A letter to the pessimists

I got some of the pessimistic comments for my engagement, mostly they sound like this “eh, I thought you didn’t believe in marriage?”

Well I didn’t.

I know I shouldn’t been bothered but I am a human thus I have a need to defend myself (and also the need to once again blabber about marriage), so here it goes…

Up until this second, I still do believe that marriage is not an achievement. A wedding is a start of something big called the marriage. And it’s not a solution for all your problems people. There are two reasons why I didn’t believe in marriage.

One, people took marriage for granted, using it for the wrong reason with the wrong people. The marriage itself became some kind of dirty business for me.

Two, there are no successful marriage in my inner circle. I have never witnessed a successful marriage. That’s why I was pessimistic too.

I hate it when people decided to get married for the wrong reasons, to top of them is “because I’m getting older.” Once my friend told me she was getting married and my reply was “are you sure?” She was mad of course, and to boost my ego, let me tell you this: she DID call off the wedding. Why? Because I knew it at the moment that she said yes because she wanted the attention and she liked to idea of becoming someone’s wife but she WASN’T in love.

Okay, go back to my case. A lot of my friends said “finally!!!” And the others asked “how did you finally say yes?” (This also explained why I had to charge my phone three times on last sunday)

Why did I, the unbeliever, finally said yes for a marriage?

I was simply convinced.

(So if you happen to really want to marry somebody and she said she didn’t believe in it, you’re not trying hard enough.)

I wasn’t looking for a relationship when I was dating Bandi. It was just a casual flirt and I enjoyed the attention, so when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I warned him, “oh dear, I’m not a commitment kind of girl.” And he said “it’s okay. It’s not something serious. We’re just getting to know each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.” So the ‘not something serious’ led to a seven years relationship. LOL

I also thought that I will be a serial dater for the rest of my life, because seriously, I am that selfish. I don’t think anyone could take it to live with me for the rest of his life. Come on, I can’t even live with my mom! I am super selfish and I have OCD, I want things to be my way and I always think that I am right. I knew Bandi was messy and couldn’t care less about hygiene since the first year of relationship but then I don’t care because I knew I won’t marry him.

But then when we started to live together, we spent so much time fighting about stupid stuffs. And oh my god I am so impressed of how hard he was trying to adapt to me. He really tried everything to make sure I’m alright, mentally. (Yeah I got so disturbed over something stupid sometimes.) He did this kind of magic to make me fall in love more and more to him everyday and made me think that I couldn’t live without him. And oh wow, he succeeded!

Bandi himself didn’t have any role-model for a successful marriage. His dad was gone when he was five so he was pretty much a ‘dad’ for his brother and sisters. Thankfully he turned out to be a believer. He wants a marriage, a family with a lot of kids, (Super bummer, look how far he’s convinced me already?) and a smart and pretty wife (well ho got one.) LOL

Actually he has taken the relationship slowly for my expense. I remember he was ambitiously saying that he wanted to be married and had kids by 25. (Haha! Wrong girlfriend, dude!) I must say that this relationship does both of us a favor. For me to learn that I can finally trust someone completely and that true love does exist. For him to wait for the right one (and not just randomly pick any girl to give birth to his babies), learn more about life and of course to be super mega ultra patience.

I really believe that everything happens for reason. :)

So dear pessimists,
I DID not believe in marriage. And I must say this in public that I WAS WRONG.
Not all marriages are scam and dirty and fake. I can make sure at least mine is not. :)

I remember the endless nights of long talks with Bandi, the sweet gestures while we danced, the stolen kisses, the sacrifices, the tears and fears we shared, the infinite laughs that he made me after that and how he always had his ways to take my breath away. I have been always a happy person, but I’ve never felt this content. I am fully content.

I also need to underline this: I am happy not because I’m getting married. I am happy because I get to spend the rest of my life with the one I really love. The wedding is just a bonus.

Actually my perception of marriage doesn’t change a lot, remember this: if you’re not a happy person, don’t ever think about getting married!!!

Don’t hope for some dude to save you from all your troubles and think that marriage (or wedding) would give you happiness, because it won’t!!!

YOU HAVE TO BE A HAPPY WOMAN TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE. (not the other way around!)

Don’t get married to be happy, but get married because you’re happy. So you know you have someone to share your happiness with forever. :)

Remember your man is not your accessory whom with him you feel socially completed and obligation checked. You don’t need to prove to anyone that you can have a man.

Oh please just make sure that you get married because you love each other, please please, pleaaaaaseee!

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Cheers,

May, still staring at the ring. :p