why you guess it like that. Mentioning your reason may increase your winning possibility because if there are so many people guessed right, I would choose the one with the most logical (or not) reason.

The possibility to win is also increased if you tell your friend about it by Retweeting this post or promoting it on your blog. =)

Anyway tonight there will be a confederation cup match of Italy VS Spain. You all MUST PRAY that Italy will win, because if Italy wins the match, there will be TWO WINNERS. hahaha! I’m serious.

UPDATE: Italy lost through penalty shootout. So, there will only one winner. T.T (You guys didn’t pray enough)

What you’re gonna win:

If you’re a man, you’re gonna win this!

A Sephora do-it-all Gel! Useful from head to toe!

A Sephora do-it-all Gel! Useful from head to toe!

If you’re a lady, you’re gonna win this!

OPI Mini Nail Lacquer Set

OPI Mini Nail Lacquer Set. Choose any mini OPI set you want. =)

For the OPI Set, I would ask again what kind of color you like, whether it is neon, pastels or different shades of red so I could buy exactly what you like. (I try my best to find it, don’t choose the one from three years ago lah.)

Terms and Conditions: The game will only be valid for a winner if there are at least 15 contestants. (So, please do tell your friends.)

UPDATE: THE GAME IS ON!!! :)

Who could join the Game?

EVERYONE!! Well, as long as you are residing on earth. :p (Unless of course people who know them, so please please don’t spoil it!)

When the game ends?

The game ends on 30th June. If until the end of June there are still not enough contestants (15 guessers) then it is considered void. But if there is enough guessers, I will announce the winner on Tuesday 2nd July.

Any other Question?

Just drop me an email or ask me via twitter! =)

Good luck!

So, that’s a wrap for my happy-go-lucky posting. I hope you all enjoy my first game-giveaway. Haha.

Yeah, it turns out I didn’t talk much about the wedding, did I? But don’t worry, I will bitch about the wedding planning sometime. LOL.

Cheers,

May, looking for the lucky winner.

A letter to the pessimists

I got some of the pessimistic comments for my engagement, mostly they sound like this “eh, I thought you didn’t believe in marriage?”

Well I didn’t.

I know I shouldn’t been bothered but I am a human thus I have a need to defend myself (and also the need to once again blabber about marriage), so here it goes…

Up until this second, I still do believe that marriage is not an achievement. A wedding is a start of something big called the marriage. And it’s not a solution for all your problems people. There are two reasons why I didn’t believe in marriage.

One, people took marriage for granted, using it for the wrong reason with the wrong people. The marriage itself became some kind of dirty business for me.

Two, there are no successful marriage in my inner circle. I have never witnessed a successful marriage. That’s why I was pessimistic too.

I hate it when people decided to get married for the wrong reasons, to top of them is “because I’m getting older.” Once my friend told me she was getting married and my reply was “are you sure?” She was mad of course, and to boost my ego, let me tell you this: she DID call off the wedding. Why? Because I knew it at the moment that she said yes because she wanted the attention and she liked to idea of becoming someone’s wife but she WASN’T in love.

Okay, go back to my case. A lot of my friends said “finally!!!” And the others asked “how did you finally say yes?” (This also explained why I had to charge my phone three times on last sunday)

Why did I, the unbeliever, finally said yes for a marriage?

I was simply convinced.

(So if you happen to really want to marry somebody and she said she didn’t believe in it, you’re not trying hard enough.)

I wasn’t looking for a relationship when I was dating Bandi. It was just a casual flirt and I enjoyed the attention, so when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I warned him, “oh dear, I’m not a commitment kind of girl.” And he said “it’s okay. It’s not something serious. We’re just getting to know each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.” So the ‘not something serious’ led to a seven years relationship. LOL

I also thought that I will be a serial dater for the rest of my life, because seriously, I am that selfish. I don’t think anyone could take it to live with me for the rest of his life. Come on, I can’t even live with my mom! I am super selfish and I have OCD, I want things to be my way and I always think that I am right. I knew Bandi was messy and couldn’t care less about hygiene since the first year of relationship but then I don’t care because I knew I won’t marry him.

But then when we started to live together, we spent so much time fighting about stupid stuffs. And oh my god I am so impressed of how hard he was trying to adapt to me. He really tried everything to make sure I’m alright, mentally. (Yeah I got so disturbed over something stupid sometimes.) He did this kind of magic to make me fall in love more and more to him everyday and made me think that I couldn’t live without him. And oh wow, he succeeded!

Bandi himself didn’t have any role-model for a successful marriage. His dad was gone when he was five so he was pretty much a ‘dad’ for his brother and sisters. Thankfully he turned out to be a believer. He wants a marriage, a family with a lot of kids, (Super bummer, look how far he’s convinced me already?) and a smart and pretty wife (well ho got one.) LOL

Actually he has taken the relationship slowly for my expense. I remember he was ambitiously saying that he wanted to be married and had kids by 25. (Haha! Wrong girlfriend, dude!) I must say that this relationship does both of us a favor. For me to learn that I can finally trust someone completely and that true love does exist. For him to wait for the right one (and not just randomly pick any girl to give birth to his babies), learn more about life and of course to be super mega ultra patience.

I really believe that everything happens for reason. :)

So dear pessimists,
I DID not believe in marriage. And I must say this in public that I WAS WRONG.
Not all marriages are scam and dirty and fake. I can make sure at least mine is not. :)

I remember the endless nights of long talks with Bandi, the sweet gestures while we danced, the stolen kisses, the sacrifices, the tears and fears we shared, the infinite laughs that he made me after that and how he always had his ways to take my breath away. I have been always a happy person, but I’ve never felt this content. I am fully content.

I also need to underline this: I am happy not because I’m getting married. I am happy because I get to spend the rest of my life with the one I really love. The wedding is just a bonus.

Actually my perception of marriage doesn’t change a lot, remember this: if you’re not a happy person, don’t ever think about getting married!!!

Don’t hope for some dude to save you from all your troubles and think that marriage (or wedding) would give you happiness, because it won’t!!!

YOU HAVE TO BE A HAPPY WOMAN TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE. (not the other way around!)

Don’t get married to be happy, but get married because you’re happy. So you know you have someone to share your happiness with forever. :)

Remember your man is not your accessory whom with him you feel socially completed and obligation checked. You don’t need to prove to anyone that you can have a man.

Oh please just make sure that you get married because you love each other, please please, pleaaaaaseee!

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Cheers,

May, still staring at the ring. :p

Marriage is NOT an achievement!

This is just a short post of my anger towards society.

Oh how I wish I didn’t have to be nice to people… Oh how I wish I could be stone-hearted sometimes. When a friend invited me for a wedding I won’t attend, the least thing I could do is saying congratulations and wishing all the best.

And then there is always this reply of “Thank you. When is yours?”

And then there is always my polite reply of “No plan so far, dear. But very excited for you!”

And then there is always this…

“Oh, gue doakan cepetan ya…” (with a very sad tone if it’s a meet up)

In English, it’ll be like “Oh, I’ll pray for you. Hope you’ll get there soon…”

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? I have to pray to be married? GEE! If I wanted to get married, I just need to go to ROM (Registry of Marriage), bring two friends as witnesses and pay freaking $28!

I reaaalllyy hate those people who perceive marriage as an achievement. IT’S NOT! Marriage is a choice! And you didn’t make that choice just because you turned some age or because your rich parents asked you to and pay for your wedding. GEE! You make that choice because you love each other and committed for the rest of your life! And guess what, some people need years of considering for that kind of commitment!

Since when marriage is achievement?! Marriage is a phase of life!!! It’s the same like getting into college, being a freelancer, or getting surgery for wisdom tooth. It’s a phase, people! NOT EVERYONE MUST TAKE THAT PHASE! Sometimes we just want to skip or postpone it.

Finding a cure for cancer is an achievement! Win a noble prize is achievement! Making a best-seller book is achievement!!!

SO WHY DON’T YOU PRAY FOR ME TO MAKE A BEST SELLER BOOK OR EVEN FIND A CANCER CURE?! I don’t need you to pray for me to get married!

Arrghh I hate it when people ask me, “what’s wrong?” as if not planning to get married is a sin!!! BECAUSE I’M JUST NOT YET, YOU IDIOTS! Nothing is wrong with that!

I DON’T WANT TO GET MARRIED FAST, I WANT TO GET MARRIED RIGHT!!!

So, in Singlish, let me give you this: “JUST GO DIE AR YOU!”

P.S Nope, this post is not about being asked “kapan kawin.” I get used with that. This is about the latest annoyance of “gue doakan biar cepet kawin.”

That little push

Today I browsed around the travel websites to find a cheap air ticket for Cinnamon and Apple Pie’s Wedding. I managed to find a perfect timing and price for the ticket yet I didn’t hit the book button.

Yesterday I received phone call from an NDP committee telling a good news that I’ve passed my audition and would be eligible to join a team to perform at NDP this year. I was excited yet there’s this weird feeling when she said “Will you be able to commit a practice every Wednesday and Saturday onward?”

THEN IT HIT ME. I am afraid of commitment. I know it’s an old news but it’s kind of sad to know that I still am. I thought I’ve taken care that. I thought I’ve grown up. I thought I’m settling down.

Why am I still hating the idea of committing and staying put for something? If I bought an air ticket, I knew that I MUST go to Medan on that day, and I was afraid that maybe… MAYBE I’m not in Singapore anymore at that time.

I still love the fact of me living a life of wondering of tomorrow, that next week I will wake up in a different part of the world, or tomorrow I’ll fall in love with a total stranger, or next month I’ll be bungee-jumping off a bridge. I’m still waiting for the impromptu. And I hate it.

I want to settle down. I want to be committed.

I remember the day when Bandi bought our Europe ticket, it was after days of me saying “maybe we’ll do this tomorrow.” Bandi said, “I know why you don’t want me to buy this ticket today. Because you’re afraid that for the next 10 months, you have no other choice than to stay with me.”

I said, “No waaay!”

He said, “Why would it be then if it wasn’t because your silly commitment issue. Geez May, I’m buying you a ticket, haven’t asked you to marry me.” Then he chuckled and hit the book button.

And guess what, now I am so excited about the trip. Sure I was petrified on the day he bought that ticket. It was like a VERY BIG commitment. To save money and keep track for the saving, to keep my job ( I surely can’t resign), to never take leave, and to REALLY fly to Europe eventually, with him. If I wanted to just keep thinking about it, I will never buy that ticket. But Bandi did a little push, and he did the right thing.

So yeah, maybe all I need is a little push.

It’s like when I learned how to ride a bike. I never wanted to let go off my foot from the earth because I was scared.

It’s like when I jumped off the cliff at Boracay. I never wanted to jump ever because I was scared.

It’s like when I learned how to swim, how to drive and how to love… unconditionally. It all was scary at first. Even though I knew it’s gonna be amazing, I was still scared. So I had that. I had a little push.

And I’m glad I had it.

So again, maybe I just need that one push.

=)

Like this one?

Like this one?

Cheers,

May, who is obviously talking about marriage.

It’s more than just missing the flight

DISCLAIMER: This will be a very wordy heavy post… and personal.

Yesterday morning my mind was full of so many wonderful things to be blogged once I reach Singapore. 5 days of holiday with constant eating and chatting with friends and family left me with so many stories to tell, but then something happened.

A thing that struck me as a lightning that shit does happen. Our lives, no matter how prepared all our plans are or how many insurances we buy, would still be encountering shit moments like these. So this is the story…

Bandi reached my home at Jakarta from Palembang around 10 in the morning. We were planning to just hang out in my house because both of us were physically tired. Our next plane to Singapore is at 6.45 in the evening, so we have a lot of time to just rest. However after I finished packing, I said, “Koper masih kosong nih. Beli apa yuk, biar penuh!”

I always bring my yellow big luggage everytime I go back to Jakarta because I always bring so many stuffs for my mom and my niece and only bring like 3 pieces of clothes so the luggage will be empty when I return to Singapore. Usually I will fill it with Rendang and other Indonesian food, but because this holiday I ate like a pig, I reconsider that. So this time I feel it would be wasted if I didn’t use the 20kg allowance. So Bandi asked my brother if we could borrow his motorbike, then my brother gave him the STNK (official ownership letter of the vehicles) and the key. Bandi and I went to the nearby supermarket and shopped for some household supplies (because the price is much cheaper in Indonesia) to fill the hole in my luggage.

Around 3:30, my friend Yofie picked us up and sent us to Soekarno Hatta Airport. On the way in the airport we listened to a preach from a Christian priest about family ties, that a covenant relationship belongs to husband and wife, not to parents and kids. My friend Yofie is Catholic, I’m a Buddhist, but this priest talks logical sense so I enjoyed his preach. I actually agree with him that the relationship between partners (in his case must be husband and wife) must be strong BEFORE they become together so that they don’t marry with the wrong reason, such as marry because looking for happiness, because that would be wrong. The priest also said about marriage must be like two persons becoming one and have a synergy, so they become stronger once they become together.

Half hour later, we said goodbye to Yofie and then we checked in our luggage. We had a post-hometown fight, which is a syndrome whenever Bandi went back to his hometown and got pressured with all the “WHY DON’T THE TWO OF YOU GET MARRIED YET?” questions, and this time was worsened because his two best friends are announcing their wedding this year. These two guys met their girlfriends not even longer than our Long Distance Relationship period and they planned the wedding already. Bandi was bummed and we argued again. I told him to sit down and talk because I had a news that would probably make him so angry he could kill me. We sat on a noodle shop and I told him that I still wanted to do something that would postpone any plan of marriage in the next two or three years, my own personal achievement that doesn’t concern him. He thought it’s a selfish move so he was bummed, again. And again, we had the same convo about this different perception about marriage and he again, gave me another ultimatum.

Then something happened. He took out something from his pocket. It was the STNK of my brother’s bike. SHIT. He forgot to return it and now, 1 hour and 45 minutes from our flight back to Singapore, he must return it. Long story short, because my brother is such an ass, he didn’t wanna take the STNK so my Dad said he would wait at the exit of airport toll so Bandi could give it to him. This is a very possible plan because from airport to the nearest toll exit to my house would only take 15 minutes. WE FORGOT THAT THIS IS JAKARTA.

So Bandi went off only with his passport, boarding pass and wallet. I didn’t notice that he left his green backpack on the noodle shop’s stool. Anyhow, I was waiting impatiently for the next 1 hour and 15 minutes and when it was announced that the flight to Singapore has reached its last call, I decided to storm out from the noodle shop and ran like crazy. I couldn’t contact Bandi until I sat inside the plane. He called me and said he just reached the airport. Later on I found out from his story that it really only took 15 minutes to meet my Dad but then it took him 1 hour plus to come back to Airport because there had been a strike so it was a total jam. He managed to took Ojek and ran to the airport but still couldn’t make it.

I asked the flight attendant not to close the door because the person they’re waiting is already at the gate, but they said it’s their decision not to let him in. I said, “Then I want to go down from the plane.” But they also didn’t let me. So I finally flew all the way to Singapore with a worried heart.

I opened my handbag and I saw a “Habibie & Ainun” book so I read it, finished it during the 1 and half hour flight. This is like another sign for me that universe wants me to really think about the synergy. Habibie and Ainun are two persons that have the synergy among them. Together they are stronger, happier and completed. This is the only thing that could make a couple lasts forever. I shed a tear reading the book, thinking of how Habibie would cope after Ainun’s gone, and I realize, there is only one person that would make me be devastated if he’s not around, and that person was left in Soekarno Hatta Airport.

I arrived in Changi and turned on my phone ONCE the plane landed (this is something that I never do and I hope won’t need to do again). Bandi texted me saying that he could only take the 10pm flight and would reach Singapore at 1 am after midnight. He bought any ticket that could bring him home that night because my two other room mates won’t be back until next Sunday, which means I would be home a lone. He knew I had a trauma being home alone so he did take the last flight to be back home. I was relieved until I knew that the worse part is this… he mentioned: I got the two of the luggage with me, so don’t worry. Anyway, let me know if you had my backpack with you.

I WAS STUNNED. Shit. I don’t have the backpack.

Air Asia is so stupid that they took out both of the baggage and left it in Jakarta. One of the luggage is belong to me and now that they gave it to Bandi both, it means that Bandi must find a flight with 30 kgs luggage. (later on I found out from Bandi’s story that he didn’t find any last minute flight that have more than 20kgs luggage so he must tip the seller). But the most important thing is, I don’t have the backpack with me.

I called him straightaway and told him that the backpack was not with me. He was angry knowing that I left it in the noodle shop. I told him I didn’t notice that and it wasn’t my fault and I was angry too. I knew the backpack is very important, not because it contained his ipad but it contained his original birth certificate and family registration which he brought for our PR application. Complying the facts that the backpack was already left bare for two hours and it’s Jakarta, there were only slim chance we could get the back pack back.

I felt like wanting to cry. Why does it all happen so badly? I literally asked universe the night before to send me a signal whether he’s the one, whether I should just let him go because he wanted to settle down and have a family and I’m nowhere near that, whether I should reduce my ego and stay with him. AND IT HAPPENED, like showing me that everything is as messed up as this trip, just in a second.

You know how much I believe in signs.

It was happening so fast and everything was like perfectly directed by the universe. The preach, the marriage talk (again), the STNK, the strike that kept Bandi to fly with me. The green back pack. Everything.

I went back to home by bus, it was 10 o’clock at night already. A text message was received, saying “I got the back pack with me. I went back to the noodle shop and the security kept it for me. Everything is okay. You just go back home and sleep, I’ll be home soon.”

There was this imaginary rocks being lifted up from my shoulder. I said prayer and gratitude in my heart and once I reached home, I did a night chanting. Somehow I was being reminded by the universe that, Yes, things could be as shitty as this, you would always encounter bad situation but how we face it is different thing.

For me, I faced it so horribly bad. I was shouting at Bandi and he (even though not shouting) couldn’t stand me as well. This got me thinking, after 7 years together, we still can’t have the synergy among us, or it’s just a very bad day.

Bandi reached home around 1:30. The sound of someone at the kitchen woke me up, so I went out from my room and saw him. He hugged me and suddenly everything was good again. We sat and talked.

That if he managed to catch the flight with me, no one would take his green back pack and he would lost his birth cert.

But then, what if I didn’t leave the back pack at the first place?

Then, what if he didn’t need to go back at the first place?

What if he didn’t forget to return the STNK at the first place?

What if we didn’t need to fill our luggage with household supplies at the first place?

So many what ifs.

It took us hundreds of what ifs until we finally said, “But thank god everything is okay now.”

Thank god I found the back pack.

Thank god there were still other flights for me to catch.

The most important things is…

Thank god we’re here now, safe and sound.

During my flight to Singapore, Bandi wrote an email and sent it to me. I received it once I touchdown Singapore. Here’s a peek:

Dear Meitri,

What a day!!!!

I dont know what happened today. How did it happen. How could it happen. Why did it happen. It happened so suddenly fast. Honestly, i did my best to reach that terminal. I reached it 10 min before the time but they did not let me in. I shouted and i begged them to let me in. But nothing happened. Then i saw ur text about leaving me.
I was like stunned. I was like a total crazy person. Running all across terminals like setrikaan looking for ticket from garuda till singapore airlines.

Finally i got it and all my pressure was gone. I felt lifted but weird in the same time. I just want to tell u. I love you and everything i do, i do it for you.

I wont let u be alone in the valentines day. I see u when i see u baby. Hope you wont run away from me. And please do not put me on pressure like that again.

Note: i brought both of the baggage. Please let me know if u have my bag with u.

Love, tired and really need a hug to recover from this chaos and mess

Yours
Bandi

I realize one thing, the thing I’m always questioning this past one year. For him, I’m still his everything. And it took this crazy 5 hours of constant worries for me to be refreshed. I only have one more homework now. WHAT DO I WANT IN MY LIFE. It’s time for me to find out to either take it or leave it. I HAVE TO MAKE UP MY MIND.

I would pray more and hopefully found the answer soon.

This post is very personal for me, I don’t mind sharing it with friends and readers.

One cheerful thing (because I’m a Sanguine) to close the post is this thing I found on my desk this morning at office:

My Manager said "For prosperity and happiness" Hear hear!

My Manager said “For prosperity and happiness” Hear hear!

Cheers,

May with her stupid ego.