Hey woman, so you STILL think you’re doing a favor, huh?

**Original Post: Hey woman, so you think you’re doing a favor, huh? (on 20 Feb 2014)**

(Please read update of this post below)

This post has been sitting too long in the draft folder. I had mixed feeling whether to post or not to post it. But then I think WTH, some people might get offended but 2014 is a year of honesty, and I don’t mean to offend anybody, I’m just being bluntly honest about my opinion.

So it all started about 2 months ago when I saw this on a social media.

men doing women favor

And then I was like…

I never once thought a man doing a favor or woman doing a favor in marriage. This is what I hate the most about how twisted marriage image is for some people!!! Why would some sex doing another sex a favor?

You know that it meanssss??

It’s time for biiiiiiiiitcccccchiiiiiiiiiin!

Ok, here it comes…

Man and woman should equally enjoy the relationship (marriage in this context) sexually, physically and psychologically. Nobody is doing anybody a favor. If a woman doesn’t want a baby, then she shouldn’t and her husband cannot make her. If a woman doesn’t want to change her last name, then it’s not like she’s going to jail if she doesn’t. NOBODY EVER ASK A WOMAN TO MARRY ANYBODY let alone acting like she is a victim or an inferior human being in a marriage.

A woman getting fat and pregnant is a favor??? So you’re ruining your body as a favor for your husband???? OH YOU HAVE A HEART OF GOLD!

When your neighbor asked you to water their plants, it was a favor. When your friend asked you to buy some hot choco in a rainy day, it was a favor. When you ran errands for your mom, it was a favor. You might not like it, but you’re doing it because you’re being a nice person.

Will you get pregnant just because you’re being nice to your husband????

And then, will you take someone’s last name (let alone married them) just because you have to do a favor?

A woman should WANT TO marry a man because she loves him regardless whether he proposed or she proposed, but never begging to ask a man to marry her (Eww!!! Begging a man to marry you is like the lowest self esteem somebody can have) so that the man and the woman want the marriage equally.

It is so funny to hear women complain how they are treated as second class human being by their husbands when they were asking to be one in the beginning. IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.

Come on! No women should ever feel obligated, burdened or used when she decided to be a wife or a mother. Period. WOMEN… YOU ALWAYS HAVE OPTIONS NOT TO BE A WIFE OR A MOTHER. Remember you did it to yourself so NEVER COMPLAIN AS IF YOU’RE DOING ANYBODY A FAVOR. GEEZ!!!

I would love to have a baby with Bandi someday and I would love to take his last name without playing the “I do sacrifice” card. I will only do whatever makes me happy. Period.

Stop spreading sexist quote, people! Man and woman are both equally responsible of marriage and parenthood.

Sometimes I feel sexism happened because woman asked for it, because they’re putting themselves as victim in the first place. You’re a happy wife and you’re a loving mother. That’s all you need to be. If you are not, THEN BE ONE! Once you have decided to be a mother, you SHOULD NEVER complain that you are a mother! It’s like buying chocolate ice cream and crying while you’re licking it. It’s just so stupid in so many levels!

There must be something really REALLY WRONG with you when you think being a wife and a mother is a favor. SERIOUSLY.

I’m sorry if I sound rough and it wasn’t only about the picture I posted above, but it’s about all the complains I heard from my fellow friends who are wives and moms. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop creating dramas and playing the big sacrificial victim. you’re just making yourself look weak and sad.

Heads up! You’re a woman for god’s sake!

Cheers,

May – 20 Feb 2014

couldn’t help not to bitch about it. 

And I’m updating it now…. (more like a sequel)

**Hey woman, so you STILL think you’re doing a favor, huh? (on 9 Jan 2015)**

It’s almost a year from the date of the original post and let me tell you this… nothing really changed much. (Guess bitching can never change the world, huh? LOL)

The good thing is… I also don’t change my perspective about it, even after I got married. Yes! I wrote that when I was still a fiancee, when people said my life was still good. They said it’s gonna be different once I became a wife.

Guess what, baby?

It’s even better!!!

I have never ever ever put myself as a victim of marriage. That’s, my friend, is the first rule. I don’t do any favor to Bandi. Everything I’ve done for him is a pleasure for me.

Cooking for him, cleaning up his mess, buying him clothes, etc etc you name it… They are not favors. Maybe you haven’t heard, it’s called TEAMWORK.

I believe in teamwork in marriage. I cook, Bandi washes the dishes. I did laundry, Bandi ironed the clothes. I prepped the ingredients, he cooked. I picked the movie, he picked the snacks. He’s in charge of dealing with the vendors, I’m setting up giro for our banks. And the list goes on and on and on….

Many women believed (and it did happened to them) when they got married, they automatically enrolled themselves as a “wife” label, who should do all household-related. That’s why everything household related are usually called “obrolan ibu-ibu” (housewives’ conversation).

Am I offended as a feminist? No lahhh… I’m not so sensitive one… (please pronounce this in Singlish for fun)

I just feel sad that marriage is perceived unequally, as if women have more responsible, thus women usually felt “tricked” after they got married.

Here’s the thing, the ugly truth.

WOMEN DID THAT TO THEMSELVES.

They victimized themselves. That’s not cool, ladies.

Let’s change our perspective. We are equally responsible, equally enjoying and equally contributing in marriage as men. Contributing doesn’t merely measured by money, it can be measured by ideas, thoughts and values.

One man + one woman + great teamwork = awesome marriage life

Make decisions together! Don’t outshine each other, remember equality! You can argue as long as you guys want, even do not stop the argument just for the sake of not fighting. Stop argue when the two finally compromise and find the meeting point. Talk and share a lot! Share things, share thoughts, share chores, share everything! He is your life partner, sharing the LIFE!

I’m growing up in 2015. I don’t bitch out that much anymore. So I’m telling you this seriously.

Remember always, he is your very best friend, your forever BFF. And as I learned from Lorraine (one of the smartest blogger I know), the foundation of friendship is equality.

Marriage is an infinite BFF relationship. So, why would you not be equal?

Ok, let me bitch out a little bit. Those women who put themselves below their husbands? THEY ARE THE WORST!!!

It’s up to my husband.,,” “I want to do this, but my husband doesn’t let me…” “He’s making the decisions, I’m just following his order.”

Graaaaaaaaaaaawwwwh!! Go live in North Korea lahhhh!

You know the saddest part is… When she was single, she was smart and all… and then she just… turned off, like totally shut down after she got married. Whyyyyy?!!!

(well, come to think of it, she’s not that smart lah, she did it to herself anyway.)

Ok ok… I quit yelling and bitching. I’ll just have to accept the fact that these things still happen and I can’t do anything about it, can I?

But if you read this and you realize I’m making a lot of sense… Please remember…

Never settle with a guy who thinks he’s higher than you (or any girls). He’s a total tool or he has problem with his masculinity.

Trust me, real men don’t get intimidated by feminists. Real man will enjoy sharing his life with a woman who embraces her freedom.

Go for those men. ;) *wink wink*

Cheers,

May – 9 Jan 2015

a feminist wife is a happy wife.

Are you with your mediocre love?

This morning, I saw a quote on my path, saying:

Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life; Love shouldn’t be one of them.

I’ve been looking for the right way to express “settling down for less” and this morning, I finally found it. From now on, I will call it mediocre love.

What is a mediocre love?

Well, I don’t know how to express this, because I have never had any mediocre love. I’m one of those persons who loves hard, even to my friends and family.

But I tell you what’s not mediocre. It’s that feeling of loving someone so deep, you could actually feel your heart crunch a little bit when you think about them. When you think about how happy they make you, you will feel something warming up in your belly, when you worry about them, maybe they’re sick or something bad happened to them, you will feel your heart aches. I don’t talk figuratively, I meant literally. Because when one of my loved ones were sick, I could worry til my heart really hurt.

When you first met a guy you liked, you would have what we call “butterflies in your stomach”. This was really exciting. It meant you liked him, there were chemistry between you two. When you talked to him, the butterflies just couldn’t wait to fly, your stomach felt funny; fun funny.

When you got together, you guys were passionate, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You wanted to heat his heartbeat, you wanted to feel his skin, you wanted to bite his nose. You just couldn’t have enough of him. He was addictive!!!

When you had your first unsettlement, you fought, you got bored with him, anything about him looked dull and annoying. But… you just couldn’t be without him, with no logical reason explainable.

When you knew him even deeper and you knew his family and his friends and even you didn’t like some of them, you decided to stay. You found out his weird bad habit, you found out his sad past, yest you stayed.

When you couldn’t wait to see him, just to get cozy with him, wrapped your body on his arms and just talked all night. For you the best place on earth is anywhere as long as you’re in his arms. And suddenly all of the love songs you’ve heard made sense. :)

When you were busy at work and then you stopped for a while for coffee and then you caught yourself smiling thinking about him and how he was cute on his spongebob boxer dancing to a Barry White song last night.

When you received a very exciting news and you cannot wait to tell him.

When you realized that he’s your best friend in the whole world and you could count on him and he would do anything for you.

:)

Those whens don’t always have to come in that order, but those whens are necessary for a love story. Medicore loves don’t have those things.

Why mediocre love?

Medicore loves happen when two persons have goal to get married, so they just find some candidates and whoops, this candidate looks okay, and my parents agree, oh well… let’s get married and have babies and repopulate the earth! Yaiy!

I would prefer live my life alone and happy than settling down with mediocre love. NO HELL WAY. My mom and my dad are two amazing people, but they are mediocre love to each other and for everyday in my life, I regret that they got married.

I know society sucks, they push you and you delude yourself into a made-up romanticism that you created in your head and then you settle down for less… much less… For mediocre love.

Don’t.

For this one person, you might be his mediocre love, but for somebody out there, that one particular person, YOU ARE HIS WORLD.

Why shouldn’t we have mediocre love? (It’s easier, huh?)

Life is only once.

You could have a mediocre house, drive a mediocre car, work in a mediocre company, watch a mediocre movie, eat a mediocre hamburgers, but.. you should not settle down with a mediocre love. NO. A gazzilion million times NO.

Love is sweet, it’s comforting, it’s liberating, it’s everything that a cotton candy should have. :)

Cheers,

May, the romantic one.