I am 25 and homeless.

Remember when you were a little kid and you said “I just wanna go home.” everytime bad things happened?

Why did we do that? Is it because at our home we can do whatever we want to do? Or is it because our home is the most comfortable place on earth?

For me, it is probably because my room was the only place I could be alone and did some major imagination.

Well, actually the first time I got my own room is when I was 15 and it felt AWESOME! From then, I swore I would do whatever I could to live alone, by my self, out of my parents’ house.

I spent my childhood sharing my room either with my sister, my brother, housemaid, or my grandpa. I didn’t do so many things in my room besides writing a diary or daydreaming. I spent most of my childhood times outside the house, chasing kites or playing basketball. Sometimes I feel sorry kids these days spend their times inside playing Nintendo DS. I think my childhood is awesome. I still befriend all my childhood friends until now. I think they are true friends. :)

Anyway, I didn’t have so many “I just wanna go home” feeling until I reached my teenage years, well my high school years to be precise. I moved to another city for the very first time of my life, out from the only place I’ve known since I was born,Jakarta. Ok, I have a love-hate relationship withJakartauntil now but I was only 15! I left all the friends I knew and was being totally alone in this other city!

I used to go to school feeling “I just wanna go home” then I was home alone most of the times coz my mom went to Jakarta a lot and my dad worked at Jakarta. Only when I was 17 my dad was home everyday because he fell sick.

I was starting a quest to find my home since then. I didn’t fell like I was home. But the only home I’ve known for 15 years had been sold. Where is my home?

My journey after that was very exciting, move houses with my parents, finally move out from my parents’ house to another city again, rent a house with bunch of friends, move back to my parents’ house, and finally move out to Singapore. I’ve been kind of a nomad person.

Yesterday I received a very bad news and I felt like crying and this feeling appeared, “I just wanna go home.”

But where is my home? I don’t even have one.

I never think my parent’s house as my home. It’s just a house I could live in (and I refused to) but it’s not my home. I always try so hard to live further away from my family. It’s just the feeling I have since I was kid. I’ve never been close with my family.

So here I am, in a foreign land, feeling wanna go home, but nowhere to turn to. And that’s it, I realized, I’m 25 and I’m homeless.

These couple of days I’ve been feeling sick, and the “I just wanna go home” feeling is growing even bigger.

I told Bandi about the bad news and he brought me cupcakes. Since this girl I told you before moved out fromSingapore, I only have Bandi here. So it’s like him and me against the world.

It is so true that being home is the best feeling of all. And this awesome feeling is the feel that I have everytime I meet Bandi. So I figure this following quote is true:

 Home is not a place, it is people.

We don’t have house here in Singapore. But we have each other. And I’ll go wherever he wanted to go. He’s my home. And I’m his.

We will have our house someday and call it a home, so the next time I feel like “I just wanna go home” I know where I should go.

But for now, my home is not yet a place, it’s a person. Now it’s still one person, but I hope it’ll keep adding people to it.

 

Love,

May