7 girls who you should never settle down with!

At this crucial age, I’ve seen a lot of guy friends made bad decisions. Apparently the marriage Euphoria doesn’t only affect women, but men too. I honestly don’t understand why men have to settle down fast? I mean, men don’t have biological clock that ticks annoyingly (not that women should care about it too) and men are considered more stable when they are older. By “more stable” I meant RICHER. Yes, gold diggers dig old men, don’t they?

Anywaaaaayyy, I seldom write for my fellow male friends/readers frienders (OH WOW I just invented a word! TM by May!) but when I do, I make sure this speaks from the bottom of my heart.

DEAR MEN… PLEASE DON’T EVER SETTLE DOWN WITH…

1. A girl whom you never see without make-up

I don’t care about appearance, but this is important. YOU HAVE TO see your wife-to-be without make up because it is when you realize whether you truly love her or not. COME ON, this is 2014, make up can change someone’s face, SERIOUSLY. I don’t say that having a girlfriend with thick make-up is wrong. NO. It means she has one hell of creativity. But it’s about whether she is CONFIDENT to show her true skin. If she’s not comfortable enough to show you her true skin, then she either doubt your love or she has a super low self esteem. Trust me you don’t want those.

2. A girl who spends all of her money on stuffs she wears

Yes, we all buy stuffs. Girls buy clothes, shoes, make-ups, bags and all the superficial stuffs and IT’S NOT WRONG. It’s how we have fun. But it is wrong when that girl spend all of her money on stuff! She doesn’t spare some for insurance, gym, cooking lesson, books, DIY craps crafts, music CD, concert tickets, furniture, cooking appliances, language course, inn-app purchases (I know this is silly but at least it’s not stuffs she wear), anything that could guarantee that she has other hobby than just dressing herself up. Any hobby, really.

3. A girl who never pays

Oh this one is HIGH ALERT, I tell you. Girl who never pays when you guys were still dating will most likely definitely vacuum all of your money once you guys get married. TRUST ME. I mean, she never even paid parking ticket? Or movie ticket? NO HELL WAY! And if she never bought you any birthday card, or Valentine card (let alone a gift), SHE DOESN’T LOVE YOU TRULY! She doesn’t have money? EXCUSE! Girls can always make stuffs!!! And handmade stuffs are more romantic anyway!

4. A girl who creates problem, a.k.a. The Drama Queen

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was once a drama queen. But I stopped once I fell truly in love. So yeah, no excuses! When she acted all crazy and created problems, it could only mean one thing: She just wants to play. Once a girl falls in love truly, she won’t want to play again. :)

5. A girl who is weak.

Physically and psychologically. YIKES! I hate this type of girl the most! I just hateeee weak girls who ALWAYS NEED MEN. EWWWWW!!!! “Ohh, I can’t carry my bags, it’s so heavy…” “Ohh, I’m so sad, this morning I couldn’t find my pink tank top. I need men to make me feel better” EW!!!

A strong girl doesn’t need to be all muscular and wonder-woman-like, but at least she can carry her bag and her grocery bag! Yes, cavalry is nice when a guy offers us to bring our grocery bag. But when a guy is not around, we CAN do that ourselves! And don’t get me started about the “I’m the victim of bullying” crap. Sometimes a girl positions themselves as a victim and I HATE THAT. YOU CAN ALWAYS FIGHT BACK! Instead, they need men to fight for them. EW! Seriously Eeewww!

6. A girl who doesn’t (or seldom) eat.

She is so self-conscious about her weight so she stopped eating. Well, dear, why didn’t you stop breathing instead? It doesn’t mean that she had to go binge eating everytime, but at least she EATS something.

This will go back to point number 1; you don’t want a girl with self-esteem problem because it will seriously ruin everything!!! No matter what you see in her, she will always think she’s ugly, fat and worse than any other girls and she will feel insecure all the time. AND IT’S ANNOYING BEING AROUND THAT KIND OF GIRL. Trust me, run while you can!

7. A girl who doesn’t have BFF’s.

I used to think having girlfriends were too much problems, because you know, girls are more complicated than guys. But then… every girl must have (at least) one girl that is reaaaaalllyyyyy similar with them in minds that they are like twins. Even though they don’t have similar minds, as long as they love each other, they will always be BFF.

When a girl has BFF, it means she has life. She will not bother you 24/7. She will have some girl time and she will treasure you because she chose to be with you because she loves you (and will sacrifice her time with her BFF) instead of because she’s lonely. A girl who has BFF also means that for (at least) one person out there, she is VERY IMPORTANT, and she is worth to love. :)

And what about a girl who doesn’t have BFF? Well, she’s either a bitch or… a bitch. Yes, she’s a bitch, period. Maybe she always ended up flirting with all of her girlsfriend’s boyfriends, maybe she stabbed her girlfriends behind their backs, maybe she was a liar, a drama queen that was just too much to handle? Trust me, if a girl wouldn’t handle this one, YOU WON’T BE!

So that’s it! 7 types of girls that you wouldn’t want to settle down with! Don’t believe me? Go ahead and try! Don’t tell me I didn’t warn ya!

Just want to remind you guys… that girls are as strong as you. We never tried to overpower you or being above you, we just want to be equal with you. And when one day you marry one of us, that means we are forming a team, not you owning us. :)

P.S. This post was also written for celebrating Kartini Day that happened yesterday! :)

P.P.S. And to end this fabulous post, let me post this inspiring quote-picture:

“Fight like a girl” is indeed a compliment. :)

Cheers,

May, fighting like a girl.

Would totally high-five Kartini.

I have never had a role model for a very independent woman in my real life and somehow I always use Ibu Kartini’s name for all the brave things I do.  I love my mom but she’s not my role model. She’s strong and smart and (again) I love her, but still I can’t look up to her. (This will offend the extreme Chinese-minded people about “you must bayar budi to your parents.”)

Anyhow, when I read some of RA Kartini letters, I was so overwhelmed of how a twenty years old woman on that era could think like that? How did it feel to be a feminist in the beginning of twentieth century? It must be very VERY scary! And again, she was TWENTY YEARS OLD!!!

I look back into my life, I think I’m pretty fearless like Kartini. The situation now surely is not even half scary of the situation back then, but I guess if I died and met Kartini, she would totally high-five me. I came to Singapore with nothing but a suitcase and 2K money in my pocket. I still didn’t have a job, not even an interview when I first came here. All I had was a simple gut and a very strong faith. And yes I did it.

I used to think being a feminist means I didn’t need men in my life or I didn’t need men beside me to validate my existence. I was wrong. It turned out that my life had become much MUCH better once Bandi came into the picture. Being a feminist doesn’t necessarily means we could degrade men or treating them badly. It means we’re equal with them.

I won’t mind if a man offered me to bring my grocery bag, or offered me a seat. That doesn’t mean I’m weaker than him. It’s a good manner. But I will mind when a Chinese parent said “Only a son is entitled for a house, because daughter will later be taken by her husband.” or when my Indian colleague said “You are not allowed to do that [please insert any bad behavior] because you’re a woman.” Go to hell, really. This is freaking 2013 and people still saying things out of gender?! (I’m not demoting any race, they’re just samples.”

Let me give you one very annoying sample that I always encountered:

“When a man sleeps with a lot of girls, he is THE MAN. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she is a SLUT.” Is that fair? NO FREAKING WAY! Women are also entitled for her sexual freedom.

Again, it’s an individual choice for women or men to do WHATEVER they want, regardless of their sexes. It’s not anybody’s freaking business and stop commenting “Because you’re a woman.” Go find a time machine and go back to 1900 and please make sure you were not born.

I am not an extreme feminist. I still accept the fact that women tends to be better for being a home maker and men are better for being a bread winner. But again they are tendencies. Women are not supposed to be judged just because they don’t do what societies did or what societies asked them to do.

My mom is not a feminist. She once scolded me for letting Bandi do the dishes. Her exact quote was “You can’t let a man do the dishes. It’s your job.” And I told her “Why can’t I?” And when she replied “because he’s a man”, I didn’t even bother to argue.

Does washing dishes make Bandi less of a man? No. That makes him a GREAT MAN. He NEVER even once use the “because I am a man” or “because you’re a woman” sentence of our argument. We are equal. And that’s feminism for me. He’s not under me and I’m not under him. (Didn’t mean as a dirty pun though. XD)

I once argued with a friend who was insisting that man gets the last say in a relationship/marriage. She brought religion/culture/social aspects to the argument. I couldn’t say her argument was wrong, because even though I said it was wrong, it wouldn’t change anything. It’s up to individual preferences how they are going to do with their marriages. I won’t ask every woman to get the last say of everything. I don’t do that too. It’s not a matter of right or wrong, people! It’s a matter of equality. That women get a say too in everything. The last say would be for the one who is right, not the one who has the penis.

Some people say I’m too straight forward, some people say I’m honest. Well guess this is just the way I talk. I don’t use gimmicks.

Kartini said some very risky things back then in 1900’s. She was being honest, not only to society but also to herself. If she could, then any women in 2013 could! Don’t be scared! You’re not imprisoned in the kitchen anymore, women! Say what you want, do what you’re capable to do. Kartini is waiting for us somewhere above to high-five all of us. =)

Cheers,

May, Ready to high-five!

When I have a boyfriend

Photo 2-4-13 7 05 39 AM
When I was single, I always thought, geez what’s wrong with these ladies? When I have a boyfriend one day, I’ll let him play FIFA (or WE for that matter) as long as he wants, I even will play with him all night and I’ll be the coolest girlfriend ever.

When I have a boyfriend, I will never interrupt his buddy boy time, he can be out as long as he wants.

When I have a boyfriend, I will hang out with his guy friends talking about football and girls.

Well, single May, those are bunch of horse craps!!!

No women would let the man just sitting around do nothing but play fifa. No hell way! Yes you can do that with your male buddies which I had a lot back then and all we did was hanging around all day do nothing but play games or play card games or sing along with guitars and just haaanggg, talking about football and chicks. I was  the coolest female friend any men could ever had.

But once the man turns to be your boyfriend, he is set to be some awesome grandeur hero that you want. AND IT’S OKAY, LADIES! It’s okay to set certain expectation for your boyfriend, especially when it is a serious relationship and you vision him as your future husband.
If he doesn’t wanna live striving for your expectations then screw him!!! (Well as long as the expectations are real, m’kay?)
Yeah you can have your FIFA time but not ALL DAY!!! two or three hours are okay but not prioritizing the game over us! That’s not right!

I hate it when men said we, women, don’t understand them. You freaking chauvinist dumb, if we don’t understand you, we won’t ever want to tolerate your stinky socks, your stupid jokes, your messy cereal crumbs, and all your other bad habits. We weren’t built for living with those craps, but we do compromise!

We always ALWAYS try to understand men, but do men try hard enough to understand women? No, I don’t think so. And we’re pushing you to be better is not because we hate to see you’re having fun with your games, but we want you to be better. Not only be a better and more responsible man for us, but also for our future kids.

Men expect women to accept them in bad times, when men didn’t have a single cent on their pockets. Men wants women who see them when they had nothing. I agree with that. But please don’t stay there. When a woman, one special woman has come to your life when you had nothing, don’t you want to strive everything for her? Prioritize her above anything, even above your stupid game? Be somebody that she will be proud of, not just some lame lazy gamer?! Man up!

I’m a gamer myself. I do sometimes play game on my free time, and let Bandi did the same thing too. But I don’t and NEVER put my game above him. That’s just plain stupid. I hate when men make chauvinist joke about how women are easy and games are hard. I hate douches like that! And it doesn’t make you cool!!! Defending your game over your girlfriends and showing off to your friends doesn’t make you cool. That makes you A JERK! (And that goes to you Balotelli, whether your twitter accound is really verified or not.)

So, if I could tell single me years ago, I would tell her…

When you have a boyfriend, you’ll make him understand that it is not cool to treat girl any less important than games.

When you have a boyfriend, you’re gonna be cool with his friends but not necessary means always hang around with them.

When you have a boyfriend, he’s gonna be that man you’ve always wanted, not LESS. You deserve the BEST for you, not the second best.

You don’t settle for the second best, ladies. You deserve the best for you. The one who finds any game lost its interesting point once you enter the room. =)

(Please do understand the best in this case is always different for everyone. If he’s the best for you, doesn’t necessarily mean the best for me. You know, that one custom made person by god especially for you.)

I know I probably took the Balotelli’s joke too seriously. However he’s Balotelli for god’s sake, he does stupid things in his own childish ways (But I must still have to support him as long as he’s in Italian National Squad). Anyway, it’s not only because of Balotelli’s joke itself, it’s just too much chauvinist jokes in the internet and I feel like I should make a post. You don’t need to be a feminist to be offended anyway.

For a relationship matter, I’m an idealist, and I will always be.

P.S: I just put a new link titled “My Personal Favorite Posts” which is compilation of my favorite posts that I put a lot of mind into and also the ones I love the most. =)

Cheers,

May, tantrum-ing on words.