Why Christmas is so important for a Buddhist like me?

Lately been busy doing stuffs… *ahem* who am I kidding, okay, I admit, this past one month I’ve been busy playing GTA V. Yes, I know as I feminist I should’ve been offended by a misogynistic game like GTA, but oh maaaan the gamer soul inside of me enjoyed it very very much. I have completed GTA V last week and I still love doing the after-main story activities so that’s the main reason why I’ve been so lazy to blog lately.

But after GTA has been completed, I got so busy with my wedding thingy. Arrrghhh doing wedding preparation while you’re on PMS is a bad combination. I cried for such a stupid problems and come to think about it now, I feel embarrassed.

I don’t have any interesting things to talk about but because I have an oath for “post a week”  (thankfully the oath will end on this end of the year so I can write anytime I want again start next year) so I “recycled” one of my favorite post.

Christmas is very near,  so I re-post a Christmas post I’ve written two years ago. I hope it brings smile on your face as it did to mine. =)

I did spend Christmas’ eve with Bandi in the church ever since. =)

Happy Christmas to all! Be merry!

***

23rd december 2011.

I grew up having Christmas in my school every year since I went to Catholic school from… err, basically for the whole of my school year, even my college year. I knew best about the story of how Mary and Joseph couldn’t find a home for a shelter when Mary needed to deliver baby Jesus, I took part of the Christmas show every year when I was in elementary, I forget whom I played as though.

I love going to Catholic Church especially on Christmas’ eve just to listen the carols and feel the holy night atmosphere. Not once, I likely to shed a tear (yes I’m that drama queen.) Thus, I received this question a lot, “If you really love Christmas and Church, and plus your boyfriend is a Catholic, why don’t you convert to one?”

Because I don’t believe in god.

I appreciate people’s relationship with their gods. I appreciate my man’s relationship with god. I love to see him praying. I know he believes in god. He has this close relationship with his god that I could never interfere and will never understand, not because it doesn’t exist, but because I don’t believe in god. But doesn’t mean something doesn’t exist just because you don’t believe in it.

If you believed in something, it is what it is you believe. And if you didn’t believe? It will never be existed in your mind.

For a record, no one believe my LDR will work, but ta-daa, it does!

As Buddha ever said,

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.

I believe my relationship with this universe and Buddhist philosophy. I believe I am stronger each day because of yesterday. I believe in love and human’s relationship between each other. I cherish what I could feel, such as joy, contentment and comfort.

Everyone has their own joy, contentment and comfort. Some finds in their gods. And a lot of people believe a lot of gods. Why bother to insist someone to believe your god? It’s like insisting someone who can’t paint to take fine art major.

Christmas is an event. For the Christians, it’s the day when Jesus was born. For me, it’s a memory, of my fun childhood, of the warmth of my tiny school, of having an unforgettable Christmas’ Eve Mass with my man before he left to USA, of having hopes and wishes.

He is the only Catholic in his family, while the others are Buddhist. He used to spend Christmas alone, went to Church alone and didn’t get used to having presents on Christmas day. I have a Catholic Dad even though he wasn’t so festive about Christmas. So, five years ago, my man and I went to Church on Christmas’ Eve and since then, I whispered to Mother Mary in his god’s house, “I would like to do this every year with this guy, which ‘this guy’ refers to the guy beside me kneeling towards you, praying. And I hope he prays the same thing.”

The Christmas after was bittersweet. He was about to leave the next week, and that time, I hope his prayer was to come back to me. I was so afraid that it could be our last Christmas together.

Years after that were hard times for us, but having the thoughts of spending Christmas with him somehow got me through everything.

It’s so amazing how memory could make people stronger.

So, this Christmas, after 2 years absent from Christmas’ Eve Mass, I would listen those carols and hold that candle again. After the last two Christmases were spent playing “Merry Christmas Darling” on the ‘repeat one’ mode, buying Christmas card and went to post office and skype-ing and wishing to have the next Christmas with my man, the wish finally comes true this year. (<– I smile while typing this.)

I wish everyone to have a jolly Christmas this year and years after. I wish every wish came true. I wish Christmas Miracles happen to everyone. I wish for more candy canes, louder carols, Santa’s tighter red legging, wetter kisses, warmer hugs and creamier cakes. Coz that’s what Christmas is all about!!!

Can’t wait for Christmas day!

Be merry!

Love, May.

***

Bonus photos from the past Christmases!

Christmas 2011

Christmas 2011

Christmas 2012, Boxing Day!

Christmas 2012, Boxing Day!

Can't wait for Boxing day this year! Yaiy Yaiy!!!

Can’t wait for Boxing day this year! Yaiy Yaiy!!!

Cheers,

May, on festive mood.

My Treasure

A couple days ago I was tidying up my room before redecorating and then I found a shoebox of…

love letters 2

Love cards and love letters!

Love Letters!

Doesn’t it seem vintage romantic? Teehee!

It’s been two years since our Long Distance Relationship ended so I forgot how these used to be my treasures, that re-reading them hundred of times still would make me smile like the first glance.

I’ve always thought that rereading these cards and letters would only bring out painful memories from our long distance era, since the writings were mostly full of encouragement and “I miss you” words. I reminisce the blue feeling, the hazy situation and the cloudy hopeless mind full of question mark because on that moment Bandi was quite sure that he was gonna settle down in US while I was nowhere near going there.

Somehow, there were some cards that gave me smiles. Like I said, I was so frustrated by the distance and the “don’t know when to meet you again” feeling, yet we could still write nice things like this.

Bandi's sweet sweet words for encouraging me.

Bandi’s sweet sweet words for encouraging me.

And some sane times, I reply him with encouragement too. Though it was very rarely happened.

And some sane times, I reply him with encouragement too. Though it was very rarely happened.=p

Bandi was studying when I opened this treasure and he groaned, “Oh no… Why are you doing this when I study?!” Then he was slowly pushing his books away and joining me to read the letters one by one with some comments like, “Oh my god, we were so cheesy!” or “Geez, I was writing this on 5th month LDR? Still long way to go, May! NO WAYYY! Break up with him!” or “Aww, you remember this?”

And here goes my personal favorite of all time:

It was so touchy I accused him whether he copied from Google! Haha!

It was so touchy I accused him whether he copied from Google! Haha!

With a kiss or two (ah, who am I kidding, a lot) we started to get cozy and time slipped away and it was suddenly two hours of reading. It was a very nice moment to share with him so I thought we should do this more often, the problem is, if we were doing it often, it won’t feel so magical because yeah, it’s memories. They tend to be forgotten and then found to be a treasure, right?

So Bandi said, “do you want to put it in a time capsule? When we grow old and all our kids have gone out and we have traveled the world, we would just sit at home and read this again.”

I was tempted to do it actually. But in one condition, I want to show this to our kids first. You know, seeing their disgusted faces of “Eww, Dad*! You’re so cheesy!” would be so awesome!!! I cannot wait!

*)terms and conditions are implied because Bandi doesn’t want to be called Dad. But hey, if you’re reading this, I’m the owner of the womb. So “Dad” or nothing! Haha!

Then we talked about our imaginary kids and I freaked out again. Are we going to be good parents if we ever be one someday? Lately I’ve been reading Arman’s Blog and he’s so damn lucky to have those two gorgeous kids. I know that it would depend on your parenting style et cetera et cetera, but wouldn’t the character of the kid be a factor to? Geez, here I am blabbering about kids. Kinda freaky, huh?

Never mind then, I still have some time to think about it though, at least five years. LOL Bandi is so going to kill me.

Anyway, talking about the treasure, I’ve found another treasure that was being put in the same box with the love letters. It’s our scrapbook. When Bandi went to US, I gave him a scrapbook with about 200 pages that I went to bind myself and colored the cover myself. Unfortunately I only used about the first 30 pages, so during his time there, he wrote a couple of things and it was like adding 5 more pages. So we have so many pages left on the book so when we were going for the ultimate trip during his summer break, I put all the memories captured on the book. =)

Here’s some of my favorite pages:

Scrapbook collage

That book is my treasure too and would probably go into my Time capsule too. And guess what was the comment for reading this book. You got it right if you thought, “Shit! I was so damn skinny!!!” Hahaha!

I want to re-write my favorite page of the book. It was written for Bandi to read on the airplane back to Texas after our summer holiday. If this sounds cheesy for you, please please please don’t unfollow my blog. LOL. But seriously I think it’s sweet. (I am so self centered, I want the world to know I’m romantic that way.)

So don’t worry, chase your dream! Even your dream is in the other side of the globe, and 12 hours away from me, I will still support you. I know I said mean things like I can’t keep waiting for you or whatever, but you know how I feel about you. That feeling is too strong to let go, so I decided to never let go, and keep holding on. =)

You flew 12,000 miles to see me, you kept your promise. So I’ll keep mine, that I will always love you no matter how long I should wait or how far I should go.

I love us. And us is what’s gonna make me stay strong. =) I love our silly moments, I love our lazy days, our adventures, our stubbornness. I love how we argue and how we always make up. I love the times we made sushi, watched Ipin-Upin, we talked about life and everything. I love how we always say thank you to each other, how we always be honest and faithful, how we always mock and praise, how we kiss and how we hold hand. I love us.

It will always be this way. You and me. Forever.

Love, May.

So, what about your treasure?

P.S. Was thinking to make kinda Give Away about this theme, but then since the only people who react to this blog is Colson, he would be the one who win it so then I had to send the parcel to Netherlands.  Hahaha. Just kidding, sir! =)

But seriously, what’s your treasure? I would love to hear stories!!!

Cheers,

May, in a nostalgic mood.

What happened other than gaining weight and lost all my angpao for gambling?

This is one of those moments when I write a post without any purpose. I just feel like writing everything. On the contrary of my previous post, this would be a non-serious anything goes writing as I like. Hmm, where should I start?

Other than gaining probably 2 or 3 kilos from my CNY pigging out week and lost all my angpao money gambling at my Boss’ open house CNY party, nothing is really worth the sweat to complain about. I should’ve learned from the past two years of my Chinese New Year gambling record that I never win at gambling, but it was worth the fun anyway. In Singapore, there’s this tradition to gamble every CNY because they said our luck is doubled up during this period. But if that’s the case, doesn’t it mean everyone’s lucks are leveled anyway? Duh!

I had so much fun at my house back in Jakarta, which rarely happens and that’s probably why lately I’ve been feeling so lively and happy and grateful even of simple things. I know my family is not the most tragic of all but I can say it’s one of them, so when we had a nice time together last CNY, I sent a little prayer to thank and did some high five with the universe. This brings so much joy for me.

The kindness of my blogger friends

I got a tiny enlightenment if I didn’t want to call it a-ha moment when I read comments from my blogger friends for the previous post about Bandi missing the flight back to Singapore. I don’t want to explain too much regarding the thing on this post because I don’t want to make this post to be another serious post, but I’m so glad I received many kind comments and even an honest comment from Arman that slapped my face. I hope this is a good news for anyone who knows me and cares about Bandi and me.

The Candy Crush Craze

You probably get annoyed by friends who post their Candy Crush Saga achievement on their facebook, but please don’t hate them, they are innocent. They are just infected by the Candy Crush Craze like me and the facebook post is automatic if they reach certain level.

And yeah, I’m infected too. I’m ashamed to admit this but I know I’m sick when I walked on the pavement and I saw these leaves and suddenly had the urge to swipe one of the leaf to line them up. (WTF, Brain!?)

I know I'm sick.

I know I’m sick.

The game is basically about matching 3 (and more) types of candy, but it’s not like the regular Bejeweled game, my friend! This game needs strategy as you are only given limited moves. Every level also has different types of mission and task, such as clearing the jelly or bringing down ingredients.

IMG_3565

I think the key of Candy Crush success is that they synchronize the game with facebook and you are allowed to see where your friends are and because I’m very competitive, this is so much fun for me.

IMG_3564

This game is also not the pushy kind of game, you know like those sim games that require you to open the game every certain hours to check whether you burn your food or your plants are withered. But trust me, once you get the fun of Candy Crush, you can’t stop. And it would probably effect your blog posts which I believe happened to Dian for her lack of posting. LOL.

So, happy sugar-crushing!

The Snapseed Magic and Photonia Euphoria

I read Bebe’s recommendation for photo editing app and tried Snapseed (which is the only app I haven’t tried mentioned) and MAN! Is there anything more awesome than this? This app doesn’t give you ONLY filter effect like instagram, which is kinda boring and is meant for lazy people, when you add vintage effect on yourself holding ipad (what an irony). Snapseed gives you full control of what you want your photo to be. Do you want it to be brighter, smoother, sharper? You can also add contrast as you like, straighten up crooked photo and this is the best, you can edit only certain part of the photo! It’s like mini photoshop on your phone! And, and, and… you can add drama! Oh how I love this app! Here’s a proof why I didn’t exaggerate…

Snapseed Magic with a touch of drama.

Snapseed Magic with a touch of drama.

You see that the area of my and Bandi’s face has more light because there is a tool of adding details at the area you choose. Snapseed is free on Apple Store and Android (I think) but costs $19.90 if you install it to your laptop.

After you edit your photo with the Snapseed magic, it’s time to collage your photos with the gorgeous Photonia. At first I didn’t understand how to use this app so I just used the default settings and frames but once you learn the full control of scrapbook-ing your photos with this app, it’s going to be fun!

Photonia Euphoria!

Photonia Euphoria!

The unfortunate thing about this app is that they only give you limited free frame and and background. You must purchase for more and that’s a bummer. =(

The Lovey-Dovey Valentine

I’m not that kind of girls who must celebrate Valentine’s day but somehow I feel this year’s Valentine is the sweetest Valentine for me. Actually there are no amazing gifts or excessive dinner whatsoever but I feel that this year, I have a content heart (could also happened after the missing flight a-ha moment).

I was on a break with Bandi on our first year of Valentine and I was having too much fun with my single girlfriends. (You know how “too much fun” definition equals to swearing over happy couples and jerk guys for one night, right?)

The second year was ended up with fight.

The third and fourth year were in a long distance relationship.

The fifth year, he surprised me with his one-way ticket from Texas and moving in for good to Singapore. Then we spent the whole Valentine’s day in Sentosa Island. It was pretty awesome. =)

The sixth year was the first growing up Valentine’s day ever with him sending a bouquet of flowers to my office and took me out on a cute date to a cafe called “Vanilla” with a vanilla smell all over it. I love Vanilla smell. =) We were also eating the weirdest (yet delicious) cake we’ve ever eaten called The Dirt Cake.

The Dirt Cake! It feels like eating a dirt, unless it's delicious!

The Dirt Cake! It feels like eating a dirt, unless it’s delicious!

The seventh year was last week, with no dinner, no spending money, just us having the house for ourselves (because my other roommates were still in Indonesia for their CNY holiday). I remembered a day before we went back to Jakarta, I asked him whether we had to prepare anything for Valentine’s day and he said no. I thought it’s because we’re in a long term relationship and it was the time for us to stop being lovey dovey on Valentine’s day.

But however I bought him a card and a watch because I just couldn’t help it. I’m a helpless romantic, even hundred years from now I can still think of way making my loved ones happy and give surprises for them.

Photonia 2

Pardon my cheesyness, this was made with Photonia too!

He, out of my expectation, brought me a stalk of rose and chocolate. Take note that Bandi is the kind of guy who always meant what he said. If he didn’t prepare anything, it means he really didn’t. Then I asked him why he decided to give me things. He said he didn’t want to erase the tradition of giving me flowers on Valentine’s Day. He also gave a card and I always love cards. He said we should never stop giving cards to each other even when we turned eighty and couldn’t even read properly. I would probably ask my grand daughter to accompany me to gift shop and help me browse. =)

We had this for dinner anyway and it was the best McDonald I’ve ever tasted. The reason why it felt so perfect is because I had no expectation at all. You know that high expectation leads to disappointment so when you don’t expect at all, everything feels so great.

Mc Donald's for Valentine's Dinner

Mc Donald’s for Valentine’s Dinner

Anyhow, the “missing the flight” moment turned out to have a silver lining that leads to my own a-ha moment. =)

The Back-To-Work Zombie

After one week of having fun, I finally came back to work yesterday. I guess my brain forgot how to function properly and I pushed it to actually think. You know what happened after work? I fell asleep as if I was dead.

The first day in Jakarta, I had too many things to chat about and I was literally 24 hours awake. I was hanging out with my friend until 4 in the morning and fetched Bandi to airport straightaway for his 6 am flight. Then the next morning was CNY first day so I couldn’t wake up too late otherwise my mom would kill me. The the next night I was going for a road trip with my two best friend to Bandung and we had too many things to update to each other, we didn’t stop talking. My friend who was driving almost hit the road barrier! And this is weird, we didn’t even take one photo of us!! Guess we forgot because of too much talking.

The bottom line is, I didn’t have enough sleep and I didn’t use my brain so much anyway during the holiday so on my first day of working, I was like a zombie. Well, it’s not interesting. So, just skip this part, I understand.

The Europe Funds

Beside our personal saving account for our Europe funds, Bandi and I have a gentong of saving for us to pay the hostel, train/local plane tickets and pre-purchased Museum tickets. (It is literally a gentong bottle we bought in Boracay. We managed to smuggle this bottle to Singapore! Haha.) We would just throw in $10 once in a while and $100 every month. We also sell unused things on ebay such as jump rope, old mp3 players, my crappy camera and even the new hair dryer we got from Company D&D lucky draw.

ebay funds

It was the total of our unused stuffs sold on ebay until last week, and guess what, we just sold Bandi’s old Samsung phone yesterday and got hard cash of $240.00! It added the ebay money for total $416!!! We went to Roxy at Jakarta to sell the phone and no one wanted to buy it because the phone was purchased outside Indonesia, can you believe it? I thought international purchase would be an advantage in Indonesia but I was wrong. So we brought the Samsung phone back to Singapore and advertise it on ebay and the next day it was sold! yeah baby! So we technically get additional cash of $416 for selling things we don’t need.

Eight months to our European adventure and I’m getting more and more excited. Bandi asked me to re-plan my route soon and make up my mind for either Prague or Lucern but I’m just too confused and too lazy to think. (Gee what a problem, May!)

The IKEA fever

After finding out that my IKEA member’s points are accumulated for the new lifetime member card (The FAMILY card), I got excited to shop at Ikea. It turns out I still have free $20 voucher that hasn’t been claimed and guess what, it’s lifetime membership now so I don’t need to shop unnecessary things in order to fill my one year quota etc.

Because of Snapseed, my photos transformed to be professional look photos and could be proudly framed on my bedroom wall, so yeah I used the Ikea’s member points excuse to buy a frame and it looks great, isn’t it?

This is the third time you see this photo on this post LOL. Please don't unfollow me!

This is the third time you see this photo on this post LOL. Please don’t unfollow me!

And I found a great standing lamp to create a luminosity effect on my tiny dressing space so it’ll feel like a walking closet (even though it’s not even close) LOL.

Photo 17-2-13 3 46 26 PM

You know how much it cost? Freaking $9.90! Isn’t Ikea the best or what? I know Ikea doesn’t provide the best quality for furniture but hey, that explains the cheap dollars your paid for and they provide at least 5 years warranty so that gives us excuse to do furniture shopping and rearrange your space every five years. Am I smaaart?
=(

The letter from my mom

My mom replied my letter. She gave me the letter on the day I was going back to Singapore. However the letter was packed on my big yellow luggage and it was left on Jakarta with Bandi so I could only read the letter the next day (even though I couldn’t wait to read!)

She didn’t talk much about what happened then but more for what will happen next. She said I shouldn’t be afraid to get married if I really want to. She asked me to do more prayer and strengthen my belief. She mentioned about happiness too that being happy is a state of mind. Indeed. Other than that, she wrote about usual stuff.

The letter is very personal and I don’t let anybody including Bandi to read it. It’s like the thing that bond me and my mom together. And that’s pretty cool.

Whoa, what a post! See what happens if I let myself writing without plot or purpose? I’ll just write and write non-stop and probably finish my free quota from wordpress. (Gee! Drama queen!)

To close this post, let me show you the cute CNY cupcake! Do you know what they said about usually pretty things are not good on the inside, well they’re right. This cupcake tastes weird. But cute so it’s forgiven, aye?

CNY Cake

Cheers,

May, who seriously needs to stop obsessing Candy Crush.

Another Long Distance’s Damage

Yesterday when I read my Whastapp message, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“It’s done, May.”

So, my bestfriend since primary school who has been in a relationship with this girl for 9 years gave me the flash news. They broke up, after a fucking 9 years relationship!!

They were high school sweethearts, survived through college challenge, managed through different working lives, but broke up because of… *drumroll please* Long Distance RelationSHIT!

He didn’t really mention that it’s because of the distance, but from his story, distance really did quite of damage on their relationship. Lack of communication, gilrfriend’s grumpy all the time (I told him I was too when I was in LDR, so this is normal) and finally they just grew up apart. (This part, I sincerely understand.)

People changed, people grew apart. They had the same reason with Bandi and I on this post.

After hours of trying to convince him to fight back for the broken relationship, I finally gave up and tried to be a supportive friend. Try to accept the fact that people do make up and break up. It’s part of the universe’s drama.

I was sad yesterday. The news affected my mood. It’s like having my parents divorced (even my parents didn’t love each other, at least my friends did.)

Later that night, I had a chat with my housemate and she told another story about her friends who has been together since high school, and only survived marriage not even one year.

So it’s true what people said that Long Term Relationship doesn’t guarantee the depth of the relationship. Well I still think however longer relationship gives you more time to know each other because all of the short term relationship that led to marriage always fell apart (in my point of view), but again, no guarantee of whatsoever.

Now I can’t imagine how do you move on from someone who had been spending days with you for the last nine years? Is that even possible?

Anyone has this experience?

In grieve,

May.

A Blast from the Past: Long Distance Relationship Ideas.

Just when I thought I will never make any more post about LDR, here I am, reminiscing my own memories with my LDR and my tricks during the whole shits, hopefully can help any of you who are in the Long Distance Relationshit. So, after those hundreds of whining LDR posts (Ok, I’m exaggerating) here goes the last one (finally, hopefully).

I was in LDR for 2 years 1 month, between Texas and Bandung-Jakarta-Singapore. However, unlike some of you, I can’t just do impulse things like maxing out my credit cards by buying tickets and visit each other, because even though I did buy tickets, I couldn’t enter without visa. So, all I could do was just accept the fact that I’m in a fucking LDR. And in order to make it work, we did couple of fun things together online and here are some of my LDR Ideas that hopefully can help you all.

  1. Pizza Night

Pick up your favorite pizza parlor, order while Skype online, so you can see each other. After you order, bet whose pizza will arrive first. Maybe you could bet for whoever lost, must strip. LOL

So anyway, after the pizzas arrive, you can have a pizza time just like normal couple, expect the fact that your other half is inside the fucking monitor. But hey, you still have the conversation, the pizza and the soda. So why complain? ;)

  1. Play chess online

Bandi and I did this all the time. You can google online chess game or just play it through yahoo messenger’s game tools. It might be a little personal for me because Bandi and I like to play chess and mock each other everytime we do wrong steps and one will beg the other one to undo the step. For a while I could fee like we were actually playing together.

  1. Watch movie together

This one is also my personal favorite because god knows how much we love watching movie together and comment a lot during the movie. We loved snuggling while watching DVDs, so because we were in the LDR, so I would just snuggle with pillows, with him online through phone. I used headset during the whole movie.

Both of you must download the chosen movie the night before, preferably from the same website/torrent, and then click play in the same time. Therefore, both of you will watch technically together, the exactly same movie.

This might a little costly since you must use phone call the whole movie, but since you’re in the LDR, I believe you reserve quite amount of money for this phone bill crap.

So, enjoy the movie and happy commenting!

  1. Messenger doodle

Do you know Yahoo Messenger have this doodle tools? It’s so fun to do. You could draw together, playing hangman, writing “I love you” and so on. You could also take out the girl and boy creature and kiss or hug each other. You could say, “That’s me, kissing you, in a parallel universe. =)

  1. Karaoke Night

Another favorite!!! Download a ‘music only’ song from youtube or any other website, connect Skype and play the song on the Windows Media Player or something. Then sing together like you’re in the karaoke!

Anyway this activity needs a headset to be plugged into your CPU. Our favorite online karaoke song was “Don’t wanna miss a thing” by Aerosmith. =)

  1. The “What would I do” game.

I can’t guarantee a suicidal feeling during this game, you know, because since you can only touch the monitor. So, this game is basically just telling each other and making the list of “What would I do once you’re here”. You can start with simple things as “kiss your eyes” or “take you to the beach” and it would just go on and on and on until you two start to be depressed. Well, don’t tell you I didn’t warn you. But however this game also made quite positive impact for my LDR. After we play this game, I always this “looking forward” feeling for everything in the list to be finally happened. It’s probably a good motivation for you not to give up.

  1. Letters and Cards

Not email and ecard, but real mail and real card! I looove writing letters to Bandi. It felt Jane Austen-like and it was so romantic! I would spray my perfume on the letter so he could have my smell for some times. The feeling of receiving letters and cards were as amazing as writing them. I love the feeling that the card I’m holding was actually touched by Bandi! Oh that’s how much I miss him!

I think it’s one of the MUST MUST do during LDR, because sending letters and cards take much more effort than email and ecard. Believe it or not, during the whole LDR, Bandi never even once, sent me ecard. He’s just as classic romantic as me. We love real cards. =)

  1. Le Sexy Time

Well, I hope you all who’s doing the LDR is at least 18, because hey, before 18 is waaaaay too young for a committed relationship, especially if it’s LDR!! No way! What? What did you think I will say?

So anyway, Sexy time during LDR is both tricky and lucky. Tricky because well, you know how sad it is not being kissed an touched by the person you love when that person is just right in front of you, but separated by that fucking monitor fake glass. Lucky because it’s impossible to do more sin and harm. LOL

Le Sexy time won’t be as intense as normal relationship, because most of the time you do via Skype is talking and flashing boobs. And when it’s the guy’s time to flash boobs, it’s just unfair!

I won’t teach you creative idea for Le Sexy time in my blog (trust me I have a lot LOL), because I have minor readers (really?) but from my point of view, it’s very necessary in an LDR.

Don’t ever think by being in an LDR, your relationship is paused. It’s still progressing just like any other normal relationship, so don’t stop or decrease the thoughts of spending time together. You guys will spend time together just like usual, you guys will have dates just like usual. The difference is just you two are not in the same place geographically. My case with Bandi was even shittier because we have a huge time difference. Every night I will call him to wake him up. Sometimes it’s even dawn at his hour, if I was too tired for a late night chat. However, keep spending time together even though it’s just 5 minutes!!

Keep arranging dates, game nights, movie nights, etc, just like normal couple do. Don’t put your life on hold just because you’re in an LDR. Don’t keep the grudges during LDR and thought you will pour out later. Trust me; there will no later for that case. Just pour out via skype, honey.

And one last very important tagline from my LDR:

Keep the faith, avoid the drama.

Alright so that’s a warp. This post is probably the last post about LDR I will ever make. (Knock on wood I don’t want any more LDR) My LDR was hard and it sucks big BIG time. But it’s not impossible. Remember this glorious feeling you’ll have once you got through it. However LDR is still the biggest tag in my blog and I met a lot of friendly blogger during that LDR blogging times. ;)

So, Have a fun LDR (oh come on, who am I kidding?!)

Have a passable LDR!

I hate LDR so don’t come for me asking for advice!! LOL just kidding.

Love,

May

Yes and No and a commitment between

Another three months absence, again, I’m back with a flash news. I don’t know how to say it in the best way. So let me describe and picture the moment.

8:15 in the morning, Joo Koon MRT, on my way to work. There he was, waiting for me with his smirking smile. No words were spoken, just a shrieking high-pitched sound from my throat, and a warm long hug.

He came back to me. He did.

He actually literally did.

Flying 32,187 kilo meters to say, “I want you back.”

I still can’t believe he did that.

Should I ask now what I’d say to him? Wasn’t it a definite yes?

The best thing about the yes is that I say a yes to a short distance relationship. Yes, yes, yes, he’s back here in Singapore, FOR GOOD. Yes, yes, yes how obvious is that for a yes?

And yes, since we’ve lived in the same page of atlas now, the “when” question has been popped every time we meet old friends. Since the distance was the only thing that kept us apart, now there’s no reason to not getting married.

Ow, Oh, getting married.

This post would be a very long post.

About four years ago, at the church, we talked about getting married on 19th of March 2011. I didn’t remember how we picked that date, but I remember why. He thought that if on that day we’re still together, then this relationship must be a serious relationship and a commitment-phobia like me should have solved all the issues.

Now the date just passed. Well do I see any ring? No. No. No no no no no. NO! It was obviously a No.

Saying “Yes” and “No” is an easy thing. To be committed about it is what’s hard.

I don’t think it’s weird having a long term relationship and still not ready for marriage. However people shouldn’t get married because of “it’s been a long term relationship” but because “I am so ready for marriage (and all the shits).” Not only people should marry the right person, but also with the right reason.

I have the right person here with me.  Never even a second I’m doubting him as the best. Yes, I would never find a better man for me. Then why am I not marrying him?

Because I’m NOT ready. Because marrying him when I’m not ready will destroy everything we have been built. The trust, the feeling, the well communication, the romance, and everything that has gone well.

For me, marriage is a lifetime commitment. Lifetime love? Sure I can love him for the rest of my life. But Committing to be his wife, legally attached; sharing his bank account, his bed and children; cleaning his toilet, his family mess, and his potty when he’s old? Am I ready for that?

I don’t wanna saying “Yes” for only “Yes, I will love you for the rest of my life,” cause that would be easy.

I wanna say “Yes, I will love you for the rest of my life, and I will be committed to that,” and the most important, with 100% assured tone.

I will say that “Yes” word someday… When I’m ready. Not when I need to, or even worse, when I have to. I don’t care how old I’m gonna be on that day, I don’t care how many people had been asking, I don’t care about all the traditional or scientific facts about marriage, all I care is me and him and the commitment between.

Don’t get married when you’re not ready, girls. Wanna risk it? Well, it’s a lifetime risk. So, make sure you’re ready.

Love, May.

There’s nothing wrong with falling torn apart.

It’s been four months since I last blogged something. And now I’m back with a flash news. I quit the Long Distance Relationship.

I can’t say much about it. I was thinking about what I would say in my blog when this relationship ended, but here I am, forgetting every little word I prepared.

This is NOT a broken hearted post.

There’s nothing wrong with being in love head over heels and then you’re falling torn apart. That’s what makes you human.

I just want to highlight two things:

One, it is not because of the distance. Because if it was, we would’ve broken up two years ago.

Two, he will always be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Nothing will ever change that.

We stop hanging on not because we’re afraid, not because we’re tired, nor we stop falling in love. We stop because we simply want different things in life. People change, so do we. We don’t perceive things like we did four years ago, or even one week ago. We change our dreams, we want different things, and we grow apart.

This is not easy. For sure.

But it’s been a while, and I’m still breathing, the sky is blue, he is still as awesome as he was, (:p) and the sky is still blue. So, there’s nothing Armageddon about it.

Sometimes, the right thing and the hard thing are the same thing. -Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

If someday, one year later, or even ten years later, we meet again, and we still have that tiny little faith in our heart, then it would be a different story.

 

But now, here we are, saying goodbye, walking to two opposite paths. This is the end of our story, right now, in this present time. And I couldn’t ask for a better romance to tell to my grandchildren. I’m so glad I was doing all this romance with him. I’m so blessed that I could feel that amazing feeling with him.

 

So, you… This is your goodbye blog.

Be strong always. You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met in my life.

 

May

100 Reasons to keep loving you

So we’re in a long distance relationship, so the romance gets out of sight, so it’s boring just with the messenger and skype, so what?

Today is a very special day and I’ll tell you why keep loving you is very easy…

  1. You let me switch the porridges, when I bought the bad one and you bought the yummy one.
  2. You let me name your motorcycle.
  3. You always give me the last bite.
  4. You got me a glass of water when I coughed.
  5. And you took a tissue when I sneezed.
  6. You were there when I was sick; never let me out of your sight, even though my mom was also there.
  7. You bought me my favorite book.
  8. You bought me a dog; even though you didn’t like dogs.
  9. And you took care of my dog, and you call her our dog.
  10. You let me trim your eyebrows.
  11. You remembered the shirt I wore on our first date; it doesn’t fit me anymore though.
  12. You always bring me strawberry milks.
  13. You are never not saying “I love you” in one day.
  14. You came to my place at dawn when I said I miss you.
  15. You wrote me a letter, a nice one.
  16. You always washed your feet before came to my room.
  17. You accept the fact that I have OCD.
  18. You printed my thesis first, before yours.
  19. You always picked me up at work.
  20. You brushed your bathroom tiles when you knew I was coming.
  21. You gave me a nickname, a sweet one.
  22. You printed me a personal T-Shirt.
  23. You always say good night before I sleep
  24. .And you say good morning when I wake up.
  25. You always kiss me when we meet.
  26. You never forget to hold my hand while we walk.
  27. You sent me magazines when I said I was bored.
  28. You let me switch the TV.
  29. You let me pick the movie.
  30. You kept all the things I gave you, even it’s only a post-it.
  31. You read a Mars and Venus book I gave you, and remembered it for almost 2 weeks.
  32. You made everything hard to be easier.
  33. You are a fun person to be with.
  34. You are a good kisser.
  35. Your bum is so sexy.
  36. You’re so hot when you’re sweaty.
  37. You’re smart. You really are.
  38. You really nail the map.
  39. You don’t like other girls but me.
  40. You eat a lot.
  41. You’re counting stuffs without calculator.
  42. You have an irritating voice, and we matched in the karaoke room.
  43. You taught me to play pool.
  44. And you taught me to swim in the pool. So it’s two pools then.
  45. You have very nice teeth.
  46. You always laugh at my jokes.
  47. You always say I’m cute, even when my face is oily and I have a bad-haired day.
  48. You remember my PMS period.
  49. You know exactly where my moles are.
  50. You didn’t notice when I gained weight.
  51. But you noticed when I lost weight.
  52. You love my dishes and you cooked for me too.
  53. You wash the dirty dishes with me.
  54. You complete my sentences… correctly.
  55. You are my truly best friend.
  56. You made me eat the spinach.
  57. You made me do things I thought I won’t… like bungee jumping.
  58. After we bungee jumped, you said, “See? there’s nothing to be afraid of as long as you’re with me”
  59. You watched me sleeping.
  60. You read every post in my blog.
  61. You never let me go out at night without a jacket.
  62. You bought me cajuput oil, coz it makes my tummy warm.
  63. You brought me souvenir from every cities you’ve visited, I knew you were thinking of me all along.
  64. You bought me 3 different rings until I said “I like it.”
  65. When I lost that ring I really liked, you bought me another one.
  66. You booked Eiffel Tower for next 3 years.
  67. You made my birth date as your ATM pin number.
  68. You love to dance with me.
  69. You learned chess for me, so we can play it together.
  70. You count the exact amount of the distance between our cities, and the number is amazing: 10276 miles (1:02 am, 7th of June, it’s the day when we got together).
  71. You made me a mixed CD, and I love it.
  72. You never ask me to choose between you and my dream. (and now my dream is to be with you)
  73. You bought me a book about going around the world and wrote it inside, “Let’s!”
  74. Even you were having a seasick; you asked me whether I’m okay with the high tides.
  75. You bought me a cupcake a year after I asked you one. (and you still remember you promised me)
  76. You watched Glee, even you don’t like musical drama, just to have a conversation with me.
  77. You let me name our future children.
  78. You asked me what kind of dogs I want in our future house.
  79. You always put me on your imaginary future.
  80. You made me eggnog.
  81. You let me use your paypal account.
  82. And you weren’t mad at me when I overused it.
  83. You like to say nice things about me. Those really make my days.
  84. You miss me every single day. I just know it.
  85. You brought me to the zoo and accompany me all day to explore it, even I knew you were bored with zoo.
  86. You flew a thousand miles for celebrating my birthday. That’s the sweetest thing everyone had ever done to me.
  87. You always always always support my dream, even though it seems impossible.
  88. And when it became clearer, you told me, “See, I knew you can do it.”
  89. You always trust my guts, even when I don’t trust myself.
  90. You always say “Mmm, comfort!” everytime you hug me.
  91. You like my hair, you said it smells good.
  92. Your internet cookies automatically lead to my name when you type ‘twitter’.
  93. You kissed me on the sea.
  94. You believe in god, though I don’t, you’re okay with it.
  95. You said your god is nice and he will look out for me too.
  96. You never change, you always love me.
  97. You made a facebook account just so I could put “in a relationship with… YOU”
  98. You still treat me as sweet as on our first date years ago.
  99. You are one gorgeous god’s creation, I bet he really put some serious thought when making you for me, since he knows I want a lot of things.
  100. You love me, unconditionally. Enough said.

Still wondering why I said I’m very lucky? :p

god's gorgeous creation

Have a very happy birthday cupcakes. I’m sorry I can’t fly there. But you know I’ll always love you no matter what.

Love, May.

Long Distance Relationship: Season 2

So yesterday he flew away one more time. I went to the airport to send him away. The atmosphere is more or less the same with what we had almost two years ago. He hasn’t arrived at Houston when I’m writing this so I still don’t know of what will happen on our next Long Distance Relationship. All I know is: I’M ON IT BABY! *positive atmosphere here*

We had the most amazing times on this summer holiday. We traveled a lot, visited new places, talked about so many stuffs about us, and decided something. Yes, we decided something big, probably the biggest thing will ever happen to me. And calm down, people, it’s not a wedding. :p I can’t tell you what it is now, but maybe two months from now I will. ;)

Two days before he was going back to Houston, he said something really moved me,

“You keep making me falling in love… again and again…”

I knew, that moment for sure, that he actually didn’t want to leave. He never wanted to leave me at the first place. It’s just something that he has to do. And I felt like a bitch for always blaming him to leave.

I told him I’d wait, this time sincerely and with smile upon my face. I don’t know for how long do I have to keep running, but if I had to keep running in this relationship, then so be it. It’d be worth every sweat.

So, here I am, on the Long Distance Relationship: Season 2, which I though I would NEVER ever want another season to continue! Bluurrgh!

You are welcome to  share with me the episodes of joy and tears on this season. :)

God I hope this is season finale!!!

may

The things We would do when we’re in the same timezone

*)Well, the 3 months summer holiday is over, and I’ve crossed some of the things I mentioned on the post.

Yeah! The suffer of  my Long Distance Relationship is nearly finished!

I’m gonna touch my finish line in 9 days.

And for one and a half years, Bandi and me have been writing of the things we would like to do when we’re finally in the same timezone again.

And today, I would like to post it in public. Just for fun, and show off of how romantic I am. :p

  • Going to the zoo
  • Watching 500days of Summer, Harry Potter and the half blood prince
  • Cooking Pasta Carbonara –> I don’t know how come we didn’t do that? duh!
  • Making home-made Sushi
  • Spend weekend in Bandung, visit Maxis
  • Eat at Eastern
  • Definitely going to movie theatre, in Ciwalk!
  • Visit Clarke Quay at night
  • Bungee Jumping
  • Eat Blueberry cheesecake at Cizz
  • Playing chess –> He actually bought the chess board already, but somehow we didn’t do that. :p
  • Reading my old diaries
  • Dancing :)
  • Dancing on the beach. :) –> oopsie, too excited on the beach.
  • watching sunset
  • Snorkeling!
  • Swimming in the ocean
  • Kissing in the ocean
  • Snuggling all day
  • Chatting at Starbucks all day
  • Road trip to Bandung by motorcycle –> maybe we’re too old to do this. ;p
  • Cook couple of Indomies in a big bowl and eat it together –> forgot!
  • Watching concert.

And maybe the list is still growing. And if you have fun idea to do, feel free to comment. We would gladly do it!!! =D

With love, May.