commitment

This is gonna be a short and (hopefully) berbobot post. Got it? Short and berbobot rhyme! LOL.

Okay, seriously, I wanna share this thing.

Maybe you all will be surprised if you know I’m quite religious.

Um, okay that sounds so bullshit. It’s not that I’m religious, but I am really fond of my faith. Anyway I’m Buddhist, I believe in universe and karma. My mom has introduced me to Japanese Buddhist philosophy since I could read and I bought it. I found it to make sense and I made some of my life’s important decision based on the philosophy. I’m comfortable with it and I’m pretty sure I will pass the value to my kids.

Anyhow on my college year, I met a friend and he got me to be more involved to one particular organization which is based on this Japanese Buddhist too and I felt my faith has been getting stronger ever since. When I moved to Singapore he happened to be in Singapore too so with him I continue to involve with the Singapore based organization.

So, to connect this spiritual talk with the title, commitment, let me cut to the chase. I told him that I wanted to take one important step on my spiritual life. I want to apply for an ownership to a scroll so now I can chant towards the scroll, not only to a thin air. He told me that it is a serious commitment and am I ready for it?

I have talked to Bandi and he, as usual, is very supportive. He didn’t understand why does it need a commitment though because with or without scroll, I can always chant.

That’s true. But without the scroll I won’t feel guilty if I haven’t chanted for a month, let’s say because I don’t have commitment.

So I made a pact with myself. I have to chant every day. I have to make a commitment. Since I’m afraid of marriage kind of commitment, let me have a commitment with my faith first. If I could, then I would probably apply for a scroll.

After three days of chanting, I texted my friend, I told him it’s been so long since I chant this often, and he sent me this:

Photo 15-3-13 8 34 18 AM

I was bitch-slapped by this quote. FREAKING TRUE. for everything, not only for faith, for marriage but even smaller things like… painting!

A year ago, I started to paint again, but that only lasted about one week. Then I started to cook from sushi to steak and even baked cakes, then I got bored and stop trying new recipe. Then I enrolled gym and dance class and even martial art class, all are never finished. Yeah, I’m a quitter.

But then Bandi told me, “if you’re a quitter why do you always get what you want?”

That is when a commitment took part. Painting, cooking, baking, dancing, swimming are all my interests. While writing, traveling, running and hopefully my French class are commitment.

Of all these years, even though I’m lazy, I always spare my time for writing and of all these years no matter how broke I am, I always spare money and time for traveling. All of these years no matter how fatter I become or how lazy I am, I always spare time for a run. That, my friend, is commitment. You cannot quit.

Then let’s go to relationship and friendship commitment. All my close friends are either in Indonesia or wandering somewhere and that makes it hard to maintain the closeness. However, since I’ve lived here, I realize that not only relationship needs commitment, friendship does too. You don’t text them or call them only on your convenient time, but also when they need you even when you’re about to have a meeting with your boss or fight with your boyfriend, you must always lend an ear for a friend. That, my friend, is commitment. You cannot quit.

Then the talk continues to… having kids. This is like the BIGGEST commitment of all, and the only thing that scares me. You will be responsible for another human being, for freaking 18 years! And after 18 years you still have to worry occasionally for them! How tiring is that?

But then I remember… how awesome having a friend is, a best friend who completes your sentence and answer “OMG he did what??” for all the small sweats you complain. Being committed to a friend is effortless.

So probably having a kid or get married (not that I wanna do it in that order) could be awesome too.

I’m sorry if this post turns out to be NOT SHORT and NOT BERBOBOT. That’s just me, being committed to my silly self.

Cheers anyway,

May with her sok-wise smile.