Be a woman who…

This is a post about a dating/relationship tips coming personally from me. For those who know me well enough, would know that this post is not trustworthy. LOL.

People tend to talk to me about love because I’m romantic (at least I think I am) and the fact that I survived a long term relationship. (They just didn’t know that all the credits go to Bandi. LOL) Take note that this is about relationship in general, not about romance. Romance and relationship are not always related. However, I have learned that woman expects too much from guys that she doesn’t even know that she’s the problem.

Don’t demand to have a perfect man of your version (whether he’s rich, handsome, Korean, or smart) when you are obviously not pursuing yourself to be a better woman.

Don’t just demand, demand and demand! Relationship is not only about you. It takes two to tango. And first of all, don’t be a bitch of everything. Don’t just expect to take, try to also give.

Be a woman who is/does…

Independent

Not only financially independent, but also socially independent. Don’t use excuses such as “I can’t go there by myself” or “there’s no one who accompany me.” Whether you are single or having a boyfriend/husband, DO NOT depend on your spouse for little things. Yes, you may depend on him when there is a fire or when you need comfort in the funeral, but don’t depend on him to find you a job, to pick you up from shopping or worse, depend on him FINANCIALLY. Wtf, woman, get a grip!

Laugh a lot

Men like a lady who covers her mouth when she laughs? Louis VI probably does but he’s a chauvinist dumb anyway.
True lady laughs when she hears something funny, I mean like literally laughing. And it is a bonus if you have a good sense of humour. After all, we, women like a man who makes us laugh, don’t you think man wants the same?

Have the power

I don’t mean for every woman to be alpha female. I don’t think it’s necessary to be an alpha female unless you’re a single mom raising 4 kids but woman cannot be powerless. If you are powerless, Ibu Kartini will seriously cry.
Have the power to say no to a guy, for everything he asks if you’re uncomfortable with, say no. Have the power to, in return, say what you want. Don’t just say no and then full stop. Say no and then say what you want. Men can’t read your minds.

Confident

You owe this to yourself. DON’T EVER CHANGE the way you perceive things just because people say so (or that particular guy hoped to.) Be confident not only in the way you dress, the way you do your hair, but also most importantly in the way you think. For whatever weird/silly/different the way you think or dress is, you will still look awesome when you are confident about it. Don’t ever change.

No matter how bad your past is, how horrible people say about you, don’t bother. (But don’t be so delusional too lah. :p) You need a true friend to tell the thin line sometimes.

But always remember this:

Say what you mean and mean what you say, for those who mind don’t matter and who matter don’t mind.

Honest and kind

There is nothing ever goes wrong with being honest. For all my life, only one thing that stays constantly with myself, that is being honest. You may encounter problems for being honest, but it will always be right.
Being kind is hard, but it also will be always right.

Able to do guy’s work.

“I can’t change the light bulb because my dad used to do it for me all the time.” Well, sweetie, you won’t live with your dad for the rest of your life. “Then my husband will do it.” Well, that’s true. But your husband might do other women too because you’re such a spoiled brat.

Doing guy’s work doesn’t change you to be a butch, it just shows that you are independent. It is true that man loves to feel needed (it’s their nature to be a prince/superhero) but prince will be tired too if the princess is asked to be saved again and again and again. Sometimes you must show him that you are capable to take care even guy’s work. It’s matter of fact a turn on for guys.

Full of Surprises

Don’t be a woman who flashes out all your positive values in the beginning of dating/relationship. Keep some for the guy to find it himself later. “Wow! You can paint?” or “Wow! You can play skateboard?” will give you another boost of confidence. His surprised face is a nice bonus.

Pays her own things

DON’T LET A GUY PAY FOR YOUR BAGS, or clothes or watches or any goods in the beginning of the relationship or dating. Remember this: in the first date, let him pay for everything. It is A MUST. (I’m a feminist! I won’t let him pay. STFU, I’m a feminist and I still think guy must pay the first date.) Bandi didn’t even let me pay for my angkot fees in our first date.

You may offer to pay politely but when he refuses, drop it off. He’s being a gentleman. If you like him, you may say “Next time is on me.” (This shows him that you want another date). So basically in first date, guys will pay for your meal, your entertainment fee (like movie tickets, fair tickets, skating fees and stuffs) and your transport (if both of you take public transport) or he will need to drive you home (if only him driving a car) or he will walk with you to the carpark and watch you go (if you’re driving). If he does less than that, it is okay to reconsider second date or have a girly talk with your girlfriends to decide the verdict.

But do remember this: DON’T BUY ANYTHING in the first date. First, because it is about getting to know each other and second, you shouldn’t let him pay for your things. If you let him, he will get the idea that he can buy your happiness. And trust me, you don’t want guys who think that making girls happy equals to showering her with gifts.

In a long term relationship, don’t let him pay for your phone bills and/or other personal bills, and for me, I don’t let Bandi pay for my things when I go shopping (but this is individual preference, however it’s up to you.) He may give you birthday/valentine/anniversary or no occasion present no matter how expensive but don’t let him pay for your shopping expense that you initiated.

Have friends

I always tell my guy friends this “Don’t ever date a girl who doesn’t have best friends.” Why? Because once she become your girlfriend, you will be needy, whiny, clingy, you name it. She will need you to be with her 24/7 and suddenly you will be sucked into her depression.
Be a woman that has a good friendship with girls. If you don’t like friending girls because of their dramas and complications, then at least have a lesbian friend. But trust me, Girlfriends are great. =) It’s worth all the drama and sweats and tears. Haha

Stand up for herself

Don’t cry just because of small fights like he does things you don’t like. Woman up and tell him you don’t like that. If any other people tried to bully you, don’t go to your boyfriend and be a wimp, stand up for yourself! Unless Chuck Norris is the one who bullied you, then call your boyfriend lah.

Prefer to be single than in an unhappy relationship

Well, I don’t understand what’s so hard to be single, why people is so afraid to be single they chose to be in an unhappy relationship. Maybe it’s not relevant since the last time I was single is when I still had number one in the first digit of my age. Oh wait, I was technically single in my two years of LDR. And all I did (beside being a bitch to my Long Distance Boyfriend) was being a gym freak, had too much sleepover with girlfriends and went to awesome concerts. So yeah, your life is not over just because you’re single. Get over it.

If were born as a man would love to date herself

Let me ask you something, if you were born as a man, would you fall in love with yourself? If you do, then you are a narcissistic bitch. LOL. No lah, it means you are confident and you love yourself and that’s good. =)

Smart

Doesn’t need to be book smart, but street smart. But it won’t hurt to read more books and broaden your knowledge once in a while. You don’t need to act smart though, if you don’t know something, admit it, it would probably lead to an interesting topic and conversation. And the bonus is, you get to know something.
And this is important: Don’t be delusional. If a man cheats on you, don’t make an excuse “But he still loves me.” If you still insist, then close my blog please.

Be herself

This is the most important, number one, super cool trait of a woman… to be herself.
Either you are a psychotic bitch, a tomboy with daddy issue, or a creative slacker. Nobody’s perfect but as long as you love yourself, proud to be yourself and bring the best out of yourself, then nobody can resist that charm.

So yeah, at the end of the day, just be whoever you want to be and be comfortable with it. Let people fall in love with who you really are. But don’t be a spoiled brat lah. LOL.

This is just what I have been observing for a while… that only smart, independent and confident woman get to live her life to the fullest, either being single or in a relationship. So, be that kind of woman.

Be the happy one.

Happy woman is the most attractive woman.

Don’t you think so, guys?

Cheers,

May, the smart-ass.

A letter to the pessimists

I got some of the pessimistic comments for my engagement, mostly they sound like this “eh, I thought you didn’t believe in marriage?”

Well I didn’t.

I know I shouldn’t been bothered but I am a human thus I have a need to defend myself (and also the need to once again blabber about marriage), so here it goes…

Up until this second, I still do believe that marriage is not an achievement. A wedding is a start of something big called the marriage. And it’s not a solution for all your problems people. There are two reasons why I didn’t believe in marriage.

One, people took marriage for granted, using it for the wrong reason with the wrong people. The marriage itself became some kind of dirty business for me.

Two, there are no successful marriage in my inner circle. I have never witnessed a successful marriage. That’s why I was pessimistic too.

I hate it when people decided to get married for the wrong reasons, to top of them is “because I’m getting older.” Once my friend told me she was getting married and my reply was “are you sure?” She was mad of course, and to boost my ego, let me tell you this: she DID call off the wedding. Why? Because I knew it at the moment that she said yes because she wanted the attention and she liked to idea of becoming someone’s wife but she WASN’T in love.

Okay, go back to my case. A lot of my friends said “finally!!!” And the others asked “how did you finally say yes?” (This also explained why I had to charge my phone three times on last sunday)

Why did I, the unbeliever, finally said yes for a marriage?

I was simply convinced.

(So if you happen to really want to marry somebody and she said she didn’t believe in it, you’re not trying hard enough.)

I wasn’t looking for a relationship when I was dating Bandi. It was just a casual flirt and I enjoyed the attention, so when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I warned him, “oh dear, I’m not a commitment kind of girl.” And he said “it’s okay. It’s not something serious. We’re just getting to know each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.” So the ‘not something serious’ led to a seven years relationship. LOL

I also thought that I will be a serial dater for the rest of my life, because seriously, I am that selfish. I don’t think anyone could take it to live with me for the rest of his life. Come on, I can’t even live with my mom! I am super selfish and I have OCD, I want things to be my way and I always think that I am right. I knew Bandi was messy and couldn’t care less about hygiene since the first year of relationship but then I don’t care because I knew I won’t marry him.

But then when we started to live together, we spent so much time fighting about stupid stuffs. And oh my god I am so impressed of how hard he was trying to adapt to me. He really tried everything to make sure I’m alright, mentally. (Yeah I got so disturbed over something stupid sometimes.) He did this kind of magic to make me fall in love more and more to him everyday and made me think that I couldn’t live without him. And oh wow, he succeeded!

Bandi himself didn’t have any role-model for a successful marriage. His dad was gone when he was five so he was pretty much a ‘dad’ for his brother and sisters. Thankfully he turned out to be a believer. He wants a marriage, a family with a lot of kids, (Super bummer, look how far he’s convinced me already?) and a smart and pretty wife (well ho got one.) LOL

Actually he has taken the relationship slowly for my expense. I remember he was ambitiously saying that he wanted to be married and had kids by 25. (Haha! Wrong girlfriend, dude!) I must say that this relationship does both of us a favor. For me to learn that I can finally trust someone completely and that true love does exist. For him to wait for the right one (and not just randomly pick any girl to give birth to his babies), learn more about life and of course to be super mega ultra patience.

I really believe that everything happens for reason. :)

So dear pessimists,
I DID not believe in marriage. And I must say this in public that I WAS WRONG.
Not all marriages are scam and dirty and fake. I can make sure at least mine is not. :)

I remember the endless nights of long talks with Bandi, the sweet gestures while we danced, the stolen kisses, the sacrifices, the tears and fears we shared, the infinite laughs that he made me after that and how he always had his ways to take my breath away. I have been always a happy person, but I’ve never felt this content. I am fully content.

I also need to underline this: I am happy not because I’m getting married. I am happy because I get to spend the rest of my life with the one I really love. The wedding is just a bonus.

Actually my perception of marriage doesn’t change a lot, remember this: if you’re not a happy person, don’t ever think about getting married!!!

Don’t hope for some dude to save you from all your troubles and think that marriage (or wedding) would give you happiness, because it won’t!!!

YOU HAVE TO BE A HAPPY WOMAN TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE. (not the other way around!)

Don’t get married to be happy, but get married because you’re happy. So you know you have someone to share your happiness with forever. :)

Remember your man is not your accessory whom with him you feel socially completed and obligation checked. You don’t need to prove to anyone that you can have a man.

Oh please just make sure that you get married because you love each other, please please, pleaaaaaseee!

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Cheers,

May, still staring at the ring. :p