A letter to Universe

Dear Universe…

It took me two days to finally have accepted the fact that what happened to me was indeed not a nightmare. It was unfortunately real, which I later call as a lesson, sadly I must learned it the hard way.

What happened was a proof that you control every single thing in my life. The air I breathe, the water I drink in, the wifi signal, everything! And oh, the wind… Don’t forget you control the wind, and the rain, and apparently my window handles.

I have lost some things because you meant it to happen. And the first thing I must remember is… when you meant something to happen, it will happen no matter what. Sometimes, I, as a human, forgot that you had a better plan for me. I would just get angry and complain. How could the documents put secured inside a box got carried away by the wind? If I told people about this, they would think I used the “my dog ate my homework” excuse. And don’t start with the insurance company.

But again, I know you did this to me because you have a better plan.

I have always asked you for a life that is so interesting if it was a movie, and you did give me the Oscar winning one.

It wasn’t a sarcasm. I meant it. It’s just the way I talk.

Dear Universe…

Thank you for the lesson. I can assure you that the learning is in progress. For now I haven’t really understood the purpose of the lesson, but fear not, I eventually will.

Thank you for only taking the least important thing in my life, my belongings that could be measured by money; and keeping the most important things in my life, my future husband and my friends safe. Thank you for reminding me how lucky I am to have such supporting and comforting friends and a wonderful man who would go upside down for my sake and whose only mission in life is to make me happy.

Dear Universe…

I will never forget what happened last Sunday, the day I lost something and gain back my consciousness that I’m truly blessed, that nothing… nothing could break me, because people around me kept me strong.

I will always remember that in this life, some things that were meant to happen will happen no matter what, and that’s never my fault or anyone’s.

I will always remember that I can always find the money I’ve lost but I can never  find back the time I’ve lost. I can never turn back time.

I will always remember that no matter how difficult the circumstances are, there is always a way.

There is always a way and I’m going to find it. Because I’m a believer.

Dear Universe…

You didn’t make me reconsider about marrying him. You just made me wanting to marry him more.

There’s saying about “the darkest hour is just right before dawn.” I guess you’re so kind to let us walk through our darkest time hand in hand. It was dark but at least I have the love of my life holding my hand.

With that kind of intensity, I guess it would be one hell of remarkably beautiful sun-rise.

Dear Universe…

I hope this letter doesn’t sound like complaints, because it is truly not.

It is a thank you note for trusting me that I could stand tall against the hurricane. Yes, it is a long and winding road to the dream comes true, but nothing can turn me away. I’m a believer.

I will be the most optimistic girl you will ever know. I will stand tall against all odds. After eveything we’ve been through, I believe you know me. =)

Sincerely yours,

A girl who will always have faith in you no matter how hard you shake it.

It’s more than just missing the flight

DISCLAIMER: This will be a very wordy heavy post… and personal.

Yesterday morning my mind was full of so many wonderful things to be blogged once I reach Singapore. 5 days of holiday with constant eating and chatting with friends and family left me with so many stories to tell, but then something happened.

A thing that struck me as a lightning that shit does happen. Our lives, no matter how prepared all our plans are or how many insurances we buy, would still be encountering shit moments like these. So this is the story…

Bandi reached my home at Jakarta from Palembang around 10 in the morning. We were planning to just hang out in my house because both of us were physically tired. Our next plane to Singapore is at 6.45 in the evening, so we have a lot of time to just rest. However after I finished packing, I said, “Koper masih kosong nih. Beli apa yuk, biar penuh!”

I always bring my yellow big luggage everytime I go back to Jakarta because I always bring so many stuffs for my mom and my niece and only bring like 3 pieces of clothes so the luggage will be empty when I return to Singapore. Usually I will fill it with Rendang and other Indonesian food, but because this holiday I ate like a pig, I reconsider that. So this time I feel it would be wasted if I didn’t use the 20kg allowance. So Bandi asked my brother if we could borrow his motorbike, then my brother gave him the STNK (official ownership letter of the vehicles) and the key. Bandi and I went to the nearby supermarket and shopped for some household supplies (because the price is much cheaper in Indonesia) to fill the hole in my luggage.

Around 3:30, my friend Yofie picked us up and sent us to Soekarno Hatta Airport. On the way in the airport we listened to a preach from a Christian priest about family ties, that a covenant relationship belongs to husband and wife, not to parents and kids. My friend Yofie is Catholic, I’m a Buddhist, but this priest talks logical sense so I enjoyed his preach. I actually agree with him that the relationship between partners (in his case must be husband and wife) must be strong BEFORE they become together so that they don’t marry with the wrong reason, such as marry because looking for happiness, because that would be wrong. The priest also said about marriage must be like two persons becoming one and have a synergy, so they become stronger once they become together.

Half hour later, we said goodbye to Yofie and then we checked in our luggage. We had a post-hometown fight, which is a syndrome whenever Bandi went back to his hometown and got pressured with all the “WHY DON’T THE TWO OF YOU GET MARRIED YET?” questions, and this time was worsened because his two best friends are announcing their wedding this year. These two guys met their girlfriends not even longer than our Long Distance Relationship period and they planned the wedding already. Bandi was bummed and we argued again. I told him to sit down and talk because I had a news that would probably make him so angry he could kill me. We sat on a noodle shop and I told him that I still wanted to do something that would postpone any plan of marriage in the next two or three years, my own personal achievement that doesn’t concern him. He thought it’s a selfish move so he was bummed, again. And again, we had the same convo about this different perception about marriage and he again, gave me another ultimatum.

Then something happened. He took out something from his pocket. It was the STNK of my brother’s bike. SHIT. He forgot to return it and now, 1 hour and 45 minutes from our flight back to Singapore, he must return it. Long story short, because my brother is such an ass, he didn’t wanna take the STNK so my Dad said he would wait at the exit of airport toll so Bandi could give it to him. This is a very possible plan because from airport to the nearest toll exit to my house would only take 15 minutes. WE FORGOT THAT THIS IS JAKARTA.

So Bandi went off only with his passport, boarding pass and wallet. I didn’t notice that he left his green backpack on the noodle shop’s stool. Anyhow, I was waiting impatiently for the next 1 hour and 15 minutes and when it was announced that the flight to Singapore has reached its last call, I decided to storm out from the noodle shop and ran like crazy. I couldn’t contact Bandi until I sat inside the plane. He called me and said he just reached the airport. Later on I found out from his story that it really only took 15 minutes to meet my Dad but then it took him 1 hour plus to come back to Airport because there had been a strike so it was a total jam. He managed to took Ojek and ran to the airport but still couldn’t make it.

I asked the flight attendant not to close the door because the person they’re waiting is already at the gate, but they said it’s their decision not to let him in. I said, “Then I want to go down from the plane.” But they also didn’t let me. So I finally flew all the way to Singapore with a worried heart.

I opened my handbag and I saw a “Habibie & Ainun” book so I read it, finished it during the 1 and half hour flight. This is like another sign for me that universe wants me to really think about the synergy. Habibie and Ainun are two persons that have the synergy among them. Together they are stronger, happier and completed. This is the only thing that could make a couple lasts forever. I shed a tear reading the book, thinking of how Habibie would cope after Ainun’s gone, and I realize, there is only one person that would make me be devastated if he’s not around, and that person was left in Soekarno Hatta Airport.

I arrived in Changi and turned on my phone ONCE the plane landed (this is something that I never do and I hope won’t need to do again). Bandi texted me saying that he could only take the 10pm flight and would reach Singapore at 1 am after midnight. He bought any ticket that could bring him home that night because my two other room mates won’t be back until next Sunday, which means I would be home a lone. He knew I had a trauma being home alone so he did take the last flight to be back home. I was relieved until I knew that the worse part is this… he mentioned: I got the two of the luggage with me, so don’t worry. Anyway, let me know if you had my backpack with you.

I WAS STUNNED. Shit. I don’t have the backpack.

Air Asia is so stupid that they took out both of the baggage and left it in Jakarta. One of the luggage is belong to me and now that they gave it to Bandi both, it means that Bandi must find a flight with 30 kgs luggage. (later on I found out from Bandi’s story that he didn’t find any last minute flight that have more than 20kgs luggage so he must tip the seller). But the most important thing is, I don’t have the backpack with me.

I called him straightaway and told him that the backpack was not with me. He was angry knowing that I left it in the noodle shop. I told him I didn’t notice that and it wasn’t my fault and I was angry too. I knew the backpack is very important, not because it contained his ipad but it contained his original birth certificate and family registration which he brought for our PR application. Complying the facts that the backpack was already left bare for two hours and it’s Jakarta, there were only slim chance we could get the back pack back.

I felt like wanting to cry. Why does it all happen so badly? I literally asked universe the night before to send me a signal whether he’s the one, whether I should just let him go because he wanted to settle down and have a family and I’m nowhere near that, whether I should reduce my ego and stay with him. AND IT HAPPENED, like showing me that everything is as messed up as this trip, just in a second.

You know how much I believe in signs.

It was happening so fast and everything was like perfectly directed by the universe. The preach, the marriage talk (again), the STNK, the strike that kept Bandi to fly with me. The green back pack. Everything.

I went back to home by bus, it was 10 o’clock at night already. A text message was received, saying “I got the back pack with me. I went back to the noodle shop and the security kept it for me. Everything is okay. You just go back home and sleep, I’ll be home soon.”

There was this imaginary rocks being lifted up from my shoulder. I said prayer and gratitude in my heart and once I reached home, I did a night chanting. Somehow I was being reminded by the universe that, Yes, things could be as shitty as this, you would always encounter bad situation but how we face it is different thing.

For me, I faced it so horribly bad. I was shouting at Bandi and he (even though not shouting) couldn’t stand me as well. This got me thinking, after 7 years together, we still can’t have the synergy among us, or it’s just a very bad day.

Bandi reached home around 1:30. The sound of someone at the kitchen woke me up, so I went out from my room and saw him. He hugged me and suddenly everything was good again. We sat and talked.

That if he managed to catch the flight with me, no one would take his green back pack and he would lost his birth cert.

But then, what if I didn’t leave the back pack at the first place?

Then, what if he didn’t need to go back at the first place?

What if he didn’t forget to return the STNK at the first place?

What if we didn’t need to fill our luggage with household supplies at the first place?

So many what ifs.

It took us hundreds of what ifs until we finally said, “But thank god everything is okay now.”

Thank god I found the back pack.

Thank god there were still other flights for me to catch.

The most important things is…

Thank god we’re here now, safe and sound.

During my flight to Singapore, Bandi wrote an email and sent it to me. I received it once I touchdown Singapore. Here’s a peek:

Dear Meitri,

What a day!!!!

I dont know what happened today. How did it happen. How could it happen. Why did it happen. It happened so suddenly fast. Honestly, i did my best to reach that terminal. I reached it 10 min before the time but they did not let me in. I shouted and i begged them to let me in. But nothing happened. Then i saw ur text about leaving me.
I was like stunned. I was like a total crazy person. Running all across terminals like setrikaan looking for ticket from garuda till singapore airlines.

Finally i got it and all my pressure was gone. I felt lifted but weird in the same time. I just want to tell u. I love you and everything i do, i do it for you.

I wont let u be alone in the valentines day. I see u when i see u baby. Hope you wont run away from me. And please do not put me on pressure like that again.

Note: i brought both of the baggage. Please let me know if u have my bag with u.

Love, tired and really need a hug to recover from this chaos and mess

Yours
Bandi

I realize one thing, the thing I’m always questioning this past one year. For him, I’m still his everything. And it took this crazy 5 hours of constant worries for me to be refreshed. I only have one more homework now. WHAT DO I WANT IN MY LIFE. It’s time for me to find out to either take it or leave it. I HAVE TO MAKE UP MY MIND.

I would pray more and hopefully found the answer soon.

This post is very personal for me, I don’t mind sharing it with friends and readers.

One cheerful thing (because I’m a Sanguine) to close the post is this thing I found on my desk this morning at office:

My Manager said "For prosperity and happiness" Hear hear!

My Manager said “For prosperity and happiness” Hear hear!

Cheers,

May with her stupid ego.

Money is the root of evil… Or happiness? What about men’s penis?

Let’s talk about money. (we’ll talk about men’s penis later) It’s a sensitive issue and I used to perceived money as an evil who destroyed my family, but slowly it changed through growing up phase.
My job is involving money when every 2 weeks I will withdraw thousands of dollars just to distribute them to hundreds of workers. Money feels just like another sheet of paper in some point.


I don’t perceive money as something big anymore. I never thought these papers could be so powerful.
Materialistic is the last trait that could be in my character, however my parents are. I don’t say it’s a bad thing, I say as a general thing. Something to be discussed.
The only reason I went to Singapore to work is because of the money. I could get 3 until 4 times of what I got back in jakarta, and even though the expense is high as fuck, I still could save some money. (But that’s probably because I don’t shop a lot like other girls.)
And the reason behind that money I’m after is my family. I support my mom and my dad financially. My mom is also the kind of person who becomes happy because of the things she get. Or, easier to say, the more money she has the happier she will be. Again, I don’t say it’s a bad thing. It’s an individual preference.
She wanted a new sofa set, she wanted a new praying desk, she wanted to enroll for a school, she wanted this and that. Ka-ching! And the most recent, she wanted to go on a holiday to China for a month. So there you go, I bought the most expensive ticket in my life to date (with the travel funds I saved for my Europe trip).
I don’t complain. I can’t complain to be precised.
We, chinese people, have this culture to be “a good child” to your parents. You have to do whatever they asked, otherwise you’ll go to hell.
You think I believe that? No!
It’s true that I have never done anything that they didn’t approve, but it is just because, I never told them. All the bad things I’ve done are always behind their backs. I guess that Chinese culture didn’t work, eh?
And for everything they asked, that can be bought, I always try to accomplish. Not because I’m afraid to go to hell, but simply because they need money more than I do. (Unless my Euro trip funds T.T) (however money could buy me tickets to Greece.)

They could be happy because of the money they have, while I’m not. I’m not happy because of the money, but because of the feeling that I can make someone happy. So I guess that would be fine.

It’s a total hypocrite if I said I don’t need money at all, because however I need savings, investments and all those craps. I’m 26 years old and I have to start doing so for my future. But believe it or not, I don’t. All of my spare money either goes to my parents or goes for my travelling tickets.

It’s not that my mom doesn’t care about me. She does, I guess, in her own way.
It’s true that all my life, never once she asked, “how are you?” or “how’s your life?” on her text messages. I once snapped out and screamed to her, saying that “Do you even care about me? You never even once asked me how I’m feeling?”
And she replied that I’m a big girl, I always live by myself as long as I could remember so she never worried about me.
And I bought that crap.
But anyway, my relationship between me and my parents is bittersweet. And money always plays a very important role.
So, I can’t say money is the root of evil because for me money is the root of happiness. If happiness is too strong for a word, let’s put “convenience”.
The fact is, I could make my mom happy by buying her holiday to China, and I won’t be able to do it without money.
The fact is, my dad went to doctor for his check up every month to keep him fine, and I won’t be able to do it without money.
Sure our Indonesian politicians use money for bad things and that’s what make them evil. But I don’t think money is the root.
Money is just a tool. It’s a freakin paper with power on the numbers.
It’s like blaming a knife for a murder case. Knife is the tool for the murderer to stab his victim. But is that the knife’s fault? No, idiots! It’s the murderer’s!
If I use the knife to cut mushrooms and make a delicious mushroom cream soup for Bandi (I really can’t make one post without putting his name, can I?), then the knife is doing good for me!
Knife is just a tool. It’s freakin metal with a power on its sharp edge.
Get my point?

It’s also the same thing with Men’s penis. They can either use it for good purpose or bad purpose which make it debatable whether it is the root of evil
or root of happiness. This could apply for Ariel, who has just been released from jail. if you don’t know who Ariel is, google him! Your life hasn’t been complete before knowing his story.

Never blame dead objects for horrible things human do. It will make you more horrible than you already are.

So, why use money for bad things when you can use it to buy me tickets to greece? ;)

Let me tell you the truth. The happiest moment in my life was when I was broke. That’s when I realize, it is true that your happiness doesn’t depend on how much money you have. For that, I absolutely believe.

But however money could help you do things, especially for those people who wants material things. And of course could help you go to Europe. =D

We just need to use it wisely. (Both the money and the penis.)

Cheers,

May.

Dreams do come true.

13 years ago, I never thought this would happen. However, I dared to dream.

From my previous post, (here!) it was very obvious how a man named Fabio Cannavaro really helped me go through my unstable teenage life. Almost every night before I slept, I daydreamed about how I would meet him again someday. Some dream was very simple, some was beyond reality, such as he’d take me to outer space or I became his manager and won scudetto together. It might sound silly, but that could be the only thing that got me through my rough teenage days.

I remember my friends used to say I’m delusional or I dream too much. And that dreams will only make you fly and crash you back to hurt you. Well, friends, I just met Cannavaro. This time, LITERALLY.

He retired last month, 13 years from the first time I saw him playing football. Since then, I knew soccer won’t be the same again without him. I kinda felt deeply sad as I realized I won’t ever see him because he stopped playing soccer. How would I ever meet him without going to Italy, buy an expensive ticket and watched him play?

Somehow, dreams do come true. Somehow Universe, once again, do me a favor. From 196 countries, he chose to go to Singapore to promote Soccer. And out of 196 countries, I chose Singapore to runaway to.

So, the two tiny dots on this big earth could finally cross each other. Thank you, universe.

There he is

I was only “Oh my God, Oh My God, Oh my God!” when everyone asked him for his signature. Then he still signed my training pass. He also signed the Italy Jersey that I wore (and now will never ever be washed ever!).

I was a neurotic fan. I was frozen in front of him. I was very happy, I could die! Even writing about it now still makes me shivering a little bit.

Fabio Cannavaro was super awesome! He was friendly, nice and really down to earth. He was just like an ordinary guy, with an extraordinary talent.

He didn’t speak English well. He only greeted us “How are you?” with an Italian accent and said “relax, take it easy…” when people was crazy asking his signature. He waited until nobody asked anymore signature then he left, “no more? Okay then. Thank you! Goodbye!”

I stood exactly in front of him. I just stood there, catching every ion, and taking as many as mental picture since we were not allowed to take picture with him.

I stood half meter in front of my lifetime hero. I must be the luckiest bitch ever existed in this world.

Well, never let anybody in this world to tell you that it’s just a dream. People who’s afraid to dream are cowards and pathetic. Let’s dream! Let’s wish! Let’s ask stupid things! Coz guess what, it might come true. :)

This is a moment to remember. This is one of those stories that I would tell my grandchildren over and over again. Thank you universe, to once again, reassured me dreams do come true.

I got Cannavaro sign my Jersey!

All we gotta do is believe.

We live in a world where good people exist.

Today I complained a lot because it was raining cat and dog. I drove my scooter to the other part of Jakarta and my jeans were soaking wet. I also left home with a frown upon my face.

But universe is so kind to me. I got a very good lesson today.

After 3 hours teaching and a pep talk about resigning, I was ready to go home. It was still rained a little, my jeans were dried already though. Some cars splashed the puddle on me, I got used to it anyway. Just only 500 meters driving, I got a flat tire. It’s not the first time, so I was ok. I was driving my scooter really slow and asked fellow people about the nearest workshop. An old man told me it was only couple of meters away.

He was right. I parked my scooter and let the mechanic examined my scooter’s tire. A middle aged man sat beside me. His motorcycle was dead because some cars splased the puddle and the water got into the engine.

In Jakarta, when the rain was heavy, the puddle could be very deep and when a car went through it, the puddle could splash all over the motorcycles around them. I think it’s really inhuman. Well, I made a promise to myself, when I could finally buy my own car, I’ll always remember this. :)

We had a good talk and it turned out we live in the same neighborhood. The mechanic told me I had to change the entire inner tube because it was broken after multiple patches. I panicked a little coz I didn’t bring so much money today. I only prepared for gas, about 20.000 IDR (2$) and some small bills of 5.000. The tube cost me 30.000 IDR (3$) and the man beside me offered to help. He’d pay the rest of it.

I thanked him million times and he said, “It’s god’s help working through me.”And I replied, “may your god bless you.”

We were stranger, we might believe in different gods, but humanity doesn’t care any of those thing. It feels good to be helped and a lot better to help.

That man didn’t just give me 5.000. That man gave me back my belief and gratefulness I’ve lost in these last 2 weeks.

I am lucky.

Why? If you’re lucky , you didn’t get flat tire at all! I am lucky because I left home with frown and came back with a thankful smile. If it didn’t happen, I might still have that silly frown by now. There’s nothing better than being grateful.

I forgot that I live in the world where good people exist. The universe reminded me today. Now we don’t have to worry anything anymore. We’re all gonna be just fine.

Because… We live in the world where good people exist. So don’t worry! :)May