No matter what

This is the happiest moment in my life, right here right now, in your arms, she said. She tightened her grasp on his back and felt warmth in her heart. Nothing would ever feel as good, not even close to what she was feeling then. And then she kissed his lips and everytime it felt like the first time, which happened eleven years ago. She couldn’t understand, every single day of her life, she kept wondering, how could she love someone this much? How was this even possible, to keep loving someone so hard so extreme every single day?

Isn’t something like this crazy won’t last long? Isn’t it too good to be true? She thought to herself. The ecstasy of being in his arms wiped away those questions. We will stay like this forever, her illogical side told her.

She tilted her head to see his eyes, closed. He smiled cheekily and rubbed his stubble beard on her forehead, something that she always complained about. She touched the stubble and asked him to shave the next morning and she said, I’m very proud of you, randomly.

He was her star, her inspirations.

***

This is awful, why do I have to feel this sadness, she said. She tightened her grasp on his back and felt warmth in her heart. You have one bad day down, he said and then kissed her forehead. She looked up, his face was blurry covered by her own tears. He slurped her tears and she chuckled, it was something that he did to cheer her up whenever she cried. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was, to have someone who would always fight alongside her. No matter what happens, no matter how hurtful people could be to her, she would always have him, as her sidekick.

He took a glass of water and asked her to drink up, replenished the energy, re-hydrate the frustration. Yeah it was sad what happened to her, but sad won’t last forever, just like joy, anger and other hundreds of adjectives in the dictionary. But I bet this will last forever, she thought to herself. Right here right now, the moment when she was feeling grateful to have someone to share burden with, to vent frustration to, to just be with.

She loves him whenever she’s happy, she loves him whenever she’s sad. She loves him no matter what.

From now til the end of time.IMG_7852.JPG

My fiance is not THE prince charming

No, he’s not the prince charming who rides a white horse and brings me to his kingdom. No, he’s not driving Ferrari and pick me up anywhere when I call him. No, he’s not cleaning my debt, or buying me handbags I can’t afford. He’s not anybody from the hollywood love stories nor fairy tales books.

My fiance is just a regular nice guy who loves watching football while drinking beer and eating pizza. He’s just a hardworking auditor who’s very dedicated to his job. He’s just a normal guy who’s happened to be adventurous, kind and loving.

He didn’t save my life. Where or whom he was saving me from?

He didn’t make me happy. I was already happy.

He didn’t change my life. What should it be changed?

So when I was being asked, “How do you feel? In a week your life is about to change!”

I felt that I had to write this…

Oh… I hope it won’t change. Oh god, I hope marriage doesn’t change my life.

Because I’ve already loved my life. I love it that I’ve been sharing the last 8 years with him and it’s been nothing but great. So I don’t want my life to change. Sure we hit rock bottom now and then but we hit it together. The point of living this life is not avoiding the pain, but having someone to share the pain with.

My life is not painless, but it’s just perfect… now, It was perfect eight years ago, and it will always be perfect til we say goodbye on our death bed… (and being reunited in our next life).

He’s not a prince charming, to me he is perfect.

He’s not driving Ferrari, to me he is perfect.

He’s not cleaning my debt, to me he is perfect.

He’s not anybody from the fairy tales, to me he is just perfect.

I hope nothing will ever change because to me, “us” is just perfect.

~~~

Love always,

May, who will be walking down the aisle in a week.

~~~

Dear you, it was a great talk yesterday and yes things are not the way it used to be, but it doesn’t mean our feelings changed. I love you even more each day. I know you know that.

Jesse and Celine

This post starts with a conversation with a friend.

Him: Have you watched Before Midnight?

Me: No, I haven’t. Is it good? (So afraid that it would ruin the two pre-quels)

Yes. It is.

(exhale in relieve)

I did re-watch Before Sunrise a couple weeks ago. Tonight I will re-watch Before Sunset to prepare for the finale, Before Midnight.

Yeah, you should.

My favorite is still Before Sunrise though.

No way! I like Before Sunset more!

Why?

Before Sunset is more real and they are truly re-connected.

And then we argued for a while… on and on and on about the movie.

Well, I assume everybody has already watched Before Sunrise and Before Sunset, if not, then you should. NOW. Seriously, NOW. It’s my all-time favorite movie, to be followed by “A Lot Like love” and oh please stop me or I could list out all my favorite Romantic movies.

I’ve always thought that my favorite from these two is Before Sunrise. The conversation was so deep and it felt like they were trying to tell each other as much as they could since they would be parting soon.

Anyway, I watched Before Sunset again the other night and I hate to admit it but I switched my favorite from Before Sunrise to Before Sunset. My friend was right when he said they are re-connected. How did I forget this?

The chemistry between Jesse and Celine had never been questioned since the first movie, when they met in the train to Vienna. The whole movie was beautiful, romantic and epic. I first watched it when I was 19 years old. And then I watched the sequel and I didn’t really like it because it was the reality.

Jesse and Celine met again 9 years after the Vienna night and Jesse was married with one kid and Celine was a slightly-depressed neurotic environmentalist.

The weird thing is… now that I watched it in my almost 30 age, I love Before Sunset better, because it’s more real and they no longer live in a fantasy and the connection between the two of them are stronger than ever.

This is my favorite part:

I guess when you’re young, you just believe there’ll be many people with whom you’ll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.

OH GOD that’s so true. When I was young and naive I believed that I would connect with a lot of people and god I couldn’t be more wrong! Now that I got older, I knew that it was only FEW PEOPLE. And how I should have treasured them.

And there was a saying by Jesse (but I couldn’t find this quote in IMDB but more or less he said, “I read a research about a pattern of people’s character. There are two oppsoite guys and they are given a surprise. One is given one million dollars lottery and one is suddenly became paraplegic. Sure they change at that moment, but after 6 months when they already get used to it, they start to become themselves again. One is still a happy optimistic guy now living with a wheelchair while the other one is still a sad miserable asshole, just having a new Cadilac.”

And then I thought God, That is so true too!! I have met some pessimistic people and no matter how hard I tried to change their perception about how to be grateful and stuffs, in the end they will turn back to the oldselves.

There is although a thing that I don’t agree… which is they seem to be perfect to each other, until they cannot be happy or connected with other people. Yeah it’s true that Jesse is (unhappily) married and Celine has a relationship but they still long for each other. And Celine said, “The concept is absurd. The idea that we can only be complete with another person is evil!

Which is true that is evil. But were we really created only for one person?

I always thought Bandi was created specially and customized for me, but Was I for him? I don’t think so. I always think I was created for certain number of people because of the way I connect with more than one people.

Because if the concept was right, then what happened if that person died, Would I be miserable for the rest of my life? PURE EVIL, right?!

Anyway the movie was inspired by the director’s own story, but this one ended tragically. read here.

Yesterday night, I finally watched the sequel which is Before Midnight and I enjoyed every single word of their conversation. Again, I could relate my relationship with Celine and Jesse. Celine is now a 51 feminist wife and a mother of cute twin girls. Apparently Celine and Jesse are not married but they have twin girls because she was accidentally got pregnant (that makes more sense now because I always thought she won’t ever get married) They fought about Jesse wanting to move back to Chicago (They live in Paris now) because Jesse doesn’t want to miss too many things with his son, Henry. This is the first time we see Jesse and Celine fighting.

Let’s start with Bandi laughing meaningfully when Jesse criticized Celine about her control freak, Celine was complaining about all the house chores she has done and Jesse talked back, “Because you never let me!” And Bandi snorted.

Celine was complaining about how she must pack her bag, the girls’ bags and Jesse would only do his. And Jesse shouted, “Because you wouldn’t let me pack their bags.” Bandi snorted again. So yeah, apparently I am a feminist neurotic control freak just like Celine.

And then Jesse said, “I am fully committed to you and the girls. If you asked me a list of your annoying habits, I could come up with thousands, but I LOVE YOU unconditionally.” And Bandi grinned at me. That’s what he always say and I always annoyingly question it like Celine.

And then Jesse did some cute thing (I wouldn’t tell for the spoiler) and Celine snapped, “This is what you do. You’re being cute, get into my panties and then BOOM! I’m moved to Chicago.”

WTF! I snap at Bandi too, “Is that what you do? You’re being cute and I fall in love with you and BOOM! I’m moved to Palembang? WTF! That’s so true! And I’m marrying him! Oh MAN!!

And then there was a very funny part when Celine was so scared that she would become a submissive housewife and Jesse replied, “Oh please, it would be easier to put your head in the oven than turning you to be anything submissive,” SUPER LOL.

Oh I love them, I love Jesse and Celine.

However, I enjoyed the movie and I love the conversation between these 8 persons having dinner about the fact that people still believes in Romantic love nowadays. It’s true that the love might not last as long as in the old century but the most important is, romantic love still exists. It doesn’t matter how long it will last, how did you do it (with skype or whatever) but to know that people do love passionately and to live with it.

The idea of loving someone itself calms me down.

In my world where people got married because they “have been in a relationship for certain time” or because “they are in certain age” or because “Her goal is just to be married.” (and may I highlight one more time that there are no correlation between marriage and romantic love.) I still do believe that romantic love truly exists. It might be a funny place but I have found some true romantic love from the bloggers friends whose blogs I’ve been religiously reading on. The ways are surely various but the feeling must be the same. Like when you can’t stop think about someone ALL THE TIME. I mean it, all the time.

I’m thinking about Bandi all the time. I just can’t stop. I’m crazy.

I may be neurotic but I dare to love. That makes sense why I love you like crazy. Seriously CRAZY. (hey, because I’m neurotic right? funny pun?)

But seriously, I AM SERIOUSLY UNDOUBTLY SCARILY in love with you, like CRAZY.

Cheers,

May, neurotic and in love.

The movie marathon set me up in the romantic mood.

The movie marathon set me up in the romantic mood.

So you thought this only happens in movie?

Disclaimer: Open your mind before you read. Everything happens for reason. This is one of them.

This post has been in the draft page for a year. Seriously. A year. I am so scared of people’s judgemental comments and the fact that Bandi’s sucky friend would start to talk about me behind my back again. But then I thought, hey, I’m not 20 years old anymore. I’ve grown up, they’ve grown up. I must publish this post just for the sake of closure.

I wanted to name this post “September Roller Coaster: Season Finale” for some reason but then I went with ” So you thought this only happens in movie?” for a funny catch.

So here it is…

[All the words in green below is written on July 2012]

We will have to go back to a post that was originally posted on 4th September 2006, but then being asked to be removed by some people (not Bandi) because, well they simply couldn’t handle it. However, I left the other short post alive.

This is a beautiful love story. Why we need to erase this story and pretend this never happened?

Bandi was okay when I asked, can I post that story again? He said, nobody will ever question or doubt your love to me as your facebook is full of “dishes that I cook for Bandi”, “Bandi’s breakfast”, “Bandi’s lunch”, and “Bandi’s dinner.”

“Come on! You love me too much. That’s just history.”

So, first of all, you all need to read this post I made back then in 2006. I didn’t edit any of the words AT ALL so we all can feel the juvenile atmosphere. So pardon some of my misspelling. :p

[All the words in purple below is written on September 2006]

Our Love story is OURS…

1 September 2006

Gw tepuk bahunya dua kali, “Boleh kenalan gak?” trus gw julurin deh tangan gw.

Dia kaget setengah mati. Dalam keadaan yang penuh keringat dia jabat tangan gw. Masih terlalu senang karena masuk final sekaligus amazed ada cewe segila gw yang berjalan melewati GSG yang crowded dan nyamperin dia yang lagi celebrate victory bareng temen2nya.

“Alex.”

“Maytri. Boleh minta nomor Hpnya?”

It was just a joke. It was a bet that I made with my friend. Yes! Gw dibayarin makan gratis di sentra! Linni, Cipen, Litta, en semua yang ada di GSG ternganga liat kejadian itu. Karena emang cuma orang gila yang berani malu kuadrat hanya untuk tarohan makan gratis di Sentra.

Unpar baru aja kalah dari Binus,, en gw malah ngajakin kenalan anak Binus karena tarohan makan di Sentra???

But I did it! And I’m so thankful that I did it.

Karena kalo engga,, gak akan ada dua hari penuh magical itu.

~~~

Gak nyangka pas sorenya gw ke Sentra atas, gw ketemu segerombolan tim Binus yang lagi makan. Anjiiir, gw malu! Koor ‘cieeeeh’ langsung terdengar gitu.

Gak lama ada cewe yang nyamperin gw bawa digicam dan nanya, “Boleh minta fotonya gak?”

“Hmm… Boleh, tapi gw mawnya foto berdua!”

What the hell I was thinking???

Anak2 Binus ngompor2in Alex untuk foto sama gw, akhirnya dia nyamperin gw dan duduk di sebelah gw, dan acara foto-foto pun dimulai.

I still can’t believe that happened.

Setelah itu, temen2 gw en temen2 dia ninggalin kita berdua.

Gw dan Alex… Alex dan gw…

Ternyata kita itu…. orang yang pernah ketemu di kehidupan yang dulu??? Bisa dibilang gitu? Hmm,, kayanya….

Semua keluar dengan mudahnya… Gw cerita segala hal, semua prinsip hidup, apa yang maw gw accomplish dalam hidup, kuliah gw, novel gw, SEMUA!

Dia juga… tentang komiknya, seberapa cinta dia sama voli, darah rendah-nya, nyokapnya, temen2nya, impian dia…

Percaya gak sih kita ngobrol hampir 4 jam padahal gw baru aja kenal dia???

He keeps saying, “Hmm… Lucu… Lucu…”

Emang, semuanya lucu banget yah, Lex?

Then, dia anter gw pulang… yang lebih anehnya lagi, gw tanya, “Maw mampir dulu?”

“Boleh… liat-liat…”

Dan gw ninggalin dia di kamar gw sendirian!!! Gila kan?! Padahal gw baru kenal!!!

“Lo tunggu di sini dulu yah, gw maw cuci muka.”

How could you be so comfort with someone whom you just met?

Di saat itulah dia bilang, “Kalo suka sama seseorang, kita harus bilang perasaan kita.” Prinsip yang sama dengan gw!

Dia liat-liat nametag gw, origami gw, foto-foto gw, mengenal gw lebih dalam hanya dengan hitungan menit.

Gw kasih dia origami bikinan gw. Bintang warna-warni yang segede kepalan tangan. Disimpen yah, Lex!!!

Terus edwin dateng ngejemput. Gw, Linni, Cipen en Edwin maw pergi jalan2, so sekalian anter Alex ke wisma tempat dia nginep.

Hmm,, say goodbye is always the hardest thing to do. Tapi gw taw bakal ketemu lagi besok pas final.

Baru aja sampe tempat makan bubur, sms bunyi, “ALeX”

Malem itu kita ngobrol, kalo kita kayak udah kenal lama banget… We said sweet things. Dan gw tidur sambil senyum…..

2 September 2006

Ketemu Alex lagi!!! Mukanya lagi stress berat karena tegang maw final lawan atma jaya. Dengan sepenuh hati gw teriak2 waktu dia tanding, sampe pita suara gw rasanya maw putus.

2 set pertama Atma menang, 2 set selanjutnya Binus menang, set ke-5 jadi penentuan… Skor ngalamin deuce beberapa kali, sumpah tegang banget!! Huhuhu, sayang banget akhirnya Atma menang… Rasanya gw maw nangis… Padahal dia cerita kalo dia pengen banget ngalahin Atma karena temen deket dia yang dulu satu klub Voli bareng dia waktu SMU ada di atma, namanya Patrick. Mereka temen baik, tapi pas di lapangan, tetep aja rival. Yoi gak, Lex? (That’s what you said)

~~~

Alex shock, dan karena darah rendahnya, dia pingsan. DANG! Sumpah, gw takut banget, mungkin that was the moment that I realize that He meant something!!

Gw ikut waktu dia digotong ke Korgala, dan dengan segenap keberanian gw masuk ke Korgala,, ketemuin dia. Gw nemenin dia sampe dia bangun, en balik ke GSG.

Sampe pintu GSG, I said goodbye. Dia masuk ke GSG, ada acara serah terima piala, dll…

Gw jalan ke sentra, karena ditunggu Linni, Cipen en Litta di sana… Sesaat gw mikir… “IS THAT IT?” Udahkah? Ini endingnya? Apa iya abis ini gw gak ketemu dia lagi???

Koq dada gw rasanya sesak yah?

Duduk di Sentra, nemenin anak2 makan, gw kayak mau nangis… pengen liat dia lagi…

Tiba-tiba, HP bunyi… “ALeX” CALLING

WAAAAA!!!!

“Maytri! Lo dimana?”

“Di Sentra bawah… kenapa?”

“Gw mau ngenalin lo sama Patrick.”

“Kapan? Sekarang?”

“Iya…”

Gak lama kemudian dia samperin gw di sentra, en ngajak gw balik ke GSG, maw dikenalin ke Patrick.

Gw nanya, “dapet medali gak?” karena dia ngoleksi medali hasil tanding Voli.

“Enggak, dapet piala…”

“Oooh… sayang yah. Tapi gak apa-apa, cuma lo satu2nya pemain yang dapet bintang.”

“Hah, bintang?” dia bingung.

“Heeh, bintang warna-warni yang gw kasih kemaren.”

Sampe di GSG, gw dikenalin sama orang yang udah dia anggep kembarannya. Hmm,, gw juga jadi pengen kenalin dia ke Ucup, my best friend.

Setelah itu, we were unseparatable. Kita makan di sentra, dia cerita macem2 dari jokes2 goblok, cerita hantu, masa kecil, mantan2 pacar, en ngajak jalan.

Trus kita ke kost gw dulu, baru deh jalan (dalam keadaan gw gak mandi, en dia juga settingan abis tanding Voli. Hahahaha), rencananya maw ke de Kosmo en ke IP. Waktu nunggu angkot, dia suruh gw pake jaket dia, karena dia tau gw gampang masuk angin. Dan dia bilang, “Gw suka liat cewek pake jaket cowo…” So sweeeet… Karena udah malem, akhirnya naek St.hall-Ciumbuleuit yang belok, nah… gw kan gak taw harus naek apa pas turun di gandok, jadilah gw minta Alex bwat sms cipen. Pas itu ada cowok en cewek yang duduk di depan kita di dalam angkot. Cowoknya nanya, “maw ke IP?”

“He-eh.” Gw jawab.

“Nanti bareng saya aja… maw ke IP juga koq…”

Jadilah orang itu ngajak ngobrol. Ternyata yang cowok itu anak Hukum ’89 en ceweknya Ars 2002. Yang bikin gw seneng, mereka pikir gw en Alex itu teman satu SMU, padahal baru aja kenal… hehe.

Sampe di De Kosmo, kita cuma muter2 doang liat makanan, tapi gw gak taw maw makan apa, jadi kita langsung ke IP. Dari situ dia udah mulai sering nurunin bando gw. Nyebelin… tapi ngangenin. :p

Dari de Kosmo ke IP kita jalan… talked about stuff like falling in love and so on…

Pas di ditulah gw bilang, “Lex… lo muncul di saat yang tepat banget yah…”

Sampe IP, Alex terus2an becanda, Gosh, he was so funny! Kita ke food court, akhirnya gw laper… gw pesen McD deh. For the first time of my life, rasa fillet o fish datar banget!!! Aneh…

Di food court itulah pembicaraan tentang ‘apakah kita berdua ini mungkin?’ dimulai.

Bisa gak kita long distance?

Apa iya kita itu jodoh?

Blah3x… Yang pasti saat itu, I didn’t give a damn, gw cuma maw nikmatin apa yang ada sekarang… That I’m with him… And I’m extremely happy in an actual definition.

“Maytri… fotobox yuks!”

Hahahaha! Gw seneng banget waktu dia bilang itu!!!

“Yuks! Cepetan sebelum tutup!” krn skrg emang udah jam 9! Buru2lah kentangnya diabisin en ngacir ke M Studio. Pas jalan ke M itulah dia bilang, “Seandainya kita berada di kota yang sama… gw pasti udah nembak lo…”

seandainya… seandainya….

“Lex… lo taw perasaan gw ke elo, kan?”

“Taw kok… gw juga suka sama lo… gw happy sama lo.”

“Gw gak suka sama lo kok… mungkin bakal kdengeran stupid, tapi… gw udah jatuh cinta sama lo…”

To qoute “A Lot Like Love”…

If you’re not stupid, then you don’t deserve to be in love.

Dalam waktu kurang dari 2×24 jam, May??? How come??? Gw sendiri masih belum percaya,, tapi gw yang ngerasain!!!

Ini fotobox-nya!

Ini fotobox-nya!

~~~

Beres fotobox,, dia ngajak gw ke GAME MASTER!!! Uuuuh! Buat orang2 yang mengenal gw dgn baik,, pasti taw kalo gw maw banget ngedate maen game! Gw kaget banget!

I always wanted to go to this kind of place on my date!!!

Damn you Alex, for making tonight so perfect!

Di game master kita maen macem2, dia ngajak gw maen DDR Drum machine itu loh! Gw kan gak bisa, “Gak maw aaah! Gak bisaaa!”

“Gw juga, udah, coba aja!! Apa sih yang gak bisa?”

Bener…. bener banget!

Truz maen racing, truz kita maen PANIC PARK!!! Oh I love that game!!!! Lucu banget! Semua orang HARUS, WAJIB nyoba maen game itu!!! Gw maen ampe dengkul gw biru en keringetan… Hosh… Hosh… And he did sweet thing that moment :)

Liat gw keringetan, dia nyeka keringet gw pake tangannya!!! Mampus gak tuh! Anjiir lu, Lex! Dasar buaya darat!!

Kita di game master sampe game master tutup, en pas keluar game master, IP udah gelap. Hahaha!

Gw inget pas turun eskalator, Alex ngomong, “Seandainya lo cewek gw…”

Huaaaaaaaaaa!! Iya… seandainya…. T.T

“Umm… sebenernya bisa koq, kalo emang lo maw…”

“Emang lo maw coba LD??” DANG! Bingung dah gw ditanya begitu. Prinsip gw tuh, amit2 gw sampe LD! Gak sanggup gw…

“Lex… kalo gw bilang gw maw… gw gak yakin bisa, gw gak maw nantinya ngerusak 2 hari yang perfect ini. Tapi kalo gw bilang gak maw… gw gak maw kehilangan lo…”

Hiks, dilemma.

I just don’t want to ruin it,, so please,, don’t talk about it.

Dari IP naek angkot sekali, turun di gandok… dia cerita kalo sebenernya pas tanding dia maw meluk gw… :) jujur yah, Lex… sebenernya waktu di GSG itu, gw udah maw nyamperin lo sebelum lo tanding…

~~~

Dari gandok kita jalan… sepanjang jalan, we held hand in hand. Saat itu gw sadar… dalam beberapa menit, dia bakal pergi dari kehidupan gw.

2 hari yang gila ini bakal berakhir….

Sepanjang jalan, kita ngobrol… saat2 dimana gw paling merasa nyaman bersama dia… gw bisa cerita semua hal yang gw gak kepikiran… saat2 dia bisa cerita jokes2 gobloknya, en kalo gw bilang, “Lo goblok banget seh, Lex!” dia bakal jawab, “Iyalah, gw kan IPS…”

“TERUUUUS??? Gw juga!” Hahaha,, sering banget yah Lex…

Dia juga nanya, kapan gw first kiss… Gw bilang, gak pernah… Gw bilang gw mau first kiss gue sama suami gue, trus dia ketawain se-tolol-tololnya. Kurang ajar.

Gw inget every detail semua kejadian yang terjadi 2 hari itu, pas di depan premierre, dia bilang, “Mungkin kita emang jodoh yaa…”

Huhuhu…. iya! Iya! Pasti!

Sampe kosan, dia nelpon taxi… en nunggu di kamar sambil merenung, huaaa,, abis ini kita gak akan ketemu lagi. Dia bakal ke Enhai, nginep semalem en besok siang pulang ke Jakarta.

Dia minta pendapat gw apakah dia harus ngelepasin Voli karena dia sibuk banget sama DKV en kegiatan2 dia… Dia ngerasa gak sanggup kalo semuanya tetep dijalanin. En gw bilang, “JANGAN!!!”

“Kenapa?”

Inget kan Lex, jawaban kita? Kita ngomong sama-sama…

Karena gara-gara Voli, kita ketemu…

Jujur yah, Lex… gw gak pernah bilang ini ke elo, taw gak… Gw suka banget liat lo maen Voli… Penuh semangat, selalu bisa ngebangkitin semangat tim lo. So, jangan dilepasin yaah… Lo menginspirasi gw untuk tetep semangat dalam hidup. Lo yang selalu bilang ke gw kan, apapun yang terjadi, gw harus semangat.

Gw terdiam cukup lama, mikir… apa jadinya hidup gw setelah ini… Setelah gw ketemu soulmate gw, terus ditinggal… Disorder kayak apa yang nanti bakal gw rasain…?

Tiba-tiba… He kissed me.

It just happened.

Dia cium pipi gw. A stolen kiss… Nggak pernah terpikir kalau pertama kali dicium cowok bakal stolen kiss…

Taw gak, saat itu, jantung gw pindah posisi ke perut. GOD, gw gak pernah ngerasain perut gw tiba2 mules banget kayak diaduk2 pake sendok semen! Muka gw pasti cengo banget saat itu. Sekitar 5 detik gw mencerna semuanya, gw pukul paha Alex kenceng banget. “BABI LO LEX!!! Itu first kiss gw yaaaa!!!!”

Alex cengar-cengir aja. “Kan di pipi,, yang di bibir buat suami lo..”

Gw rasa itu lucu banget… hihihi… Alex… Alex… dasar orang gila!

“Lex, lo gila ya?!”

“Gara-gara siapa gue gila?”

Hmm,, gw gak akan lupa every single word that you said, Lex..

Kita berdua gila. Bukan elo doang. Gue juga gila…

Sedihnya, Hpnya bunyi, ditelpon sama Blue Bird. Damn! Kenapa sih sinyal hari itu mesti bagus!! T.T

Gw anter dia ke depan… sebelum naek taxi, gw peluk dia eraaaaaaat banget… Gak maw gw lepasin rasanya… sampe mati juga.

But I had to… And I let him go…

Pcaya apa engga, pas taxi udah pergi, air mata gak berhenti2nya turun selama 10 menit ke depan. Gw kayak orang goblok yang ngegembok pintu sambil nangis, terus ngetok2 kamar Linni. “Liiiin….”

Pas Linni buka pintu kamar dan ngeliat tampang gw yang udah banjir banget, dia langsung shock. “Ya ampun, Maaay! Lo kenapa? Diapain lo sama Alex???”

Diapain sama Alex…?

Dicium?

Ditinggal?

Apa yah?

Hmm…. Dibikin jatuh cinta…

3 September 2006

Call me crazy, pas Alex bangun jam 10 pagi (si BABI emang), gw langsung ngacir ke Enhai, dianter Billy… (THANKS a lot Bil!!!!)

Gw ketemu dia untuk yang terakhir kali… Ngeyakinin kita berdua kalo gak mungkin bisa long distance, so… it’s that last time we said goodbye. Pas jalan di koridor enhai, dia nurunin bando gw lagi… Gw kesel banget karena rambut gw jadi berantakan, tapi gw taw… jailnya dia itu bakal ngangenin.

Gw gak bisa lama2, ditunggu Billy, so gw harus pulang. Dia anter gw ke motor, dan untuk yang terakhir kali juga, gw peluk dia lagi… Lex, lo harus tau kalo saat itu gw nahanin nangis. Entah kenapa gw gak maw nangis di depan lo… Mungkin karena gw gak maw image ‘crayon orange’ gw di mata lo rusak.

Waktu peluk dia, gw ngomong…

“Lex… inget yah…

1. kalo suka sama cewe lain, harus bilang gw…

2. Apalagi kalo sampe jadian…

3. Sering2 telpon gw…

4. Jangan pernah lupain gw… dan 3 hari terakhir ini

5. Kalo lawan atma lagi, menang yah! Hehhe…”

Dan pesan dia cuma satu,

“Kalo lo gak yakin sama perasaan lo, kalo lo gak ngerasain apa yang lo rasain skrg, jangan jalanin hubungan… karena cuma bakal nyakitin.”

Then, that’s it… I went away. Billy, mungkin lo gak taw, sepanjang jalan gw nangis di atas motor… goblok banget. Gw jadi gila… semuanya jadi abu-abu…

I’ve just found my soulmate and I’ve just lost him. How ironic is that?

Pas udah di kosan pun, gw gak berhenti nangis di kamar Cipen… goblok… goblok… gw jadi gila neh, kayaknya….

~~~

Waktu denger cerita ini, banyak tanggepan2 aneh dari orang2… antara, “Aaaaw… I envy you!”

“Alaaaah… itu mah bukan sayang!”

“Easy comes easy goes…”

“Pertahanin dia, May!”

Atau cuma ketawa sinis….

Joan yang paling lucu, dengan wajah pura2 lugu dia nanya, “Ini true story, kan?”

Yup, kalo ada orang yang ceritain gw kayak gini, mungkin gw juga akan ternganga gak percaya. “Ini true story bukan seeeh??”

I know it’s too impossible to be true, but I’ve felt it… with my soulmate… how great is that?

Bwat orang2 yang menanggapi cerita ini dengan sinis, gw cuma bisa bilang… Don’t be so cynical about this kind of love just because you haven’t felt it. Gw percaya kok, semua orang punya Alex-nya masing2… It’s just my luck to find him first.

Don’t look for your destiny, it’ll come to you after all…

Bwat Yoan, *speechless*, abis udah keluar semua pas kelas PerpPol. :P

Bwat Linni, Cipen, en Litta (para saksi hidup), kalo gak ada tarohan itu, gak akan ada ini semua.

Bwat Cupy, gw pengen banget ngenalin dia ke elo!!!

Bwat semua yang baca,, mungkin aneh, mustahil, apalah,, sayang hanya dalam waktu 2 hari… But it happens!!! I felt it! Gak ada yang lebih real lagi deeh!!!

Bwat Alex… Gimana nyong?! Gw udah bikinin blogs bwat lo neh! Gw gak pernah gak yakin sedikitpun sama perasaan sayang kita kok! En gw juga gak pernah nyesel sama semua yang terjadi selama dua hari itu… Cepetan publish komik lo! Biar novel gw happy ending! Inget janji lo di IP! En gw bakal selalu inget kata2 lo… Tetep semangat!!! En… “kalo emang lo jodoh gw… Kita pasti bakal ketemu lagi.” you always said that.

Alex…

Meeting you was Fate

Knowing you was Choice

But Falling in love with you… is totally out of my control.

-May, Septemberollercoaster 2006-

Today, six years after that happened, I finally look back and smile. No, not smile, I laugh!

Come on, it’s a beautiful story and we’re friends now, why not laugh about it? This “falling in love with stranger” thing is like one of my wildest fantasy since I was nine years old! Guess I attract universe to finally give this story for me. =)

FYI, this all happened when Bandi and I were in 3 months relationship and apparently one day before I met Alex, we decided to go “on a break”, giving each other space. Right after I came back saying goodbye to Alex, I went to Bandi’s place and broke up with him.

I should make a point now that I was doing Bandi a favor by really breaking up with him instantly after I gained my conscience back from the fairy tale. However we were on a break. (Not that I agree with Ross sleeping with other woman while he and Rachel were on a break. LOL)

Falling in love with Alex was inevitable. And the least I could do was being fair to Bandi by breaking up with him.
Well, like Kurt Cobain said, it’s better to be yourself and everyone hates you than become somebody else and everyone loves you.

For all of Bandi’s friends who were calling me a slut and people who accused me of cheating and whatever, this might be the answer for you for “Why did you do that to the nicest guy on earth?”

For me, I think what I did was right. I could have just played victim and stepped on the two boats, nobody knows right? (Nobody unless hundred of people on GSG watching me asking for his number. LOL) Or I could just go back to my normal life with Bandi and pretended like nothing happened.

But hey something happened. I fell in love and I will never lie of what I feel. So instead of being so angelic, I became a devil instead. I did let go the two of them.

Because it is the right thing. I was being fair.

You could comment anything and say that technically I was cheating but in my defense, falling in love with Alex was inevitable. He would have done exactly the same thing if he had a girlfriend.

Do you know what cheating is? It is having two or more love affairs in the same time under your conscience!!! (bold and underlined with three exclamation points!)

I wasn’t in my conscience on that time. It was a three days fantasy, and once after I came back to reality, the first thing I did was telling Bandi about it. And when he asked, “so what do you wanna do about it now?” I did the right thing, I said we should break up.

So what happened after Bandi and I broke up? Did I try a relationship with Alex? Hmm, I can’t really call it a relationship because what we did most of the times was arguing over the phone and remember back then inter-city phone calls weren’t cheap. We were only a student then and didn’t have spare money to buy train tickets to visit each other and we were so busy with college life we didn’t have time to console each other’s feelings. We were miserable and I must say everything was really hard with him. Because he was a male version of me. He was stubborn, selfish and crazily romantic.

We were falling in too fast and couldn’t wait to go out as fast. We made a mistake by taking the fantasy to the reality. Alex and me were bad news. In the end we did hurt each other more than we fell in love to each other.

Now the question is, after all this time, if now another Alex comes again into my life, will I do the same thing? No.

1. My feeling now is totally different from what I had with Bandi back then. We had only been together for 3 months and those were boring 3 months. And to be honest, if the Alex thing didn’t hit him that hard, he would stay boring for the rest of his life.

2. Things like this won’t happen twice.

3. I wouldn’t do juvenile thing like accepting a bet for a free lunch and ask a guy’s phone number in my age now. (You see the point? I was just being juvenile and that’s what we did on our college times.)

I knew this would be a controversial post, but I don’t give a fuck. For what it’s worth, everything happens for reason. I believe that.

However Bandi and I are together now, being stronger than ever. When I ask Bandi whether he’s scared of me ever do that again, he said no. “You and Alex were in the same city when I was in US for two years, and you didn’t even have thoughts of meeting him.” Well he’s freakin right!!

“You love me just too much. All you do is thinking about me, you don’t have time for drama.”

The climax for this post would be this:

So, the other night, Alex just showed up on my whatsapp, out of the blue, apologizing of what he did 6 years ago. I know he apologized before but somehow this time, it just felt so right. We talked in the middle of 2 am in the morning and we spent like one hour straight just to chat.

I used to say that he was my darkest hour before dawn and here it is, another surprise from universe, this story really ended in a dawn.

Like Alex said and I quote: “Once again, I apologize to you. I hurt you before and I’m sorry for that. I remembered you told me on 2007 that you feel like slapping my face. You know what? I deserved that.”

Anyway, we did meet again exactly one year after that. I post about it here.

Here’s some peek of the chat. I’ve edited the personal stuffs though.

Alex convo

I told him I already forgave him long time ago and I’m so glad he has grown so much from a very selfish guy to be this wise man and you know what? It’s because of a girl. (It’s always LOVE that conquers all! Yaiy!)

He also said he will definitely come if Bandi and I get married someday and will draw us for free! (He’s a professional illustrator now :)) He said he’s so glad we’re friends now, which we both should become in the first place. Please, Alex was like a male version of me, we should have been bestfriend since the beginning if there were no romance and drama involved!

He said he always knew Bandi was the one for me, that he never gave up on me through all those things and he said he also owe Bandi an apology. Well, that would be an epic moment when he apologize to Bandi. LOL

We agreed on two things: one, that what we felt for those three days was real and let it be just a beautiful fantasy. Two, everything really does happen for reason. That happened to me so Bandi and I would be like today and that happened to him so he would grow up (even he just realized 6 years later) and when he finally met this girl, he knew what love really is. =)

I’m so glad Alex and I talked it out.

For every pain and hurt that we costed each other six years ago, I’m so grateful it happened. It was a part of growing up.

Now is the time for my sotoy philosophy…

The reason why I made this post is that we should not run from our past or pretend it never happened by not talking about it. We have to make closure for every issues that we had in order to move forward. I believe that.

I personally love to have a closure with Alex and finally Bandi is okay talking about it, even though he still doesn’t want to mention the “A” name. haha

Don’t try too hard though to make a closure as it might not the time yet. Just remember everyone has different timeline and different standard of dealing with problems and pain. Let the time heals everything. Don’t lose faith. The closure will come, eventually.

Because time really does heal everything.

May, 17th July 2012.

Geez, It’s kinda weird that I read it again now, my life is so awesome!! Haha! How many people out there get to have an apology from a guy who hurt her so much 6 years before. And this post has been laying there in the draft page for a reason. You know what’s the reason? So I can make an inception post like this. Hahaha! A post inside a post inside a post. If this doesn’t make my blog awesomeness level went up, I don’t know what will.

Anyway, enough with the non-sense.

To comment about the story, seven years after, I just want to say… for all the excuses I made and the argues I tried to validate… I still think it’s the right thing to do even seven years later. What I did was right. (still)

This is gonna be my last post ever talking about this Alex guy. This is the season finale and I like the ending. We’re not best friend anyway like we said on the whatsapp one year ago because it would be weird for Bandi and Alex’s girlfriend if we’re bestfriend, this is not a sitcom.

We’re just a friend who wishes each other Happy birthday and talk once in a while especially when he’s about to show some of his drawing stuffs to me. But we’re cool. He’s living his dream and I live mine. =)

I don’t know what kind of sentences would be perfect to end this series of drama. I have been staring at the blinking cursor for the last 30 seconds and there’s no perfect words to say.

I guess…

Life is unpredictable.

One minute you had it all, the other you lost it. It’s so scary that your life and everything attached to you is mortal.

However life is too short not to fall in love head over heels. To really fall.

To fall in love and then to be heart broken and then to learn and to let go and to move on. That’s okay.

That’s life. Don’t be scared. Time will heal and you will be healed too.

Have your heart broken is inevitable, being miserable is optional. =)

Afterall, It’s always fun to hear a love story, no matter how bad the ending is… And you can always change your point of view and turn it around to be a happy ending.

P.S: For the twenty years old Alex and the twenty years old May: You two are damn cute! I’m glad you guys took the chance. =)

Cheers,

May, 26th July 2013

Seventh

Yes, today Bandi and I are celebrating our seventh anniversary. Seven freaking amazing years. Each year I get fall deeper in love with him and looking forward for many years to come.

I decided to pick my seven favorite photos of us and show it off here. Trust me, it’s very VERY hard to just pick seven from thousand of photos of us. (Yeah, I’m horribly narcissistic and he followed somehow)

So here goes my magnificent seven, in random order.

1. Good time, bad time.

Photo was taken on Christmas 2007. I got the idea from some clip in youtube. Love how this photo turns out. =)

Photo was taken on Christmas 2007. I got the idea from some clip in youtube. Love how this photo turns out. =)

2. Something happened on the way to heaven.

Photo was taken by a dear friend around August 2007. We both didn't know that we were being photographs. We were going up to the campus. Bandi was dressed up because he was going to meet his lecturer about his thesis. I was going to go for a class of course. Really love these photos.

Photo was taken by a dear friend who had just borrowed an SLR, around August 2007. We both didn’t know that we were being photographs. We were going up to the campus. Bandi was dressed up because he was going to meet his lecturer about his thesis. I was going to go for a class of course. Really love these photos.

3. Hang on to you.

Photo was taken on June 2010 at Seminyak, Bali. I was supposed to sit on Bandi's shoudler but I was scared so I was struggling to go down but Bandi didn't let me. My friend who held the camera decided to freeze this moment. =)

Photo was taken on June 2010 at Seminyak, Bali. I was supposed to sit on Bandi’s shoudler but I was scared so I was struggling to go down but Bandi didn’t let me. My friend who held the camera decided to freeze this moment. =)

4. The Jump.

Taken on the same day with the previous photo. Bandi and I bungee jumped in double six, Bali. It was a scary yet exciting moment, but definitely a moment to remember. =)

Taken on the same day with the previous photo. Bandi and I bungee jumped in double six, Bali. It was a scary yet exciting moment, but definitely a moment to remember. =)

5. The beach, the skies and the kiss.

Another beach photo, which turned out to be dramatic. Taken on November 2012 at Boracay Island, Philippines. Even though the photo is heavily edited nothing is photoshopped. We used self-timer and didn't expect that it would be this good. =)

Another beach photo, which turned out to be dramatic. Taken on November 2012 at Boracay Island, Philippines. Even though the photo is heavily edited nothing is photoshopped. We used self-timer and didn’t expect that it would be this good. =)

6. The New Year Kiss.

Bandi and I have our tradition to always kiss on the new year's time. So when the countdown ended, he reached out to me and gave me a new year kiss for 2013. We didn't know that a friend captured this sweet moment. =)

Bandi and I have our tradition to always kiss on the new year’s time. So when the countdown ended, he reached out to me and gave me a new year kiss for 2013. We didn’t know that a friend captured this sweet moment. I love how dramatic it looks because there were no faces in this photo but I could feel the love in the air. =)

7. And I got yours.

Photo was taken just last month at Henderson's bridge, Singapore. It was a sunny day and a fun day. I love how Bandi and I accidentally wore contrast-colored outfits. =)

Photo was taken just last month at Henderson’s bridge, Singapore. It was a sunny day and a fun day. I love how Bandi and I accidentally wore contrast-colored outfits. =)

So, those are my favorite photos during our seven amazing years together. Oh how I wish I could put our 100 favorite photos because that would be easier for me to filter them out. LOL.

Since the this year’s anniversary falls on Friday, we’re gonna theme it anniversary weekend! We still don’t know what we’d do. Maybe we’ll go on a dinner date and buy 7 different cakes and 7 lottery tickets or we’d watch 7 different movies all day and probably eat 7 different type of foods. LOL.

Seven is his favorite number, that’s why We’re gonna make this special. =)

So, which one is your favorite photo? ;)

Cheers,

May, never thought to be in love this long… with the same guy.

My favorite photobox with him. =)

My favorite photobox with him. =)

UPDATE: all my plans are ruined because Bandi turned out to make plans better!!! Hahaha! He surprised me at four in the morning to pack some clothes and bring me to Changi airport!!! Hahahaha! I always wanted an impromptu trip from a guy I love and today it happened. He prepared 7 great things for us but for this, I’ll just say I’m very happy. Truly happy. Let me just keep all the details private for myself. :)
Oh god I really love him. :)
Bandung, 7th June 2013, May.

Look Closer to Apple Pie and Cinnamon

Nope this is not a culinary post or a recipe blog. Sorry to disappoint hungry people though.

This post is about a  story of a girl. Let’s call her Apple Pie. Apple Pie has been in a long term relationship with her boyfriend, whom would we call Cinnamon, since they met in college, here in Singapore about 5 or 6 years ago. They’ve been together ever since. Apple Pie then had everything she wanted. A good settled life in Singapore, with so many great friends around, a good career, even an offer to be a public teacher (which is sooo amazing in Singapore), but she turned down the offer, and she must quit her job that she liked and she would sadly leave all of her friends and she must leave Singapore.

Why?

She did them all in the name of love.

Because her boyfriend (was then in a long distance relationship with her) proposed to her. Then she must follow her boyfriend (then became future husband) to where he lived, which is a city that if compared to Singapore is much less developed. And the most horrifying thing was, she didn’t know anyone in that city. She must restart her life. She leave everything she has just because of a guy.

In this paragraph, you probably would think “This girl is so stupid.”

I would too…

That, until I knew what her reason is, and that this is not “just a guy”.

I was in the same condition with her when Bandi was talking about going back to his hometown and I straight away told him “No way, we’re breaking up.” So I was blown awayyy with how universe works. Universe arranged my encounter with this girl and we talked and talked and talked until midnight and she opened my eyes of how idiotic love can be. And love should be that way. I requested Bandi to be idiotic, while I stayed sane. That wasn’t fair.

Now let me tell you the other side of the story of Apple Pie and Cinnamon, and let’s take a closer look.

Apple Pie and Cinnamon had the amazing two years relationship when they were in college. Spent so much time together and later found out that they were made for each other. Apple Pie learned a lot from Cinnamon, especially of how Cinnamon treated his family. He was the family guy every girls dying to have to be their husband. Cinnamon was not like that at all, then she learnt how to call her mom and asked her how she is and stuffs. That was one of so many things Apple Pie learnt from Cinnamon.

Long story short, after graduated, Cinnamon moved back to his hometown, a city in the other part of Indonesia, far from Capital city Jakarta, and not Apple Pie’s hometown either. Cinnamon had to move back because he had to inherit his father’s local business. His father was getting old and that was something he must do. Apple Pie tried to understand that but she still stayed in Singapore, for another 2 or 3 years and for that period of time, they were in a long distance relationship.

I know Apple Pie loves living here and it must be so hard for them to decide what to do for their future. They must decide something or otherwise they would be in an LDR for the rest of their lives! (And trust me that’s not a wise idea!) So I met Apple Pie, about 3 months ago. She told me she would go back to Indonesia for good. I asked her why and she said because I wanted to be with Cinnamon.

I asked why again, and she explained.

In the first two years of relationship, when they were still in college, it was all about her. She was the center of the universe. Cinnamon did everything for her. Because it was only the two of them. There were no parents or family involved. Apple Pie knows that Cinnamon would do anything for her. If he could, he would stay with Apple Pie in Singapore, and continue to treat Apple Pie as the center of the universe.

But Cinnamon has a family and he must take care of them and that is something that a man must do. And this is the time for Apple Pie to pay back the favor. Now she wants him to be the center of the universe. She would do anything to make him happy. And she knows he’s happy when he’s with her and his family. So she would move in with him, to an unfamiliar town, which language she couldn’t talk.

I, before knowing her personally, would never ever ever understand why a woman would make a sacrifice for a man like that. That is so degrading for a feminist like me. I would probably call her names like dumbo or stupido or anything.

But then I knew her, and she was not at all stupid or delusional or weak. She was just in love. And she proved me that love does conquer all, my friend.

I am so touched with her bravery and her big heart. It surely wasn’t an easy thing to do, but remember this:

“Sometimes the right thing and the hard thing are the same thing.” (Liz Lemon – 30 Rock)

I’m sorry I didn’t know her sooner. But I’m glad in that short period of time, I met her and got to know her better. We could’ve been BFF if she didn’t move out, but however I’m grateful that I met her.

She made me reflect about my relationship with Bandi which is more or less in the same situation. Bandi is just as worth to sacrifice as Cinnamon and there’s nothing I should hesitate that he will take care of me like he takes care of his sisters and his mother. He’s a family guy that every girls dying to have to be their husband.

But, my heart is not as big as Apple Pie. I am selfish and for these 6 six years of our relationship, not even once I put Bandi as the center of the universe. It’s been always me, me, and me. I have to be the center of his universe, now and always. I have to be spoiled in every possible way. And I don’t feel bad, because I love that.

God knows how much I love Bandi.

I told Apple Pie that. And she said, people speak different love languages, like in Gray Chapman’s book. And I shouldn’t feel guilty. Everyone express love in different way, different language. (You can find more about this in Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages).

Universe works in a strange way. I met Apple Pie in a cycling event, got to know her over a Pasta cooking session and talked to her til passed midnight, and finally realized how love conquers all over a short coffee in Cafe Cartel. Yet this lady made a difference in my life.

The wholemeal spaghetti that we cooked.

I hope I can deliver the message of love and sacrifices in this post. I hope there are no more stupid judgments over the things people do in the name of love. I used to be that person and now I’m not anymore. Love is the most important thing in life. Everything is worth sacrificing for love.

Hey there, Apple Pie. Thanks for inspiring me, and changing my perspective about love and sacrifices. Have fun on your next adventure with Cinnamon. And see you on your wedding day! So excited!!!

Cinnamon’s niece drew this for their wedding day.

Love,

May.

P.S. All photos are taken from Apple Pie’s instagram.

P.P.S. I use fake names just for fun purposes. :p

P.P.P.S Update: Apple Pie’s reaction of this post!