When a man loves a woman

Actually I have been wanting to post this since two weeks ago but I just seemed never in the perfect mood.

Well now I am. I am in the perfect mood to be a feminist who defends a man!

As much as I wanted ladies to read this and understand this, I also wanted men to comment their thoughts about it. So here we go…

With growing number of jerks in this world, it’s very hard to find a real man who really is a gentleman. And when we finally meet a nice gentleman, what do we do? We dump him!

Yeah, Girls tend to dump nice man!!!! (I know, I know, not all girls, I actually meant this statement to one girl only)

*sigh* I don’t know how to start this post.

Why? WHY??? Why we dump nice men and go after jerks? I have a lot of friends who are in a relationship with man who doesn’t treat them right and yet they stay. And when you’ve found a man who’s actually nice to you, you’re questioning them. “Why is he so nice? Does he want something from me?”

We, women, think that men are heartless, cruel, insincere and selfish so when they’re acting like one, we’re okay with that because we think it’s normal. And when they’re doing something sincerely nice, we question them!

In this post, I just want to emphasize one more time that NICE GUYS DO EXIST.

Let’s just get to the point why I make this post in the first place. I have a bestfriend who had a nine years relationship and ended up in a trash (I wrote a letter once to the girl here). A year later, he still hasn’t moved on, so he flew to Singapore and crashed at my place, drinking the pain away. (Literally)

I don’t have many male friends who talk about love. I think he’s the only one who really talks about love so deep with me. I never thought men can talk about love that serious.

I always talk about love with my female friends, using the reason that “Men don’t understand our feelings!”

And guess what? Men think the same too!! That is why I was being ditched out during those 3 nights for sharing the drinks and the love talks. He and Bandi talked alllll night WITHOUT ME! They wasted time and money to buy cans of beers just to talk and talk and talk. (This is one side of Bandi and guys in general I never knew about)

When I asked them about the details, they didn’t want to tell me. I only know they were talking about love and how it hurt.

Really??? Guys could feel hurt?! YES!

(Seriously there was the time when I thought men couldn’t feel pain. There was the time when I was so cynical about love too.)

So, let me tell you something, ladies… (I am not a man, but I hope I could talk on behalf of them)

When a man loves a woman, he is really capable to actually love! (I know we women tend to think they are not capable, but they are!)

When a man loves a woman, the only mission he’s doing everyday is just to make you happy. Seriously, I was laughing on it for 10 seconds hearing this from them but then they looked damn serious. While we, women, always demand the guys to be more romantic, to be more initiative, more blah blah blah, what they wanted all along is… to make us happy.

When a man loves a woman, he thinks about the woman more than we thought he would. He’s probably not as expressive as we are, writing on facebook or post his photos in instagram, but he really does think about his girl, almost all the time.

When a man loves a woman, he puts her in his future dream. This one is for sure.

So when a man has been having this girl in his future dream for 9 freaking years, he’s crushed when she’s suddenly not in his life anymore!

So yeah, men is more difficult to move on than us, women. My friend broke up with his 9 years girlfriend last year. She’s now in a relationship with someone else while my friend is still stuck trying to drink the pain away.

Ladies, don’t hurt men. Don’t think that their hearts are hard as rock. They are as humane as we are. If you don’t intend to marry him, don’t tell him that you love him that much. It works both way right?

If you demand gender equality, to be equally placed with men in work and politic, we should start to see men equally vulnerable with us too.

There are a lot of stories about men hurting women, but not much for the opposite because of the strong exterior of men. They tend to look not to care but they do.

It’s true that we can’t easily trust men based on the growing number of jerks, but don’t let the paranoia slips the right one away.

And YOU! Yes YOU! You got the right one slipped away. How could you just move on from a guy who has been in your life for freaking 9 years???!!!!

(Arrgh, now it sounds just like an angry post. T.T)

I just hope this world is filled with people who’s perfectly happy with the one they’re with. If Kim Jong Un has found the one he’s in love with, maybe none of the silliness happened.

Ah, who am I to know, right? I’m in love but once in a while I still want to send nuclear to some people. Yeah, we’re human afterall. Heartbreaks are inevitable.

Have a good long weekend!

(I know I will since I am picking up Strawberry at the airport! Yippee!)

Cheers,

May, still a feminist.

A good talk

Yesterday an old friend from my college texted me, telling me she’s in Singapore for couple of days and whether I wanted to meet up. Then I replied “I’m free tonight.”

Let me tell you about my college. It was the best four years of my life. I have never experienced living my life with such scarce allowance money yet laughter were always around. I was anak kosan, living in a spooky house with 8 other awesome girls which later I called a family. I was a chief of organization called kakak asuh which I’m very passionate about, I loved my major and especially I love my campus.

I was a Political and Social Science student and everyone knows my campus is the best of throwing party. We had tried to go to Law Campus’ party, Engineering students’ party, Architects’, Chemical Students’ even the lousiest Economic students’ (Sorry Bandi) and no campus has better party than ours. Our major was technically throwing party and events and fund-risers every freaking month! I have never even once being dormant without planning anything until my last semester. And believe it or not, as much as so many ganks were being created, we all were getting along with each other. My campus is super awesome, even my nerdiest friend wasn’t get bullied, we asked a copy of his notes instead. :p

Photo 5-4-13 8 53 45 AM Photo 5-4-13 8 54 12 AM
Photo 5-4-13 8 54 23 AM Photo 5-4-13 8 55 39 AM
Photo 5-4-13 8 56 28 AM Photo 5-4-13 8 57 27 AM

Bottom line is: College was the greatest time of my life. If there was a genie asked me to freeze time when I was in college, I would totally proceed that!

But time never stops, it flies instead. And growing up sucks. We all graduated and the magic time has fade away. It’s time for the real life. The life that we thought we had figured it out.

And to quote my friend yesterday night: “And here we are, twenty seven years old, and haven’t figured even a freaking little of it out.”

“Shit. We were wrong.”

We were a politic students, we always talked fancy words and thought we are the smartest and we would be more likely to rule the world than any other students. Yeah it’s true some of my friends really turned to be diplomat but how about the rest of us?

Here I am, turning twenty seven, not married, not even planning it, not doing my dream job in UN or teaching, not even close to it. I am nowhere I thought I would be. Obviously I put too high of expectation towards myself.

I went home feeling the paradox of sweet nostalgic and a big worry yet when I met Bandi he said, “you always have this glow everytime you meet your college friend.”

Bandi first met me on my glorious day when I was still a going-to-save-the-world-idealist. I was pretty awesome back then, agreeing to every cause I heard and never got tired (I mean physically. Geez what were college kids made out of?) I could stand up all night TALKING with friends on a 24 hours coffee shop ordering only one cup of lemon tea until 6 in the morning and went straight to my 7 am class!!! Geez! Anyway… Bandi always saw me that way. She adored me and I could see that in his eyes everytime I meet my college friends again.

I’m not in college anymore, I’m an adult now. And I was kinda felt lost last night, I told him that “those were still the best years in my life ever. Now I’m so tired, I just wanna go home and sleep.”

However he asked me to accompany him doing push ups which turned to be a very good talk. It was started with the things I talked with my friend on the sushi restaurant. It was about Sheryl Sandberg’s book of how to juggle between work and being a mom. I told him I could never do that because I’m too worried about my future kids and that it’s all coming back to choices. Then we talked about college days (again) and we laughed a lot.

Bandi and I laughed a lot, in the middle of the night, when all of our roommates are soundly asleep, reminiscing about who hooked up with whom, who ended up with whom and stuffs like that. Minutes turn to hours and it was suddenly midnight. And we remember… we used to do this almost everyday back in the days… we could talk all night and laugh and giggle and bet stupid things. And how I forget about it lately.

We are so caught up with work lately, he, especially, prioritizes his work and his study above everything else now and we were kinda disconnected. And a good talk happened in the perfect time. I remember why I stick around with him these years. I remember how we are so great of being best friends. I remember how I loooveee talking to him. He was my best friend and he still is. He could erase my worries away just for being there, doing nothing but just talking to me about anything.

How could I say mean things to him like “Never mind, you won’t get what I’m saying anyway.” or “Guess I already talked about it with Strawberry.” when actually I was the problem all along.

Maybe I am mad at myself, or at the world for not turning the way exactly like I planned. Yeah I’m not working for UN right now and it’s not his fault. Reality bites me and people change and I got angry.

I am freaking twenty seven, shouldn’t all this happen when I was teenager? Geez.

Today I told Strawberry about yesterday and she reminds me about something important, that we were having so much fun back then but now life is still pretty awesome. It’s just different kind of fun.

She’s right. It’s a different kind of fun.

So, to sum up this post I’m gonna go philosophical using the Candy Crush theory.

Life is like Candy Crush. It gets harder as your number gets higher, but you don’t want to stop. You keep going on no matter how harder it gets. Even though you fail some times, you don’t give up but you try again. Again and again until you move up. You just keep going up, no matter what happens.

Well, a good talk might not happen everyday, but I’m glad I had it last night. It’s definitely going to our top ten favorite moments. =)

Cheers,

May, moving on.

Look Closer to Apple Pie and Cinnamon

Nope this is not a culinary post or a recipe blog. Sorry to disappoint hungry people though.

This post is about a  story of a girl. Let’s call her Apple Pie. Apple Pie has been in a long term relationship with her boyfriend, whom would we call Cinnamon, since they met in college, here in Singapore about 5 or 6 years ago. They’ve been together ever since. Apple Pie then had everything she wanted. A good settled life in Singapore, with so many great friends around, a good career, even an offer to be a public teacher (which is sooo amazing in Singapore), but she turned down the offer, and she must quit her job that she liked and she would sadly leave all of her friends and she must leave Singapore.

Why?

She did them all in the name of love.

Because her boyfriend (was then in a long distance relationship with her) proposed to her. Then she must follow her boyfriend (then became future husband) to where he lived, which is a city that if compared to Singapore is much less developed. And the most horrifying thing was, she didn’t know anyone in that city. She must restart her life. She leave everything she has just because of a guy.

In this paragraph, you probably would think “This girl is so stupid.”

I would too…

That, until I knew what her reason is, and that this is not “just a guy”.

I was in the same condition with her when Bandi was talking about going back to his hometown and I straight away told him “No way, we’re breaking up.” So I was blown awayyy with how universe works. Universe arranged my encounter with this girl and we talked and talked and talked until midnight and she opened my eyes of how idiotic love can be. And love should be that way. I requested Bandi to be idiotic, while I stayed sane. That wasn’t fair.

Now let me tell you the other side of the story of Apple Pie and Cinnamon, and let’s take a closer look.

Apple Pie and Cinnamon had the amazing two years relationship when they were in college. Spent so much time together and later found out that they were made for each other. Apple Pie learned a lot from Cinnamon, especially of how Cinnamon treated his family. He was the family guy every girls dying to have to be their husband. Cinnamon was not like that at all, then she learnt how to call her mom and asked her how she is and stuffs. That was one of so many things Apple Pie learnt from Cinnamon.

Long story short, after graduated, Cinnamon moved back to his hometown, a city in the other part of Indonesia, far from Capital city Jakarta, and not Apple Pie’s hometown either. Cinnamon had to move back because he had to inherit his father’s local business. His father was getting old and that was something he must do. Apple Pie tried to understand that but she still stayed in Singapore, for another 2 or 3 years and for that period of time, they were in a long distance relationship.

I know Apple Pie loves living here and it must be so hard for them to decide what to do for their future. They must decide something or otherwise they would be in an LDR for the rest of their lives! (And trust me that’s not a wise idea!) So I met Apple Pie, about 3 months ago. She told me she would go back to Indonesia for good. I asked her why and she said because I wanted to be with Cinnamon.

I asked why again, and she explained.

In the first two years of relationship, when they were still in college, it was all about her. She was the center of the universe. Cinnamon did everything for her. Because it was only the two of them. There were no parents or family involved. Apple Pie knows that Cinnamon would do anything for her. If he could, he would stay with Apple Pie in Singapore, and continue to treat Apple Pie as the center of the universe.

But Cinnamon has a family and he must take care of them and that is something that a man must do. And this is the time for Apple Pie to pay back the favor. Now she wants him to be the center of the universe. She would do anything to make him happy. And she knows he’s happy when he’s with her and his family. So she would move in with him, to an unfamiliar town, which language she couldn’t talk.

I, before knowing her personally, would never ever ever understand why a woman would make a sacrifice for a man like that. That is so degrading for a feminist like me. I would probably call her names like dumbo or stupido or anything.

But then I knew her, and she was not at all stupid or delusional or weak. She was just in love. And she proved me that love does conquer all, my friend.

I am so touched with her bravery and her big heart. It surely wasn’t an easy thing to do, but remember this:

“Sometimes the right thing and the hard thing are the same thing.” (Liz Lemon – 30 Rock)

I’m sorry I didn’t know her sooner. But I’m glad in that short period of time, I met her and got to know her better. We could’ve been BFF if she didn’t move out, but however I’m grateful that I met her.

She made me reflect about my relationship with Bandi which is more or less in the same situation. Bandi is just as worth to sacrifice as Cinnamon and there’s nothing I should hesitate that he will take care of me like he takes care of his sisters and his mother. He’s a family guy that every girls dying to have to be their husband.

But, my heart is not as big as Apple Pie. I am selfish and for these 6 six years of our relationship, not even once I put Bandi as the center of the universe. It’s been always me, me, and me. I have to be the center of his universe, now and always. I have to be spoiled in every possible way. And I don’t feel bad, because I love that.

God knows how much I love Bandi.

I told Apple Pie that. And she said, people speak different love languages, like in Gray Chapman’s book. And I shouldn’t feel guilty. Everyone express love in different way, different language. (You can find more about this in Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages).

Universe works in a strange way. I met Apple Pie in a cycling event, got to know her over a Pasta cooking session and talked to her til passed midnight, and finally realized how love conquers all over a short coffee in Cafe Cartel. Yet this lady made a difference in my life.

The wholemeal spaghetti that we cooked.

I hope I can deliver the message of love and sacrifices in this post. I hope there are no more stupid judgments over the things people do in the name of love. I used to be that person and now I’m not anymore. Love is the most important thing in life. Everything is worth sacrificing for love.

Hey there, Apple Pie. Thanks for inspiring me, and changing my perspective about love and sacrifices. Have fun on your next adventure with Cinnamon. And see you on your wedding day! So excited!!!

Cinnamon’s niece drew this for their wedding day.

Love,

May.

P.S. All photos are taken from Apple Pie’s instagram.

P.P.S. I use fake names just for fun purposes. :p

P.P.P.S Update: Apple Pie’s reaction of this post!

Stop thinking, start feeling.

So my bestfriend texted me the other day that she has been reading older posts from Sanguine’s Journal and she realized how much I’ve grown during writing this blog. I used to be cheeky and cheerful and all my posts were so optimist (if it doesn’t want to be called delusional). Now I’m more of sarcastic bitch.

I don’t see this change as a negative change. I’m so happy I’ve grown up. And my writing has grown up as well. If I read my novel that was written on 2004, I probably would puke out. And if 10 years from now I read this post, I would probably laugh about it and say “what do you know about grow up, you silly little girl?”

We’re always growing up, no matter how old we are. Growing up is a part of life, inevitably. When you’re together for so long with someone, you’re growing together, just like Bandi and me. But when we started to growing up apart from each other, that’s when the problem came.

Anyway, this friend told me how Bandi has changed from this post she read to now. Bandi used to be this cheesy (not so) romantic guy. He would comment on my blog posts, write on my facebook wall and do other cheesy annoying stuffs online.

He waited for me in a drizzling night, holding one stalk of red rose. He asked me to dance and he loved to dance. He kissed me under the moonlight and other surprising places. He used to be very spontaneous and crazy in love with me.

My friend told me, “I forgot Bandi used to be this sweet to you. I forgot he used to talk “Aku-kamu” with you. “Aku-kamu” means “I-you” in Bahasa but it is usually used for people you love or you respect for while “Gue-elo” is used for friends and considered a slang language.

Bandi talks “gue-elo” most of the times now, but he still uses “aku-kamu” sometimes. For Indonesians, people will know whether you two are an item or just a friend by talking the pronoun to other other person.

So I guess Bandi and I are more like best friends now.

Saturday 2 weeks ago, Bandi went eating and drinking with his friend. When he came back home, he said “I went to a very nice place today, and I remembered you. How I wished I would take you there. will you go out with me next Saturday?”

And I was SHOCKED!

I forgot when was the last time he asked me out on a date. probably two or three years ago, before the Long Distance Relationship.

I asked him whether he realize how long it’s been from our last date and he did realize. He said it was probably the times when we still lived in Bandung.

So we went out on a date the following Saturday and hands down, it was a nice place. we went eating korean BBQ, watching fireworks, listening to live music (which is played by an orchestra! Super awesome), sitting on the edge of Singapore river, looking at the beautiful scenery.

Three days later, I told him, “You know, that moment last Saturday, you could’ve asked me to dance. The ambiance is perfect. The orchestra played a song that I like. Why didn’t you?” And he replied, “I was embarrassed.”

That’s the problem. He used to never feel embarrassed to do all the crazy romantic things because he fell in love like crazy back then. He didn’t care what other people think. Maybe people used to stared at us or talked about us behind our backs, but we never cared. No matter how you act, people will always talk about you behind your back, whether you care or don’t care.

Love is a feeling. We don’t think when we’re in love, do we? We do all those stupid things in the name of love, don’t we? I can’t list all the stupid things I do because of love because it’s just too much. I don’t regret any thing from the list. I live to love. Why do you have to put your thoughts on that?

Thank you for a friend of mine who reminds me that I used to be silly and clueless. Thank you for reminding me that I could bring the best out of Bandi again.

Let’s do idiotic things again, sweetie. You don’t think when you love someone. You feel.

Love,

May.

Once upon a time in Bandung

Let me introduce you to Bandung, a city situated 768 meters above sea level which make it so cold and breezy, and it could reach up to 17 degrees on the coldest days. Don’t forget to bring your sweater!
I lived once in the north area which has 3 favorite collage and of course my college was the best. ;)
Bandung is an artistic and esthatic city full of youth, because of its famous universities. It’s full of dorms, good (and  cheap) foods and drunk people. :p Bandung is like the Boston of USA, it’s like the Busan of Korea and a Cambridge of England.
I’m so glad I spent my youth there. It was the best four years of my life.
Every faculty will have their own party and events, so every weekend there are surely party to crash. So many of my friends living in different dorms, so when it’s too late to come back to my dorm and the door is locked, I could crash anywhere.
Until I finally moved to this amazing yet spooky house who host 9 crazy ladies, then I knew what home is. It’s not a place, it is people. I had never felt so homey in my entire life.
The house was so huge and old, it felt spooky sometimes. It has a huge garden and balcony so we could make garden party or balcony party or terrace party, wherever and whenever we want to.
I met the love of my life in college, got broken hearted, dumping and being dumped also in college. I was consistently riding an emotional roller coaster and all I could do was yelling, “OWYEAAAAH!”

Braga is a beautiful street in Bandung, the place where he, the love of my life,  took my breath away for the first time.
I worked a temp job at the ticketing booth. It was raining in the afternoon before so the road was wet. I could see the moonlight showering the wet road and it felt so poetic.
Just when I looked down and read my journal, a guy stood in front of my ticket booth, putting a bottle of water and a red rose.
It was my first red rose ever in my life.
Out of the blue, he put a red rose in front of me, took my breath away.
There are moments that you will never forget for the rest of your life, moments that you will tell to your grandchildren. And this moment is one of them.
I made friends, I lost friends, I took chance, I gave up dreams, I learned how to live life, I stumbled a couple of times, I managed to get up, all happened in Bandung, once upon a time.
Bandung is a place I could never get enough for. It’s like an endless addiction I’ll never get bored of, no matter how many times I come back.
Bandung is a medicine of my insanity. Going back there once every some time, keeps me sane, keeps me grateful and happy.
I love being grateful and happy.
Everyone should be.
Well,
Speaking of Bandung, I just came back from there. Yeah!
I took one day leave and spent my long weekend to eat good food and visit one of my best friend at his dorm, just like the old times. He’s still staying in his old dorm, the place I used to crash on, and sleep in when I was bored and tired with my life. He was always be there for me, lending me his bed and he would sleep on the floor. :)
I’m a super lucky lady to have a best friend like him.
We used to chat all night until we accidentally fell asleep. Everything from relationships, parents, dreams, and life.
This time, I thought I would only had an hour or two hours chat, just to catch up a couple of things. However he’s a lecturer now, holding shining degree and lecturing young people. I thought talking to him would be different. But minutes turn to hours, one bite of Bak kwa to finishing the whole sack, one piece of cigarette to a box.
Trust me, working May is not fun. I never could be awake until this late since I worked! Somehow, that night, I turned back into College May. The fun unbeatable college May.
I had the most fun and amazing college conversation in my 26th age.
That night, I somehow realized, youth is not how old you are. It’s how you act and think. I couldn’t feel any younger now, knowing that, I could always buy tickets and fly to Bandung anytime, drinking my youth juice and being rejuvenated.
I couldn’t tell the details of our conversation coz maybe I would have forgotten 90% of what we talked about. But we always remember the memories, the feeling of that night.
I believe everyone has their own friends who can stay up all night with you just to talk non-sense and giggling together. Those are the moments to remember. And good news is, it’s never too late to re-live the moment.
Nobody is ever too old and nothing is ever too late.
For me, Bandung is my magical city.
It’s the place I met best friends, I studied how to face real life, I did something real for society, I partied hard, I made drunk calls, I had my first kiss, I saved environment, I gave scholarships and received one, I stalked guys, I danced under the moonlight, I had the most amazing birthday in my life, I found what home is, I created my family, and it will be the place where I marry my man.
Sunrise in Bandung Airport
Well,
Now that I have introduced you to Bandung, the best place on earth, you should pick up a phone to book a shuttle now! Don’t forget to bring sweater!
Love,
May.

If we didn’t grow up…

If I could have one wish, it would be going back to my college times and never grow up.

Keep repeating the times of having fun, skipping classes, eating without getting fat, and dancing all night.

Those are the times when you’re old enough to be in love and yet too young to be responsible.

Ironically the times when you cannot wait to grow up.

You could love as much as you want, and you could lose as painful as you let it.

Those are the nights of hazy drunk calls, sleepovers with girlfriends, and limitless energy to be up all night.

Those are the days of tireless campus events, restless minds of debating your idealism and really did something.

The last chance to invest true friends who doesn’t care what color is your skin and what your parents do.

The last possibility to find a true love, who loves you of what you are, not how much money you have or how big is your boobs.

You were assured that you can do ANYTHING, and you can be ANYTHING you wanted to be.

The times when everyday is perfect.

I wish we didn’t need to grow up…

But we did.

And we made the best out of it, didn’t we? =)

Love, May

Death ends life, not relationship.

In one week I received 3 news about dying people with serious disease. 2 ends with death. The first one is a cute 7 years old boy named Luke, which is my friend’s son. He finally gave up on his bone cancer after months fighting.

The other one is one of the most wonderful friends I have, Monica Yuan Marchelia. I knew her in 2004 back in our college days and the last time I met her was 2 years ago in a bus back then in Jakarta. The first thing she asked was “how are you and Bandi?”. Knowing that our LDR was okay she answered with relieve, “You guys are very cute. I can’t wait to go to your wedding.”

Now I’m shivering knowing she won’t attend it.

She suffered from 3 kinds of deadly virus and her immunity system keeps decreasing. And I wasn’t even there to say goodbye to her. So, this is my goodbye post for her.

I gotta say, she had touched my life. Our closeness started when I needed support for organizing a charity organization back then in college years. I asked her whether she would like to accept committing to charity works for a year with me. She undoubtly said yes afterwards. We’ve worked together for a year. In a year, it was always me who whine all the time and it was always her to remind me to keep fighting and never give up. I have met the best working partner.
She is a good person. she never intends to hurt anyone. She laughs in a very funny way that when we heard her laugh, we’d automatically laugh along.

We used to work on our paperworks regarding the organization together in her place, spending almost all day. One hour to do the paperworks, six hours talking about love and wimpy heart stuffs and ended laughing about it. She’s a very fun person to be with. That’s probably everyone thinks first thing about her.

After we graduated, we both had Long Distance Relationships and likely to share by messenger. She always reminded me to never ever let go the man I had then. Hope she’s happy to know that I am still with that man and plan to do what she said. :)

She is a good person. No doubt.

Then there goes the question: why bad things happen to good people?
Sometimes the most unpredictable things happen and we’re just not ready for it. I don’t mean to blame universe, I know and sanely believe that everything does happen for reason. but when will be GET the reason? Coz now I can’t seem to find one good reason for this to happen.

If you’re expecting for a wise answer at the end of this post then I gotta say, that you’ll be disappointed.
I don’t know why. I’m still figuring out a lot of things in life, especially this one, about death.
When will we die? What happens after we die? And WHY we die?

In my religion, death is not the end of life. It’s just a cycle, coz we will be reincarnated and be born again… to be a different person.

Why do I need to be born as other person, with other personality? I love myself now. I love my personality, I love my skintone. Can I have these all again? Especially, I want to fall in love with the one I have with me now in the next life.
Why die and change into something different when what we have now is JUST perfect?

What will death teach us?

One sentence from the book “Tuesdays with Morrie” releases me from  worries:

Death ends life, not relationship.

Yes, people might die, we can’t do anything about it. The only thing we can do is keep having relationship with them. Talk to them on their graves, pray for them, and keeping their memories alive. Because however the feeling that we have to this particular person won’t change just because s/he’s not breathing anymore. Death only ends her life, not her relationship with her loved ones.

So until the time comes that I finally understand the reason why these all happened, I just gotta keep my relationship with all my lovely friends, dead or alive.

How you doin up there, Yuan? See ya when I see ya!

Love,

May

a small person with a big heart

As a best friend slash soulmate, I know I don’t see her so often. We’re separated by airplane tickets and airport tax. Yes, even my best friend and I are long distance. I don’t know why universe did that. (maybe it’s universe’s way to make me go abroad more.) But when we meet, we always appreciate the times and always talk about everything. She always knows whenever I feel down and vice versa.

I know, I know, it’s a typical statement to explain a best friend. Well, there’s no other way to explain a best friend. Best friend is a person who’s always there, not in your happy times, but in your hard times. And in my case, she’s always there when I need her. When I cried in the middle of the night, when I felt a major anger to my family, or simple a bad day. She always listens. Simply knows, simply there! Like a wizard.

She was born 5 days before me, and as Taurus as me, she is deadly romantic and a dreamer. Maybe that’s why we really connect. Even though the whole world is turning crazy, I know we always be sane enough to remind each other. Or one day we thought, “Are we actually the one who’s crazy? I mean, look at our dreams!!”

Yes, we’re a hard core dreamer, and so far, we’re on our way. ;)

She’s brave.

I personally love her braveness. She went to Singapore, all by herself, gambling her pride and her saving account, either to be a hero or a zero. And she did it! I know she would. :)

She’s as lucky as me.

She had this amazing love story that everyone would envy to! Yes, it’s in past tense. And the most amazing part, she could move on. Come on, how many girls are actually able to do that? Most of girls will find a rebound guy and live in fake relationship, the end. But she really tried so hard to find her way back. To get her idealism back. You don’t have to listen to anybody who always talk bad about you on someone’s facebook, dear… (you know what I mean.)

I’m so proud of you, you know that.

And you were the one who make me believe such great love story does exist. For that, I thank you.

We just met yesterday. She wasn’t really in her best shape, coz of some stuffs going on. Hey, if you read this (I know you’ll read this), I know you’re in a big question mark right now. About love and relationship and other stuffs. Just for you know, universe always has its way. We do believe that, right?! I don’t have any wise words to say to you, but just remember this everytime you feel down (and if open somebody’s facebook wall is not working anymore) :

I am a very selfish and stubborn person. But you always have your way to change my mind and you always make me listen to you. You are SOMETHING GREAT! I don’t know how my life and my relationship to be without you!

You’ve saved my ass from the fire for an infinite times!

For me, you’ll always be a small person with a big great heart.

Please never change.

Thank you for always find the way to know that I’m not fine and buzz my messenger right away. It’s weird becoz I usually didn’t tell you. But you knew.

I wish everyone has a best friend like you and me do to each other. Therefore, life is much easier.

May