Hey woman, so you STILL think you’re doing a favor, huh?

**Original Post: Hey woman, so you think you’re doing a favor, huh? (on 20 Feb 2014)**

(Please read update of this post below)

This post has been sitting too long in the draft folder. I had mixed feeling whether to post or not to post it. But then I think WTH, some people might get offended but 2014 is a year of honesty, and I don’t mean to offend anybody, I’m just being bluntly honest about my opinion.

So it all started about 2 months ago when I saw this on a social media.

men doing women favor

And then I was like…

I never once thought a man doing a favor or woman doing a favor in marriage. This is what I hate the most about how twisted marriage image is for some people!!! Why would some sex doing another sex a favor?

You know that it meanssss??

It’s time for biiiiiiiiitcccccchiiiiiiiiiin!

Ok, here it comes…

Man and woman should equally enjoy the relationship (marriage in this context) sexually, physically and psychologically. Nobody is doing anybody a favor. If a woman doesn’t want a baby, then she shouldn’t and her husband cannot make her. If a woman doesn’t want to change her last name, then it’s not like she’s going to jail if she doesn’t. NOBODY EVER ASK A WOMAN TO MARRY ANYBODY let alone acting like she is a victim or an inferior human being in a marriage.

A woman getting fat and pregnant is a favor??? So you’re ruining your body as a favor for your husband???? OH YOU HAVE A HEART OF GOLD!

When your neighbor asked you to water their plants, it was a favor. When your friend asked you to buy some hot choco in a rainy day, it was a favor. When you ran errands for your mom, it was a favor. You might not like it, but you’re doing it because you’re being a nice person.

Will you get pregnant just because you’re being nice to your husband????

And then, will you take someone’s last name (let alone married them) just because you have to do a favor?

A woman should WANT TO marry a man because she loves him regardless whether he proposed or she proposed, but never begging to ask a man to marry her (Eww!!! Begging a man to marry you is like the lowest self esteem somebody can have) so that the man and the woman want the marriage equally.

It is so funny to hear women complain how they are treated as second class human being by their husbands when they were asking to be one in the beginning. IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.

Come on! No women should ever feel obligated, burdened or used when she decided to be a wife or a mother. Period. WOMEN… YOU ALWAYS HAVE OPTIONS NOT TO BE A WIFE OR A MOTHER. Remember you did it to yourself so NEVER COMPLAIN AS IF YOU’RE DOING ANYBODY A FAVOR. GEEZ!!!

I would love to have a baby with Bandi someday and I would love to take his last name without playing the “I do sacrifice” card. I will only do whatever makes me happy. Period.

Stop spreading sexist quote, people! Man and woman are both equally responsible of marriage and parenthood.

Sometimes I feel sexism happened because woman asked for it, because they’re putting themselves as victim in the first place. You’re a happy wife and you’re a loving mother. That’s all you need to be. If you are not, THEN BE ONE! Once you have decided to be a mother, you SHOULD NEVER complain that you are a mother! It’s like buying chocolate ice cream and crying while you’re licking it. It’s just so stupid in so many levels!

There must be something really REALLY WRONG with you when you think being a wife and a mother is a favor. SERIOUSLY.

I’m sorry if I sound rough and it wasn’t only about the picture I posted above, but it’s about all the complains I heard from my fellow friends who are wives and moms. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop creating dramas and playing the big sacrificial victim. you’re just making yourself look weak and sad.

Heads up! You’re a woman for god’s sake!

Cheers,

May – 20 Feb 2014

couldn’t help not to bitch about it. 

And I’m updating it now…. (more like a sequel)

**Hey woman, so you STILL think you’re doing a favor, huh? (on 9 Jan 2015)**

It’s almost a year from the date of the original post and let me tell you this… nothing really changed much. (Guess bitching can never change the world, huh? LOL)

The good thing is… I also don’t change my perspective about it, even after I got married. Yes! I wrote that when I was still a fiancee, when people said my life was still good. They said it’s gonna be different once I became a wife.

Guess what, baby?

It’s even better!!!

I have never ever ever put myself as a victim of marriage. That’s, my friend, is the first rule. I don’t do any favor to Bandi. Everything I’ve done for him is a pleasure for me.

Cooking for him, cleaning up his mess, buying him clothes, etc etc you name it… They are not favors. Maybe you haven’t heard, it’s called TEAMWORK.

I believe in teamwork in marriage. I cook, Bandi washes the dishes. I did laundry, Bandi ironed the clothes. I prepped the ingredients, he cooked. I picked the movie, he picked the snacks. He’s in charge of dealing with the vendors, I’m setting up giro for our banks. And the list goes on and on and on….

Many women believed (and it did happened to them) when they got married, they automatically enrolled themselves as a “wife” label, who should do all household-related. That’s why everything household related are usually called “obrolan ibu-ibu” (housewives’ conversation).

Am I offended as a feminist? No lahhh… I’m not so sensitive one… (please pronounce this in Singlish for fun)

I just feel sad that marriage is perceived unequally, as if women have more responsible, thus women usually felt “tricked” after they got married.

Here’s the thing, the ugly truth.

WOMEN DID THAT TO THEMSELVES.

They victimized themselves. That’s not cool, ladies.

Let’s change our perspective. We are equally responsible, equally enjoying and equally contributing in marriage as men. Contributing doesn’t merely measured by money, it can be measured by ideas, thoughts and values.

One man + one woman + great teamwork = awesome marriage life

Make decisions together! Don’t outshine each other, remember equality! You can argue as long as you guys want, even do not stop the argument just for the sake of not fighting. Stop argue when the two finally compromise and find the meeting point. Talk and share a lot! Share things, share thoughts, share chores, share everything! He is your life partner, sharing the LIFE!

I’m growing up in 2015. I don’t bitch out that much anymore. So I’m telling you this seriously.

Remember always, he is your very best friend, your forever BFF. And as I learned from Lorraine (one of the smartest blogger I know), the foundation of friendship is equality.

Marriage is an infinite BFF relationship. So, why would you not be equal?

Ok, let me bitch out a little bit. Those women who put themselves below their husbands? THEY ARE THE WORST!!!

It’s up to my husband.,,” “I want to do this, but my husband doesn’t let me…” “He’s making the decisions, I’m just following his order.”

Graaaaaaaaaaaawwwwh!! Go live in North Korea lahhhh!

You know the saddest part is… When she was single, she was smart and all… and then she just… turned off, like totally shut down after she got married. Whyyyyy?!!!

(well, come to think of it, she’s not that smart lah, she did it to herself anyway.)

Ok ok… I quit yelling and bitching. I’ll just have to accept the fact that these things still happen and I can’t do anything about it, can I?

But if you read this and you realize I’m making a lot of sense… Please remember…

Never settle with a guy who thinks he’s higher than you (or any girls). He’s a total tool or he has problem with his masculinity.

Trust me, real men don’t get intimidated by feminists. Real man will enjoy sharing his life with a woman who embraces her freedom.

Go for those men. ;) *wink wink*

Cheers,

May – 9 Jan 2015

a feminist wife is a happy wife.

A girl could change the world

During those times when Bandi and I used to talk about our imaginary kids, I always addressed our imaginary kid as a “she/her”, such as “She’s gonna be whatever she wants” or “That’s what I wanna give her” and so on.

I was wondering why I wanted to have daughter so much more than I wanted a son. Aren’t society mean to women? Won’t my girl face challenges more than if she was born a boy?

Hmm… But… A girl could change the world.

I don’t mean to be sexist that men can’t change the world. Turns out that a lot of great men did.

But, let me put it this way…

I’ve always thought that a well-read educated woman could change the life of any men they want, thus she could change the world. They could inspire their partner. It is true that:

Behind a great man lies a great woman.

Men no matter how great they are, could always fallen apart if they had the wrong support system, the wrong partner. But for strong women… they would always find a strong partner; and turned him to be even stronger. See what I mean?

This is not stereotyping. This is generalizing, trying to see a pattern of some life phenomenon.

I want to parent a small little girl and I want to watch her grow to be a strong independent woman that  not only has dream but also follow it. I want her to strive and achieve and I want her to change a life of one boy, and if she might, change the world as what she pictured it to be.

That’s why I always wanted a girl.

But that only if Bandi and I decided that someday we’re gonna have kids. For now, we’re happy with our imaginary daughter. :)

And the reason why I wrote something feminist today is because this happened yesterday:

A 17 years old girl named Malala won a Noble Prize for peace.

A 17 years old girl named Malala won a Noble Prize for peace.

That’s why I’m writing this now… because…

A girl has changed the world.

P.S. google her to know what happened to her, how much she suffered but she turned out to be stronger than ever and stands up for what she believes: education for all.

Cheers,

May, always the feminist.

7 girls who you should never settle down with!

At this crucial age, I’ve seen a lot of guy friends made bad decisions. Apparently the marriage Euphoria doesn’t only affect women, but men too. I honestly don’t understand why men have to settle down fast? I mean, men don’t have biological clock that ticks annoyingly (not that women should care about it too) and men are considered more stable when they are older. By “more stable” I meant RICHER. Yes, gold diggers dig old men, don’t they?

Anywaaaaayyy, I seldom write for my fellow male friends/readers frienders (OH WOW I just invented a word! TM by May!) but when I do, I make sure this speaks from the bottom of my heart.

DEAR MEN… PLEASE DON’T EVER SETTLE DOWN WITH…

1. A girl whom you never see without make-up

I don’t care about appearance, but this is important. YOU HAVE TO see your wife-to-be without make up because it is when you realize whether you truly love her or not. COME ON, this is 2014, make up can change someone’s face, SERIOUSLY. I don’t say that having a girlfriend with thick make-up is wrong. NO. It means she has one hell of creativity. But it’s about whether she is CONFIDENT to show her true skin. If she’s not comfortable enough to show you her true skin, then she either doubt your love or she has a super low self esteem. Trust me you don’t want those.

2. A girl who spends all of her money on stuffs she wears

Yes, we all buy stuffs. Girls buy clothes, shoes, make-ups, bags and all the superficial stuffs and IT’S NOT WRONG. It’s how we have fun. But it is wrong when that girl spend all of her money on stuff! She doesn’t spare some for insurance, gym, cooking lesson, books, DIY craps crafts, music CD, concert tickets, furniture, cooking appliances, language course, inn-app purchases (I know this is silly but at least it’s not stuffs she wear), anything that could guarantee that she has other hobby than just dressing herself up. Any hobby, really.

3. A girl who never pays

Oh this one is HIGH ALERT, I tell you. Girl who never pays when you guys were still dating will most likely definitely vacuum all of your money once you guys get married. TRUST ME. I mean, she never even paid parking ticket? Or movie ticket? NO HELL WAY! And if she never bought you any birthday card, or Valentine card (let alone a gift), SHE DOESN’T LOVE YOU TRULY! She doesn’t have money? EXCUSE! Girls can always make stuffs!!! And handmade stuffs are more romantic anyway!

4. A girl who creates problem, a.k.a. The Drama Queen

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was once a drama queen. But I stopped once I fell truly in love. So yeah, no excuses! When she acted all crazy and created problems, it could only mean one thing: She just wants to play. Once a girl falls in love truly, she won’t want to play again. :)

5. A girl who is weak.

Physically and psychologically. YIKES! I hate this type of girl the most! I just hateeee weak girls who ALWAYS NEED MEN. EWWWWW!!!! “Ohh, I can’t carry my bags, it’s so heavy…” “Ohh, I’m so sad, this morning I couldn’t find my pink tank top. I need men to make me feel better” EW!!!

A strong girl doesn’t need to be all muscular and wonder-woman-like, but at least she can carry her bag and her grocery bag! Yes, cavalry is nice when a guy offers us to bring our grocery bag. But when a guy is not around, we CAN do that ourselves! And don’t get me started about the “I’m the victim of bullying” crap. Sometimes a girl positions themselves as a victim and I HATE THAT. YOU CAN ALWAYS FIGHT BACK! Instead, they need men to fight for them. EW! Seriously Eeewww!

6. A girl who doesn’t (or seldom) eat.

She is so self-conscious about her weight so she stopped eating. Well, dear, why didn’t you stop breathing instead? It doesn’t mean that she had to go binge eating everytime, but at least she EATS something.

This will go back to point number 1; you don’t want a girl with self-esteem problem because it will seriously ruin everything!!! No matter what you see in her, she will always think she’s ugly, fat and worse than any other girls and she will feel insecure all the time. AND IT’S ANNOYING BEING AROUND THAT KIND OF GIRL. Trust me, run while you can!

7. A girl who doesn’t have BFF’s.

I used to think having girlfriends were too much problems, because you know, girls are more complicated than guys. But then… every girl must have (at least) one girl that is reaaaaalllyyyyy similar with them in minds that they are like twins. Even though they don’t have similar minds, as long as they love each other, they will always be BFF.

When a girl has BFF, it means she has life. She will not bother you 24/7. She will have some girl time and she will treasure you because she chose to be with you because she loves you (and will sacrifice her time with her BFF) instead of because she’s lonely. A girl who has BFF also means that for (at least) one person out there, she is VERY IMPORTANT, and she is worth to love. :)

And what about a girl who doesn’t have BFF? Well, she’s either a bitch or… a bitch. Yes, she’s a bitch, period. Maybe she always ended up flirting with all of her girlsfriend’s boyfriends, maybe she stabbed her girlfriends behind their backs, maybe she was a liar, a drama queen that was just too much to handle? Trust me, if a girl wouldn’t handle this one, YOU WON’T BE!

So that’s it! 7 types of girls that you wouldn’t want to settle down with! Don’t believe me? Go ahead and try! Don’t tell me I didn’t warn ya!

Just want to remind you guys… that girls are as strong as you. We never tried to overpower you or being above you, we just want to be equal with you. And when one day you marry one of us, that means we are forming a team, not you owning us. :)

P.S. This post was also written for celebrating Kartini Day that happened yesterday! :)

P.P.S. And to end this fabulous post, let me post this inspiring quote-picture:

“Fight like a girl” is indeed a compliment. :)

Cheers,

May, fighting like a girl.

For all the women out there!

It was an ordinary day when I sat on the train from home to office and this book changed my life.

Ok, change my life sounds too exaggerating, but I swear this book has given a new perspective of freedom and independence.

I have been living my whole life as a free person and not even once I think about how living would be like when all your decisions were made by other people yet all the consequences had to be bear by you.

I could have never imagined being forced to share my life with a stranger, let alone serve him for my whole life, let him do whatever he wanted to do at and to me. I could have never imagined that being “gang-raped” is a normal act of punishment.

That’s a life as an Indian woman in a village.

They are forced to be married as young as 12 years old, and if nobody wants to marry her because she looks ugly (oh my god, I want to cry typing this… no women are ugly…) then the father would sell her to prostitution. Men don’t like feeding their daughter because it is considered as watering someone else’s garden. Because in the end a daughter will move out from house and serve their husband.

I quoted a line from an Indian woman in a documentary movie from BBC, “Being born as a woman in India is an unfortunate thing.”

The book led me to hours of watching Indian documentary in youtube and it bothered me in so many ways that a lot of bad thing happened in India to women just because they are women.

I kept thinking why didn’t they runaway and start a new life somewhere in the city? I better be starved to death than to live as a slave. But then it turned out, some women didn’t know the idea of freedom.

Oh how could a culture make such a suffering to a certain sex? How is an inferiority and superiority justified by what sex somebody was born as?

It’s not fair.

Then I watched a documentary movie called “Born into brothels” which won an Oscar on 2005.

A documentary photographer named Briski came to the brothels to take some prostitution photos where she met the children who were waiting to grow up and eventually become prostitutes too. She was then drawn closer with the kids and taught them photography.

Some of the kids were really good at it and Briski brought all their photos back to US for having a charity exhibition where the money raised were used to send the kids out from the brothels to a proper boarding school.

Years later, the kids were flown to US to attend an academy award because the movie won an oscar!!!

Fast forward to years later, which is now… They are mostly living in US and went to top universities. Even though there is one girl who was left behind and still living in a brothel because her mother didn’t allow her to go. :(

However, some of the kids really have their real-life happy ending. They could’ve lived their whole life as a prostitute and now they’re living their life doing what they like. One of the most talented kid in the movie now is an assistant director in the Hollywood. =)

So… No matter how people say what your destiny is, don’t believe them.

These kids were growing up abused mentally, told that they were born to be a prostitutes. At some point maybe they believed it, but in the end, when you really want to live, you will. =)

It’s the same as the book I read, even though it’s fiction (and it became too Disney-like at the end), it really moved me… that a clueless helpless Mamta, who was forced marriage and abused by her husband could find a strength to run away to a complete foreign possibility. It’s all because she eliminated her fear.

Sometimes in our life, fear holds us down from so many amazing things. Fear to step into a new place, fear to open our heart, fear of being lonely so we married the wrong people, fear of rejection…

We have to be brave.

Being brave is not being fearless. Being brave is being able to face our fears.

Be brave, then we will be liberated.

And for all the women out there… never take your freedom for granted. Be grateful of your freedom and embrace it. Never feel inferior or superior to men because we are equal in god’s eyes.

We are just as free as men, as strong as men, as brave as men. We just wear more beautiful shoes and spend more times doing our hair.

Happy Valentine’s to all the women out there. You don’t need men to validate you. Be grateful today because not only you are lovely, you are also free. =)

And uh-oh, the post is not over until I give my favorite feminist quote:

Cheers, May.

Stay happy and live cheerfully!