Why Christmas is so important for a Buddhist like me?

Lately been busy doing stuffs… *ahem* who am I kidding, okay, I admit, this past one month I’ve been busy playing GTA V. Yes, I know as I feminist I should’ve been offended by a misogynistic game like GTA, but oh maaaan the gamer soul inside of me enjoyed it very very much. I have completed GTA V last week and I still love doing the after-main story activities so that’s the main reason why I’ve been so lazy to blog lately.

But after GTA has been completed, I got so busy with my wedding thingy. Arrrghhh doing wedding preparation while you’re on PMS is a bad combination. I cried for such a stupid problems and come to think about it now, I feel embarrassed.

I don’t have any interesting things to talk about but because I have an oath for “post a week”  (thankfully the oath will end on this end of the year so I can write anytime I want again start next year) so I “recycled” one of my favorite post.

Christmas is very near,  so I re-post a Christmas post I’ve written two years ago. I hope it brings smile on your face as it did to mine. =)

I did spend Christmas’ eve with Bandi in the church ever since. =)

Happy Christmas to all! Be merry!

***

23rd december 2011.

I grew up having Christmas in my school every year since I went to Catholic school from… err, basically for the whole of my school year, even my college year. I knew best about the story of how Mary and Joseph couldn’t find a home for a shelter when Mary needed to deliver baby Jesus, I took part of the Christmas show every year when I was in elementary, I forget whom I played as though.

I love going to Catholic Church especially on Christmas’ eve just to listen the carols and feel the holy night atmosphere. Not once, I likely to shed a tear (yes I’m that drama queen.) Thus, I received this question a lot, “If you really love Christmas and Church, and plus your boyfriend is a Catholic, why don’t you convert to one?”

Because I don’t believe in god.

I appreciate people’s relationship with their gods. I appreciate my man’s relationship with god. I love to see him praying. I know he believes in god. He has this close relationship with his god that I could never interfere and will never understand, not because it doesn’t exist, but because I don’t believe in god. But doesn’t mean something doesn’t exist just because you don’t believe in it.

If you believed in something, it is what it is you believe. And if you didn’t believe? It will never be existed in your mind.

For a record, no one believe my LDR will work, but ta-daa, it does!

As Buddha ever said,

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.

I believe my relationship with this universe and Buddhist philosophy. I believe I am stronger each day because of yesterday. I believe in love and human’s relationship between each other. I cherish what I could feel, such as joy, contentment and comfort.

Everyone has their own joy, contentment and comfort. Some finds in their gods. And a lot of people believe a lot of gods. Why bother to insist someone to believe your god? It’s like insisting someone who can’t paint to take fine art major.

Christmas is an event. For the Christians, it’s the day when Jesus was born. For me, it’s a memory, of my fun childhood, of the warmth of my tiny school, of having an unforgettable Christmas’ Eve Mass with my man before he left to USA, of having hopes and wishes.

He is the only Catholic in his family, while the others are Buddhist. He used to spend Christmas alone, went to Church alone and didn’t get used to having presents on Christmas day. I have a Catholic Dad even though he wasn’t so festive about Christmas. So, five years ago, my man and I went to Church on Christmas’ Eve and since then, I whispered to Mother Mary in his god’s house, “I would like to do this every year with this guy, which ‘this guy’ refers to the guy beside me kneeling towards you, praying. And I hope he prays the same thing.”

The Christmas after was bittersweet. He was about to leave the next week, and that time, I hope his prayer was to come back to me. I was so afraid that it could be our last Christmas together.

Years after that were hard times for us, but having the thoughts of spending Christmas with him somehow got me through everything.

It’s so amazing how memory could make people stronger.

So, this Christmas, after 2 years absent from Christmas’ Eve Mass, I would listen those carols and hold that candle again. After the last two Christmases were spent playing “Merry Christmas Darling” on the ‘repeat one’ mode, buying Christmas card and went to post office and skype-ing and wishing to have the next Christmas with my man, the wish finally comes true this year. (<– I smile while typing this.)

I wish everyone to have a jolly Christmas this year and years after. I wish every wish came true. I wish Christmas Miracles happen to everyone. I wish for more candy canes, louder carols, Santa’s tighter red legging, wetter kisses, warmer hugs and creamier cakes. Coz that’s what Christmas is all about!!!

Can’t wait for Christmas day!

Be merry!

Love, May.

***

Bonus photos from the past Christmases!

Christmas 2011

Christmas 2011

Christmas 2012, Boxing Day!

Christmas 2012, Boxing Day!

Can't wait for Boxing day this year! Yaiy Yaiy!!!

Can’t wait for Boxing day this year! Yaiy Yaiy!!!

Cheers,

May, on festive mood.

If I never met Bandi

Sometimes I play what-ifs with Bandi and he (unwillingly) played along. The what-ifs were various from “what if you could only live by eating only tuna forever?” (Bandi hates tuna smell) or “what if I had a growing penis, would you still marry me?” to the serious what-ifs like “what if I couldn’t have children?” Or “what if I had cancer?”

But the most occurrence what-if question was “what if we never met?” How would our lives be?

You guys must know that I’m head over heels in love with Bandi. I mean, I don’t only love him, I LOVE HIM, with capitals.

So how would our lives be without each other?

Sadly to say, the answers weren’t so romantic… If we never met, I would probably met somebody else and that guy probably would fall in love with me so hard because well, I’m adorable, and then if I loved him so much too then we’d be in relationship. But most importantly, if I never met him, I’d probably be a serial dater, and of course I would work for UN, probably lived somewhere like Congo or India, to lead a Unicef team to build school, empowering unskilled women and stuffs like that. I would move around every two years to different parts of the world. I think it was the single life I’ve always wanted.

What about Bandi? Well he said he would not go to US because he wasn’t so motivated to “see the world” before he met me. He would probably finish his degree and went back to his hometown, found a girl and married one.

But then…. I realized something just now.

Our answers were not true at all!!!

Come on!!! It is so impossible that Bandi was created to be someone else’s husband. I mean, I bet all the money in the world that he was created custom-made for me!

So I was thinking… If we never met back then in college, then we would definitely meet sometime later in our lives. Let me make up some scenarios…

1. What if my father didn’t come back from Australia and I was born there and lived there for the rest of my life?

Well in this case, I think Bandi would probably still go to US for his college because he got the scholarship, and then he continued to work there and in some point his company allocated him to Australia, and then we finally met maybe somewhere in Sydney. I was walking my dog and my dog walked towards him and I dressed my dog in Italian Jersey and we started conversation with “you like football, huh?” and we fell in love.

2. What if Bandi was accepted at NTU and went to Singapore for collage?

I would still be living my life almost the same. I probably didn’t go for UN because I needed to support my family financially so I preferred to work in Singapore. Bandi had finished his college and continued working in Singapore too and at some point we met, probably in an Indonesians outing in East Coast park. We rode bikes and then I saw Bandi’s Juventus key chain and I mocked him and then we had a conversation about football and we fell in love.

3. What if I never got the scholarship in college and I had to drop-out from it before I met Bandi?

I would probably be working my ass off in my twenties and would live in Jakarta all my life, while Bandi continued his college in Bandung and went back to his hometown to continue his family’s business. My high school friend, Septian married Bandi’s high school friend, Erlina and we were both invited to their wedding. We met on that wedding and we started the conversation with “you like football, huh?” and we fell in love.
(P.s. Septian and Erlina are true characters and they did have their wedding last month. True story.)

4. What if Bandi dropped out from junior high school and became a punk and he lived in Palembang of all his life?

I would still be living my life almost the same but then in 2009, when I was working in Femina I was sent to Palembang to cover the Indonesian beauty pageant and when I visited one of the good pempek (fish cake) stall I met Bandi. Bandi was riding his motorbike and I saw his Juventus painted helmet and I commented about it, “you like football, huh?” and then we had the conversation about football and we fell in love.

5. What if Bandi never came back from US and never asked me back?

This would be the saddest of all because I would think he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I would probably face a very difficult time to move on but then I would eventually make it. Three years later I received a scholarship from an American Fine Arts college and I moved there. And I wrote in my facebook status, “Living my dream”, checked in Atlanta, USA. Bandi read it and took his car keys, drove all night from Austin to Atlanta and the next morning when I opened my door, there he was, standing still and looking straight at me, saying “hey you.” And then we fell in love all over again.

Not only this post has proven that I’m a drama queen and a good story maker, it’s also trying to say that love will always find the way.

I believe that it is impossible for Bandi and I not to meet. I may believe in fate, I may not. I don’t know. But I know somehow Bandi and I were meant for each other. If we didn’t meet nine yeas ago, then it would be another time. But I’m sure that we eventually would. We would always find each other.

It’s true that I am a romantic and I’m not scared to show off my love to Bandi. I think it is a good thing because before I met him, I was a skeptic. I’ve always been a romantic, but I had a trust issue back then. I loved the feeling of falling in love but didn’t really trust anybody to fully read my soul. That was probably why I didn’t believe in marriage too. However, I’m so glad I opened myself to Bandi and I know this sounds so Disney-like movie but it’s true that…

Love is the most powerful thing on earth.

I’m gonna share a personal story which really moved me. I had a bad relationship with my brother. He abused me physically and mentally when we were kids. I never loved him and I blamed him for all the bad things happened to me up until my teenage years. He apologized and then did bad things to me and my family again and then apologized and then screwed up and apologize and then screwed up and repeat a thousand times.

Four years ago I’ve had enough and I confronted him. I asked him to never disturb me and my mom again. We fought and he kicked my stomach and he threatened to kill me. Three months later I moved out from Jakarta to Singapore. I’ve never talked to him again for so long.

Last week, he sent me a facebook message. He apologized for everything he’s done to me in the past. I had just finished my make up and I cried (Shit I have to re-do my mascara.) He always apologized before, but somehow this time he seemed sincere. He apologized without asking money, or things (in the past he apologized when he was out of cash.)
A week after that my sister texted me that my brother is undergoing a medication for a serious illness. I was sad. I never thought I would ever care about anything happened to him.

I never talk about my brother. Most of the stories were sad but I guess it’s never too late to love someone. For all my life, I’ve never loved him. Last week was the first time I heard “I love you my sister” from him. It tore down the wall I had built between us instantly. I had forgiven him and decided to learn how to love a brother, the thing I never thought I would ever do. And most importantly, I let myself to trust him.

I was so hurt I never thought I could ever trust anyone, especially guys. Meeting Bandi was the best thing that happened to me. Not only he loves me unconditionally, he taught me how to love back, how to let other people to love you the way you are, be honest with your feeling and not to be scared. Loving is trusting. You open your heart to a risk of hurt or betrayal. But to love is a wonderful feeling. It is so powerful it can change your life.

I watched Frozen the other week and I was sobbing like crazy because the movie was so damn good and it taught us that love indeed is a powerful thing. You just have to use it right.

Back to my what-if question, “What if I never met Bandi?”

I would never be born in a world where I would never meet Bandi because his purpose of life is to give my life meaning, and my purpose of life is to give him dreams. Universe meant it to happen.

Oh and I’m sooooo glad I did meet him. :)

“So you like football, huh?” and I played his keychain.

“Yes. Juventus!”

“Ew, bad choice.”

“You?”

“Parma!”

“HUAHAHAHAHA” he mockingly laughed.

I was angry and I accidentally broke his keychain. From that moment on, I was “the Parma girl who broke my keychain” for him and he was “that annoying juventus guy who had a cute keychain” for me.

The rest was history.

Cheers,

May, loving bravely.

Mumpung masih jadi pacar

Katanya kalo udah menikah itu si laki bakal lebih cuek dan nggak se-attentive waktu pacaran, so sekarang mumpung Bandi masih pacar gue, mau gue eksploitasi dulu ah kelucuannya, ketololannya, kesotoy-annya dan penderitaannya menjadi pacar seorang May yang super demanding.

Kemaren ini gue lagi pencet-pencet remote TV trus berhenti di satu channel dimana lagi ada credit film berjalanan di layar dengan lagu Can’t smile without you nya Barry Manilow. Gue langsung “Ih, film apaan ih? Pasti film romantis niiih! Yah udah abis dong!”

Trus Bandi staring at the screen for about 10 seconds ngeliatin nama beberapa cast nya kayak Selma Hayek (cuma itu yang gue inget) dan take note yah ini cuma nama cast aja yang muncul bukan nama role nya. Bandi tiba-tibe nyeletuk “Hellboy 2.”

Gue bales, “Sotoy!!!” terus langsung google jadwal film channel tersebut dan guess what, ternyata bener dong!!!

“You’re such a nerd!!!”

Gue suka bertanya-tanya, sebenernya si Bandi tuh ganteng nggak sih? Perasaan waktu gue pertama kenalan sama dia, dia nggak ganteng sama sekali, kenapa sekarang jadi ganteng? Ganteng banget malah! Ternyata benar, teman, cinta itu buta! Hahahahah

Gue sering tanya ke Bandi, “Ban, lo sebenarnya ganteng nggak sih?”

“Enggak kok, aku gak ganteng.” Dia jawab sok humble.

“Kok di mataku kamu ganteng banget?! Jawab kamu pake pelet apaaa?!!”

Terus kemaren gue lagi sleepover sama si Strawberry, dia nunjukkin gue foto kolega nya sambil bilang, “eh kolega gue yang ini mirip Bandi deh.”

Gue langsung semangat dong liat fotonya trus protes dalam hitungan detik. “ENGGAK MIRIP SAMA SEKALI!!! Kok jahat banget sih lo, encek2 gini lu bilang mirip Bandi?!”

Lalu Strawberry pun membela diri, “Yeee.. dua puluh tahun lagi Bandi bakal jadi gini, saat dia udah tua dan gendut.”

“Eh, jangan-jangan Bandi emang penampakan aslinya kayak gitu ya? JANGAN JANGAN GUE UDAH BUTA?! Tiiidaaaaakkk!!!”

Terus gue cerita ke Bandi dan Bandi komen, “Hmm… Either kamu emang udah buta atau Strawberry yang kurang ajar.”

Pasti deh si Strawberry kurang ajar. Pasti. Pasti. *meyakinkan diri*

Tapi beberapa hari yang lalu ada teman message gue dan bilang, “Setelah bertahun-tahun gue penasaran, kalo Bandi tuh terlihat mirip seseorang, akhirnya gue temukan. Bandi mirip itu tuh, yang main At the Dolphin Bay waktu jaman kita SMA!”

Setelah di-google ternyata nama doi Ambrose Hui dan gue ngakak setengah mati, plus bela-belain bikin foto ini:

Makanya jangan suka bilang nggak suka orang cina.

Kena batunya kan ngatain cowok cina.

Gue kirim ke temen deket dan sambil ngakak bareng gue inget dulu gue sering bilang gue gak demen cowok-cowok cina di drama-drama Taiwan ini dan selalu ngarep suami gue orang Italia yang tanned dan sexy. Apa daya dikasihnya begono sama universe. Hahahaha. Setelah disadarkan sang teman kalo Bandi penampakan aslinya seperti cowok-cowok cina Taiwan/Korea gitu barulah gue sadar, cinta itu emang buta! Karena di otak gue Bandi tuh se-ganteng Henry Cavill! HAHAHAHAH (Nah ini mah udah jelas sodara-sodara… Gue emang buta.)

Jadi pesan moral dari cerita ini adalah…. Cinta itu memang buta sodara-sodara!

Berlanjutlah ke cerita beberapa minggu lalu ketika Bandi dan gue lagi ngomongin wedding lalu gue nyeletuk, “Eh katanya wedding itu adalah hari dimana I become princess for a day. I don’t want that.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to be a princess for a day! I wanna be your princess for EVERYDAY in my life. Camkan itu Bandi! I am a princess for everyday in YOUR LIFE.” Huwahahaah! (lalu diikuti dengan tawa menggelegar cetar membahana)

Bandi was like… “what the hell have I got myself into?”

Sebagai pacar, Bandi cukup kreatif dan maksimal dalam menggunakan LINE sticker.

I asked him to go home after football because I already made him breakfast.

I asked him to go home after football because I already made him breakfast.

Asked for a permission to play football on hazy day.

Asked for a permission to play football on hazy day.

I have one more funny story but this would only be funny if you have LINE’s sticker yang Cony and Brown Secret date. (Never mind, I snapshot and post it here)

Jadi waktu itu di Singapore semua orang dapet gratisan sticker ini, terus Bandi langsung panggil gue di LINE, dengan noraknya dia kirimin gue semua sticker yang ada.

Page One

Page One

He said, “Basically I have already done everything Brown has done in page one.”

Page Two.

Page Two.

Then he sent another batch of stickers. “And also page two.”

Page Three.

Page Three.

Another batch of stickers, “And some in page three.”

Page Four.

Page Four.

Another batch of stickers, “And page four.”

And then he stopped. I asked him, “What about page five?”

He replied, “Hmm… Intriguing. But I won’t go there.”

HAHAHAHA. One hell of smart guy!

Wanna know what is Page Five? Here it is!

Page Five.

Page Five. LOL

Jadi, selesai sudah posting-an saya yang cukup tidak berbobot. (Salahkan pledge gue untuk post a week!) Lumayan buat keketawa-an dan jadi bikin pengen buru-buru pulang ketemu si Bandi yang lucu, sotoy, dan super ganteng (refer to bacaan kedua.)

Tha Tha for now!

Cheers,
May, who is blindly in love.

Preparing to be Mr and Mrs Cahaya

Ten months to our wedding day… Beside picking the perfect flowers, the perfect gown and the perfect entrée, there is one thing I consider to be the most important thing for preparing myself to be Mrs. Cahaya, that is: having the talk.

The talk, when we discuss about how our finances would be planned, how we’re gonna raise our kids, how important sexual relationship would take part, where are we gonna be retired, who is gonna take care of our parents, and so on and so on.

I read this blog about a week ago and I have waited for a perfect time to ask Bandi to do the 100 questions. He had been busy with work lately so I asked him to spend the whole Saturday with me. He thought that we would only talk about the London itinerary which was half true but I had an ulterior motive too.

Actually I told him about the book on Saturday morning and that I had the extracted 100 questions that I wanted to discuss with him, but he went suddenly defensive and said something like “Why are you still questioning me? I thought we’re passed that.”

I told him not to judge before he even read the questions. This book was supposed to help us to prepare for marriage. He insisted that he was ready and he didn’t need any shrink to tell him about marriage. I kept arguing with him that I believe in human brain and logic for preparing the marriage. I know heart is number one to follow when you wanted to marry someone, whether you love him or not, but brain is what keeps you IN THE MARRIAGE.

In the end, I decided to not argue more and just dropped it.

We went to Starbucks for another brainstorming session of our Europe Trip. After we finished our UK itinerary, he apologized for being such an ass earlier, I said I’m not in the mood anymore for discussing the book’s question, but then Bandi bought us a Les Miserablés tickets for our London trip so yeah, I was suddenly in the good mood. LOL.

We moved to a restaurant and ate and started the first question. It was quite fun, and then we continued to the next question and the next question and the next question and Bandi admitted it, this is fun.

Here’s the 100 questions from the book, if you want to download it and do it with your fiance/fiancée.

Now, let me sum up the best long talk I had with Bandi last weekend. (We actually paused the questions because there wasn’t enough time on Saturday and we continued on Sunday) We spent about total of 10 hours discussing the questions, moved from Dim Sum Restaurant to Ramen place to Fruit Tart. So yeah, it was one sweet (and fattening) weekend.

First of all, it hit me that there were things that I didn’t expect Bandi would say and it calmed me down that there were things that Bandi knew about me so well that he could speak my words. It was like a fun rollercoaster ride.

We argued a lot in a part of how we are gonna be raising our kid(s). He kept saying like “If he skipped school..” or “I will ask him to…” and then I snapped, “Why do you keep using male pronouns?”

“Because I want a son!”

“That is so not fair! So if we had a daughter, you would so gonna resent her?”

“Of course I won’t….” silence, “BUT, I would love a son.”

“SEE? You want a son because you want to play football with him. You thought girls can’t play football!” And then there was a never-ending argument about a child that wasn’t even born yet.

And there was this question:

“Have there been times when you were uncomfortable with the way I behaved with the opposite sex? If so, when and what did I do?”

We both said “No.” And I love that. =)

Bandi and I never had any issue for going out with opposite sex. I have a lot of guy friends and he has a lot of female friends and we love how we are totally comfortable with each other’s friends.

And there was this question:

“How are we different? Could this be a source of future conflict? Do our differences complement each other?”

We took so long to discuss this one because sometimes our differences are the source of conflict while the other times, they complement each other. So this is tricky, however I suggest not to stop the discussion and jump to the next question if we were not fully satisfied with the outcome. In terms of characters, we complement each other. When we travel, Bandi is good with maps, I’m not. Bandi can’t plan, I can. Bandi is messy, I am organized. Bandi is physically strong, I am not really. I always think that we are perfect as travel buddy. When we cook, Bandi is usually the executor, he was the one who cooked while I prepped. When he finished with knife, I would at once washed it. It’s just automatic in everything we do like we’re in a team.

However we are different in our logic. There were so many times when our logical differences caused a big argument and often a fight. Come to think of it now, I can’t even name one… I have this tendency to forget what we were fighting about. So I guess, no matter how different we are, we would always find ways to compromise and meet in the middle.

And there were more questions:

“Would you prefer to live in the city, the country, or by the beach? Why?”

Before I answered it, Bandi spoke for me, “you would prefer city. You’re a city girl.” and then he grinned. He’s right. “So we settle for that now.”

“If we are unable to have children, should we adopt?”

Both answered without hesitation, “YES.”

“How would you react if our son or daughter told us they were gay?”

We actually talked about this before and we both tried to accept it for the sake of our kid.

“What are your views on pornography?”

Bandi answered easily, “I love it.” LOL.

I was okay with that anyway.

There were a lot of questions related to how our parents treated each other. Sadly in this part, we both didn’t have a lot of things to learn from but it was nice for us to figure it out ourselves. Like how are we gonna ground our children, what justifies our kid to be grounded and how much freedom we would give our children, etc. It’s good to know that Bandi and I are prepared for this, even though we don’t have that much references.

We talked a lot in this area, especially when this question came: “How did your family resolve conflicts when you were growing up? Do you approve or disapprove of that method? what will you change or not change to resolve conflicts in your future family?”

We disapproved most of the method that both our families used to resolve the conflict and we were thinking what was the better way to do it and discussed the sample case.

And then there was this question:

“Is there anything about marriage that frightens you?”

Bandi said “No.” And I answered, “The concept that I must live together with only one person for the rest of my life.”

He asked again, “That frightens you? And don’t you think that’s a problem?”

“Here’s the thing. I also always feel that I can never get enough of you. I always want to be close to you. Never once in my life I want to be somewhere else but to be here with you. So the concept of living together with ONLY WITH you for the rest of my life really excites me. That’s a paradox, right?”

This morning, a close friend texted me, “Now that you’re getting married, are you ready?”

I answered, “100% ready. Can’t wait to be Mrs. Cahaya.” And then we talked about how this is so funny. Two years ago, with the same guy, the same condition, I said I’m not ready. Then why am I ready now?

Then the paradox concept becomes clearer. Let’s say there is an apple, half rotten, half juicy, sweet and ripe. Two years ago, I saw the apple from the north side, where I could only see the rotten part, and then I was moving slowly towards the south side so I was leaving the rotten part and started to see the juicy part. Now, I’m fully standing in the south and looking at the juice, sweet apple. The apple never changes a bit. The apple is a marriage.

There are always bad and good things about marriage. Two years ago, I preferred to only see the bad side, thus the concept of living with only one person frightens me. Now, I prefer to see the good side, so I think not only the concept is frightening, it is also exciting.

The concept of marriage itself never changes. I change my point of view.

The apple itself never moved. I moved my position.

Enough with that, let’s move to the other question, this one’s a funny one:

“What is nagging? Do I nag? How does it make you feel?”

I answered first, “Nope, you almost never nag.” And then Bandi showed his smug face “You nag almost all the time. Here’s an example. Bandi I’m hungry, come home fast.

“Then just tell me you couldn’t come home fast.”

“Then you would say… It’s okay then, I would just starve… with your dramatic voice,”

And after I laughed so hard, I told him, “Seriously, next time you could just say no and go hang out with your friends.”

“I don’t want to do that because I promised long time ago that you’re my top priority.”

Awwwwwwww!!!!

And then, here’s the last part of the summary:

“What health problems do you have?”

Bandi asnwered, “I have a heart problem.”

And I was shocked.

“My heart is full of you, that’s the problem.”

HAHAHAHAHA! Nice move, Bandi! But you’re still paying the Ramen! XD

After we finished the 100 questions, now Bandi wants it more so I placed an order for the book in bookdepository.

I can’t wait for the book to arrive!!! I will post again when the book arrives, okay?!

For all the bride and groom to be, I may not be able to share tips for choosing wedding venue or wedding favors and stuff but I hope this question would do you good. This is one of the best preparation for your marriage. Don’t skip this part. Enjoy that deep conversation with the love of your life! ;)

Cheers,

May, the happy fiancée.

Effortlessly Beautiful

Disclaimer:

This is a repost I made back then on June 2012. I feel like bringing this post back to the current timeline because I had done something terrible that I’m not proud of. I just want to remind everyone (and myself) that we don’t need to feel insecure (even though you’re on PMS) of what other people said. This post brings smile on my face, I hope it does the same to you. =)

Growing up, I’ve never been the pretty one. I grew up okay, with crooked teeth and pimples on my face. My skin has always been tanned because I was always out, playing basketball or chasing kites. I was so freakin happy, I didn’t realize I was physically unattractive. My mom never taught me how to take care of my skin or how to do hair and stuff and my sister went off for college. I was growing up with so many guy friends and not so girly girl friends. I never had boyfriends until high school.

I fixed my teeth with braces and tried to comb my hair everyday (Yes I was so carefree I didn’t even comb my hair sometimes) when I reached puberty and I was hopelessly having major crush with a guy in high school. Anyway I never feel beautiful. I only know and feel that I am a very cool girl that guys like to hang out with, talk about football with and of course they would chase my friends instead of me.

Comes to think of it, I’m so thankful with the way I grew up. I never overrate beauty. I always believe it’s what’s inside that matter, that physical appearance can  deceive you. Unfortunately I was taking it too seriously by never taking care of my body, which is wrong. It is true that physical appearance can’t tell who you really are, but it is good to look presentable. But beauty is another thing, it is what’s inside. It is the way you laugh and the way you appreciate what really matters in life. And if no guys could see it, then he’s probably not the one.
I appeared to be a little cynical about love back then. (Come on I was teenage and having fun with my girlfriends was all I wanted.) So having a boyfriend never came across my mind. Seeing so many heartbroken stories and facts that guys were assholes and jerks, I thought I would never meet my prince charming. Until I was 20, there were still no prince charming coming with white horse, but deep down inside I still believed in love like fairy tale. Everynight I was daydreaming and creating love story plot. It changes everyday, but the prince would always the same. The guy who will see me the way I am.
Meeting Bandi was a lifechanging moment of my life. I finally understand the feeling of being beautiful without even trying.

It’s true that make up could make you look pretty, but does it make you feel pretty? I admit I wear make up since I was in college, once in a while. Whenever me and my girls went clubbing or attended a party or special events. Make up does make you look presentable, and yeah realllllly make you look good in the photos. But wearing make up every single day of your life is sad. That way, make up is not something fancy to boost up your presentation points, that way, make up is a mask that you wear everyday because you don’t love the way you look originally. When you’re wearing make up to gym, you know you have a problem.

I can’t judge that everyone who wears make up have a low self esteem. I know for some people doing make up is hobby, while some others do have a problem with self esteem.
So since we talk about beauty  I believe we must have stumbled on make up pep talk. Ok, so beauty is overrated. Why do girls want to look pretty? They are either want boys to notice them, or they want to take photos and post it on facebook.
Let me tell you the moment when I feel pretty the most. It was drizzling and i haven’t showered since morning. I was so tired of working my temp job attending ticket counter. At first I didnt know anyone staring at me from afar. But then I realize Bandi has been standing there (I dont know how long) waiting for my shift to end. He smiled at me when I looked at him. He has this look on his eyes that I can’t describe with words. I felt so beautiful by the way he looked at me. He stared at me like he never see a beautiful girl before. This may sound very stupid, but in my life til date, I never feel prettier than that moment. I wanted to describe more about the moment, but I stopped on my keyboard just now, didn’t know what to type. The bottom line is, I felt so beautiful just by the way he looked at me. It’s something magical and unexplainable. (I know unexplainable is not even a word. So, see? no words can describe I have to make up a word!)
And anyway, since that day, I always be effortlessly beautiful.
After that moment, I never have issue with my self esteem, with my pimples or my crooked teeth. When people comments about them, I just said, it’s how I look, like it or not.
When shallow people I met preach me to buy expensive skin care, or push me to lose weight or ask me to stop playing under the sun because I’m so tanned, I never listen to them. I only smile and nod and sometime say “you think so?” so they won’t feel rejected.
But the truth is, there is only one person out there whose thought of my beauty I really mind. And I know in his eyes, I will always be beautiful no matter what. So why bother of what other people say?

Beauty is overrated. Magazines and E! make people think that being beautiful is about fair skin, perfect hair, flawless make up and skinny body. Well people have to start differentiate between beautiful and presentable. If you’re an actress, of course you have to look presentable so people will enjoy seeing you and adore your beauty. But do we expect normal people to be that expensive-pretty too? No way we cannot afford that silliness, financially and mentally. We’re normal people! We just need to find someone who sees us the way we are. And then, we will always be effortlessly beautiful.

Remember what Dr.Seuss said, …for those who mind dont matter and who matter dont mind. :)

Someday all the pretty girls will be old and wrinkly and all the botox in this world can’t save their perfect faces. But you could always have that guy who always sees you with that sparkling eyes, timelessly.

He will see you, in your late seventies, just as beautiful as when you were twenty. No matter what, you will always be effortlessly beautiful in his eyes.
Once you’ve found that guy, don’t ever let go. He’s the one.
I have always been a believer. Love is what changes my life from a sucky cynical crap to what I am now (still the same crap. LOL)
Written with smile,
May.16th June 2012

Jesse and Celine

This post starts with a conversation with a friend.

Him: Have you watched Before Midnight?

Me: No, I haven’t. Is it good? (So afraid that it would ruin the two pre-quels)

Yes. It is.

(exhale in relieve)

I did re-watch Before Sunrise a couple weeks ago. Tonight I will re-watch Before Sunset to prepare for the finale, Before Midnight.

Yeah, you should.

My favorite is still Before Sunrise though.

No way! I like Before Sunset more!

Why?

Before Sunset is more real and they are truly re-connected.

And then we argued for a while… on and on and on about the movie.

Well, I assume everybody has already watched Before Sunrise and Before Sunset, if not, then you should. NOW. Seriously, NOW. It’s my all-time favorite movie, to be followed by “A Lot Like love” and oh please stop me or I could list out all my favorite Romantic movies.

I’ve always thought that my favorite from these two is Before Sunrise. The conversation was so deep and it felt like they were trying to tell each other as much as they could since they would be parting soon.

Anyway, I watched Before Sunset again the other night and I hate to admit it but I switched my favorite from Before Sunrise to Before Sunset. My friend was right when he said they are re-connected. How did I forget this?

The chemistry between Jesse and Celine had never been questioned since the first movie, when they met in the train to Vienna. The whole movie was beautiful, romantic and epic. I first watched it when I was 19 years old. And then I watched the sequel and I didn’t really like it because it was the reality.

Jesse and Celine met again 9 years after the Vienna night and Jesse was married with one kid and Celine was a slightly-depressed neurotic environmentalist.

The weird thing is… now that I watched it in my almost 30 age, I love Before Sunset better, because it’s more real and they no longer live in a fantasy and the connection between the two of them are stronger than ever.

This is my favorite part:

I guess when you’re young, you just believe there’ll be many people with whom you’ll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.

OH GOD that’s so true. When I was young and naive I believed that I would connect with a lot of people and god I couldn’t be more wrong! Now that I got older, I knew that it was only FEW PEOPLE. And how I should have treasured them.

And there was a saying by Jesse (but I couldn’t find this quote in IMDB but more or less he said, “I read a research about a pattern of people’s character. There are two oppsoite guys and they are given a surprise. One is given one million dollars lottery and one is suddenly became paraplegic. Sure they change at that moment, but after 6 months when they already get used to it, they start to become themselves again. One is still a happy optimistic guy now living with a wheelchair while the other one is still a sad miserable asshole, just having a new Cadilac.”

And then I thought God, That is so true too!! I have met some pessimistic people and no matter how hard I tried to change their perception about how to be grateful and stuffs, in the end they will turn back to the oldselves.

There is although a thing that I don’t agree… which is they seem to be perfect to each other, until they cannot be happy or connected with other people. Yeah it’s true that Jesse is (unhappily) married and Celine has a relationship but they still long for each other. And Celine said, “The concept is absurd. The idea that we can only be complete with another person is evil!

Which is true that is evil. But were we really created only for one person?

I always thought Bandi was created specially and customized for me, but Was I for him? I don’t think so. I always think I was created for certain number of people because of the way I connect with more than one people.

Because if the concept was right, then what happened if that person died, Would I be miserable for the rest of my life? PURE EVIL, right?!

Anyway the movie was inspired by the director’s own story, but this one ended tragically. read here.

Yesterday night, I finally watched the sequel which is Before Midnight and I enjoyed every single word of their conversation. Again, I could relate my relationship with Celine and Jesse. Celine is now a 51 feminist wife and a mother of cute twin girls. Apparently Celine and Jesse are not married but they have twin girls because she was accidentally got pregnant (that makes more sense now because I always thought she won’t ever get married) They fought about Jesse wanting to move back to Chicago (They live in Paris now) because Jesse doesn’t want to miss too many things with his son, Henry. This is the first time we see Jesse and Celine fighting.

Let’s start with Bandi laughing meaningfully when Jesse criticized Celine about her control freak, Celine was complaining about all the house chores she has done and Jesse talked back, “Because you never let me!” And Bandi snorted.

Celine was complaining about how she must pack her bag, the girls’ bags and Jesse would only do his. And Jesse shouted, “Because you wouldn’t let me pack their bags.” Bandi snorted again. So yeah, apparently I am a feminist neurotic control freak just like Celine.

And then Jesse said, “I am fully committed to you and the girls. If you asked me a list of your annoying habits, I could come up with thousands, but I LOVE YOU unconditionally.” And Bandi grinned at me. That’s what he always say and I always annoyingly question it like Celine.

And then Jesse did some cute thing (I wouldn’t tell for the spoiler) and Celine snapped, “This is what you do. You’re being cute, get into my panties and then BOOM! I’m moved to Chicago.”

WTF! I snap at Bandi too, “Is that what you do? You’re being cute and I fall in love with you and BOOM! I’m moved to Palembang? WTF! That’s so true! And I’m marrying him! Oh MAN!!

And then there was a very funny part when Celine was so scared that she would become a submissive housewife and Jesse replied, “Oh please, it would be easier to put your head in the oven than turning you to be anything submissive,” SUPER LOL.

Oh I love them, I love Jesse and Celine.

However, I enjoyed the movie and I love the conversation between these 8 persons having dinner about the fact that people still believes in Romantic love nowadays. It’s true that the love might not last as long as in the old century but the most important is, romantic love still exists. It doesn’t matter how long it will last, how did you do it (with skype or whatever) but to know that people do love passionately and to live with it.

The idea of loving someone itself calms me down.

In my world where people got married because they “have been in a relationship for certain time” or because “they are in certain age” or because “Her goal is just to be married.” (and may I highlight one more time that there are no correlation between marriage and romantic love.) I still do believe that romantic love truly exists. It might be a funny place but I have found some true romantic love from the bloggers friends whose blogs I’ve been religiously reading on. The ways are surely various but the feeling must be the same. Like when you can’t stop think about someone ALL THE TIME. I mean it, all the time.

I’m thinking about Bandi all the time. I just can’t stop. I’m crazy.

I may be neurotic but I dare to love. That makes sense why I love you like crazy. Seriously CRAZY. (hey, because I’m neurotic right? funny pun?)

But seriously, I AM SERIOUSLY UNDOUBTLY SCARILY in love with you, like CRAZY.

Cheers,

May, neurotic and in love.

The movie marathon set me up in the romantic mood.

The movie marathon set me up in the romantic mood.

So you thought this only happens in movie?

Disclaimer: Open your mind before you read. Everything happens for reason. This is one of them.

This post has been in the draft page for a year. Seriously. A year. I am so scared of people’s judgemental comments and the fact that Bandi’s sucky friend would start to talk about me behind my back again. But then I thought, hey, I’m not 20 years old anymore. I’ve grown up, they’ve grown up. I must publish this post just for the sake of closure.

I wanted to name this post “September Roller Coaster: Season Finale” for some reason but then I went with ” So you thought this only happens in movie?” for a funny catch.

So here it is…

[All the words in green below is written on July 2012]

We will have to go back to a post that was originally posted on 4th September 2006, but then being asked to be removed by some people (not Bandi) because, well they simply couldn’t handle it. However, I left the other short post alive.

This is a beautiful love story. Why we need to erase this story and pretend this never happened?

Bandi was okay when I asked, can I post that story again? He said, nobody will ever question or doubt your love to me as your facebook is full of “dishes that I cook for Bandi”, “Bandi’s breakfast”, “Bandi’s lunch”, and “Bandi’s dinner.”

“Come on! You love me too much. That’s just history.”

So, first of all, you all need to read this post I made back then in 2006. I didn’t edit any of the words AT ALL so we all can feel the juvenile atmosphere. So pardon some of my misspelling. :p

[All the words in purple below is written on September 2006]

Our Love story is OURS…

1 September 2006

Gw tepuk bahunya dua kali, “Boleh kenalan gak?” trus gw julurin deh tangan gw.

Dia kaget setengah mati. Dalam keadaan yang penuh keringat dia jabat tangan gw. Masih terlalu senang karena masuk final sekaligus amazed ada cewe segila gw yang berjalan melewati GSG yang crowded dan nyamperin dia yang lagi celebrate victory bareng temen2nya.

“Alex.”

“Maytri. Boleh minta nomor Hpnya?”

It was just a joke. It was a bet that I made with my friend. Yes! Gw dibayarin makan gratis di sentra! Linni, Cipen, Litta, en semua yang ada di GSG ternganga liat kejadian itu. Karena emang cuma orang gila yang berani malu kuadrat hanya untuk tarohan makan gratis di Sentra.

Unpar baru aja kalah dari Binus,, en gw malah ngajakin kenalan anak Binus karena tarohan makan di Sentra???

But I did it! And I’m so thankful that I did it.

Karena kalo engga,, gak akan ada dua hari penuh magical itu.

~~~

Gak nyangka pas sorenya gw ke Sentra atas, gw ketemu segerombolan tim Binus yang lagi makan. Anjiiir, gw malu! Koor ‘cieeeeh’ langsung terdengar gitu.

Gak lama ada cewe yang nyamperin gw bawa digicam dan nanya, “Boleh minta fotonya gak?”

“Hmm… Boleh, tapi gw mawnya foto berdua!”

What the hell I was thinking???

Anak2 Binus ngompor2in Alex untuk foto sama gw, akhirnya dia nyamperin gw dan duduk di sebelah gw, dan acara foto-foto pun dimulai.

I still can’t believe that happened.

Setelah itu, temen2 gw en temen2 dia ninggalin kita berdua.

Gw dan Alex… Alex dan gw…

Ternyata kita itu…. orang yang pernah ketemu di kehidupan yang dulu??? Bisa dibilang gitu? Hmm,, kayanya….

Semua keluar dengan mudahnya… Gw cerita segala hal, semua prinsip hidup, apa yang maw gw accomplish dalam hidup, kuliah gw, novel gw, SEMUA!

Dia juga… tentang komiknya, seberapa cinta dia sama voli, darah rendah-nya, nyokapnya, temen2nya, impian dia…

Percaya gak sih kita ngobrol hampir 4 jam padahal gw baru aja kenal dia???

He keeps saying, “Hmm… Lucu… Lucu…”

Emang, semuanya lucu banget yah, Lex?

Then, dia anter gw pulang… yang lebih anehnya lagi, gw tanya, “Maw mampir dulu?”

“Boleh… liat-liat…”

Dan gw ninggalin dia di kamar gw sendirian!!! Gila kan?! Padahal gw baru kenal!!!

“Lo tunggu di sini dulu yah, gw maw cuci muka.”

How could you be so comfort with someone whom you just met?

Di saat itulah dia bilang, “Kalo suka sama seseorang, kita harus bilang perasaan kita.” Prinsip yang sama dengan gw!

Dia liat-liat nametag gw, origami gw, foto-foto gw, mengenal gw lebih dalam hanya dengan hitungan menit.

Gw kasih dia origami bikinan gw. Bintang warna-warni yang segede kepalan tangan. Disimpen yah, Lex!!!

Terus edwin dateng ngejemput. Gw, Linni, Cipen en Edwin maw pergi jalan2, so sekalian anter Alex ke wisma tempat dia nginep.

Hmm,, say goodbye is always the hardest thing to do. Tapi gw taw bakal ketemu lagi besok pas final.

Baru aja sampe tempat makan bubur, sms bunyi, “ALeX”

Malem itu kita ngobrol, kalo kita kayak udah kenal lama banget… We said sweet things. Dan gw tidur sambil senyum…..

2 September 2006

Ketemu Alex lagi!!! Mukanya lagi stress berat karena tegang maw final lawan atma jaya. Dengan sepenuh hati gw teriak2 waktu dia tanding, sampe pita suara gw rasanya maw putus.

2 set pertama Atma menang, 2 set selanjutnya Binus menang, set ke-5 jadi penentuan… Skor ngalamin deuce beberapa kali, sumpah tegang banget!! Huhuhu, sayang banget akhirnya Atma menang… Rasanya gw maw nangis… Padahal dia cerita kalo dia pengen banget ngalahin Atma karena temen deket dia yang dulu satu klub Voli bareng dia waktu SMU ada di atma, namanya Patrick. Mereka temen baik, tapi pas di lapangan, tetep aja rival. Yoi gak, Lex? (That’s what you said)

~~~

Alex shock, dan karena darah rendahnya, dia pingsan. DANG! Sumpah, gw takut banget, mungkin that was the moment that I realize that He meant something!!

Gw ikut waktu dia digotong ke Korgala, dan dengan segenap keberanian gw masuk ke Korgala,, ketemuin dia. Gw nemenin dia sampe dia bangun, en balik ke GSG.

Sampe pintu GSG, I said goodbye. Dia masuk ke GSG, ada acara serah terima piala, dll…

Gw jalan ke sentra, karena ditunggu Linni, Cipen en Litta di sana… Sesaat gw mikir… “IS THAT IT?” Udahkah? Ini endingnya? Apa iya abis ini gw gak ketemu dia lagi???

Koq dada gw rasanya sesak yah?

Duduk di Sentra, nemenin anak2 makan, gw kayak mau nangis… pengen liat dia lagi…

Tiba-tiba, HP bunyi… “ALeX” CALLING

WAAAAA!!!!

“Maytri! Lo dimana?”

“Di Sentra bawah… kenapa?”

“Gw mau ngenalin lo sama Patrick.”

“Kapan? Sekarang?”

“Iya…”

Gak lama kemudian dia samperin gw di sentra, en ngajak gw balik ke GSG, maw dikenalin ke Patrick.

Gw nanya, “dapet medali gak?” karena dia ngoleksi medali hasil tanding Voli.

“Enggak, dapet piala…”

“Oooh… sayang yah. Tapi gak apa-apa, cuma lo satu2nya pemain yang dapet bintang.”

“Hah, bintang?” dia bingung.

“Heeh, bintang warna-warni yang gw kasih kemaren.”

Sampe di GSG, gw dikenalin sama orang yang udah dia anggep kembarannya. Hmm,, gw juga jadi pengen kenalin dia ke Ucup, my best friend.

Setelah itu, we were unseparatable. Kita makan di sentra, dia cerita macem2 dari jokes2 goblok, cerita hantu, masa kecil, mantan2 pacar, en ngajak jalan.

Trus kita ke kost gw dulu, baru deh jalan (dalam keadaan gw gak mandi, en dia juga settingan abis tanding Voli. Hahahaha), rencananya maw ke de Kosmo en ke IP. Waktu nunggu angkot, dia suruh gw pake jaket dia, karena dia tau gw gampang masuk angin. Dan dia bilang, “Gw suka liat cewek pake jaket cowo…” So sweeeet… Karena udah malem, akhirnya naek St.hall-Ciumbuleuit yang belok, nah… gw kan gak taw harus naek apa pas turun di gandok, jadilah gw minta Alex bwat sms cipen. Pas itu ada cowok en cewek yang duduk di depan kita di dalam angkot. Cowoknya nanya, “maw ke IP?”

“He-eh.” Gw jawab.

“Nanti bareng saya aja… maw ke IP juga koq…”

Jadilah orang itu ngajak ngobrol. Ternyata yang cowok itu anak Hukum ’89 en ceweknya Ars 2002. Yang bikin gw seneng, mereka pikir gw en Alex itu teman satu SMU, padahal baru aja kenal… hehe.

Sampe di De Kosmo, kita cuma muter2 doang liat makanan, tapi gw gak taw maw makan apa, jadi kita langsung ke IP. Dari situ dia udah mulai sering nurunin bando gw. Nyebelin… tapi ngangenin. :p

Dari de Kosmo ke IP kita jalan… talked about stuff like falling in love and so on…

Pas di ditulah gw bilang, “Lex… lo muncul di saat yang tepat banget yah…”

Sampe IP, Alex terus2an becanda, Gosh, he was so funny! Kita ke food court, akhirnya gw laper… gw pesen McD deh. For the first time of my life, rasa fillet o fish datar banget!!! Aneh…

Di food court itulah pembicaraan tentang ‘apakah kita berdua ini mungkin?’ dimulai.

Bisa gak kita long distance?

Apa iya kita itu jodoh?

Blah3x… Yang pasti saat itu, I didn’t give a damn, gw cuma maw nikmatin apa yang ada sekarang… That I’m with him… And I’m extremely happy in an actual definition.

“Maytri… fotobox yuks!”

Hahahaha! Gw seneng banget waktu dia bilang itu!!!

“Yuks! Cepetan sebelum tutup!” krn skrg emang udah jam 9! Buru2lah kentangnya diabisin en ngacir ke M Studio. Pas jalan ke M itulah dia bilang, “Seandainya kita berada di kota yang sama… gw pasti udah nembak lo…”

seandainya… seandainya….

“Lex… lo taw perasaan gw ke elo, kan?”

“Taw kok… gw juga suka sama lo… gw happy sama lo.”

“Gw gak suka sama lo kok… mungkin bakal kdengeran stupid, tapi… gw udah jatuh cinta sama lo…”

To qoute “A Lot Like Love”…

If you’re not stupid, then you don’t deserve to be in love.

Dalam waktu kurang dari 2×24 jam, May??? How come??? Gw sendiri masih belum percaya,, tapi gw yang ngerasain!!!

Ini fotobox-nya!

Ini fotobox-nya!

~~~

Beres fotobox,, dia ngajak gw ke GAME MASTER!!! Uuuuh! Buat orang2 yang mengenal gw dgn baik,, pasti taw kalo gw maw banget ngedate maen game! Gw kaget banget!

I always wanted to go to this kind of place on my date!!!

Damn you Alex, for making tonight so perfect!

Di game master kita maen macem2, dia ngajak gw maen DDR Drum machine itu loh! Gw kan gak bisa, “Gak maw aaah! Gak bisaaa!”

“Gw juga, udah, coba aja!! Apa sih yang gak bisa?”

Bener…. bener banget!

Truz maen racing, truz kita maen PANIC PARK!!! Oh I love that game!!!! Lucu banget! Semua orang HARUS, WAJIB nyoba maen game itu!!! Gw maen ampe dengkul gw biru en keringetan… Hosh… Hosh… And he did sweet thing that moment :)

Liat gw keringetan, dia nyeka keringet gw pake tangannya!!! Mampus gak tuh! Anjiir lu, Lex! Dasar buaya darat!!

Kita di game master sampe game master tutup, en pas keluar game master, IP udah gelap. Hahaha!

Gw inget pas turun eskalator, Alex ngomong, “Seandainya lo cewek gw…”

Huaaaaaaaaaa!! Iya… seandainya…. T.T

“Umm… sebenernya bisa koq, kalo emang lo maw…”

“Emang lo maw coba LD??” DANG! Bingung dah gw ditanya begitu. Prinsip gw tuh, amit2 gw sampe LD! Gak sanggup gw…

“Lex… kalo gw bilang gw maw… gw gak yakin bisa, gw gak maw nantinya ngerusak 2 hari yang perfect ini. Tapi kalo gw bilang gak maw… gw gak maw kehilangan lo…”

Hiks, dilemma.

I just don’t want to ruin it,, so please,, don’t talk about it.

Dari IP naek angkot sekali, turun di gandok… dia cerita kalo sebenernya pas tanding dia maw meluk gw… :) jujur yah, Lex… sebenernya waktu di GSG itu, gw udah maw nyamperin lo sebelum lo tanding…

~~~

Dari gandok kita jalan… sepanjang jalan, we held hand in hand. Saat itu gw sadar… dalam beberapa menit, dia bakal pergi dari kehidupan gw.

2 hari yang gila ini bakal berakhir….

Sepanjang jalan, kita ngobrol… saat2 dimana gw paling merasa nyaman bersama dia… gw bisa cerita semua hal yang gw gak kepikiran… saat2 dia bisa cerita jokes2 gobloknya, en kalo gw bilang, “Lo goblok banget seh, Lex!” dia bakal jawab, “Iyalah, gw kan IPS…”

“TERUUUUS??? Gw juga!” Hahaha,, sering banget yah Lex…

Dia juga nanya, kapan gw first kiss… Gw bilang, gak pernah… Gw bilang gw mau first kiss gue sama suami gue, trus dia ketawain se-tolol-tololnya. Kurang ajar.

Gw inget every detail semua kejadian yang terjadi 2 hari itu, pas di depan premierre, dia bilang, “Mungkin kita emang jodoh yaa…”

Huhuhu…. iya! Iya! Pasti!

Sampe kosan, dia nelpon taxi… en nunggu di kamar sambil merenung, huaaa,, abis ini kita gak akan ketemu lagi. Dia bakal ke Enhai, nginep semalem en besok siang pulang ke Jakarta.

Dia minta pendapat gw apakah dia harus ngelepasin Voli karena dia sibuk banget sama DKV en kegiatan2 dia… Dia ngerasa gak sanggup kalo semuanya tetep dijalanin. En gw bilang, “JANGAN!!!”

“Kenapa?”

Inget kan Lex, jawaban kita? Kita ngomong sama-sama…

Karena gara-gara Voli, kita ketemu…

Jujur yah, Lex… gw gak pernah bilang ini ke elo, taw gak… Gw suka banget liat lo maen Voli… Penuh semangat, selalu bisa ngebangkitin semangat tim lo. So, jangan dilepasin yaah… Lo menginspirasi gw untuk tetep semangat dalam hidup. Lo yang selalu bilang ke gw kan, apapun yang terjadi, gw harus semangat.

Gw terdiam cukup lama, mikir… apa jadinya hidup gw setelah ini… Setelah gw ketemu soulmate gw, terus ditinggal… Disorder kayak apa yang nanti bakal gw rasain…?

Tiba-tiba… He kissed me.

It just happened.

Dia cium pipi gw. A stolen kiss… Nggak pernah terpikir kalau pertama kali dicium cowok bakal stolen kiss…

Taw gak, saat itu, jantung gw pindah posisi ke perut. GOD, gw gak pernah ngerasain perut gw tiba2 mules banget kayak diaduk2 pake sendok semen! Muka gw pasti cengo banget saat itu. Sekitar 5 detik gw mencerna semuanya, gw pukul paha Alex kenceng banget. “BABI LO LEX!!! Itu first kiss gw yaaaa!!!!”

Alex cengar-cengir aja. “Kan di pipi,, yang di bibir buat suami lo..”

Gw rasa itu lucu banget… hihihi… Alex… Alex… dasar orang gila!

“Lex, lo gila ya?!”

“Gara-gara siapa gue gila?”

Hmm,, gw gak akan lupa every single word that you said, Lex..

Kita berdua gila. Bukan elo doang. Gue juga gila…

Sedihnya, Hpnya bunyi, ditelpon sama Blue Bird. Damn! Kenapa sih sinyal hari itu mesti bagus!! T.T

Gw anter dia ke depan… sebelum naek taxi, gw peluk dia eraaaaaaat banget… Gak maw gw lepasin rasanya… sampe mati juga.

But I had to… And I let him go…

Pcaya apa engga, pas taxi udah pergi, air mata gak berhenti2nya turun selama 10 menit ke depan. Gw kayak orang goblok yang ngegembok pintu sambil nangis, terus ngetok2 kamar Linni. “Liiiin….”

Pas Linni buka pintu kamar dan ngeliat tampang gw yang udah banjir banget, dia langsung shock. “Ya ampun, Maaay! Lo kenapa? Diapain lo sama Alex???”

Diapain sama Alex…?

Dicium?

Ditinggal?

Apa yah?

Hmm…. Dibikin jatuh cinta…

3 September 2006

Call me crazy, pas Alex bangun jam 10 pagi (si BABI emang), gw langsung ngacir ke Enhai, dianter Billy… (THANKS a lot Bil!!!!)

Gw ketemu dia untuk yang terakhir kali… Ngeyakinin kita berdua kalo gak mungkin bisa long distance, so… it’s that last time we said goodbye. Pas jalan di koridor enhai, dia nurunin bando gw lagi… Gw kesel banget karena rambut gw jadi berantakan, tapi gw taw… jailnya dia itu bakal ngangenin.

Gw gak bisa lama2, ditunggu Billy, so gw harus pulang. Dia anter gw ke motor, dan untuk yang terakhir kali juga, gw peluk dia lagi… Lex, lo harus tau kalo saat itu gw nahanin nangis. Entah kenapa gw gak maw nangis di depan lo… Mungkin karena gw gak maw image ‘crayon orange’ gw di mata lo rusak.

Waktu peluk dia, gw ngomong…

“Lex… inget yah…

1. kalo suka sama cewe lain, harus bilang gw…

2. Apalagi kalo sampe jadian…

3. Sering2 telpon gw…

4. Jangan pernah lupain gw… dan 3 hari terakhir ini

5. Kalo lawan atma lagi, menang yah! Hehhe…”

Dan pesan dia cuma satu,

“Kalo lo gak yakin sama perasaan lo, kalo lo gak ngerasain apa yang lo rasain skrg, jangan jalanin hubungan… karena cuma bakal nyakitin.”

Then, that’s it… I went away. Billy, mungkin lo gak taw, sepanjang jalan gw nangis di atas motor… goblok banget. Gw jadi gila… semuanya jadi abu-abu…

I’ve just found my soulmate and I’ve just lost him. How ironic is that?

Pas udah di kosan pun, gw gak berhenti nangis di kamar Cipen… goblok… goblok… gw jadi gila neh, kayaknya….

~~~

Waktu denger cerita ini, banyak tanggepan2 aneh dari orang2… antara, “Aaaaw… I envy you!”

“Alaaaah… itu mah bukan sayang!”

“Easy comes easy goes…”

“Pertahanin dia, May!”

Atau cuma ketawa sinis….

Joan yang paling lucu, dengan wajah pura2 lugu dia nanya, “Ini true story, kan?”

Yup, kalo ada orang yang ceritain gw kayak gini, mungkin gw juga akan ternganga gak percaya. “Ini true story bukan seeeh??”

I know it’s too impossible to be true, but I’ve felt it… with my soulmate… how great is that?

Bwat orang2 yang menanggapi cerita ini dengan sinis, gw cuma bisa bilang… Don’t be so cynical about this kind of love just because you haven’t felt it. Gw percaya kok, semua orang punya Alex-nya masing2… It’s just my luck to find him first.

Don’t look for your destiny, it’ll come to you after all…

Bwat Yoan, *speechless*, abis udah keluar semua pas kelas PerpPol. :P

Bwat Linni, Cipen, en Litta (para saksi hidup), kalo gak ada tarohan itu, gak akan ada ini semua.

Bwat Cupy, gw pengen banget ngenalin dia ke elo!!!

Bwat semua yang baca,, mungkin aneh, mustahil, apalah,, sayang hanya dalam waktu 2 hari… But it happens!!! I felt it! Gak ada yang lebih real lagi deeh!!!

Bwat Alex… Gimana nyong?! Gw udah bikinin blogs bwat lo neh! Gw gak pernah gak yakin sedikitpun sama perasaan sayang kita kok! En gw juga gak pernah nyesel sama semua yang terjadi selama dua hari itu… Cepetan publish komik lo! Biar novel gw happy ending! Inget janji lo di IP! En gw bakal selalu inget kata2 lo… Tetep semangat!!! En… “kalo emang lo jodoh gw… Kita pasti bakal ketemu lagi.” you always said that.

Alex…

Meeting you was Fate

Knowing you was Choice

But Falling in love with you… is totally out of my control.

-May, Septemberollercoaster 2006-

Today, six years after that happened, I finally look back and smile. No, not smile, I laugh!

Come on, it’s a beautiful story and we’re friends now, why not laugh about it? This “falling in love with stranger” thing is like one of my wildest fantasy since I was nine years old! Guess I attract universe to finally give this story for me. =)

FYI, this all happened when Bandi and I were in 3 months relationship and apparently one day before I met Alex, we decided to go “on a break”, giving each other space. Right after I came back saying goodbye to Alex, I went to Bandi’s place and broke up with him.

I should make a point now that I was doing Bandi a favor by really breaking up with him instantly after I gained my conscience back from the fairy tale. However we were on a break. (Not that I agree with Ross sleeping with other woman while he and Rachel were on a break. LOL)

Falling in love with Alex was inevitable. And the least I could do was being fair to Bandi by breaking up with him.
Well, like Kurt Cobain said, it’s better to be yourself and everyone hates you than become somebody else and everyone loves you.

For all of Bandi’s friends who were calling me a slut and people who accused me of cheating and whatever, this might be the answer for you for “Why did you do that to the nicest guy on earth?”

For me, I think what I did was right. I could have just played victim and stepped on the two boats, nobody knows right? (Nobody unless hundred of people on GSG watching me asking for his number. LOL) Or I could just go back to my normal life with Bandi and pretended like nothing happened.

But hey something happened. I fell in love and I will never lie of what I feel. So instead of being so angelic, I became a devil instead. I did let go the two of them.

Because it is the right thing. I was being fair.

You could comment anything and say that technically I was cheating but in my defense, falling in love with Alex was inevitable. He would have done exactly the same thing if he had a girlfriend.

Do you know what cheating is? It is having two or more love affairs in the same time under your conscience!!! (bold and underlined with three exclamation points!)

I wasn’t in my conscience on that time. It was a three days fantasy, and once after I came back to reality, the first thing I did was telling Bandi about it. And when he asked, “so what do you wanna do about it now?” I did the right thing, I said we should break up.

So what happened after Bandi and I broke up? Did I try a relationship with Alex? Hmm, I can’t really call it a relationship because what we did most of the times was arguing over the phone and remember back then inter-city phone calls weren’t cheap. We were only a student then and didn’t have spare money to buy train tickets to visit each other and we were so busy with college life we didn’t have time to console each other’s feelings. We were miserable and I must say everything was really hard with him. Because he was a male version of me. He was stubborn, selfish and crazily romantic.

We were falling in too fast and couldn’t wait to go out as fast. We made a mistake by taking the fantasy to the reality. Alex and me were bad news. In the end we did hurt each other more than we fell in love to each other.

Now the question is, after all this time, if now another Alex comes again into my life, will I do the same thing? No.

1. My feeling now is totally different from what I had with Bandi back then. We had only been together for 3 months and those were boring 3 months. And to be honest, if the Alex thing didn’t hit him that hard, he would stay boring for the rest of his life.

2. Things like this won’t happen twice.

3. I wouldn’t do juvenile thing like accepting a bet for a free lunch and ask a guy’s phone number in my age now. (You see the point? I was just being juvenile and that’s what we did on our college times.)

I knew this would be a controversial post, but I don’t give a fuck. For what it’s worth, everything happens for reason. I believe that.

However Bandi and I are together now, being stronger than ever. When I ask Bandi whether he’s scared of me ever do that again, he said no. “You and Alex were in the same city when I was in US for two years, and you didn’t even have thoughts of meeting him.” Well he’s freakin right!!

“You love me just too much. All you do is thinking about me, you don’t have time for drama.”

The climax for this post would be this:

So, the other night, Alex just showed up on my whatsapp, out of the blue, apologizing of what he did 6 years ago. I know he apologized before but somehow this time, it just felt so right. We talked in the middle of 2 am in the morning and we spent like one hour straight just to chat.

I used to say that he was my darkest hour before dawn and here it is, another surprise from universe, this story really ended in a dawn.

Like Alex said and I quote: “Once again, I apologize to you. I hurt you before and I’m sorry for that. I remembered you told me on 2007 that you feel like slapping my face. You know what? I deserved that.”

Anyway, we did meet again exactly one year after that. I post about it here.

Here’s some peek of the chat. I’ve edited the personal stuffs though.

Alex convo

I told him I already forgave him long time ago and I’m so glad he has grown so much from a very selfish guy to be this wise man and you know what? It’s because of a girl. (It’s always LOVE that conquers all! Yaiy!)

He also said he will definitely come if Bandi and I get married someday and will draw us for free! (He’s a professional illustrator now :)) He said he’s so glad we’re friends now, which we both should become in the first place. Please, Alex was like a male version of me, we should have been bestfriend since the beginning if there were no romance and drama involved!

He said he always knew Bandi was the one for me, that he never gave up on me through all those things and he said he also owe Bandi an apology. Well, that would be an epic moment when he apologize to Bandi. LOL

We agreed on two things: one, that what we felt for those three days was real and let it be just a beautiful fantasy. Two, everything really does happen for reason. That happened to me so Bandi and I would be like today and that happened to him so he would grow up (even he just realized 6 years later) and when he finally met this girl, he knew what love really is. =)

I’m so glad Alex and I talked it out.

For every pain and hurt that we costed each other six years ago, I’m so grateful it happened. It was a part of growing up.

Now is the time for my sotoy philosophy…

The reason why I made this post is that we should not run from our past or pretend it never happened by not talking about it. We have to make closure for every issues that we had in order to move forward. I believe that.

I personally love to have a closure with Alex and finally Bandi is okay talking about it, even though he still doesn’t want to mention the “A” name. haha

Don’t try too hard though to make a closure as it might not the time yet. Just remember everyone has different timeline and different standard of dealing with problems and pain. Let the time heals everything. Don’t lose faith. The closure will come, eventually.

Because time really does heal everything.

May, 17th July 2012.

Geez, It’s kinda weird that I read it again now, my life is so awesome!! Haha! How many people out there get to have an apology from a guy who hurt her so much 6 years before. And this post has been laying there in the draft page for a reason. You know what’s the reason? So I can make an inception post like this. Hahaha! A post inside a post inside a post. If this doesn’t make my blog awesomeness level went up, I don’t know what will.

Anyway, enough with the non-sense.

To comment about the story, seven years after, I just want to say… for all the excuses I made and the argues I tried to validate… I still think it’s the right thing to do even seven years later. What I did was right. (still)

This is gonna be my last post ever talking about this Alex guy. This is the season finale and I like the ending. We’re not best friend anyway like we said on the whatsapp one year ago because it would be weird for Bandi and Alex’s girlfriend if we’re bestfriend, this is not a sitcom.

We’re just a friend who wishes each other Happy birthday and talk once in a while especially when he’s about to show some of his drawing stuffs to me. But we’re cool. He’s living his dream and I live mine. =)

I don’t know what kind of sentences would be perfect to end this series of drama. I have been staring at the blinking cursor for the last 30 seconds and there’s no perfect words to say.

I guess…

Life is unpredictable.

One minute you had it all, the other you lost it. It’s so scary that your life and everything attached to you is mortal.

However life is too short not to fall in love head over heels. To really fall.

To fall in love and then to be heart broken and then to learn and to let go and to move on. That’s okay.

That’s life. Don’t be scared. Time will heal and you will be healed too.

Have your heart broken is inevitable, being miserable is optional. =)

Afterall, It’s always fun to hear a love story, no matter how bad the ending is… And you can always change your point of view and turn it around to be a happy ending.

P.S: For the twenty years old Alex and the twenty years old May: You two are damn cute! I’m glad you guys took the chance. =)

Cheers,

May, 26th July 2013

The beauty in everyday life

This morning I went to work with Bandi because he needed to go to his client’s office which coincidentally located near to my office. We spent one hour in the train talking about stuffs. When we finally got seats and sat I took out three postcards from my bag. He asked me what those are and whom those are from.

I told him it’s my postcrossing hobby. He knows about my postcrossing but only this time he read the postcards together with me. I showed him the three postcards I received the day before and one of them is the Neuschwanstein Castle that we will visit this October.

The postcards pictures from Germany, Shanghai, and Thailand.

The postcards pictures from Germany, Shanghai, and Thailand.

My favorite part: reading what strangers say!

My favorite part: reading what strangers say!

Bandi laughed when I showed him the stamp from the Thai postcard. “It’s so cuteee!” I shrieked. Then he asked me whether I knew all of the flag and you know what? I DIDN’T!! Lol.

Bandi, in the other hand, always likes to be mr. smart-ass so he was like, “This is Brunei, Myanmar and Laos.”

The cutest and the longest stamp ever!

The cutest and the longest stamp ever!

Then I realized, I only forgot the flags of the places I never traveled to! so it’s true that traveling does make me smarter! Hahaha. Another reason to go traveling, riiiight?!

So we talked and Bandi asked me, “Why do you still have time for things like this?”

“Like what??”

“Like sending postcards to strangers and creating stupid games?”

(Stupid games refers to this: see below picture)

Photo 2-7-13 10 11 51 AM

Then I realized, WHAT THE F? I’ve been wasting to much time for….

DOING AWESOME STUFFS LIKE THIS? Hwahahahahah!

I love to host and create games like this. For me, it’s having fun. And yeah, I spent time to find nice postcards according to the stranger’s request and also paid for stamps but I enjoyed it. :)

Since my life is pretty much flat, go to work, saving money and loving the same person over and over again, I figure I must make some fun and excitement along the way.

I was asked why do I have such a boring job, well… because I need the money. HAHAHAHA!

I did work as a journalist for 4 months but didn’t enjoy the non-stop working hours and I couldn’t write things I wanted. Then I worked as a teacher that I LOVE but then yeah, the money is not that good. Passion versus money right?

I’m the least materialistic person you’ll know but I feed my parents and I want to go travel around the world. So I put my priority over my passion. That’s just my decision.

Anywaaay, back to the little beauty in everyday life, I enjoy postcrossing so much. Basically I love snail mails and writing with my hand. You know what’s the most excited thing about my wedding? WRITING the save-the-dates and invitations! It would be so fun! Haha.

I put some of the postcrads I received from postcrosssing before…

From Miami, USA.

From Miami, USA.

From Sydney, Australia

From Sydney, Australia

Postcards from Ukraine and Finland.

Postcards from Ukraine and Finland.

Postcard from Netherland, but on the same day I got my Anne Frank book delivered so I took it together because they are both are from Amsterdam! =D

Postcard from Netherland, but on the same day I got my Anne Frank book delivered so I took it together because they are both are from Amsterdam! =D

The latest postcard. This is Montmartre, the neighborhood I'm about to live in Paris later. The sender Angie wrote it in French! And I totally got it! (Guess my French Tutor did a good job!)

The latest postcard. This is Montmartre, the neighborhood I’m about to live in Paris later. The sender Angie wrote it in French! And I totally got it! (Guess my French Tutor did a good job!)

So yeah Bandi, I wasted too much time doing stuffs like this, and spending money for those stuffs but I live every seconds of my life laughing on simple things too.

And you love me for that, don’t you, don’t you!!!

Admit it laaaaaah!

Don’t put your life on hold, no matter what.

Either you must do the work you don’t like or you must live in the city you hate… you can always find a little part of the beauty in everything. Don’t waste even one day being grumpy. (well unless you’re on PMS)

Live everyday happy and grateful.

Cheers,

May, sticking stamps.

A letter to the pessimists

I got some of the pessimistic comments for my engagement, mostly they sound like this “eh, I thought you didn’t believe in marriage?”

Well I didn’t.

I know I shouldn’t been bothered but I am a human thus I have a need to defend myself (and also the need to once again blabber about marriage), so here it goes…

Up until this second, I still do believe that marriage is not an achievement. A wedding is a start of something big called the marriage. And it’s not a solution for all your problems people. There are two reasons why I didn’t believe in marriage.

One, people took marriage for granted, using it for the wrong reason with the wrong people. The marriage itself became some kind of dirty business for me.

Two, there are no successful marriage in my inner circle. I have never witnessed a successful marriage. That’s why I was pessimistic too.

I hate it when people decided to get married for the wrong reasons, to top of them is “because I’m getting older.” Once my friend told me she was getting married and my reply was “are you sure?” She was mad of course, and to boost my ego, let me tell you this: she DID call off the wedding. Why? Because I knew it at the moment that she said yes because she wanted the attention and she liked to idea of becoming someone’s wife but she WASN’T in love.

Okay, go back to my case. A lot of my friends said “finally!!!” And the others asked “how did you finally say yes?” (This also explained why I had to charge my phone three times on last sunday)

Why did I, the unbeliever, finally said yes for a marriage?

I was simply convinced.

(So if you happen to really want to marry somebody and she said she didn’t believe in it, you’re not trying hard enough.)

I wasn’t looking for a relationship when I was dating Bandi. It was just a casual flirt and I enjoyed the attention, so when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I warned him, “oh dear, I’m not a commitment kind of girl.” And he said “it’s okay. It’s not something serious. We’re just getting to know each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.” So the ‘not something serious’ led to a seven years relationship. LOL

I also thought that I will be a serial dater for the rest of my life, because seriously, I am that selfish. I don’t think anyone could take it to live with me for the rest of his life. Come on, I can’t even live with my mom! I am super selfish and I have OCD, I want things to be my way and I always think that I am right. I knew Bandi was messy and couldn’t care less about hygiene since the first year of relationship but then I don’t care because I knew I won’t marry him.

But then when we started to live together, we spent so much time fighting about stupid stuffs. And oh my god I am so impressed of how hard he was trying to adapt to me. He really tried everything to make sure I’m alright, mentally. (Yeah I got so disturbed over something stupid sometimes.) He did this kind of magic to make me fall in love more and more to him everyday and made me think that I couldn’t live without him. And oh wow, he succeeded!

Bandi himself didn’t have any role-model for a successful marriage. His dad was gone when he was five so he was pretty much a ‘dad’ for his brother and sisters. Thankfully he turned out to be a believer. He wants a marriage, a family with a lot of kids, (Super bummer, look how far he’s convinced me already?) and a smart and pretty wife (well ho got one.) LOL

Actually he has taken the relationship slowly for my expense. I remember he was ambitiously saying that he wanted to be married and had kids by 25. (Haha! Wrong girlfriend, dude!) I must say that this relationship does both of us a favor. For me to learn that I can finally trust someone completely and that true love does exist. For him to wait for the right one (and not just randomly pick any girl to give birth to his babies), learn more about life and of course to be super mega ultra patience.

I really believe that everything happens for reason. :)

So dear pessimists,
I DID not believe in marriage. And I must say this in public that I WAS WRONG.
Not all marriages are scam and dirty and fake. I can make sure at least mine is not. :)

I remember the endless nights of long talks with Bandi, the sweet gestures while we danced, the stolen kisses, the sacrifices, the tears and fears we shared, the infinite laughs that he made me after that and how he always had his ways to take my breath away. I have been always a happy person, but I’ve never felt this content. I am fully content.

I also need to underline this: I am happy not because I’m getting married. I am happy because I get to spend the rest of my life with the one I really love. The wedding is just a bonus.

Actually my perception of marriage doesn’t change a lot, remember this: if you’re not a happy person, don’t ever think about getting married!!!

Don’t hope for some dude to save you from all your troubles and think that marriage (or wedding) would give you happiness, because it won’t!!!

YOU HAVE TO BE A HAPPY WOMAN TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE. (not the other way around!)

Don’t get married to be happy, but get married because you’re happy. So you know you have someone to share your happiness with forever. :)

Remember your man is not your accessory whom with him you feel socially completed and obligation checked. You don’t need to prove to anyone that you can have a man.

Oh please just make sure that you get married because you love each other, please please, pleaaaaaseee!

57040

Cheers,

May, still staring at the ring. :p

He likes it so he puts a ring on it.

Disclaimer: This post is personal, please take note that I need the courage to share this with you. =)

I’ve been sick for the past ten days, so I didn’t really plan anything for my seventh anniversary. I know Bandi isn’t much a planner so usually he would just let me do whatever I wanted and brought me to dinner.

This year, I told him I didn’t want anything fancy for anniversary because I actually wanted to have a bed rest, but then yeah… you got it right, he proposed.

About talking about marriage.

I think all of my friends have been asking about us getting married more than we even really talk about it. I’ve never wanted a marriage myself so I never really bother talking about it. However it’s been two years since we started to live together and once in a while Bandi asked about whether I’m taking this relationship seriously but I never really answered it seriously lahhh. I usually just did silly things and pretended to be deaf.

The moment I realize that he meant what he said was when he brought me to a jewelry store. I was freaking panicking when he suddenly talked fluent diamond with the sales lady. He asked about the carats, clarity, certificate and shits I didn’t know. Holy crap, somebody has done some research!

He asked me what kind of ring I want for my engagement ring, and I was a total bitch, I literally panicked and kept saying let’s go. It happened last year.

About the first attempt.

I accidentally found the receipt of the ring when I tried to find something in Bandi’s ikea box. It was purchased on July 2012. There was a description of the ring in the receipt. About how many carats the diamond is and the other stuffs I didn’t understand. And I saw the price… And it’s fucking non-refundable.

THIS IS A BIG PRESSURE!!!!

Holy crap! I felt like packing my bags and just run the freaking away. I don’t wanna get married yet!!! How if he proposed to me? My life was about to oveeeerrr! Nooo!!!

On October 2012 he surprised me with a trip to Bandung, and I had the feeling that he’s gonna propose. Then I told him, “If you’re gonna propose, please don’t. I’m not ready and I’m gonna say no, and we would break up and it all turned ugly. And I don’t wanna break up with you. Just give me more time and be more patience.” (For the record, he was gonna propose.)

After that, the relationship went downhill. Bandi didn’t understand why I wasn’t ready and why I was being so difficult. A lot of my friends knew about this and I didn’t blame them to think that I was a heartless bitch and that I didn’t deserve a good guy like Bandi.

I wanted a proposal, who doesn’t want a fairy tale, right? But I just didn’t feel it was the right time. Bandi had just lost his grandma and I felt like he rushed things because he felt guilty that his grandma did ask him to marry me but then she passed away. And I still believed that there were some unfinished business between us, like talking about future and stuffs.

It is very hard to explain and you must know me well enough to understand my reasons but anyway, let’s move on.

All I know is… I’m glad Bandi never gave up on me. =)

About being ready.

I remember people kept saying that you’re never gonna be ready for marriage, that you just have to go the hell with it. Well, you’re wrong!!!! I don’t wanna just jump into it and figure out later. I don’t! I don’t wanna take the risk that I could regret for a lifetime. I’m a risk taker but not for a marriage. I wanna be hundred percent ready and wanting it like crazy and I will never going back!

So, during my bad patch of relationship with Bandi, this happened.

The whole missing the flight thing was like an epiphany.

I sill remember when Bandi arrived home after midnight and I saw him totally differently. This is the guy who went all the fucking troubles with me and still stayed. I’ve been complicated, unreasonable, difficult and selfish and yet he’s still there, never even complain once. He always ALWAYS believes in me.

And he took the last flight home going all the shits just to make sure I wasn’t home alone. And I felt like my life went on a flashback… He did fight for me in front of his family, he defended me through the bad years, he always protects me, always tries to make me happy and makes sure I’m always alright.

He left USA for me, the thing that I thought he won’t ever do. I just almost lost all of his important documents by leaving it in airport and he still forgave me and flew home for me.

And yet, I didn’t want to marry this guy? WHAT AM I NUTS?????

I remember he hugged me that night and I knew it for a second, that was where I belong for the rest of my life.

And….

I was finally ready.

About wanting it.

After that missing the flight moment, I caught myself daydreaming about being Mrs. Cahaya. It felt silly for a while and I was so embarrassed of myself but then I found it so fun so what the hell. I daydreamed about calling him hubby, about saying the vow (I even wrote one haha) and saying I do and girls stuffs like that.

Then I kept hinting him like asking “is the ring this big?” while showing him my booger. LOL

About the ring

I knew he already bought the diamond ring and I would feel so guilty to trouble him but to be honest, I don’t want diamond. I want an emerald.

I fell instantly in love when I saw Kate’s engagement ring (which belonged to Princess Diana) but I didn’t want Sapphire of course and also couldn’t see myself wearing the plain diamond. I want an engagement which yells it totally belongs to May. And I always like emerald and the fact that emerald is my birth stone.
I’ve googled about emerald and it’s very rare to find a small carats of emerald to be crafted as a ring, it means it would have to be a bigger size of the stone and it would be expensive. So I was so dilemmatic of whether I should tell Bandi about this.

However the conversation about the ring came up and he asked me my dream engagement ring. I told him I always wanted an emerald crafted on a rose gold because rose gold compliments the sparkle of the emerald and it matches my skintone and of course because it’s so pretty.

(Later on he told me the story of how he went almost nuts looking for an emerald that he could afford. LOL. To make the story short, he exchange the diamond with the emerald after he finally found the franchised jewelry store that would accept the exchange.)

So when he proposed and opened the ring box, I was stunned.

It was the prettiest ring I’ve ever seen in my life. (Probably also the effect of euphoria) The one and only, an oval shaped emerald, surrounded by diamonds in a rose gold. I know this is so superficial, but goddammit, I am so freaking happy!!!

I've always wanted an emerald!!!

I’ve always wanted an emerald!!!

About the Proposal

I can’t tell the details because it would be so looonnnggg and of course so many personal stories involved. You must know me for lifetime to really understand the reasons why Bandi planned every detail. About why he chose the Con te Partire to ask me for a slow dance and the seventy seven red roses and the road trip and everything.

His plan was this… He wanted to do seven things that we never done together for our seventh anniversary. (Trust me Bandi and I did almost every possible thing we could haha) He created some kind of continuous cards that’s written the hint of the thing.

The fifth thing was an impromptu flight. He brought me to the city I love the most.

I was totally surprised! And I didn’t pack proper clothes lah. Hahaha. (I didn’t even pack shampoo so I had to wash my hair with Hotel’s shampoo and my hair went on sapu ijuk mode.) Anyway, he was so freaking sweet and he brought me to Maxi’s, my favorite restaurant, which we had our date long long time ago. He reserved the place on the balcony, a place when we used to see sunset on New Year’s eve.

He made a video and left me alone to watch the video. I was crying like a little baby, couldn’t contain my happiness. I can’t show anyone, even my bestfriend, the video, because for once, I want to keep this only for myself. =)

Bandi was pouring his heart out on the video, leaving his soul naked and open and if it was me, I would want to do it only for the one person I love. =)

He also gave me four photos that represent our seven years together and our future dream together. After the video ended, he showed up with seventy seven stalks of rose, and my bestfriend Gery behind, holding a camera, videotaping us. HOLY CRAP I knew it that moment that he was gonna propose!!!

So yeah, he gave me the roses and got on one knee, took out the box of ring and said the magic words.

The funny thing was, when he said, “will you…” I at once nodded my head because I saw the ring!!! HAHAHAHA! (I’m so shameless) However he asked “Will you marry me” and I was like a doggie doll on a car’s dashboard, kept nodding my head. He laughed and asked, “What???”

And I shouted “YESSSS!!!”

=)

Yes!

Yes!

I’m engaged!!!

Not only engaged.

I’m engaged… to the love of my life, my best friend.

I can’t believe that I would ever want a marriage. But now it’s happening, it doesn’t feel scary. I kinda can’t wait to be his wife. LOL.

He likes it so he puts a ring on it! Haha!

He likes it so he puts a ring on it! Haha!

And I also can’t stop staring at my ring and smile everytime I see it… over and over again. It’s so freaking pretty I feel like a princess. Hahaha. I talked to Dian about the ring and it turns out I’m not the only shameless girl here. She was also crying like baby when Dan-Dan was about propose to her and once she saw the ring, it was like a magic that made a girl smile forever!!! Hahaha.

I never had a fine jewelry in my life before. Seriously, never. You know all my accessories are purchased through ebay! LOL. This is the first real thing I’ve ever had and it’s so goddamn freaking pretty!!!! It sparkles everytime I see it like talking to me. =) And I looooove the color and how the diamonds around it compliments the emerald. I love my engagement ring I’m so shallow!!! Hahahaha.

Here's another angle of the ring.

Here’s another angle of the ring.

And here's another one. =D

And here’s another one. =D

Ok, enough with that. (You get it how much I love it)

About the aftermath

The first thing in my mind after saying Yes was… I’m so gonna tell Ulen about this!!! And you know what??? She coincidentally were coming to Bandung the next day for some reunion event!!! Thank you Universe!! It’s so meant to be!!!

So the next day I spent my day with Ulen, asked her to be my maid of honor and  took this photobox! Haha. I also asked her to help me distribute the 77 Roses to every women we met at Paris Van Java (because it’s impossible for me to bring back all the flowers to Singapore, right?) It was so cute how women react to stranger handing over roses. They all accepted it! Haha!

Me and my maid of honor.

Me and my maid of honor, and my sapu ijuk mode hair. LOL

After I talked to her face to face, I publicly posted it on socmed and again, I loved the attention. Hahaha! (shameless, still shameless!!!)

Then I told Strawberry and other close friends, my mom and my sister. While Bandi of course has successfully made his brother, sisters and mom figuratively hippie dancing. So yeah, it’s pretty big happy news for both of us. =)

My mom has also already known because Bandi did tell my mom and my dad before actually proposed to me. Awww isn’t he the sweetest? He asked my Dad for a permission to take good care of his daughter. OH MY GOD I’m melted…

We also have set the date, because I told him, according to Gilmore Girls, you’re not really engaged until there’s a ring and a date. So we have set the date. We’re gonna get married on 7th June 2014, exactly 8 years when I first said yes to the question “will you be my girlfriend?” =)

(Or actually it’s just Bandi who can’t remember too many dates so he pack it all into one date? WTF?)

Anywayyyy, we’re not gonna bother too much about the wedding because after that day, I finally realize what I want in my life. I don’t fucking care of how my wedding would turn out to be, I just wanna be his wife. Period.

(and the fact that I still need to plan my Europe Trip holy crap!)

(and also the fact that my maid of honor is having an OCD so she’s gonna plan everything. HAHA)

And this is the end of my single life… no more flirting with cute guys (darn it). Who would have known, of all the people, I’m gonna settling down this fast. Hahaha. I’m getting married. Geez, still not get used to say it, “I’m getting married.”

So, for all the guys who are secretly in love with me, better luck next lifetime! Hahaha. Zero chance from this second! And that’s including you, Cristiano Ronaldo!! Yeah you! I’ve had enough waiting for you! HAHAHA

About what I feel.

Right now, I’m still over the moon. (unless the fact that my voice is gone because of the flu T.T) I feel content and happy. I am one hundred percent sure that this is what I want, marrying him. And that everything really does happen for a reason. Universe really listens to my prayer, sending me signs and stuffs. If he proposed to me last October, it might not be this perfect. Good things really does happen to those who wait. =)

I won’t have cold feet or second thought. I might have bad days and we might fight, but I won’t have second thought, I can promise that.

Thank you for being so patience and for making this seven years all about me, sweetie pie. When we ate satay and I requested a song from the old man and he sang The Beatles’ I will, I hope you knew it was truly from my heart to you. =)

I love you. Always have and always will.

Kalistus Mikhael Subandi Cahayaaaaaa, I’m yours!!!!

Cheers,

May, Mrs. Cahaya to be.

P.S Finally I’m gonna have a surname!!! Hahahahah!

Here's a bonus photo of Bandi and Brownie for reading until the end. =)

Here’s a bonus photo of Bandi and Brownie for reading until the end. =)