Are you with your mediocre love?

This morning, I saw a quote on my path, saying:

Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life; Love shouldn’t be one of them.

I’ve been looking for the right way to express “settling down for less” and this morning, I finally found it. From now on, I will call it mediocre love.

What is a mediocre love?

Well, I don’t know how to express this, because I have never had any mediocre love. I’m one of those persons who loves hard, even to my friends and family.

But I tell you what’s not mediocre. It’s that feeling of loving someone so deep, you could actually feel your heart crunch a little bit when you think about them. When you think about how happy they make you, you will feel something warming up in your belly, when you worry about them, maybe they’re sick or something bad happened to them, you will feel your heart aches. I don’t talk figuratively, I meant literally. Because when one of my loved ones were sick, I could worry til my heart really hurt.

When you first met a guy you liked, you would have what we call “butterflies in your stomach”. This was really exciting. It meant you liked him, there were chemistry between you two. When you talked to him, the butterflies just couldn’t wait to fly, your stomach felt funny; fun funny.

When you got together, you guys were passionate, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You wanted to heat his heartbeat, you wanted to feel his skin, you wanted to bite his nose. You just couldn’t have enough of him. He was addictive!!!

When you had your first unsettlement, you fought, you got bored with him, anything about him looked dull and annoying. But… you just couldn’t be without him, with no logical reason explainable.

When you knew him even deeper and you knew his family and his friends and even you didn’t like some of them, you decided to stay. You found out his weird bad habit, you found out his sad past, yest you stayed.

When you couldn’t wait to see him, just to get cozy with him, wrapped your body on his arms and just talked all night. For you the best place on earth is anywhere as long as you’re in his arms. And suddenly all of the love songs you’ve heard made sense. :)

When you were busy at work and then you stopped for a while for coffee and then you caught yourself smiling thinking about him and how he was cute on his spongebob boxer dancing to a Barry White song last night.

When you received a very exciting news and you cannot wait to tell him.

When you realized that he’s your best friend in the whole world and you could count on him and he would do anything for you.

:)

Those whens don’t always have to come in that order, but those whens are necessary for a love story. Medicore loves don’t have those things.

Why mediocre love?

Medicore loves happen when two persons have goal to get married, so they just find some candidates and whoops, this candidate looks okay, and my parents agree, oh well… let’s get married and have babies and repopulate the earth! Yaiy!

I would prefer live my life alone and happy than settling down with mediocre love. NO HELL WAY. My mom and my dad are two amazing people, but they are mediocre love to each other and for everyday in my life, I regret that they got married.

I know society sucks, they push you and you delude yourself into a made-up romanticism that you created in your head and then you settle down for less… much less… For mediocre love.

Don’t.

For this one person, you might be his mediocre love, but for somebody out there, that one particular person, YOU ARE HIS WORLD.

Why shouldn’t we have mediocre love? (It’s easier, huh?)

Life is only once.

You could have a mediocre house, drive a mediocre car, work in a mediocre company, watch a mediocre movie, eat a mediocre hamburgers, but.. you should not settle down with a mediocre love. NO. A gazzilion million times NO.

Love is sweet, it’s comforting, it’s liberating, it’s everything that a cotton candy should have. :)

Cheers,

May, the romantic one.

 

#30daysblogging Epiphany

Day 19

Post is an idea from Erry.

From someone as ngocol as Erry, it was kinda surprising when she gave me a serious topic to post about. She told me that she had a turning point in her life when her Mom passed away and not long after that she conceived Fathir. I don’t know if her turning point changed her life so much, and I don’t know if it was also called Epiphany, but I guess I will talk about my Epiphany now.

I don’t know what is turning point… so maybe I haven’t had any. I know something about Epiphany. Based on dictionary, Epiphany means a moment of sudden and great revelation or realization. So it’s like an eye opener, a moment that makes you realize something that has been clouded all of this time.

This happens last year on February. Bandi missed a flight back home to Singapore, so I had to flight home alone. I’ve already written the story here, so I will not repeat again, but I will tell you why this Epiphany changed my life.

Before that day, I was this girl who never wanted marriage. I did turn down Bandi’s first proposal attempt to marry me and I was so close to let him go (not because I didn’t love him, but because I wanted to set him free.)

I tried so hard to open my heart and love fearlessly, but somehow I just couldn’t. Bandi was frustrated with me. He felt that he already tried everything to assure me that his love is true and that we were made for each other but somehow… somehow… I just couldn’t open my heart. I could say that… I loved Bandi with insurance. I did love him, I wanted a privilege to be his girlfriend, but I still wanted a ticket to go out from the relationship whenever I wanted. I needed an insurance. So whenever I felt like leaving him, I could.

(I know I know, what a bitch, right?)

You guys would probably think I’m a bad person. I could accept that. I was.

But that night, I changed.

I had the epiphany. I was so close to let him go and with all the missing-the-flight things and all the signs from the universe (FYI I believe in signs) I really really thought that I had to let him go.

And then there he was… knocking the door at midnight. He came home. And he brought back all of his legal documents that I’d left at the airport and he also brought my luggage that was left at Soe-tha airport. He was like trying to assure me that he was a superhero. Everything he did was like saying there you go, universe. I made it. Nothing can make me stop coming home to her. Nothing.

It seems silly, I know. But it’s something that’s hard to explain. It’s something that’s really really personal actually and here I am sharing with you.

That moment might not instantly make me want to marry Bandi, but it was the moment I started to think about what I really want in my life.

And him was the only one appeared everything I thought about it. It was kinda scary because I have never put anyone in my life as my priority before and suddenly I realized I have invested so much feeling on somebody it was overwhelming and scary and new for me. And deciding to carry on was the best decision I’ve ever made in my entire life.

Dreams changed and he was my new dream. And I didn’t mind.

Cheers,

May, feeling content.

My fiance is not THE prince charming

No, he’s not the prince charming who rides a white horse and brings me to his kingdom. No, he’s not driving Ferrari and pick me up anywhere when I call him. No, he’s not cleaning my debt, or buying me handbags I can’t afford. He’s not anybody from the hollywood love stories nor fairy tales books.

My fiance is just a regular nice guy who loves watching football while drinking beer and eating pizza. He’s just a hardworking auditor who’s very dedicated to his job. He’s just a normal guy who’s happened to be adventurous, kind and loving.

He didn’t save my life. Where or whom he was saving me from?

He didn’t make me happy. I was already happy.

He didn’t change my life. What should it be changed?

So when I was being asked, “How do you feel? In a week your life is about to change!”

I felt that I had to write this…

Oh… I hope it won’t change. Oh god, I hope marriage doesn’t change my life.

Because I’ve already loved my life. I love it that I’ve been sharing the last 8 years with him and it’s been nothing but great. So I don’t want my life to change. Sure we hit rock bottom now and then but we hit it together. The point of living this life is not avoiding the pain, but having someone to share the pain with.

My life is not painless, but it’s just perfect… now, It was perfect eight years ago, and it will always be perfect til we say goodbye on our death bed… (and being reunited in our next life).

He’s not a prince charming, to me he is perfect.

He’s not driving Ferrari, to me he is perfect.

He’s not cleaning my debt, to me he is perfect.

He’s not anybody from the fairy tales, to me he is just perfect.

I hope nothing will ever change because to me, “us” is just perfect.

~~~

Love always,

May, who will be walking down the aisle in a week.

~~~

Dear you, it was a great talk yesterday and yes things are not the way it used to be, but it doesn’t mean our feelings changed. I love you even more each day. I know you know that.

Is everybody capable of falling in love?

I was sitting in the MRT train, on my way home from work. I was tired and it bugged me that I still had to do some house chores when I reached home. I sighed and then I received a text from someone and it instantly put back a smile on my face. I giggled because he gave me a reason to.

I looked up and there was somebody who stared at me, unhappily. If you don’t know this, in Singapore, people like to stare at other people who laugh, giggle or joke with their friends. I always remind myself not to care because we can’t always understand what other people have gone through on their life that they decided to become unhappy.

I get it. This world consists of so many types of people. Happy people, unhappy people, sad people, cheerful people, grumpy people, strong people, weak people, optimists, pessimists, realists, idealists…

But I was wondering… “Is everybody capable of falling in love?”

If love is a universal language, is everybody in this world capable to speak love?

If love is the most powerful thing in the Disney world, does everybody have the chance to acquire it?

I’ve known some people who have never fallen in love in their entire life. Is it because they didn’t find the one, or is it because they are not capable to love?

I didn’t mean “not capable to love” as a bad thing. It’s not because they have bad characters or attitudes because trust me, I’ve known a loooot of bad people who fell in love. By “not capable to love” I meant they don’t open their heart.

Imagine this scenario:

A man, let’s call him “A” has an introvert character. He didn’t like to go out and socialize. He lived his life studying and then graduated and then worked and then in some point his parents found a woman for him to marry and he married that woman. He had kids and then he grew old and he died. But he probably never fell in love, not because he was a bad person or anything. He just didn’t have the chance to fall in love.

Let’s change the scenario to this one:

After graduate, A worked in a office and his colleague was a sweet girl who had the same hobby with A. They talked all the time and they decided to hang out after work and since forever, A finally felt comfortable to talk with someone. He shared so many things with this woman and he fell in love. He asked her to marry him and she said yes. And they shared their lives.

See the point? Your life can be changed with just one moment.

But my question is… is everybody capable of falling in love?

What if A found this woman attractive but in the end he didn’t fall in love because he thought it would be easier just to marry the woman his parents chose? Because he thought falling in love was messy and full of trouble, so he chose not to. How if he resisted to love and spent the rest of his life not to ever love again?

He is NOT unhappy. He might be happy. But he also could be happier. Or is he?

I don’t know. I will never know.

But I really really wish that everyone in this world has the same chance to fall in love. It’s up to them to choose love or not to choose love, but at least I wish everyone has fair chance.

Because to fall in love is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Because to fall in love is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

And I wish wish wish wish wish everybody has fair chance.

Cheers,

May, the hopeless romantic.

If I never met Bandi

Sometimes I play what-ifs with Bandi and he (unwillingly) played along. The what-ifs were various from “what if you could only live by eating only tuna forever?” (Bandi hates tuna smell) or “what if I had a growing penis, would you still marry me?” to the serious what-ifs like “what if I couldn’t have children?” Or “what if I had cancer?”

But the most occurrence what-if question was “what if we never met?” How would our lives be?

You guys must know that I’m head over heels in love with Bandi. I mean, I don’t only love him, I LOVE HIM, with capitals.

So how would our lives be without each other?

Sadly to say, the answers weren’t so romantic… If we never met, I would probably met somebody else and that guy probably would fall in love with me so hard because well, I’m adorable, and then if I loved him so much too then we’d be in relationship. But most importantly, if I never met him, I’d probably be a serial dater, and of course I would work for UN, probably lived somewhere like Congo or India, to lead a Unicef team to build school, empowering unskilled women and stuffs like that. I would move around every two years to different parts of the world. I think it was the single life I’ve always wanted.

What about Bandi? Well he said he would not go to US because he wasn’t so motivated to “see the world” before he met me. He would probably finish his degree and went back to his hometown, found a girl and married one.

But then…. I realized something just now.

Our answers were not true at all!!!

Come on!!! It is so impossible that Bandi was created to be someone else’s husband. I mean, I bet all the money in the world that he was created custom-made for me!

So I was thinking… If we never met back then in college, then we would definitely meet sometime later in our lives. Let me make up some scenarios…

1. What if my father didn’t come back from Australia and I was born there and lived there for the rest of my life?

Well in this case, I think Bandi would probably still go to US for his college because he got the scholarship, and then he continued to work there and in some point his company allocated him to Australia, and then we finally met maybe somewhere in Sydney. I was walking my dog and my dog walked towards him and I dressed my dog in Italian Jersey and we started conversation with “you like football, huh?” and we fell in love.

2. What if Bandi was accepted at NTU and went to Singapore for collage?

I would still be living my life almost the same. I probably didn’t go for UN because I needed to support my family financially so I preferred to work in Singapore. Bandi had finished his college and continued working in Singapore too and at some point we met, probably in an Indonesians outing in East Coast park. We rode bikes and then I saw Bandi’s Juventus key chain and I mocked him and then we had a conversation about football and we fell in love.

3. What if I never got the scholarship in college and I had to drop-out from it before I met Bandi?

I would probably be working my ass off in my twenties and would live in Jakarta all my life, while Bandi continued his college in Bandung and went back to his hometown to continue his family’s business. My high school friend, Septian married Bandi’s high school friend, Erlina and we were both invited to their wedding. We met on that wedding and we started the conversation with “you like football, huh?” and we fell in love.
(P.s. Septian and Erlina are true characters and they did have their wedding last month. True story.)

4. What if Bandi dropped out from junior high school and became a punk and he lived in Palembang of all his life?

I would still be living my life almost the same but then in 2009, when I was working in Femina I was sent to Palembang to cover the Indonesian beauty pageant and when I visited one of the good pempek (fish cake) stall I met Bandi. Bandi was riding his motorbike and I saw his Juventus painted helmet and I commented about it, “you like football, huh?” and then we had the conversation about football and we fell in love.

5. What if Bandi never came back from US and never asked me back?

This would be the saddest of all because I would think he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I would probably face a very difficult time to move on but then I would eventually make it. Three years later I received a scholarship from an American Fine Arts college and I moved there. And I wrote in my facebook status, “Living my dream”, checked in Atlanta, USA. Bandi read it and took his car keys, drove all night from Austin to Atlanta and the next morning when I opened my door, there he was, standing still and looking straight at me, saying “hey you.” And then we fell in love all over again.

Not only this post has proven that I’m a drama queen and a good story maker, it’s also trying to say that love will always find the way.

I believe that it is impossible for Bandi and I not to meet. I may believe in fate, I may not. I don’t know. But I know somehow Bandi and I were meant for each other. If we didn’t meet nine yeas ago, then it would be another time. But I’m sure that we eventually would. We would always find each other.

It’s true that I am a romantic and I’m not scared to show off my love to Bandi. I think it is a good thing because before I met him, I was a skeptic. I’ve always been a romantic, but I had a trust issue back then. I loved the feeling of falling in love but didn’t really trust anybody to fully read my soul. That was probably why I didn’t believe in marriage too. However, I’m so glad I opened myself to Bandi and I know this sounds so Disney-like movie but it’s true that…

Love is the most powerful thing on earth.

I’m gonna share a personal story which really moved me. I had a bad relationship with my brother. He abused me physically and mentally when we were kids. I never loved him and I blamed him for all the bad things happened to me up until my teenage years. He apologized and then did bad things to me and my family again and then apologized and then screwed up and apologize and then screwed up and repeat a thousand times.

Four years ago I’ve had enough and I confronted him. I asked him to never disturb me and my mom again. We fought and he kicked my stomach and he threatened to kill me. Three months later I moved out from Jakarta to Singapore. I’ve never talked to him again for so long.

Last week, he sent me a facebook message. He apologized for everything he’s done to me in the past. I had just finished my make up and I cried (Shit I have to re-do my mascara.) He always apologized before, but somehow this time he seemed sincere. He apologized without asking money, or things (in the past he apologized when he was out of cash.)
A week after that my sister texted me that my brother is undergoing a medication for a serious illness. I was sad. I never thought I would ever care about anything happened to him.

I never talk about my brother. Most of the stories were sad but I guess it’s never too late to love someone. For all my life, I’ve never loved him. Last week was the first time I heard “I love you my sister” from him. It tore down the wall I had built between us instantly. I had forgiven him and decided to learn how to love a brother, the thing I never thought I would ever do. And most importantly, I let myself to trust him.

I was so hurt I never thought I could ever trust anyone, especially guys. Meeting Bandi was the best thing that happened to me. Not only he loves me unconditionally, he taught me how to love back, how to let other people to love you the way you are, be honest with your feeling and not to be scared. Loving is trusting. You open your heart to a risk of hurt or betrayal. But to love is a wonderful feeling. It is so powerful it can change your life.

I watched Frozen the other week and I was sobbing like crazy because the movie was so damn good and it taught us that love indeed is a powerful thing. You just have to use it right.

Back to my what-if question, “What if I never met Bandi?”

I would never be born in a world where I would never meet Bandi because his purpose of life is to give my life meaning, and my purpose of life is to give him dreams. Universe meant it to happen.

Oh and I’m sooooo glad I did meet him. :)

“So you like football, huh?” and I played his keychain.

“Yes. Juventus!”

“Ew, bad choice.”

“You?”

“Parma!”

“HUAHAHAHAHA” he mockingly laughed.

I was angry and I accidentally broke his keychain. From that moment on, I was “the Parma girl who broke my keychain” for him and he was “that annoying juventus guy who had a cute keychain” for me.

The rest was history.

Cheers,

May, loving bravely.

Mumpung masih jadi pacar

Katanya kalo udah menikah itu si laki bakal lebih cuek dan nggak se-attentive waktu pacaran, so sekarang mumpung Bandi masih pacar gue, mau gue eksploitasi dulu ah kelucuannya, ketololannya, kesotoy-annya dan penderitaannya menjadi pacar seorang May yang super demanding.

Kemaren ini gue lagi pencet-pencet remote TV trus berhenti di satu channel dimana lagi ada credit film berjalanan di layar dengan lagu Can’t smile without you nya Barry Manilow. Gue langsung “Ih, film apaan ih? Pasti film romantis niiih! Yah udah abis dong!”

Trus Bandi staring at the screen for about 10 seconds ngeliatin nama beberapa cast nya kayak Selma Hayek (cuma itu yang gue inget) dan take note yah ini cuma nama cast aja yang muncul bukan nama role nya. Bandi tiba-tibe nyeletuk “Hellboy 2.”

Gue bales, “Sotoy!!!” terus langsung google jadwal film channel tersebut dan guess what, ternyata bener dong!!!

“You’re such a nerd!!!”

Gue suka bertanya-tanya, sebenernya si Bandi tuh ganteng nggak sih? Perasaan waktu gue pertama kenalan sama dia, dia nggak ganteng sama sekali, kenapa sekarang jadi ganteng? Ganteng banget malah! Ternyata benar, teman, cinta itu buta! Hahahahah

Gue sering tanya ke Bandi, “Ban, lo sebenarnya ganteng nggak sih?”

“Enggak kok, aku gak ganteng.” Dia jawab sok humble.

“Kok di mataku kamu ganteng banget?! Jawab kamu pake pelet apaaa?!!”

Terus kemaren gue lagi sleepover sama si Strawberry, dia nunjukkin gue foto kolega nya sambil bilang, “eh kolega gue yang ini mirip Bandi deh.”

Gue langsung semangat dong liat fotonya trus protes dalam hitungan detik. “ENGGAK MIRIP SAMA SEKALI!!! Kok jahat banget sih lo, encek2 gini lu bilang mirip Bandi?!”

Lalu Strawberry pun membela diri, “Yeee.. dua puluh tahun lagi Bandi bakal jadi gini, saat dia udah tua dan gendut.”

“Eh, jangan-jangan Bandi emang penampakan aslinya kayak gitu ya? JANGAN JANGAN GUE UDAH BUTA?! Tiiidaaaaakkk!!!”

Terus gue cerita ke Bandi dan Bandi komen, “Hmm… Either kamu emang udah buta atau Strawberry yang kurang ajar.”

Pasti deh si Strawberry kurang ajar. Pasti. Pasti. *meyakinkan diri*

Tapi beberapa hari yang lalu ada teman message gue dan bilang, “Setelah bertahun-tahun gue penasaran, kalo Bandi tuh terlihat mirip seseorang, akhirnya gue temukan. Bandi mirip itu tuh, yang main At the Dolphin Bay waktu jaman kita SMA!”

Setelah di-google ternyata nama doi Ambrose Hui dan gue ngakak setengah mati, plus bela-belain bikin foto ini:

Makanya jangan suka bilang nggak suka orang cina.

Kena batunya kan ngatain cowok cina.

Gue kirim ke temen deket dan sambil ngakak bareng gue inget dulu gue sering bilang gue gak demen cowok-cowok cina di drama-drama Taiwan ini dan selalu ngarep suami gue orang Italia yang tanned dan sexy. Apa daya dikasihnya begono sama universe. Hahahaha. Setelah disadarkan sang teman kalo Bandi penampakan aslinya seperti cowok-cowok cina Taiwan/Korea gitu barulah gue sadar, cinta itu emang buta! Karena di otak gue Bandi tuh se-ganteng Henry Cavill! HAHAHAHAH (Nah ini mah udah jelas sodara-sodara… Gue emang buta.)

Jadi pesan moral dari cerita ini adalah…. Cinta itu memang buta sodara-sodara!

Berlanjutlah ke cerita beberapa minggu lalu ketika Bandi dan gue lagi ngomongin wedding lalu gue nyeletuk, “Eh katanya wedding itu adalah hari dimana I become princess for a day. I don’t want that.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to be a princess for a day! I wanna be your princess for EVERYDAY in my life. Camkan itu Bandi! I am a princess for everyday in YOUR LIFE.” Huwahahaah! (lalu diikuti dengan tawa menggelegar cetar membahana)

Bandi was like… “what the hell have I got myself into?”

Sebagai pacar, Bandi cukup kreatif dan maksimal dalam menggunakan LINE sticker.

I asked him to go home after football because I already made him breakfast.

I asked him to go home after football because I already made him breakfast.

Asked for a permission to play football on hazy day.

Asked for a permission to play football on hazy day.

I have one more funny story but this would only be funny if you have LINE’s sticker yang Cony and Brown Secret date. (Never mind, I snapshot and post it here)

Jadi waktu itu di Singapore semua orang dapet gratisan sticker ini, terus Bandi langsung panggil gue di LINE, dengan noraknya dia kirimin gue semua sticker yang ada.

Page One

Page One

He said, “Basically I have already done everything Brown has done in page one.”

Page Two.

Page Two.

Then he sent another batch of stickers. “And also page two.”

Page Three.

Page Three.

Another batch of stickers, “And some in page three.”

Page Four.

Page Four.

Another batch of stickers, “And page four.”

And then he stopped. I asked him, “What about page five?”

He replied, “Hmm… Intriguing. But I won’t go there.”

HAHAHAHA. One hell of smart guy!

Wanna know what is Page Five? Here it is!

Page Five.

Page Five. LOL

Jadi, selesai sudah posting-an saya yang cukup tidak berbobot. (Salahkan pledge gue untuk post a week!) Lumayan buat keketawa-an dan jadi bikin pengen buru-buru pulang ketemu si Bandi yang lucu, sotoy, dan super ganteng (refer to bacaan kedua.)

Tha Tha for now!

Cheers,
May, who is blindly in love.

So you thought this only happens in movie?

Disclaimer: Open your mind before you read. Everything happens for reason. This is one of them.

This post has been in the draft page for a year. Seriously. A year. I am so scared of people’s judgemental comments and the fact that Bandi’s sucky friend would start to talk about me behind my back again. But then I thought, hey, I’m not 20 years old anymore. I’ve grown up, they’ve grown up. I must publish this post just for the sake of closure.

I wanted to name this post “September Roller Coaster: Season Finale” for some reason but then I went with ” So you thought this only happens in movie?” for a funny catch.

So here it is…

[All the words in green below is written on July 2012]

We will have to go back to a post that was originally posted on 4th September 2006, but then being asked to be removed by some people (not Bandi) because, well they simply couldn’t handle it. However, I left the other short post alive.

This is a beautiful love story. Why we need to erase this story and pretend this never happened?

Bandi was okay when I asked, can I post that story again? He said, nobody will ever question or doubt your love to me as your facebook is full of “dishes that I cook for Bandi”, “Bandi’s breakfast”, “Bandi’s lunch”, and “Bandi’s dinner.”

“Come on! You love me too much. That’s just history.”

So, first of all, you all need to read this post I made back then in 2006. I didn’t edit any of the words AT ALL so we all can feel the juvenile atmosphere. So pardon some of my misspelling. :p

[All the words in purple below is written on September 2006]

Our Love story is OURS…

1 September 2006

Gw tepuk bahunya dua kali, “Boleh kenalan gak?” trus gw julurin deh tangan gw.

Dia kaget setengah mati. Dalam keadaan yang penuh keringat dia jabat tangan gw. Masih terlalu senang karena masuk final sekaligus amazed ada cewe segila gw yang berjalan melewati GSG yang crowded dan nyamperin dia yang lagi celebrate victory bareng temen2nya.

“Alex.”

“Maytri. Boleh minta nomor Hpnya?”

It was just a joke. It was a bet that I made with my friend. Yes! Gw dibayarin makan gratis di sentra! Linni, Cipen, Litta, en semua yang ada di GSG ternganga liat kejadian itu. Karena emang cuma orang gila yang berani malu kuadrat hanya untuk tarohan makan gratis di Sentra.

Unpar baru aja kalah dari Binus,, en gw malah ngajakin kenalan anak Binus karena tarohan makan di Sentra???

But I did it! And I’m so thankful that I did it.

Karena kalo engga,, gak akan ada dua hari penuh magical itu.

~~~

Gak nyangka pas sorenya gw ke Sentra atas, gw ketemu segerombolan tim Binus yang lagi makan. Anjiiir, gw malu! Koor ‘cieeeeh’ langsung terdengar gitu.

Gak lama ada cewe yang nyamperin gw bawa digicam dan nanya, “Boleh minta fotonya gak?”

“Hmm… Boleh, tapi gw mawnya foto berdua!”

What the hell I was thinking???

Anak2 Binus ngompor2in Alex untuk foto sama gw, akhirnya dia nyamperin gw dan duduk di sebelah gw, dan acara foto-foto pun dimulai.

I still can’t believe that happened.

Setelah itu, temen2 gw en temen2 dia ninggalin kita berdua.

Gw dan Alex… Alex dan gw…

Ternyata kita itu…. orang yang pernah ketemu di kehidupan yang dulu??? Bisa dibilang gitu? Hmm,, kayanya….

Semua keluar dengan mudahnya… Gw cerita segala hal, semua prinsip hidup, apa yang maw gw accomplish dalam hidup, kuliah gw, novel gw, SEMUA!

Dia juga… tentang komiknya, seberapa cinta dia sama voli, darah rendah-nya, nyokapnya, temen2nya, impian dia…

Percaya gak sih kita ngobrol hampir 4 jam padahal gw baru aja kenal dia???

He keeps saying, “Hmm… Lucu… Lucu…”

Emang, semuanya lucu banget yah, Lex?

Then, dia anter gw pulang… yang lebih anehnya lagi, gw tanya, “Maw mampir dulu?”

“Boleh… liat-liat…”

Dan gw ninggalin dia di kamar gw sendirian!!! Gila kan?! Padahal gw baru kenal!!!

“Lo tunggu di sini dulu yah, gw maw cuci muka.”

How could you be so comfort with someone whom you just met?

Di saat itulah dia bilang, “Kalo suka sama seseorang, kita harus bilang perasaan kita.” Prinsip yang sama dengan gw!

Dia liat-liat nametag gw, origami gw, foto-foto gw, mengenal gw lebih dalam hanya dengan hitungan menit.

Gw kasih dia origami bikinan gw. Bintang warna-warni yang segede kepalan tangan. Disimpen yah, Lex!!!

Terus edwin dateng ngejemput. Gw, Linni, Cipen en Edwin maw pergi jalan2, so sekalian anter Alex ke wisma tempat dia nginep.

Hmm,, say goodbye is always the hardest thing to do. Tapi gw taw bakal ketemu lagi besok pas final.

Baru aja sampe tempat makan bubur, sms bunyi, “ALeX”

Malem itu kita ngobrol, kalo kita kayak udah kenal lama banget… We said sweet things. Dan gw tidur sambil senyum…..

2 September 2006

Ketemu Alex lagi!!! Mukanya lagi stress berat karena tegang maw final lawan atma jaya. Dengan sepenuh hati gw teriak2 waktu dia tanding, sampe pita suara gw rasanya maw putus.

2 set pertama Atma menang, 2 set selanjutnya Binus menang, set ke-5 jadi penentuan… Skor ngalamin deuce beberapa kali, sumpah tegang banget!! Huhuhu, sayang banget akhirnya Atma menang… Rasanya gw maw nangis… Padahal dia cerita kalo dia pengen banget ngalahin Atma karena temen deket dia yang dulu satu klub Voli bareng dia waktu SMU ada di atma, namanya Patrick. Mereka temen baik, tapi pas di lapangan, tetep aja rival. Yoi gak, Lex? (That’s what you said)

~~~

Alex shock, dan karena darah rendahnya, dia pingsan. DANG! Sumpah, gw takut banget, mungkin that was the moment that I realize that He meant something!!

Gw ikut waktu dia digotong ke Korgala, dan dengan segenap keberanian gw masuk ke Korgala,, ketemuin dia. Gw nemenin dia sampe dia bangun, en balik ke GSG.

Sampe pintu GSG, I said goodbye. Dia masuk ke GSG, ada acara serah terima piala, dll…

Gw jalan ke sentra, karena ditunggu Linni, Cipen en Litta di sana… Sesaat gw mikir… “IS THAT IT?” Udahkah? Ini endingnya? Apa iya abis ini gw gak ketemu dia lagi???

Koq dada gw rasanya sesak yah?

Duduk di Sentra, nemenin anak2 makan, gw kayak mau nangis… pengen liat dia lagi…

Tiba-tiba, HP bunyi… “ALeX” CALLING

WAAAAA!!!!

“Maytri! Lo dimana?”

“Di Sentra bawah… kenapa?”

“Gw mau ngenalin lo sama Patrick.”

“Kapan? Sekarang?”

“Iya…”

Gak lama kemudian dia samperin gw di sentra, en ngajak gw balik ke GSG, maw dikenalin ke Patrick.

Gw nanya, “dapet medali gak?” karena dia ngoleksi medali hasil tanding Voli.

“Enggak, dapet piala…”

“Oooh… sayang yah. Tapi gak apa-apa, cuma lo satu2nya pemain yang dapet bintang.”

“Hah, bintang?” dia bingung.

“Heeh, bintang warna-warni yang gw kasih kemaren.”

Sampe di GSG, gw dikenalin sama orang yang udah dia anggep kembarannya. Hmm,, gw juga jadi pengen kenalin dia ke Ucup, my best friend.

Setelah itu, we were unseparatable. Kita makan di sentra, dia cerita macem2 dari jokes2 goblok, cerita hantu, masa kecil, mantan2 pacar, en ngajak jalan.

Trus kita ke kost gw dulu, baru deh jalan (dalam keadaan gw gak mandi, en dia juga settingan abis tanding Voli. Hahahaha), rencananya maw ke de Kosmo en ke IP. Waktu nunggu angkot, dia suruh gw pake jaket dia, karena dia tau gw gampang masuk angin. Dan dia bilang, “Gw suka liat cewek pake jaket cowo…” So sweeeet… Karena udah malem, akhirnya naek St.hall-Ciumbuleuit yang belok, nah… gw kan gak taw harus naek apa pas turun di gandok, jadilah gw minta Alex bwat sms cipen. Pas itu ada cowok en cewek yang duduk di depan kita di dalam angkot. Cowoknya nanya, “maw ke IP?”

“He-eh.” Gw jawab.

“Nanti bareng saya aja… maw ke IP juga koq…”

Jadilah orang itu ngajak ngobrol. Ternyata yang cowok itu anak Hukum ’89 en ceweknya Ars 2002. Yang bikin gw seneng, mereka pikir gw en Alex itu teman satu SMU, padahal baru aja kenal… hehe.

Sampe di De Kosmo, kita cuma muter2 doang liat makanan, tapi gw gak taw maw makan apa, jadi kita langsung ke IP. Dari situ dia udah mulai sering nurunin bando gw. Nyebelin… tapi ngangenin. :p

Dari de Kosmo ke IP kita jalan… talked about stuff like falling in love and so on…

Pas di ditulah gw bilang, “Lex… lo muncul di saat yang tepat banget yah…”

Sampe IP, Alex terus2an becanda, Gosh, he was so funny! Kita ke food court, akhirnya gw laper… gw pesen McD deh. For the first time of my life, rasa fillet o fish datar banget!!! Aneh…

Di food court itulah pembicaraan tentang ‘apakah kita berdua ini mungkin?’ dimulai.

Bisa gak kita long distance?

Apa iya kita itu jodoh?

Blah3x… Yang pasti saat itu, I didn’t give a damn, gw cuma maw nikmatin apa yang ada sekarang… That I’m with him… And I’m extremely happy in an actual definition.

“Maytri… fotobox yuks!”

Hahahaha! Gw seneng banget waktu dia bilang itu!!!

“Yuks! Cepetan sebelum tutup!” krn skrg emang udah jam 9! Buru2lah kentangnya diabisin en ngacir ke M Studio. Pas jalan ke M itulah dia bilang, “Seandainya kita berada di kota yang sama… gw pasti udah nembak lo…”

seandainya… seandainya….

“Lex… lo taw perasaan gw ke elo, kan?”

“Taw kok… gw juga suka sama lo… gw happy sama lo.”

“Gw gak suka sama lo kok… mungkin bakal kdengeran stupid, tapi… gw udah jatuh cinta sama lo…”

To qoute “A Lot Like Love”…

If you’re not stupid, then you don’t deserve to be in love.

Dalam waktu kurang dari 2×24 jam, May??? How come??? Gw sendiri masih belum percaya,, tapi gw yang ngerasain!!!

Ini fotobox-nya!

Ini fotobox-nya!

~~~

Beres fotobox,, dia ngajak gw ke GAME MASTER!!! Uuuuh! Buat orang2 yang mengenal gw dgn baik,, pasti taw kalo gw maw banget ngedate maen game! Gw kaget banget!

I always wanted to go to this kind of place on my date!!!

Damn you Alex, for making tonight so perfect!

Di game master kita maen macem2, dia ngajak gw maen DDR Drum machine itu loh! Gw kan gak bisa, “Gak maw aaah! Gak bisaaa!”

“Gw juga, udah, coba aja!! Apa sih yang gak bisa?”

Bener…. bener banget!

Truz maen racing, truz kita maen PANIC PARK!!! Oh I love that game!!!! Lucu banget! Semua orang HARUS, WAJIB nyoba maen game itu!!! Gw maen ampe dengkul gw biru en keringetan… Hosh… Hosh… And he did sweet thing that moment :)

Liat gw keringetan, dia nyeka keringet gw pake tangannya!!! Mampus gak tuh! Anjiir lu, Lex! Dasar buaya darat!!

Kita di game master sampe game master tutup, en pas keluar game master, IP udah gelap. Hahaha!

Gw inget pas turun eskalator, Alex ngomong, “Seandainya lo cewek gw…”

Huaaaaaaaaaa!! Iya… seandainya…. T.T

“Umm… sebenernya bisa koq, kalo emang lo maw…”

“Emang lo maw coba LD??” DANG! Bingung dah gw ditanya begitu. Prinsip gw tuh, amit2 gw sampe LD! Gak sanggup gw…

“Lex… kalo gw bilang gw maw… gw gak yakin bisa, gw gak maw nantinya ngerusak 2 hari yang perfect ini. Tapi kalo gw bilang gak maw… gw gak maw kehilangan lo…”

Hiks, dilemma.

I just don’t want to ruin it,, so please,, don’t talk about it.

Dari IP naek angkot sekali, turun di gandok… dia cerita kalo sebenernya pas tanding dia maw meluk gw… :) jujur yah, Lex… sebenernya waktu di GSG itu, gw udah maw nyamperin lo sebelum lo tanding…

~~~

Dari gandok kita jalan… sepanjang jalan, we held hand in hand. Saat itu gw sadar… dalam beberapa menit, dia bakal pergi dari kehidupan gw.

2 hari yang gila ini bakal berakhir….

Sepanjang jalan, kita ngobrol… saat2 dimana gw paling merasa nyaman bersama dia… gw bisa cerita semua hal yang gw gak kepikiran… saat2 dia bisa cerita jokes2 gobloknya, en kalo gw bilang, “Lo goblok banget seh, Lex!” dia bakal jawab, “Iyalah, gw kan IPS…”

“TERUUUUS??? Gw juga!” Hahaha,, sering banget yah Lex…

Dia juga nanya, kapan gw first kiss… Gw bilang, gak pernah… Gw bilang gw mau first kiss gue sama suami gue, trus dia ketawain se-tolol-tololnya. Kurang ajar.

Gw inget every detail semua kejadian yang terjadi 2 hari itu, pas di depan premierre, dia bilang, “Mungkin kita emang jodoh yaa…”

Huhuhu…. iya! Iya! Pasti!

Sampe kosan, dia nelpon taxi… en nunggu di kamar sambil merenung, huaaa,, abis ini kita gak akan ketemu lagi. Dia bakal ke Enhai, nginep semalem en besok siang pulang ke Jakarta.

Dia minta pendapat gw apakah dia harus ngelepasin Voli karena dia sibuk banget sama DKV en kegiatan2 dia… Dia ngerasa gak sanggup kalo semuanya tetep dijalanin. En gw bilang, “JANGAN!!!”

“Kenapa?”

Inget kan Lex, jawaban kita? Kita ngomong sama-sama…

Karena gara-gara Voli, kita ketemu…

Jujur yah, Lex… gw gak pernah bilang ini ke elo, taw gak… Gw suka banget liat lo maen Voli… Penuh semangat, selalu bisa ngebangkitin semangat tim lo. So, jangan dilepasin yaah… Lo menginspirasi gw untuk tetep semangat dalam hidup. Lo yang selalu bilang ke gw kan, apapun yang terjadi, gw harus semangat.

Gw terdiam cukup lama, mikir… apa jadinya hidup gw setelah ini… Setelah gw ketemu soulmate gw, terus ditinggal… Disorder kayak apa yang nanti bakal gw rasain…?

Tiba-tiba… He kissed me.

It just happened.

Dia cium pipi gw. A stolen kiss… Nggak pernah terpikir kalau pertama kali dicium cowok bakal stolen kiss…

Taw gak, saat itu, jantung gw pindah posisi ke perut. GOD, gw gak pernah ngerasain perut gw tiba2 mules banget kayak diaduk2 pake sendok semen! Muka gw pasti cengo banget saat itu. Sekitar 5 detik gw mencerna semuanya, gw pukul paha Alex kenceng banget. “BABI LO LEX!!! Itu first kiss gw yaaaa!!!!”

Alex cengar-cengir aja. “Kan di pipi,, yang di bibir buat suami lo..”

Gw rasa itu lucu banget… hihihi… Alex… Alex… dasar orang gila!

“Lex, lo gila ya?!”

“Gara-gara siapa gue gila?”

Hmm,, gw gak akan lupa every single word that you said, Lex..

Kita berdua gila. Bukan elo doang. Gue juga gila…

Sedihnya, Hpnya bunyi, ditelpon sama Blue Bird. Damn! Kenapa sih sinyal hari itu mesti bagus!! T.T

Gw anter dia ke depan… sebelum naek taxi, gw peluk dia eraaaaaaat banget… Gak maw gw lepasin rasanya… sampe mati juga.

But I had to… And I let him go…

Pcaya apa engga, pas taxi udah pergi, air mata gak berhenti2nya turun selama 10 menit ke depan. Gw kayak orang goblok yang ngegembok pintu sambil nangis, terus ngetok2 kamar Linni. “Liiiin….”

Pas Linni buka pintu kamar dan ngeliat tampang gw yang udah banjir banget, dia langsung shock. “Ya ampun, Maaay! Lo kenapa? Diapain lo sama Alex???”

Diapain sama Alex…?

Dicium?

Ditinggal?

Apa yah?

Hmm…. Dibikin jatuh cinta…

3 September 2006

Call me crazy, pas Alex bangun jam 10 pagi (si BABI emang), gw langsung ngacir ke Enhai, dianter Billy… (THANKS a lot Bil!!!!)

Gw ketemu dia untuk yang terakhir kali… Ngeyakinin kita berdua kalo gak mungkin bisa long distance, so… it’s that last time we said goodbye. Pas jalan di koridor enhai, dia nurunin bando gw lagi… Gw kesel banget karena rambut gw jadi berantakan, tapi gw taw… jailnya dia itu bakal ngangenin.

Gw gak bisa lama2, ditunggu Billy, so gw harus pulang. Dia anter gw ke motor, dan untuk yang terakhir kali juga, gw peluk dia lagi… Lex, lo harus tau kalo saat itu gw nahanin nangis. Entah kenapa gw gak maw nangis di depan lo… Mungkin karena gw gak maw image ‘crayon orange’ gw di mata lo rusak.

Waktu peluk dia, gw ngomong…

“Lex… inget yah…

1. kalo suka sama cewe lain, harus bilang gw…

2. Apalagi kalo sampe jadian…

3. Sering2 telpon gw…

4. Jangan pernah lupain gw… dan 3 hari terakhir ini

5. Kalo lawan atma lagi, menang yah! Hehhe…”

Dan pesan dia cuma satu,

“Kalo lo gak yakin sama perasaan lo, kalo lo gak ngerasain apa yang lo rasain skrg, jangan jalanin hubungan… karena cuma bakal nyakitin.”

Then, that’s it… I went away. Billy, mungkin lo gak taw, sepanjang jalan gw nangis di atas motor… goblok banget. Gw jadi gila… semuanya jadi abu-abu…

I’ve just found my soulmate and I’ve just lost him. How ironic is that?

Pas udah di kosan pun, gw gak berhenti nangis di kamar Cipen… goblok… goblok… gw jadi gila neh, kayaknya….

~~~

Waktu denger cerita ini, banyak tanggepan2 aneh dari orang2… antara, “Aaaaw… I envy you!”

“Alaaaah… itu mah bukan sayang!”

“Easy comes easy goes…”

“Pertahanin dia, May!”

Atau cuma ketawa sinis….

Joan yang paling lucu, dengan wajah pura2 lugu dia nanya, “Ini true story, kan?”

Yup, kalo ada orang yang ceritain gw kayak gini, mungkin gw juga akan ternganga gak percaya. “Ini true story bukan seeeh??”

I know it’s too impossible to be true, but I’ve felt it… with my soulmate… how great is that?

Bwat orang2 yang menanggapi cerita ini dengan sinis, gw cuma bisa bilang… Don’t be so cynical about this kind of love just because you haven’t felt it. Gw percaya kok, semua orang punya Alex-nya masing2… It’s just my luck to find him first.

Don’t look for your destiny, it’ll come to you after all…

Bwat Yoan, *speechless*, abis udah keluar semua pas kelas PerpPol. :P

Bwat Linni, Cipen, en Litta (para saksi hidup), kalo gak ada tarohan itu, gak akan ada ini semua.

Bwat Cupy, gw pengen banget ngenalin dia ke elo!!!

Bwat semua yang baca,, mungkin aneh, mustahil, apalah,, sayang hanya dalam waktu 2 hari… But it happens!!! I felt it! Gak ada yang lebih real lagi deeh!!!

Bwat Alex… Gimana nyong?! Gw udah bikinin blogs bwat lo neh! Gw gak pernah gak yakin sedikitpun sama perasaan sayang kita kok! En gw juga gak pernah nyesel sama semua yang terjadi selama dua hari itu… Cepetan publish komik lo! Biar novel gw happy ending! Inget janji lo di IP! En gw bakal selalu inget kata2 lo… Tetep semangat!!! En… “kalo emang lo jodoh gw… Kita pasti bakal ketemu lagi.” you always said that.

Alex…

Meeting you was Fate

Knowing you was Choice

But Falling in love with you… is totally out of my control.

-May, Septemberollercoaster 2006-

Today, six years after that happened, I finally look back and smile. No, not smile, I laugh!

Come on, it’s a beautiful story and we’re friends now, why not laugh about it? This “falling in love with stranger” thing is like one of my wildest fantasy since I was nine years old! Guess I attract universe to finally give this story for me. =)

FYI, this all happened when Bandi and I were in 3 months relationship and apparently one day before I met Alex, we decided to go “on a break”, giving each other space. Right after I came back saying goodbye to Alex, I went to Bandi’s place and broke up with him.

I should make a point now that I was doing Bandi a favor by really breaking up with him instantly after I gained my conscience back from the fairy tale. However we were on a break. (Not that I agree with Ross sleeping with other woman while he and Rachel were on a break. LOL)

Falling in love with Alex was inevitable. And the least I could do was being fair to Bandi by breaking up with him.
Well, like Kurt Cobain said, it’s better to be yourself and everyone hates you than become somebody else and everyone loves you.

For all of Bandi’s friends who were calling me a slut and people who accused me of cheating and whatever, this might be the answer for you for “Why did you do that to the nicest guy on earth?”

For me, I think what I did was right. I could have just played victim and stepped on the two boats, nobody knows right? (Nobody unless hundred of people on GSG watching me asking for his number. LOL) Or I could just go back to my normal life with Bandi and pretended like nothing happened.

But hey something happened. I fell in love and I will never lie of what I feel. So instead of being so angelic, I became a devil instead. I did let go the two of them.

Because it is the right thing. I was being fair.

You could comment anything and say that technically I was cheating but in my defense, falling in love with Alex was inevitable. He would have done exactly the same thing if he had a girlfriend.

Do you know what cheating is? It is having two or more love affairs in the same time under your conscience!!! (bold and underlined with three exclamation points!)

I wasn’t in my conscience on that time. It was a three days fantasy, and once after I came back to reality, the first thing I did was telling Bandi about it. And when he asked, “so what do you wanna do about it now?” I did the right thing, I said we should break up.

So what happened after Bandi and I broke up? Did I try a relationship with Alex? Hmm, I can’t really call it a relationship because what we did most of the times was arguing over the phone and remember back then inter-city phone calls weren’t cheap. We were only a student then and didn’t have spare money to buy train tickets to visit each other and we were so busy with college life we didn’t have time to console each other’s feelings. We were miserable and I must say everything was really hard with him. Because he was a male version of me. He was stubborn, selfish and crazily romantic.

We were falling in too fast and couldn’t wait to go out as fast. We made a mistake by taking the fantasy to the reality. Alex and me were bad news. In the end we did hurt each other more than we fell in love to each other.

Now the question is, after all this time, if now another Alex comes again into my life, will I do the same thing? No.

1. My feeling now is totally different from what I had with Bandi back then. We had only been together for 3 months and those were boring 3 months. And to be honest, if the Alex thing didn’t hit him that hard, he would stay boring for the rest of his life.

2. Things like this won’t happen twice.

3. I wouldn’t do juvenile thing like accepting a bet for a free lunch and ask a guy’s phone number in my age now. (You see the point? I was just being juvenile and that’s what we did on our college times.)

I knew this would be a controversial post, but I don’t give a fuck. For what it’s worth, everything happens for reason. I believe that.

However Bandi and I are together now, being stronger than ever. When I ask Bandi whether he’s scared of me ever do that again, he said no. “You and Alex were in the same city when I was in US for two years, and you didn’t even have thoughts of meeting him.” Well he’s freakin right!!

“You love me just too much. All you do is thinking about me, you don’t have time for drama.”

The climax for this post would be this:

So, the other night, Alex just showed up on my whatsapp, out of the blue, apologizing of what he did 6 years ago. I know he apologized before but somehow this time, it just felt so right. We talked in the middle of 2 am in the morning and we spent like one hour straight just to chat.

I used to say that he was my darkest hour before dawn and here it is, another surprise from universe, this story really ended in a dawn.

Like Alex said and I quote: “Once again, I apologize to you. I hurt you before and I’m sorry for that. I remembered you told me on 2007 that you feel like slapping my face. You know what? I deserved that.”

Anyway, we did meet again exactly one year after that. I post about it here.

Here’s some peek of the chat. I’ve edited the personal stuffs though.

Alex convo

I told him I already forgave him long time ago and I’m so glad he has grown so much from a very selfish guy to be this wise man and you know what? It’s because of a girl. (It’s always LOVE that conquers all! Yaiy!)

He also said he will definitely come if Bandi and I get married someday and will draw us for free! (He’s a professional illustrator now :)) He said he’s so glad we’re friends now, which we both should become in the first place. Please, Alex was like a male version of me, we should have been bestfriend since the beginning if there were no romance and drama involved!

He said he always knew Bandi was the one for me, that he never gave up on me through all those things and he said he also owe Bandi an apology. Well, that would be an epic moment when he apologize to Bandi. LOL

We agreed on two things: one, that what we felt for those three days was real and let it be just a beautiful fantasy. Two, everything really does happen for reason. That happened to me so Bandi and I would be like today and that happened to him so he would grow up (even he just realized 6 years later) and when he finally met this girl, he knew what love really is. =)

I’m so glad Alex and I talked it out.

For every pain and hurt that we costed each other six years ago, I’m so grateful it happened. It was a part of growing up.

Now is the time for my sotoy philosophy…

The reason why I made this post is that we should not run from our past or pretend it never happened by not talking about it. We have to make closure for every issues that we had in order to move forward. I believe that.

I personally love to have a closure with Alex and finally Bandi is okay talking about it, even though he still doesn’t want to mention the “A” name. haha

Don’t try too hard though to make a closure as it might not the time yet. Just remember everyone has different timeline and different standard of dealing with problems and pain. Let the time heals everything. Don’t lose faith. The closure will come, eventually.

Because time really does heal everything.

May, 17th July 2012.

Geez, It’s kinda weird that I read it again now, my life is so awesome!! Haha! How many people out there get to have an apology from a guy who hurt her so much 6 years before. And this post has been laying there in the draft page for a reason. You know what’s the reason? So I can make an inception post like this. Hahaha! A post inside a post inside a post. If this doesn’t make my blog awesomeness level went up, I don’t know what will.

Anyway, enough with the non-sense.

To comment about the story, seven years after, I just want to say… for all the excuses I made and the argues I tried to validate… I still think it’s the right thing to do even seven years later. What I did was right. (still)

This is gonna be my last post ever talking about this Alex guy. This is the season finale and I like the ending. We’re not best friend anyway like we said on the whatsapp one year ago because it would be weird for Bandi and Alex’s girlfriend if we’re bestfriend, this is not a sitcom.

We’re just a friend who wishes each other Happy birthday and talk once in a while especially when he’s about to show some of his drawing stuffs to me. But we’re cool. He’s living his dream and I live mine. =)

I don’t know what kind of sentences would be perfect to end this series of drama. I have been staring at the blinking cursor for the last 30 seconds and there’s no perfect words to say.

I guess…

Life is unpredictable.

One minute you had it all, the other you lost it. It’s so scary that your life and everything attached to you is mortal.

However life is too short not to fall in love head over heels. To really fall.

To fall in love and then to be heart broken and then to learn and to let go and to move on. That’s okay.

That’s life. Don’t be scared. Time will heal and you will be healed too.

Have your heart broken is inevitable, being miserable is optional. =)

Afterall, It’s always fun to hear a love story, no matter how bad the ending is… And you can always change your point of view and turn it around to be a happy ending.

P.S: For the twenty years old Alex and the twenty years old May: You two are damn cute! I’m glad you guys took the chance. =)

Cheers,

May, 26th July 2013

A letter to the pessimists

I got some of the pessimistic comments for my engagement, mostly they sound like this “eh, I thought you didn’t believe in marriage?”

Well I didn’t.

I know I shouldn’t been bothered but I am a human thus I have a need to defend myself (and also the need to once again blabber about marriage), so here it goes…

Up until this second, I still do believe that marriage is not an achievement. A wedding is a start of something big called the marriage. And it’s not a solution for all your problems people. There are two reasons why I didn’t believe in marriage.

One, people took marriage for granted, using it for the wrong reason with the wrong people. The marriage itself became some kind of dirty business for me.

Two, there are no successful marriage in my inner circle. I have never witnessed a successful marriage. That’s why I was pessimistic too.

I hate it when people decided to get married for the wrong reasons, to top of them is “because I’m getting older.” Once my friend told me she was getting married and my reply was “are you sure?” She was mad of course, and to boost my ego, let me tell you this: she DID call off the wedding. Why? Because I knew it at the moment that she said yes because she wanted the attention and she liked to idea of becoming someone’s wife but she WASN’T in love.

Okay, go back to my case. A lot of my friends said “finally!!!” And the others asked “how did you finally say yes?” (This also explained why I had to charge my phone three times on last sunday)

Why did I, the unbeliever, finally said yes for a marriage?

I was simply convinced.

(So if you happen to really want to marry somebody and she said she didn’t believe in it, you’re not trying hard enough.)

I wasn’t looking for a relationship when I was dating Bandi. It was just a casual flirt and I enjoyed the attention, so when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I warned him, “oh dear, I’m not a commitment kind of girl.” And he said “it’s okay. It’s not something serious. We’re just getting to know each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.” So the ‘not something serious’ led to a seven years relationship. LOL

I also thought that I will be a serial dater for the rest of my life, because seriously, I am that selfish. I don’t think anyone could take it to live with me for the rest of his life. Come on, I can’t even live with my mom! I am super selfish and I have OCD, I want things to be my way and I always think that I am right. I knew Bandi was messy and couldn’t care less about hygiene since the first year of relationship but then I don’t care because I knew I won’t marry him.

But then when we started to live together, we spent so much time fighting about stupid stuffs. And oh my god I am so impressed of how hard he was trying to adapt to me. He really tried everything to make sure I’m alright, mentally. (Yeah I got so disturbed over something stupid sometimes.) He did this kind of magic to make me fall in love more and more to him everyday and made me think that I couldn’t live without him. And oh wow, he succeeded!

Bandi himself didn’t have any role-model for a successful marriage. His dad was gone when he was five so he was pretty much a ‘dad’ for his brother and sisters. Thankfully he turned out to be a believer. He wants a marriage, a family with a lot of kids, (Super bummer, look how far he’s convinced me already?) and a smart and pretty wife (well ho got one.) LOL

Actually he has taken the relationship slowly for my expense. I remember he was ambitiously saying that he wanted to be married and had kids by 25. (Haha! Wrong girlfriend, dude!) I must say that this relationship does both of us a favor. For me to learn that I can finally trust someone completely and that true love does exist. For him to wait for the right one (and not just randomly pick any girl to give birth to his babies), learn more about life and of course to be super mega ultra patience.

I really believe that everything happens for reason. :)

So dear pessimists,
I DID not believe in marriage. And I must say this in public that I WAS WRONG.
Not all marriages are scam and dirty and fake. I can make sure at least mine is not. :)

I remember the endless nights of long talks with Bandi, the sweet gestures while we danced, the stolen kisses, the sacrifices, the tears and fears we shared, the infinite laughs that he made me after that and how he always had his ways to take my breath away. I have been always a happy person, but I’ve never felt this content. I am fully content.

I also need to underline this: I am happy not because I’m getting married. I am happy because I get to spend the rest of my life with the one I really love. The wedding is just a bonus.

Actually my perception of marriage doesn’t change a lot, remember this: if you’re not a happy person, don’t ever think about getting married!!!

Don’t hope for some dude to save you from all your troubles and think that marriage (or wedding) would give you happiness, because it won’t!!!

YOU HAVE TO BE A HAPPY WOMAN TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE. (not the other way around!)

Don’t get married to be happy, but get married because you’re happy. So you know you have someone to share your happiness with forever. :)

Remember your man is not your accessory whom with him you feel socially completed and obligation checked. You don’t need to prove to anyone that you can have a man.

Oh please just make sure that you get married because you love each other, please please, pleaaaaaseee!

57040

Cheers,

May, still staring at the ring. :p

He likes it so he puts a ring on it.

Disclaimer: This post is personal, please take note that I need the courage to share this with you. =)

I’ve been sick for the past ten days, so I didn’t really plan anything for my seventh anniversary. I know Bandi isn’t much a planner so usually he would just let me do whatever I wanted and brought me to dinner.

This year, I told him I didn’t want anything fancy for anniversary because I actually wanted to have a bed rest, but then yeah… you got it right, he proposed.

About talking about marriage.

I think all of my friends have been asking about us getting married more than we even really talk about it. I’ve never wanted a marriage myself so I never really bother talking about it. However it’s been two years since we started to live together and once in a while Bandi asked about whether I’m taking this relationship seriously but I never really answered it seriously lahhh. I usually just did silly things and pretended to be deaf.

The moment I realize that he meant what he said was when he brought me to a jewelry store. I was freaking panicking when he suddenly talked fluent diamond with the sales lady. He asked about the carats, clarity, certificate and shits I didn’t know. Holy crap, somebody has done some research!

He asked me what kind of ring I want for my engagement ring, and I was a total bitch, I literally panicked and kept saying let’s go. It happened last year.

About the first attempt.

I accidentally found the receipt of the ring when I tried to find something in Bandi’s ikea box. It was purchased on July 2012. There was a description of the ring in the receipt. About how many carats the diamond is and the other stuffs I didn’t understand. And I saw the price… And it’s fucking non-refundable.

THIS IS A BIG PRESSURE!!!!

Holy crap! I felt like packing my bags and just run the freaking away. I don’t wanna get married yet!!! How if he proposed to me? My life was about to oveeeerrr! Nooo!!!

On October 2012 he surprised me with a trip to Bandung, and I had the feeling that he’s gonna propose. Then I told him, “If you’re gonna propose, please don’t. I’m not ready and I’m gonna say no, and we would break up and it all turned ugly. And I don’t wanna break up with you. Just give me more time and be more patience.” (For the record, he was gonna propose.)

After that, the relationship went downhill. Bandi didn’t understand why I wasn’t ready and why I was being so difficult. A lot of my friends knew about this and I didn’t blame them to think that I was a heartless bitch and that I didn’t deserve a good guy like Bandi.

I wanted a proposal, who doesn’t want a fairy tale, right? But I just didn’t feel it was the right time. Bandi had just lost his grandma and I felt like he rushed things because he felt guilty that his grandma did ask him to marry me but then she passed away. And I still believed that there were some unfinished business between us, like talking about future and stuffs.

It is very hard to explain and you must know me well enough to understand my reasons but anyway, let’s move on.

All I know is… I’m glad Bandi never gave up on me. =)

About being ready.

I remember people kept saying that you’re never gonna be ready for marriage, that you just have to go the hell with it. Well, you’re wrong!!!! I don’t wanna just jump into it and figure out later. I don’t! I don’t wanna take the risk that I could regret for a lifetime. I’m a risk taker but not for a marriage. I wanna be hundred percent ready and wanting it like crazy and I will never going back!

So, during my bad patch of relationship with Bandi, this happened.

The whole missing the flight thing was like an epiphany.

I sill remember when Bandi arrived home after midnight and I saw him totally differently. This is the guy who went all the fucking troubles with me and still stayed. I’ve been complicated, unreasonable, difficult and selfish and yet he’s still there, never even complain once. He always ALWAYS believes in me.

And he took the last flight home going all the shits just to make sure I wasn’t home alone. And I felt like my life went on a flashback… He did fight for me in front of his family, he defended me through the bad years, he always protects me, always tries to make me happy and makes sure I’m always alright.

He left USA for me, the thing that I thought he won’t ever do. I just almost lost all of his important documents by leaving it in airport and he still forgave me and flew home for me.

And yet, I didn’t want to marry this guy? WHAT AM I NUTS?????

I remember he hugged me that night and I knew it for a second, that was where I belong for the rest of my life.

And….

I was finally ready.

About wanting it.

After that missing the flight moment, I caught myself daydreaming about being Mrs. Cahaya. It felt silly for a while and I was so embarrassed of myself but then I found it so fun so what the hell. I daydreamed about calling him hubby, about saying the vow (I even wrote one haha) and saying I do and girls stuffs like that.

Then I kept hinting him like asking “is the ring this big?” while showing him my booger. LOL

About the ring

I knew he already bought the diamond ring and I would feel so guilty to trouble him but to be honest, I don’t want diamond. I want an emerald.

I fell instantly in love when I saw Kate’s engagement ring (which belonged to Princess Diana) but I didn’t want Sapphire of course and also couldn’t see myself wearing the plain diamond. I want an engagement which yells it totally belongs to May. And I always like emerald and the fact that emerald is my birth stone.
I’ve googled about emerald and it’s very rare to find a small carats of emerald to be crafted as a ring, it means it would have to be a bigger size of the stone and it would be expensive. So I was so dilemmatic of whether I should tell Bandi about this.

However the conversation about the ring came up and he asked me my dream engagement ring. I told him I always wanted an emerald crafted on a rose gold because rose gold compliments the sparkle of the emerald and it matches my skintone and of course because it’s so pretty.

(Later on he told me the story of how he went almost nuts looking for an emerald that he could afford. LOL. To make the story short, he exchange the diamond with the emerald after he finally found the franchised jewelry store that would accept the exchange.)

So when he proposed and opened the ring box, I was stunned.

It was the prettiest ring I’ve ever seen in my life. (Probably also the effect of euphoria) The one and only, an oval shaped emerald, surrounded by diamonds in a rose gold. I know this is so superficial, but goddammit, I am so freaking happy!!!

I've always wanted an emerald!!!

I’ve always wanted an emerald!!!

About the Proposal

I can’t tell the details because it would be so looonnnggg and of course so many personal stories involved. You must know me for lifetime to really understand the reasons why Bandi planned every detail. About why he chose the Con te Partire to ask me for a slow dance and the seventy seven red roses and the road trip and everything.

His plan was this… He wanted to do seven things that we never done together for our seventh anniversary. (Trust me Bandi and I did almost every possible thing we could haha) He created some kind of continuous cards that’s written the hint of the thing.

The fifth thing was an impromptu flight. He brought me to the city I love the most.

I was totally surprised! And I didn’t pack proper clothes lah. Hahaha. (I didn’t even pack shampoo so I had to wash my hair with Hotel’s shampoo and my hair went on sapu ijuk mode.) Anyway, he was so freaking sweet and he brought me to Maxi’s, my favorite restaurant, which we had our date long long time ago. He reserved the place on the balcony, a place when we used to see sunset on New Year’s eve.

He made a video and left me alone to watch the video. I was crying like a little baby, couldn’t contain my happiness. I can’t show anyone, even my bestfriend, the video, because for once, I want to keep this only for myself. =)

Bandi was pouring his heart out on the video, leaving his soul naked and open and if it was me, I would want to do it only for the one person I love. =)

He also gave me four photos that represent our seven years together and our future dream together. After the video ended, he showed up with seventy seven stalks of rose, and my bestfriend Gery behind, holding a camera, videotaping us. HOLY CRAP I knew it that moment that he was gonna propose!!!

So yeah, he gave me the roses and got on one knee, took out the box of ring and said the magic words.

The funny thing was, when he said, “will you…” I at once nodded my head because I saw the ring!!! HAHAHAHA! (I’m so shameless) However he asked “Will you marry me” and I was like a doggie doll on a car’s dashboard, kept nodding my head. He laughed and asked, “What???”

And I shouted “YESSSS!!!”

=)

Yes!

Yes!

I’m engaged!!!

Not only engaged.

I’m engaged… to the love of my life, my best friend.

I can’t believe that I would ever want a marriage. But now it’s happening, it doesn’t feel scary. I kinda can’t wait to be his wife. LOL.

He likes it so he puts a ring on it! Haha!

He likes it so he puts a ring on it! Haha!

And I also can’t stop staring at my ring and smile everytime I see it… over and over again. It’s so freaking pretty I feel like a princess. Hahaha. I talked to Dian about the ring and it turns out I’m not the only shameless girl here. She was also crying like baby when Dan-Dan was about propose to her and once she saw the ring, it was like a magic that made a girl smile forever!!! Hahaha.

I never had a fine jewelry in my life before. Seriously, never. You know all my accessories are purchased through ebay! LOL. This is the first real thing I’ve ever had and it’s so goddamn freaking pretty!!!! It sparkles everytime I see it like talking to me. =) And I looooove the color and how the diamonds around it compliments the emerald. I love my engagement ring I’m so shallow!!! Hahahaha.

Here's another angle of the ring.

Here’s another angle of the ring.

And here's another one. =D

And here’s another one. =D

Ok, enough with that. (You get it how much I love it)

About the aftermath

The first thing in my mind after saying Yes was… I’m so gonna tell Ulen about this!!! And you know what??? She coincidentally were coming to Bandung the next day for some reunion event!!! Thank you Universe!! It’s so meant to be!!!

So the next day I spent my day with Ulen, asked her to be my maid of honor and  took this photobox! Haha. I also asked her to help me distribute the 77 Roses to every women we met at Paris Van Java (because it’s impossible for me to bring back all the flowers to Singapore, right?) It was so cute how women react to stranger handing over roses. They all accepted it! Haha!

Me and my maid of honor.

Me and my maid of honor, and my sapu ijuk mode hair. LOL

After I talked to her face to face, I publicly posted it on socmed and again, I loved the attention. Hahaha! (shameless, still shameless!!!)

Then I told Strawberry and other close friends, my mom and my sister. While Bandi of course has successfully made his brother, sisters and mom figuratively hippie dancing. So yeah, it’s pretty big happy news for both of us. =)

My mom has also already known because Bandi did tell my mom and my dad before actually proposed to me. Awww isn’t he the sweetest? He asked my Dad for a permission to take good care of his daughter. OH MY GOD I’m melted…

We also have set the date, because I told him, according to Gilmore Girls, you’re not really engaged until there’s a ring and a date. So we have set the date. We’re gonna get married on 7th June 2014, exactly 8 years when I first said yes to the question “will you be my girlfriend?” =)

(Or actually it’s just Bandi who can’t remember too many dates so he pack it all into one date? WTF?)

Anywayyyy, we’re not gonna bother too much about the wedding because after that day, I finally realize what I want in my life. I don’t fucking care of how my wedding would turn out to be, I just wanna be his wife. Period.

(and the fact that I still need to plan my Europe Trip holy crap!)

(and also the fact that my maid of honor is having an OCD so she’s gonna plan everything. HAHA)

And this is the end of my single life… no more flirting with cute guys (darn it). Who would have known, of all the people, I’m gonna settling down this fast. Hahaha. I’m getting married. Geez, still not get used to say it, “I’m getting married.”

So, for all the guys who are secretly in love with me, better luck next lifetime! Hahaha. Zero chance from this second! And that’s including you, Cristiano Ronaldo!! Yeah you! I’ve had enough waiting for you! HAHAHA

About what I feel.

Right now, I’m still over the moon. (unless the fact that my voice is gone because of the flu T.T) I feel content and happy. I am one hundred percent sure that this is what I want, marrying him. And that everything really does happen for a reason. Universe really listens to my prayer, sending me signs and stuffs. If he proposed to me last October, it might not be this perfect. Good things really does happen to those who wait. =)

I won’t have cold feet or second thought. I might have bad days and we might fight, but I won’t have second thought, I can promise that.

Thank you for being so patience and for making this seven years all about me, sweetie pie. When we ate satay and I requested a song from the old man and he sang The Beatles’ I will, I hope you knew it was truly from my heart to you. =)

I love you. Always have and always will.

Kalistus Mikhael Subandi Cahayaaaaaa, I’m yours!!!!

Cheers,

May, Mrs. Cahaya to be.

P.S Finally I’m gonna have a surname!!! Hahahahah!

Here's a bonus photo of Bandi and Brownie for reading until the end. =)

Here’s a bonus photo of Bandi and Brownie for reading until the end. =)

Seventh

Yes, today Bandi and I are celebrating our seventh anniversary. Seven freaking amazing years. Each year I get fall deeper in love with him and looking forward for many years to come.

I decided to pick my seven favorite photos of us and show it off here. Trust me, it’s very VERY hard to just pick seven from thousand of photos of us. (Yeah, I’m horribly narcissistic and he followed somehow)

So here goes my magnificent seven, in random order.

1. Good time, bad time.

Photo was taken on Christmas 2007. I got the idea from some clip in youtube. Love how this photo turns out. =)

Photo was taken on Christmas 2007. I got the idea from some clip in youtube. Love how this photo turns out. =)

2. Something happened on the way to heaven.

Photo was taken by a dear friend around August 2007. We both didn't know that we were being photographs. We were going up to the campus. Bandi was dressed up because he was going to meet his lecturer about his thesis. I was going to go for a class of course. Really love these photos.

Photo was taken by a dear friend who had just borrowed an SLR, around August 2007. We both didn’t know that we were being photographs. We were going up to the campus. Bandi was dressed up because he was going to meet his lecturer about his thesis. I was going to go for a class of course. Really love these photos.

3. Hang on to you.

Photo was taken on June 2010 at Seminyak, Bali. I was supposed to sit on Bandi's shoudler but I was scared so I was struggling to go down but Bandi didn't let me. My friend who held the camera decided to freeze this moment. =)

Photo was taken on June 2010 at Seminyak, Bali. I was supposed to sit on Bandi’s shoudler but I was scared so I was struggling to go down but Bandi didn’t let me. My friend who held the camera decided to freeze this moment. =)

4. The Jump.

Taken on the same day with the previous photo. Bandi and I bungee jumped in double six, Bali. It was a scary yet exciting moment, but definitely a moment to remember. =)

Taken on the same day with the previous photo. Bandi and I bungee jumped in double six, Bali. It was a scary yet exciting moment, but definitely a moment to remember. =)

5. The beach, the skies and the kiss.

Another beach photo, which turned out to be dramatic. Taken on November 2012 at Boracay Island, Philippines. Even though the photo is heavily edited nothing is photoshopped. We used self-timer and didn't expect that it would be this good. =)

Another beach photo, which turned out to be dramatic. Taken on November 2012 at Boracay Island, Philippines. Even though the photo is heavily edited nothing is photoshopped. We used self-timer and didn’t expect that it would be this good. =)

6. The New Year Kiss.

Bandi and I have our tradition to always kiss on the new year's time. So when the countdown ended, he reached out to me and gave me a new year kiss for 2013. We didn't know that a friend captured this sweet moment. =)

Bandi and I have our tradition to always kiss on the new year’s time. So when the countdown ended, he reached out to me and gave me a new year kiss for 2013. We didn’t know that a friend captured this sweet moment. I love how dramatic it looks because there were no faces in this photo but I could feel the love in the air. =)

7. And I got yours.

Photo was taken just last month at Henderson's bridge, Singapore. It was a sunny day and a fun day. I love how Bandi and I accidentally wore contrast-colored outfits. =)

Photo was taken just last month at Henderson’s bridge, Singapore. It was a sunny day and a fun day. I love how Bandi and I accidentally wore contrast-colored outfits. =)

So, those are my favorite photos during our seven amazing years together. Oh how I wish I could put our 100 favorite photos because that would be easier for me to filter them out. LOL.

Since the this year’s anniversary falls on Friday, we’re gonna theme it anniversary weekend! We still don’t know what we’d do. Maybe we’ll go on a dinner date and buy 7 different cakes and 7 lottery tickets or we’d watch 7 different movies all day and probably eat 7 different type of foods. LOL.

Seven is his favorite number, that’s why We’re gonna make this special. =)

So, which one is your favorite photo? ;)

Cheers,

May, never thought to be in love this long… with the same guy.

My favorite photobox with him. =)

My favorite photobox with him. =)

UPDATE: all my plans are ruined because Bandi turned out to make plans better!!! Hahaha! He surprised me at four in the morning to pack some clothes and bring me to Changi airport!!! Hahahaha! I always wanted an impromptu trip from a guy I love and today it happened. He prepared 7 great things for us but for this, I’ll just say I’m very happy. Truly happy. Let me just keep all the details private for myself. :)
Oh god I really love him. :)
Bandung, 7th June 2013, May.