Hey woman, so you STILL think you’re doing a favor, huh?

**Original Post: Hey woman, so you think you’re doing a favor, huh? (on 20 Feb 2014)**

(Please read update of this post below)

This post has been sitting too long in the draft folder. I had mixed feeling whether to post or not to post it. But then I think WTH, some people might get offended but 2014 is a year of honesty, and I don’t mean to offend anybody, I’m just being bluntly honest about my opinion.

So it all started about 2 months ago when I saw this on a social media.

men doing women favor

And then I was like…

I never once thought a man doing a favor or woman doing a favor in marriage. This is what I hate the most about how twisted marriage image is for some people!!! Why would some sex doing another sex a favor?

You know that it meanssss??

It’s time for biiiiiiiiitcccccchiiiiiiiiiin!

Ok, here it comes…

Man and woman should equally enjoy the relationship (marriage in this context) sexually, physically and psychologically. Nobody is doing anybody a favor. If a woman doesn’t want a baby, then she shouldn’t and her husband cannot make her. If a woman doesn’t want to change her last name, then it’s not like she’s going to jail if she doesn’t. NOBODY EVER ASK A WOMAN TO MARRY ANYBODY let alone acting like she is a victim or an inferior human being in a marriage.

A woman getting fat and pregnant is a favor??? So you’re ruining your body as a favor for your husband???? OH YOU HAVE A HEART OF GOLD!

When your neighbor asked you to water their plants, it was a favor. When your friend asked you to buy some hot choco in a rainy day, it was a favor. When you ran errands for your mom, it was a favor. You might not like it, but you’re doing it because you’re being a nice person.

Will you get pregnant just because you’re being nice to your husband????

And then, will you take someone’s last name (let alone married them) just because you have to do a favor?

A woman should WANT TO marry a man because she loves him regardless whether he proposed or she proposed, but never begging to ask a man to marry her (Eww!!! Begging a man to marry you is like the lowest self esteem somebody can have) so that the man and the woman want the marriage equally.

It is so funny to hear women complain how they are treated as second class human being by their husbands when they were asking to be one in the beginning. IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.

Come on! No women should ever feel obligated, burdened or used when she decided to be a wife or a mother. Period. WOMEN… YOU ALWAYS HAVE OPTIONS NOT TO BE A WIFE OR A MOTHER. Remember you did it to yourself so NEVER COMPLAIN AS IF YOU’RE DOING ANYBODY A FAVOR. GEEZ!!!

I would love to have a baby with Bandi someday and I would love to take his last name without playing the “I do sacrifice” card. I will only do whatever makes me happy. Period.

Stop spreading sexist quote, people! Man and woman are both equally responsible of marriage and parenthood.

Sometimes I feel sexism happened because woman asked for it, because they’re putting themselves as victim in the first place. You’re a happy wife and you’re a loving mother. That’s all you need to be. If you are not, THEN BE ONE! Once you have decided to be a mother, you SHOULD NEVER complain that you are a mother! It’s like buying chocolate ice cream and crying while you’re licking it. It’s just so stupid in so many levels!

There must be something really REALLY WRONG with you when you think being a wife and a mother is a favor. SERIOUSLY.

I’m sorry if I sound rough and it wasn’t only about the picture I posted above, but it’s about all the complains I heard from my fellow friends who are wives and moms. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop creating dramas and playing the big sacrificial victim. you’re just making yourself look weak and sad.

Heads up! You’re a woman for god’s sake!

Cheers,

May – 20 Feb 2014

couldn’t help not to bitch about it. 

And I’m updating it now…. (more like a sequel)

**Hey woman, so you STILL think you’re doing a favor, huh? (on 9 Jan 2015)**

It’s almost a year from the date of the original post and let me tell you this… nothing really changed much. (Guess bitching can never change the world, huh? LOL)

The good thing is… I also don’t change my perspective about it, even after I got married. Yes! I wrote that when I was still a fiancee, when people said my life was still good. They said it’s gonna be different once I became a wife.

Guess what, baby?

It’s even better!!!

I have never ever ever put myself as a victim of marriage. That’s, my friend, is the first rule. I don’t do any favor to Bandi. Everything I’ve done for him is a pleasure for me.

Cooking for him, cleaning up his mess, buying him clothes, etc etc you name it… They are not favors. Maybe you haven’t heard, it’s called TEAMWORK.

I believe in teamwork in marriage. I cook, Bandi washes the dishes. I did laundry, Bandi ironed the clothes. I prepped the ingredients, he cooked. I picked the movie, he picked the snacks. He’s in charge of dealing with the vendors, I’m setting up giro for our banks. And the list goes on and on and on….

Many women believed (and it did happened to them) when they got married, they automatically enrolled themselves as a “wife” label, who should do all household-related. That’s why everything household related are usually called “obrolan ibu-ibu” (housewives’ conversation).

Am I offended as a feminist? No lahhh… I’m not so sensitive one… (please pronounce this in Singlish for fun)

I just feel sad that marriage is perceived unequally, as if women have more responsible, thus women usually felt “tricked” after they got married.

Here’s the thing, the ugly truth.

WOMEN DID THAT TO THEMSELVES.

They victimized themselves. That’s not cool, ladies.

Let’s change our perspective. We are equally responsible, equally enjoying and equally contributing in marriage as men. Contributing doesn’t merely measured by money, it can be measured by ideas, thoughts and values.

One man + one woman + great teamwork = awesome marriage life

Make decisions together! Don’t outshine each other, remember equality! You can argue as long as you guys want, even do not stop the argument just for the sake of not fighting. Stop argue when the two finally compromise and find the meeting point. Talk and share a lot! Share things, share thoughts, share chores, share everything! He is your life partner, sharing the LIFE!

I’m growing up in 2015. I don’t bitch out that much anymore. So I’m telling you this seriously.

Remember always, he is your very best friend, your forever BFF. And as I learned from Lorraine (one of the smartest blogger I know), the foundation of friendship is equality.

Marriage is an infinite BFF relationship. So, why would you not be equal?

Ok, let me bitch out a little bit. Those women who put themselves below their husbands? THEY ARE THE WORST!!!

It’s up to my husband.,,” “I want to do this, but my husband doesn’t let me…” “He’s making the decisions, I’m just following his order.”

Graaaaaaaaaaaawwwwh!! Go live in North Korea lahhhh!

You know the saddest part is… When she was single, she was smart and all… and then she just… turned off, like totally shut down after she got married. Whyyyyy?!!!

(well, come to think of it, she’s not that smart lah, she did it to herself anyway.)

Ok ok… I quit yelling and bitching. I’ll just have to accept the fact that these things still happen and I can’t do anything about it, can I?

But if you read this and you realize I’m making a lot of sense… Please remember…

Never settle with a guy who thinks he’s higher than you (or any girls). He’s a total tool or he has problem with his masculinity.

Trust me, real men don’t get intimidated by feminists. Real man will enjoy sharing his life with a woman who embraces her freedom.

Go for those men. ;) *wink wink*

Cheers,

May – 9 Jan 2015

a feminist wife is a happy wife.

A girl could change the world

During those times when Bandi and I used to talk about our imaginary kids, I always addressed our imaginary kid as a “she/her”, such as “She’s gonna be whatever she wants” or “That’s what I wanna give her” and so on.

I was wondering why I wanted to have daughter so much more than I wanted a son. Aren’t society mean to women? Won’t my girl face challenges more than if she was born a boy?

Hmm… But… A girl could change the world.

I don’t mean to be sexist that men can’t change the world. Turns out that a lot of great men did.

But, let me put it this way…

I’ve always thought that a well-read educated woman could change the life of any men they want, thus she could change the world. They could inspire their partner. It is true that:

Behind a great man lies a great woman.

Men no matter how great they are, could always fallen apart if they had the wrong support system, the wrong partner. But for strong women… they would always find a strong partner; and turned him to be even stronger. See what I mean?

This is not stereotyping. This is generalizing, trying to see a pattern of some life phenomenon.

I want to parent a small little girl and I want to watch her grow to be a strong independent woman that  not only has dream but also follow it. I want her to strive and achieve and I want her to change a life of one boy, and if she might, change the world as what she pictured it to be.

That’s why I always wanted a girl.

But that only if Bandi and I decided that someday we’re gonna have kids. For now, we’re happy with our imaginary daughter. :)

And the reason why I wrote something feminist today is because this happened yesterday:

A 17 years old girl named Malala won a Noble Prize for peace.

A 17 years old girl named Malala won a Noble Prize for peace.

That’s why I’m writing this now… because…

A girl has changed the world.

P.S. google her to know what happened to her, how much she suffered but she turned out to be stronger than ever and stands up for what she believes: education for all.

Cheers,

May, always the feminist.

For all the women out there!

It was an ordinary day when I sat on the train from home to office and this book changed my life.

Ok, change my life sounds too exaggerating, but I swear this book has given a new perspective of freedom and independence.

I have been living my whole life as a free person and not even once I think about how living would be like when all your decisions were made by other people yet all the consequences had to be bear by you.

I could have never imagined being forced to share my life with a stranger, let alone serve him for my whole life, let him do whatever he wanted to do at and to me. I could have never imagined that being “gang-raped” is a normal act of punishment.

That’s a life as an Indian woman in a village.

They are forced to be married as young as 12 years old, and if nobody wants to marry her because she looks ugly (oh my god, I want to cry typing this… no women are ugly…) then the father would sell her to prostitution. Men don’t like feeding their daughter because it is considered as watering someone else’s garden. Because in the end a daughter will move out from house and serve their husband.

I quoted a line from an Indian woman in a documentary movie from BBC, “Being born as a woman in India is an unfortunate thing.”

The book led me to hours of watching Indian documentary in youtube and it bothered me in so many ways that a lot of bad thing happened in India to women just because they are women.

I kept thinking why didn’t they runaway and start a new life somewhere in the city? I better be starved to death than to live as a slave. But then it turned out, some women didn’t know the idea of freedom.

Oh how could a culture make such a suffering to a certain sex? How is an inferiority and superiority justified by what sex somebody was born as?

It’s not fair.

Then I watched a documentary movie called “Born into brothels” which won an Oscar on 2005.

A documentary photographer named Briski came to the brothels to take some prostitution photos where she met the children who were waiting to grow up and eventually become prostitutes too. She was then drawn closer with the kids and taught them photography.

Some of the kids were really good at it and Briski brought all their photos back to US for having a charity exhibition where the money raised were used to send the kids out from the brothels to a proper boarding school.

Years later, the kids were flown to US to attend an academy award because the movie won an oscar!!!

Fast forward to years later, which is now… They are mostly living in US and went to top universities. Even though there is one girl who was left behind and still living in a brothel because her mother didn’t allow her to go. :(

However, some of the kids really have their real-life happy ending. They could’ve lived their whole life as a prostitute and now they’re living their life doing what they like. One of the most talented kid in the movie now is an assistant director in the Hollywood. =)

So… No matter how people say what your destiny is, don’t believe them.

These kids were growing up abused mentally, told that they were born to be a prostitutes. At some point maybe they believed it, but in the end, when you really want to live, you will. =)

It’s the same as the book I read, even though it’s fiction (and it became too Disney-like at the end), it really moved me… that a clueless helpless Mamta, who was forced marriage and abused by her husband could find a strength to run away to a complete foreign possibility. It’s all because she eliminated her fear.

Sometimes in our life, fear holds us down from so many amazing things. Fear to step into a new place, fear to open our heart, fear of being lonely so we married the wrong people, fear of rejection…

We have to be brave.

Being brave is not being fearless. Being brave is being able to face our fears.

Be brave, then we will be liberated.

And for all the women out there… never take your freedom for granted. Be grateful of your freedom and embrace it. Never feel inferior or superior to men because we are equal in god’s eyes.

We are just as free as men, as strong as men, as brave as men. We just wear more beautiful shoes and spend more times doing our hair.

Happy Valentine’s to all the women out there. You don’t need men to validate you. Be grateful today because not only you are lovely, you are also free. =)

And uh-oh, the post is not over until I give my favorite feminist quote:

Cheers, May.

Stay happy and live cheerfully!

What if and what is

I have a friend, um, not exactly a friend, more like a person I must meet everyday and talk rubbish to. (You get what I mean right?) So let’s call her Sasha (bukan nama sebenarnya. =D)

Sasha seems like having it all. She has a nice job, a good husband, a house and a son. She doesn’t complain about her husband or her work, but she complains the fact that she is a woman. Every month on her period, she complains and wishes that in her next life, she would be born as a man.

I have a crappy stomach cramp on my period too but will I give up my boobs for a penis? NO!

I told her that women have more privileges than men. We get to wear skirt (not the Scottish Kilt, but the cute ones), get to wear cute accessories, get to gossip and having sleepovers with girlfriends. And and and… we have the honor to carry a baby. (Not that I’m a big fan of being prego tho, everyone knows I’m so not into having kids) But there must be a reason why women were the ones chosen to carry the baby instead of men.

And Sasha went “that’s the worst part! I got to be pregnant and gave birth.” Wait wait… that’s not the worst part. The worst part is that her friend agreed.

You see,  it is usual for a traditional Chinese woman like her not to be excited for being girl. We all know traditional Chinese people put men in superior positions. One of my friend even got ‘rejected’ by her mother in law because she gave birth to two daughters. I don’t mean to be racist, I am a Chinese myself, thankfully from a maternal superior family (haha?)

Then I joked, “if you wanted to be a man so much, let’s go to Bangkok and have a sex surgery.” and she was like “Eww… Don’t talk about that.” Well, now transgender is a problem too???

I got my period today (yeah, declaring it to the world) and met her again. It is very obvious when I’m on my period because I will be sulky all day and keep rubbing medicated oil on my tummy. And she would went on like this again, “see? We should have been born as men. No need to take care of kids and have crappy period.”

This time, I feel like she meant it. I know that she always meant it, but I somehow always hoped that she joked. But no, she meant it. She hates to be a woman.

I asked her, “What if you were a man? What would you do?”

And she went on and on about how she could do ANYTHING if she was a man… meaning that now when she is a woman, she can’t do all those things.

I was sad. Because what is that you are a woman.

Are there still a lot of women thinking about this? That men are superior? Oh thank god she’s not Indonesian, other than Ibu Kartini would have been so ashamed! (Oh what am I kidding, there are A LOT of Indonesian women who think this way.)

What if I was a man?

Let’s toss off the feminist issue. I believe there are a lot of men out there who are dying to have vagina too (the one that actually works). I never thought about this before, but the sex war will always be happening, no matter what century we’re living in, whether it’s in the 1500’s when woman was only an accessory to a man, or in the 2000’s when gay people are allowed to be married.

What if I was born as the opposite sex?

Ok now, sexist issue aside, have you ever thought to be born as the opposite sex? Have you, people? (You guys can joke about this, ok. Sexist issue aside. =))

Well, if I was born as the opposite sex, which is to be born as a man, I would be THE MOST ROMANTIC GUY ON EARTH, that makes Nicolas Spark looks like a prude! Hahaha! Seriously, I will be so romantic and sweet and corny that every girl will fall in love with me. And I will not be committed to any of them with an excuse like, “Oh sweetie, I wish I could… But I’m dying and I only have one more year to live.” HAHAHAHA.

Oh God, no wonder I’m born as a girl. You made the right decision there, god! XD

Just kidding. Nah! I never thought about being a guy, because guys are stinky and their socks smell! X(

Girl power! Yeah!

Cheers,

May, on a crappy stomach cramp.

PS: Just realized it’s been too long since there is a picture in this blog. Let me give you a bonus for reading until the end:

Hahaha! An early birthday present from my best friend bcoz she thought it looks like Bandi! XD

Hahaha! An early birthday present from my best friend bcoz she thought it looks like Bandi! XD