break up

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When a man loves a woman

Actually I have been wanting to post this since two weeks ago but I just seemed never in the perfect mood.

Well now I am. I am in the perfect mood to be a feminist who defends a man!

As much as I wanted ladies to read this and understand this, I also wanted men to comment their thoughts about it. So here we go…

With growing number of jerks in this world, it’s very hard to find a real man who really is a gentleman. And when we finally meet a nice gentleman, what do we do? We dump him!

Yeah, Girls tend to dump nice man!!!! (I know, I know, not all girls, I actually meant this statement to one girl only)

*sigh* I don’t know how to start this post.

Why? WHY??? Why we dump nice men and go after jerks? I have a lot of friends who are in a relationship with man who doesn’t treat them right and yet they stay. And when you’ve found a man who’s actually nice to you, you’re questioning them. “Why is he so nice? Does he want something from me?”

We, women, think that men are heartless, cruel, insincere and selfish so when they’re acting like one, we’re okay with that because we think it’s normal. And when they’re doing something sincerely nice, we question them!

In this post, I just want to emphasize one more time that NICE GUYS DO EXIST.

Let’s just get to the point why I make this post in the first place. I have a bestfriend who had a nine years relationship and ended up in a trash (I wrote a letter once to the girl here). A year later, he still hasn’t moved on, so he flew to Singapore and crashed at my place, drinking the pain away. (Literally)

I don’t have many male friends who talk about love. I think he’s the only one who really talks about love so deep with me. I never thought men can talk about love that serious.

I always talk about love with my female friends, using the reason that “Men don’t understand our feelings!”

And guess what? Men think the same too!! That is why I was being ditched out during those 3 nights for sharing the drinks and the love talks. He and Bandi talked alllll night WITHOUT ME! They wasted time and money to buy cans of beers just to talk and talk and talk. (This is one side of Bandi and guys in general I never knew about)

When I asked them about the details, they didn’t want to tell me. I only know they were talking about love and how it hurt.

Really??? Guys could feel hurt?! YES!

(Seriously there was the time when I thought men couldn’t feel pain. There was the time when I was so cynical about love too.)

So, let me tell you something, ladies… (I am not a man, but I hope I could talk on behalf of them)

When a man loves a woman, he is really capable to actually love! (I know we women tend to think they are not capable, but they are!)

When a man loves a woman, the only mission he’s doing everyday is just to make you happy. Seriously, I was laughing on it for 10 seconds hearing this from them but then they looked damn serious. While we, women, always demand the guys to be more romantic, to be more initiative, more blah blah blah, what they wanted all along is… to make us happy.

When a man loves a woman, he thinks about the woman more than we thought he would. He’s probably not as expressive as we are, writing on facebook or post his photos in instagram, but he really does think about his girl, almost all the time.

When a man loves a woman, he puts her in his future dream. This one is for sure.

So when a man has been having this girl in his future dream for 9 freaking years, he’s crushed when she’s suddenly not in his life anymore!

So yeah, men is more difficult to move on than us, women. My friend broke up with his 9 years girlfriend last year. She’s now in a relationship with someone else while my friend is still stuck trying to drink the pain away.

Ladies, don’t hurt men. Don’t think that their hearts are hard as rock. They are as humane as we are. If you don’t intend to marry him, don’t tell him that you love him that much. It works both way right?

If you demand gender equality, to be equally placed with men in work and politic, we should start to see men equally vulnerable with us too.

There are a lot of stories about men hurting women, but not much for the opposite because of the strong exterior of men. They tend to look not to care but they do.

It’s true that we can’t easily trust men based on the growing number of jerks, but don’t let the paranoia slips the right one away.

And YOU! Yes YOU! You got the right one slipped away. How could you just move on from a guy who has been in your life for freaking 9 years???!!!!

(Arrgh, now it sounds just like an angry post. T.T)

I just hope this world is filled with people who’s perfectly happy with the one they’re with. If Kim Jong Un has found the one he’s in love with, maybe none of the silliness happened.

Ah, who am I to know, right? I’m in love but once in a while I still want to send nuclear to some people. Yeah, we’re human afterall. Heartbreaks are inevitable.

Have a good long weekend!

(I know I will since I am picking up Strawberry at the airport! Yippee!)

Cheers,

May, still a feminist.

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Dear you, who has broken someone’s heart.

Dear you,

You have no idea who I am or why I am writing this to you. I am not angry or in any negative attitude towards you. This is just a letter written to you, to let you know how hard it is to breaking up with you and losing you in a actual meaning of losing.

You are my best friend’s ex girlfriend, yet you don’t know me. You guys have so much history. Well, nine years say it all. My best friend, this guy, he likes you so much. Nope, he loves you. He was about to buy you a ring and propose to you. He’s in love with you. You crushed his world like no one would ever EVER understand. His world stops, you know.

I am a woman, I try my best to understand you. I would do exactly the same thing like you did because I am a woman. I will put my happiness, my life as my priority and I think you are smart. Well you are a doctor, you should be smart, otherwise we’re doomed. I respect your decision not to look back to nine years of history and stepping forward, creating a completely new page of your life. That is one hell of brave decision, I admire you for that. I believe you have tried your best to save the relationship and it’s his lost not to ever realize it before it’s too late.

However, I cried knowing that you asked him to let you go… in order for you to be happy. Because… I thought so too about myself. The difference is just that you really did that.

You did that… to my best friend.

He was about to propose to you. He fucking loves you very much you have no idea, woman!

I never see him like this. I didn’t know that a guy could be crushed like this. I thought only us, women, would cry or swear or drink and do stupid things when we break up with someone. I broke up once with someone I really really love and it was horrible I thought I would really die because of it. Every morning I woke up, the tears streamed down on my face and the world just stopped turning and the sun wasn’t there anymore. life was just so miserable I thought colors were really fading away from this world.

I know how it feels. And if you think you want to get through all that to have your new page of your life, I will totally understand. No, I don’t understand. He loves you so much, you should know that. What he really needs is just one last chance.

Doesn’t people get chance? This is a person who loves you more than any man could ever love you. Oh honey, you will never ever find another man who could love you like him. Are you sure you’re being sane here, letting him go, are you sure?? Are you really really sure?

I mean, do you stop loving him? Because that’s the only acceptable reason to let go off someone, am I right? Do you really know what you will be missing in your life? Are you really sure you wanna do this?

I just want you to know, if you ever read this letter, that he loves you so much and he really REALLY hope you could give him just one last chance to prove to you that everything will be fine again. I am not on his side and I am not blaming you for anything. I just know one thing for sure that he REALLY loves you. I know that. And I hope you could consider that. Because in this messed up world, you don’t find so many guys who are sincerely love someone like he does to you. I know it’s not a good reason to be with someone, but I know you love him too.

 

Regards,

May.

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Another Long Distance’s Damage

Yesterday when I read my Whastapp message, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“It’s done, May.”

So, my bestfriend since primary school who has been in a relationship with this girl for 9 years gave me the flash news. They broke up, after a fucking 9 years relationship!!

They were high school sweethearts, survived through college challenge, managed through different working lives, but broke up because of… *drumroll please* Long Distance RelationSHIT!

He didn’t really mention that it’s because of the distance, but from his story, distance really did quite of damage on their relationship. Lack of communication, gilrfriend’s grumpy all the time (I told him I was too when I was in LDR, so this is normal) and finally they just grew up apart. (This part, I sincerely understand.)

People changed, people grew apart. They had the same reason with Bandi and I on this post.

After hours of trying to convince him to fight back for the broken relationship, I finally gave up and tried to be a supportive friend. Try to accept the fact that people do make up and break up. It’s part of the universe’s drama.

I was sad yesterday. The news affected my mood. It’s like having my parents divorced (even my parents didn’t love each other, at least my friends did.)

Later that night, I had a chat with my housemate and she told another story about her friends who has been together since high school, and only survived marriage not even one year.

So it’s true what people said that Long Term Relationship doesn’t guarantee the depth of the relationship. Well I still think however longer relationship gives you more time to know each other because all of the short term relationship that led to marriage always fell apart (in my point of view), but again, no guarantee of whatsoever.

Now I can’t imagine how do you move on from someone who had been spending days with you for the last nine years? Is that even possible?

Anyone has this experience?

In grieve,

May.

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There’s nothing wrong with falling torn apart.

It’s been four months since I last blogged something. And now I’m back with a flash news. I quit the Long Distance Relationship.

I can’t say much about it. I was thinking about what I would say in my blog when this relationship ended, but here I am, forgetting every little word I prepared.

This is NOT a broken hearted post.

There’s nothing wrong with being in love head over heels and then you’re falling torn apart. That’s what makes you human.

I just want to highlight two things:

One, it is not because of the distance. Because if it was, we would’ve broken up two years ago.

Two, he will always be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Nothing will ever change that.

We stop hanging on not because we’re afraid, not because we’re tired, nor we stop falling in love. We stop because we simply want different things in life. People change, so do we. We don’t perceive things like we did four years ago, or even one week ago. We change our dreams, we want different things, and we grow apart.

This is not easy. For sure.

But it’s been a while, and I’m still breathing, the sky is blue, he is still as awesome as he was, (:p) and the sky is still blue. So, there’s nothing Armageddon about it.

Sometimes, the right thing and the hard thing are the same thing. -Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

If someday, one year later, or even ten years later, we meet again, and we still have that tiny little faith in our heart, then it would be a different story.

 

But now, here we are, saying goodbye, walking to two opposite paths. This is the end of our story, right now, in this present time. And I couldn’t ask for a better romance to tell to my grandchildren. I’m so glad I was doing all this romance with him. I’m so blessed that I could feel that amazing feeling with him.

 

So, you… This is your goodbye blog.

Be strong always. You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met in my life.

 

May