Broken heart

This is a broken hearted post. No gimmick.

This is a swearing about how I said I never love again,

About how I woke up every morning with a big hole inside my heart,

About how I cried everytime I heard a love song,

About how I constantly missed his body wrapped around mine and how I deluded myself that I actually slept beside him.

About how I was playing possibilities of how my life turned out to be if I didn’t meet him,

About how I was regretting falling in love,

About how I was angry to myself for letting people in,

About how stupid I felt for still loving him after he resented me,

About how I begged, how I cried my heart out, how I manipulated every scenario, how I broke down, how I was so cynical of everything else…

It took me months to recover,

It took me countless sleepless nights with girlfriends, tons of un-replied sms, and a final morning when I didn’t feel the hole anymore.

No, I didn’t exaggerate it at all. Having yout heart broken is the worst feeling in the world. I have never and will never turn down a friend who needs me to be there when they’re broken hearted. Because all i wanted was a friend, and I remember how it felt so bad… to be broken hearted.

If you think I wasn’t strong enough, you’re wrong.

Every woman or man, no matter how strong, how independent and how awesome they are, would still be fallen into pieces when they were broken hearted.

If you think everything I said was bullshit then lucky you, you never had your heart broken.

Falling in love is a risky and dangerous act. Giving your heart to someone and trust them completely? I always thought it was too much, but then I didn’t realize it until it has already happened.

Did I love again?

Did I finally wake up in the morning without the hole in my heart?

Did I stop crying when I heard the sad song for the thirteenth times?

Did I erase the regrets?

Did I finally sleep alone without my girlfriends?

Did I smile again?

Of course, dear… =)

I remember a scene fromĀ sex and the city the movieĀ when Mr Big left Carrie on her wedding day and Carrie was broken hearted and she said to her friends, “will I ever laugh again?”

I cried…. like crazy.

I couldn’t imagine the feeling of being so heartbroken you thought you would never laugh again.

But hey… she laughed again. :”)

I know, seriously I know, dear… it hurts so so so bad.

I know.

But there will be no rainbow without the rain and there will be no sunrise without the darkest dawn.

Maybe you’ll say “Cut that crap!” but I can’t do much now unless saying those craps hoping to make you feel better.

I just want you to feel better.

Because it’s better to love and to lose than to never love at all.

See, I’m saying those craps again.

Don’t worry. You’re gonna be fine. Trust me. =)

I’ll see you in four weeks. And we’re gonna laugh. I promise.

Love always,

Your very good friend.