How to make the perfect proposal

This post is personally written for all the men out there! ;)

It’s been three months since the proposal and I still can remember every detail of the sweetness. I must say it’s probably one of the greatest days in my life and I would love to remember it forever. And I bet every men would love to create one perfect day for their loved ones too. So let me help a little bit.

Bandi asked me yesterday, “If you were a guy, how would you propose your girlfriend?” and I told him it depends on what’s my girlfriend like because proposal must be personal. My proposal might not be perfect for somebody else and vice versa. I asked him why he asked about that and he said since the proposal, some guys have asked him how to make the perfect proposal. Oh, isn’t that cute…?

Bandi also asked if it would be a better proposal if he proposed to me in Paris. I told him I don’t know that and I will never know because it didn’t happen but if you asked me whether I had the perfect proposal then the answer is yes. =)

Everything about my proposal is so personal and specially planned for me. That is why it was so perfect.

So guys, let me tell you…

how to make the perfect proposal…

1. Make sure she’s ready for marriage.

Don’t propose on the third date for god’s sake! LOL. My ideal timeline would be after at least 3 years being together. Make sure you’ve known her that well and make sure you know she wants marriage! If she doesn’t want it, try to make her want it with you! Have a talk about where this relationship is going and stuffs like that before you really propose. Just make sure that both of you are on the same page! If you two haven’t, then abort the plan!

This happened to me and Bandi. 8 months before the proposal he surprised me with a trip to Bandung and he wanted to propose but then I told him not to because I was still not ready for marriage so he aborted the plan. Just have faith that the right thing will happen on the right time. Be patience. =)

2. Location is everything!

There are two things that you must think about when you decided to propose to her: Where and what ring. We’ll talk about the ring later.

Think about the place she loves the most. Remember that you must elevate her mood in order to make the perfect proposal so you must bring her to a place that would give her a good mood. Some of the ideas are: her favorite restaurant or a restaurant where you had your first date or when you told her you love her or stuff like that. Beach, if she loves beach. Somewhere high and romantic like Singapore flyer (for example) but if she’s afraid of height (like me) don’t do that! A garden with so many candles or any dim-lit place with so many candles.

Another idea from the comments: Museum! This would be the perfect place for the history/art buffs. What about Disneyland? Who wouldn’t want to be proposed in Disneyland! =D

Whenever the proposal venue is, it would be more awesome if you took her on a flight. You surprised her with a flight ticket and bring her to her favorite city. It doesn’t need to be Paris or Maldives lah, somewhere memorable for both of you would do the trick.

Bandi did surprise me with a flight ticket and the feeling was… so awesome. He chose our favorite restaurant where we used to watch sunset on New Year’s eve. =)

3. Lighting, song and other personal touch.

Now that you’ve brought her to the venue, you may add personal touch such as your song with her, or the video that you prepared for her. Video is highly recommended because trust me, no matter how suck your video editing skill is, she will be touched and cry! I did! Song is also good enough to elevate mood. =) And don’t forget one special magic to elevate the mood, lighting!!! Some said most of babies were made out of good lighting. LOL

If she loves flowers and you know her favorite flowers, it is also highly recommended to give her flowers. Flowers are known to elevate mood too. =) My favorite flower is red rose (yeah I know, so predictable) so Bandi gave me 77 stalks of red roses to reflect our seven years together. I didn’t know why he didn’t just give me seven stalks, it would save him some bucks. LOL.

Personal touch like riddles, photos, cute messages, anything that can make her smile and happy. =)

Bandi did seven chain message because it was our seven anniversary when he proposed and he wrote riddles inside each envelopes (because I’m playful) of the things we never do before. Just try to be creative and do something that she will love.

Bandi also asked me to dance because I told him once that my idea of a perfect date must involve dance. ;)

4. You’re not a superman. Ask for friend’s help.

If you’re not that creative or if you’re stuck, don’t be ashamed to look for help. Try to reach out to her bestfriends. You can ask them for opinion or idea, but hopefully you created the whole idea by yourself because you’re marrying her so you must know how to make her happy. If you don’t then you’re screwed for the rest of your life. Asking for a help is allowed if you can’t do the showtime yourself.

Bandi asked my friend, Gery for a help, to pick up the roses and videotape the proposal.

5. The perfect ring.

If all of above failed to impress her, I bet the perfect ring will! Women are designed to be weak of sparkling things. LOL. I used to think I’m not a jewelry kind of gal but then I also fell in love with my ring. :p

First of all, it is okay to ask your girlfriend her dream engagement ring. You may ask her what kind of ring she want. Don’t worry that she will find out about the proposal. Everyone knows you will propose her eventually but she will not know when and where. Don’t take risk on this one because the ring will be stuck with her forever so you better give her something pretty to look at every single day of her life.

Ask her what kind of rock she wants? Diamond is probably the most common choice but she may ask for other type of jewels such as Ruby, Amethyst, Emerald, etc. Then what kind of gold? White gold? Yellow gold? Rose gold? If she can’t decide what kind of ring she wanted, try to understand her style. Is she vintage, classy, whimsical? If you still can’t decide, you may buy the Solitaire Diamond Ring. It’s the safe choice but also guaranteed will impress her. I know it seems like a lot of work and a lot of research but it’s gonna be once in a lifetime so it’ll be worth it.

Remember this: you don’t need to buy her the big carats. It’s not about how expensive the ring is but about how it suits her personality. If she truly loves you she won’t care about the size. =)

For my case, I’m that kind of girl who knows what she wants so I told Bandi the details of my dream ring. LOL.

6. Take photos!

My only mistake was probably the fact that I didn’t take many photos. But maybe it was because I was so shocked and speechless. Bandi did videotape the proposal moment but because the light was so dim, the video was like a total blackout. We only took two photos before we went out from the restaurant. It was taken also because my friend reminded us to take one. if he didn’t remind us to take photos, I might not have anything to remember the day by. So, remember to take photos! Lots of photos!

7. Do you really have to get on one knee?

YES YOU DO! LOL

No seriously, don’t ask this stupid question. It’s not a real proposal if you don’t get on one knee. I know it will look stupid and silly but it will melt your girlfriend’s heart, SERIOUSLY!

When the showtime has finally come, take out your ring box and get on one knee. You may say sweet words before you say the magic words.

What Bandi said was… (not in exact words, because I forgot the exact words) “We have been together for seven years and it’s been a great journey and I want to keep doing it for the rest of my life, so…” and then the magic words, “will you marry me?”

By the time you say the magic words he’s probably already crying like hell and let the ring do the magic. ;)

Good luck!

8. Commitment

This is the most important thing of all. Take note that after she said yes, she’s no longer your girlfriend. She will be your future wife, the one you’ll be spending the rest of your life with so make sure you are fully committed to her. From the moment she said yes until you take your last breath, she will be your top priority. It won’t be too much of a task when you love her that much. =)

The aftermath

The first thing we did after the proposal was finding the wedding date. I have this idealism that somebody is not really engaged until there are a ring and a date. So we straightaway decided on a date. Thankfully it wasn’t so difficult. =)

The second thing to do was telling your parents and close friends. With social media these days, it would be easier to just post it on facebook. Please take note that you have already asked your girlfriend’s parents to take care of her and propose to her before you actually propose to her. This is very important. It’s a good manner to show that you’re being serious.

The third thing to do is… start planning the wedding and have fun! =)

When to propose and when not to propose?

I know not everyone do proposal in Asia, even though I must say it’s getting more and more popular. So there are pros and cons about proposal, however it is individual preference to do or not do it.

Not to propose

Some relationship has already started with too serious commitment which means from the first time they got together they already knew they would get married, so I think proposal is not necessary for the case. Some also prefer the proposal to be held between family, which we call it engagement where the ring exchanges is witnessed by the whole family. If the proposal will be held this way I don’t think personal proposal is still necessary.

To propose

If your family is not so strict about culture and tradition, personal proposal is necessary. Why do I think it’s necessary? Because once you said yes, it’s like the whole new commitment. You’re getting married. You’re saying yes not to the ring, but to marriage. I think it’s necessary to be committed to each other first before you tell your whole family.

But whichever your choice is, the most important thing is the commitment for the marriage itself. =)

Is the woman allowed to propose?

YES! Of course woman is allowed to propose. However, it is advisable to have the non-public proposal because usually men don’t like to be seen being proposed. You know men and their huge ego. People would mock him for not having the balls so better to have private proposal in a private venue.

Soooooo, I think this post pretty much explains I’m in a very good mood. LOL. Why am I in a good mood? Well, yesterday I was staring at my ring and mumbled, “It’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever had in my life.”

And Bandi replied, “really? I think YOU are the prettiest.”

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

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If you’re stuck with ideas you can always email me for proposal ideas. Trust me, I have millions of them! Remember, I’m a self-claimed romantic. ;) I always love to hear love stories and help to develop them.

My friends usually look for me for anniversary ideas or gift ideas and I’m always happy to help simply because I find it fun to do things like surprises and gifts and parties. =)

Good luck with your love story! I bet it’s beautiful!

Cheers,

May, the self proclaimed romantic.

He likes it so he puts a ring on it.

Disclaimer: This post is personal, please take note that I need the courage to share this with you. =)

I’ve been sick for the past ten days, so I didn’t really plan anything for my seventh anniversary. I know Bandi isn’t much a planner so usually he would just let me do whatever I wanted and brought me to dinner.

This year, I told him I didn’t want anything fancy for anniversary because I actually wanted to have a bed rest, but then yeah… you got it right, he proposed.

About talking about marriage.

I think all of my friends have been asking about us getting married more than we even really talk about it. I’ve never wanted a marriage myself so I never really bother talking about it. However it’s been two years since we started to live together and once in a while Bandi asked about whether I’m taking this relationship seriously but I never really answered it seriously lahhh. I usually just did silly things and pretended to be deaf.

The moment I realize that he meant what he said was when he brought me to a jewelry store. I was freaking panicking when he suddenly talked fluent diamond with the sales lady. He asked about the carats, clarity, certificate and shits I didn’t know. Holy crap, somebody has done some research!

He asked me what kind of ring I want for my engagement ring, and I was a total bitch, I literally panicked and kept saying let’s go. It happened last year.

About the first attempt.

I accidentally found the receipt of the ring when I tried to find something in Bandi’s ikea box. It was purchased on July 2012. There was a description of the ring in the receipt. About how many carats the diamond is and the other stuffs I didn’t understand. And I saw the price… And it’s fucking non-refundable.

THIS IS A BIG PRESSURE!!!!

Holy crap! I felt like packing my bags and just run the freaking away. I don’t wanna get married yet!!! How if he proposed to me? My life was about to oveeeerrr! Nooo!!!

On October 2012 he surprised me with a trip to Bandung, and I had the feeling that he’s gonna propose. Then I told him, “If you’re gonna propose, please don’t. I’m not ready and I’m gonna say no, and we would break up and it all turned ugly. And I don’t wanna break up with you. Just give me more time and be more patience.” (For the record, he was gonna propose.)

After that, the relationship went downhill. Bandi didn’t understand why I wasn’t ready and why I was being so difficult. A lot of my friends knew about this and I didn’t blame them to think that I was a heartless bitch and that I didn’t deserve a good guy like Bandi.

I wanted a proposal, who doesn’t want a fairy tale, right? But I just didn’t feel it was the right time. Bandi had just lost his grandma and I felt like he rushed things because he felt guilty that his grandma did ask him to marry me but then she passed away. And I still believed that there were some unfinished business between us, like talking about future and stuffs.

It is very hard to explain and you must know me well enough to understand my reasons but anyway, let’s move on.

All I know is… I’m glad Bandi never gave up on me. =)

About being ready.

I remember people kept saying that you’re never gonna be ready for marriage, that you just have to go the hell with it. Well, you’re wrong!!!! I don’t wanna just jump into it and figure out later. I don’t! I don’t wanna take the risk that I could regret for a lifetime. I’m a risk taker but not for a marriage. I wanna be hundred percent ready and wanting it like crazy and I will never going back!

So, during my bad patch of relationship with Bandi, this happened.

The whole missing the flight thing was like an epiphany.

I sill remember when Bandi arrived home after midnight and I saw him totally differently. This is the guy who went all the fucking troubles with me and still stayed. I’ve been complicated, unreasonable, difficult and selfish and yet he’s still there, never even complain once. He always ALWAYS believes in me.

And he took the last flight home going all the shits just to make sure I wasn’t home alone. And I felt like my life went on a flashback… He did fight for me in front of his family, he defended me through the bad years, he always protects me, always tries to make me happy and makes sure I’m always alright.

He left USA for me, the thing that I thought he won’t ever do. I just almost lost all of his important documents by leaving it in airport and he still forgave me and flew home for me.

And yet, I didn’t want to marry this guy? WHAT AM I NUTS?????

I remember he hugged me that night and I knew it for a second, that was where I belong for the rest of my life.

And….

I was finally ready.

About wanting it.

After that missing the flight moment, I caught myself daydreaming about being Mrs. Cahaya. It felt silly for a while and I was so embarrassed of myself but then I found it so fun so what the hell. I daydreamed about calling him hubby, about saying the vow (I even wrote one haha) and saying I do and girls stuffs like that.

Then I kept hinting him like asking “is the ring this big?” while showing him my booger. LOL

About the ring

I knew he already bought the diamond ring and I would feel so guilty to trouble him but to be honest, I don’t want diamond. I want an emerald.

I fell instantly in love when I saw Kate’s engagement ring (which belonged to Princess Diana) but I didn’t want Sapphire of course and also couldn’t see myself wearing the plain diamond. I want an engagement which yells it totally belongs to May. And I always like emerald and the fact that emerald is my birth stone.
I’ve googled about emerald and it’s very rare to find a small carats of emerald to be crafted as a ring, it means it would have to be a bigger size of the stone and it would be expensive. So I was so dilemmatic of whether I should tell Bandi about this.

However the conversation about the ring came up and he asked me my dream engagement ring. I told him I always wanted an emerald crafted on a rose gold because rose gold compliments the sparkle of the emerald and it matches my skintone and of course because it’s so pretty.

(Later on he told me the story of how he went almost nuts looking for an emerald that he could afford. LOL. To make the story short, he exchange the diamond with the emerald after he finally found the franchised jewelry store that would accept the exchange.)

So when he proposed and opened the ring box, I was stunned.

It was the prettiest ring I’ve ever seen in my life. (Probably also the effect of euphoria) The one and only, an oval shaped emerald, surrounded by diamonds in a rose gold. I know this is so superficial, but goddammit, I am so freaking happy!!!

I've always wanted an emerald!!!

I’ve always wanted an emerald!!!

About the Proposal

I can’t tell the details because it would be so looonnnggg and of course so many personal stories involved. You must know me for lifetime to really understand the reasons why Bandi planned every detail. About why he chose the Con te Partire to ask me for a slow dance and the seventy seven red roses and the road trip and everything.

His plan was this… He wanted to do seven things that we never done together for our seventh anniversary. (Trust me Bandi and I did almost every possible thing we could haha) He created some kind of continuous cards that’s written the hint of the thing.

The fifth thing was an impromptu flight. He brought me to the city I love the most.

I was totally surprised! And I didn’t pack proper clothes lah. Hahaha. (I didn’t even pack shampoo so I had to wash my hair with Hotel’s shampoo and my hair went on sapu ijuk mode.) Anyway, he was so freaking sweet and he brought me to Maxi’s, my favorite restaurant, which we had our date long long time ago. He reserved the place on the balcony, a place when we used to see sunset on New Year’s eve.

He made a video and left me alone to watch the video. I was crying like a little baby, couldn’t contain my happiness. I can’t show anyone, even my bestfriend, the video, because for once, I want to keep this only for myself. =)

Bandi was pouring his heart out on the video, leaving his soul naked and open and if it was me, I would want to do it only for the one person I love. =)

He also gave me four photos that represent our seven years together and our future dream together. After the video ended, he showed up with seventy seven stalks of rose, and my bestfriend Gery behind, holding a camera, videotaping us. HOLY CRAP I knew it that moment that he was gonna propose!!!

So yeah, he gave me the roses and got on one knee, took out the box of ring and said the magic words.

The funny thing was, when he said, “will you…” I at once nodded my head because I saw the ring!!! HAHAHAHA! (I’m so shameless) However he asked “Will you marry me” and I was like a doggie doll on a car’s dashboard, kept nodding my head. He laughed and asked, “What???”

And I shouted “YESSSS!!!”

=)

Yes!

Yes!

I’m engaged!!!

Not only engaged.

I’m engaged… to the love of my life, my best friend.

I can’t believe that I would ever want a marriage. But now it’s happening, it doesn’t feel scary. I kinda can’t wait to be his wife. LOL.

He likes it so he puts a ring on it! Haha!

He likes it so he puts a ring on it! Haha!

And I also can’t stop staring at my ring and smile everytime I see it… over and over again. It’s so freaking pretty I feel like a princess. Hahaha. I talked to Dian about the ring and it turns out I’m not the only shameless girl here. She was also crying like baby when Dan-Dan was about propose to her and once she saw the ring, it was like a magic that made a girl smile forever!!! Hahaha.

I never had a fine jewelry in my life before. Seriously, never. You know all my accessories are purchased through ebay! LOL. This is the first real thing I’ve ever had and it’s so goddamn freaking pretty!!!! It sparkles everytime I see it like talking to me. =) And I looooove the color and how the diamonds around it compliments the emerald. I love my engagement ring I’m so shallow!!! Hahahaha.

Here's another angle of the ring.

Here’s another angle of the ring.

And here's another one. =D

And here’s another one. =D

Ok, enough with that. (You get it how much I love it)

About the aftermath

The first thing in my mind after saying Yes was… I’m so gonna tell Ulen about this!!! And you know what??? She coincidentally were coming to Bandung the next day for some reunion event!!! Thank you Universe!! It’s so meant to be!!!

So the next day I spent my day with Ulen, asked her to be my maid of honor and  took this photobox! Haha. I also asked her to help me distribute the 77 Roses to every women we met at Paris Van Java (because it’s impossible for me to bring back all the flowers to Singapore, right?) It was so cute how women react to stranger handing over roses. They all accepted it! Haha!

Me and my maid of honor.

Me and my maid of honor, and my sapu ijuk mode hair. LOL

After I talked to her face to face, I publicly posted it on socmed and again, I loved the attention. Hahaha! (shameless, still shameless!!!)

Then I told Strawberry and other close friends, my mom and my sister. While Bandi of course has successfully made his brother, sisters and mom figuratively hippie dancing. So yeah, it’s pretty big happy news for both of us. =)

My mom has also already known because Bandi did tell my mom and my dad before actually proposed to me. Awww isn’t he the sweetest? He asked my Dad for a permission to take good care of his daughter. OH MY GOD I’m melted…

We also have set the date, because I told him, according to Gilmore Girls, you’re not really engaged until there’s a ring and a date. So we have set the date. We’re gonna get married on 7th June 2014, exactly 8 years when I first said yes to the question “will you be my girlfriend?” =)

(Or actually it’s just Bandi who can’t remember too many dates so he pack it all into one date? WTF?)

Anywayyyy, we’re not gonna bother too much about the wedding because after that day, I finally realize what I want in my life. I don’t fucking care of how my wedding would turn out to be, I just wanna be his wife. Period.

(and the fact that I still need to plan my Europe Trip holy crap!)

(and also the fact that my maid of honor is having an OCD so she’s gonna plan everything. HAHA)

And this is the end of my single life… no more flirting with cute guys (darn it). Who would have known, of all the people, I’m gonna settling down this fast. Hahaha. I’m getting married. Geez, still not get used to say it, “I’m getting married.”

So, for all the guys who are secretly in love with me, better luck next lifetime! Hahaha. Zero chance from this second! And that’s including you, Cristiano Ronaldo!! Yeah you! I’ve had enough waiting for you! HAHAHA

About what I feel.

Right now, I’m still over the moon. (unless the fact that my voice is gone because of the flu T.T) I feel content and happy. I am one hundred percent sure that this is what I want, marrying him. And that everything really does happen for a reason. Universe really listens to my prayer, sending me signs and stuffs. If he proposed to me last October, it might not be this perfect. Good things really does happen to those who wait. =)

I won’t have cold feet or second thought. I might have bad days and we might fight, but I won’t have second thought, I can promise that.

Thank you for being so patience and for making this seven years all about me, sweetie pie. When we ate satay and I requested a song from the old man and he sang The Beatles’ I will, I hope you knew it was truly from my heart to you. =)

I love you. Always have and always will.

Kalistus Mikhael Subandi Cahayaaaaaa, I’m yours!!!!

Cheers,

May, Mrs. Cahaya to be.

P.S Finally I’m gonna have a surname!!! Hahahahah!

Here's a bonus photo of Bandi and Brownie for reading until the end. =)

Here’s a bonus photo of Bandi and Brownie for reading until the end. =)