#30daysblogging Epiphany

Day 19

Post is an idea from Erry.

From someone as ngocol as Erry, it was kinda surprising when she gave me a serious topic to post about. She told me that she had a turning point in her life when her Mom passed away and not long after that she conceived Fathir. I don’t know if her turning point changed her life so much, and I don’t know if it was also called Epiphany, but I guess I will talk about my Epiphany now.

I don’t know what is turning point… so maybe I haven’t had any. I know something about Epiphany. Based on dictionary, Epiphany means a moment of sudden and great revelation or realization. So it’s like an eye opener, a moment that makes you realize something that has been clouded all of this time.

This happens last year on February. Bandi missed a flight back home to Singapore, so I had to flight home alone. I’ve already written the story here, so I will not repeat again, but I will tell you why this Epiphany changed my life.

Before that day, I was this girl who never wanted marriage. I did turn down Bandi’s first proposal attempt to marry me and I was so close to let him go (not because I didn’t love him, but because I wanted to set him free.)

I tried so hard to open my heart and love fearlessly, but somehow I just couldn’t. Bandi was frustrated with me. He felt that he already tried everything to assure me that his love is true and that we were made for each other but somehow… somehow… I just couldn’t open my heart. I could say that… I loved Bandi with insurance. I did love him, I wanted a privilege to be his girlfriend, but I still wanted a ticket to go out from the relationship whenever I wanted. I needed an insurance. So whenever I felt like leaving him, I could.

(I know I know, what a bitch, right?)

You guys would probably think I’m a bad person. I could accept that. I was.

But that night, I changed.

I had the epiphany. I was so close to let him go and with all the missing-the-flight things and all the signs from the universe (FYI I believe in signs) I really really thought that I had to let him go.

And then there he was… knocking the door at midnight. He came home. And he brought back all of his legal documents that I’d left at the airport and he also brought my luggage that was left at Soe-tha airport. He was like trying to assure me that he was a superhero. Everything he did was like saying there you go, universe. I made it. Nothing can make me stop coming home to her. Nothing.

It seems silly, I know. But it’s something that’s hard to explain. It’s something that’s really really personal actually and here I am sharing with you.

That moment might not instantly make me want to marry Bandi, but it was the moment I started to think about what I really want in my life.

And him was the only one appeared everything I thought about it. It was kinda scary because I have never put anyone in my life as my priority before and suddenly I realized I have invested so much feeling on somebody it was overwhelming and scary and new for me. And deciding to carry on was the best decision I’ve ever made in my entire life.

Dreams changed and he was my new dream. And I didn’t mind.

Cheers,

May, feeling content.

If I never met Bandi

Sometimes I play what-ifs with Bandi and he (unwillingly) played along. The what-ifs were various from “what if you could only live by eating only tuna forever?” (Bandi hates tuna smell) or “what if I had a growing penis, would you still marry me?” to the serious what-ifs like “what if I couldn’t have children?” Or “what if I had cancer?”

But the most occurrence what-if question was “what if we never met?” How would our lives be?

You guys must know that I’m head over heels in love with Bandi. I mean, I don’t only love him, I LOVE HIM, with capitals.

So how would our lives be without each other?

Sadly to say, the answers weren’t so romantic… If we never met, I would probably met somebody else and that guy probably would fall in love with me so hard because well, I’m adorable, and then if I loved him so much too then we’d be in relationship. But most importantly, if I never met him, I’d probably be a serial dater, and of course I would work for UN, probably lived somewhere like Congo or India, to lead a Unicef team to build school, empowering unskilled women and stuffs like that. I would move around every two years to different parts of the world. I think it was the single life I’ve always wanted.

What about Bandi? Well he said he would not go to US because he wasn’t so motivated to “see the world” before he met me. He would probably finish his degree and went back to his hometown, found a girl and married one.

But then…. I realized something just now.

Our answers were not true at all!!!

Come on!!! It is so impossible that Bandi was created to be someone else’s husband. I mean, I bet all the money in the world that he was created custom-made for me!

So I was thinking… If we never met back then in college, then we would definitely meet sometime later in our lives. Let me make up some scenarios…

1. What if my father didn’t come back from Australia and I was born there and lived there for the rest of my life?

Well in this case, I think Bandi would probably still go to US for his college because he got the scholarship, and then he continued to work there and in some point his company allocated him to Australia, and then we finally met maybe somewhere in Sydney. I was walking my dog and my dog walked towards him and I dressed my dog in Italian Jersey and we started conversation with “you like football, huh?” and we fell in love.

2. What if Bandi was accepted at NTU and went to Singapore for collage?

I would still be living my life almost the same. I probably didn’t go for UN because I needed to support my family financially so I preferred to work in Singapore. Bandi had finished his college and continued working in Singapore too and at some point we met, probably in an Indonesians outing in East Coast park. We rode bikes and then I saw Bandi’s Juventus key chain and I mocked him and then we had a conversation about football and we fell in love.

3. What if I never got the scholarship in college and I had to drop-out from it before I met Bandi?

I would probably be working my ass off in my twenties and would live in Jakarta all my life, while Bandi continued his college in Bandung and went back to his hometown to continue his family’s business. My high school friend, Septian married Bandi’s high school friend, Erlina and we were both invited to their wedding. We met on that wedding and we started the conversation with “you like football, huh?” and we fell in love.
(P.s. Septian and Erlina are true characters and they did have their wedding last month. True story.)

4. What if Bandi dropped out from junior high school and became a punk and he lived in Palembang of all his life?

I would still be living my life almost the same but then in 2009, when I was working in Femina I was sent to Palembang to cover the Indonesian beauty pageant and when I visited one of the good pempek (fish cake) stall I met Bandi. Bandi was riding his motorbike and I saw his Juventus painted helmet and I commented about it, “you like football, huh?” and then we had the conversation about football and we fell in love.

5. What if Bandi never came back from US and never asked me back?

This would be the saddest of all because I would think he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I would probably face a very difficult time to move on but then I would eventually make it. Three years later I received a scholarship from an American Fine Arts college and I moved there. And I wrote in my facebook status, “Living my dream”, checked in Atlanta, USA. Bandi read it and took his car keys, drove all night from Austin to Atlanta and the next morning when I opened my door, there he was, standing still and looking straight at me, saying “hey you.” And then we fell in love all over again.

Not only this post has proven that I’m a drama queen and a good story maker, it’s also trying to say that love will always find the way.

I believe that it is impossible for Bandi and I not to meet. I may believe in fate, I may not. I don’t know. But I know somehow Bandi and I were meant for each other. If we didn’t meet nine yeas ago, then it would be another time. But I’m sure that we eventually would. We would always find each other.

It’s true that I am a romantic and I’m not scared to show off my love to Bandi. I think it is a good thing because before I met him, I was a skeptic. I’ve always been a romantic, but I had a trust issue back then. I loved the feeling of falling in love but didn’t really trust anybody to fully read my soul. That was probably why I didn’t believe in marriage too. However, I’m so glad I opened myself to Bandi and I know this sounds so Disney-like movie but it’s true that…

Love is the most powerful thing on earth.

I’m gonna share a personal story which really moved me. I had a bad relationship with my brother. He abused me physically and mentally when we were kids. I never loved him and I blamed him for all the bad things happened to me up until my teenage years. He apologized and then did bad things to me and my family again and then apologized and then screwed up and apologize and then screwed up and repeat a thousand times.

Four years ago I’ve had enough and I confronted him. I asked him to never disturb me and my mom again. We fought and he kicked my stomach and he threatened to kill me. Three months later I moved out from Jakarta to Singapore. I’ve never talked to him again for so long.

Last week, he sent me a facebook message. He apologized for everything he’s done to me in the past. I had just finished my make up and I cried (Shit I have to re-do my mascara.) He always apologized before, but somehow this time he seemed sincere. He apologized without asking money, or things (in the past he apologized when he was out of cash.)
A week after that my sister texted me that my brother is undergoing a medication for a serious illness. I was sad. I never thought I would ever care about anything happened to him.

I never talk about my brother. Most of the stories were sad but I guess it’s never too late to love someone. For all my life, I’ve never loved him. Last week was the first time I heard “I love you my sister” from him. It tore down the wall I had built between us instantly. I had forgiven him and decided to learn how to love a brother, the thing I never thought I would ever do. And most importantly, I let myself to trust him.

I was so hurt I never thought I could ever trust anyone, especially guys. Meeting Bandi was the best thing that happened to me. Not only he loves me unconditionally, he taught me how to love back, how to let other people to love you the way you are, be honest with your feeling and not to be scared. Loving is trusting. You open your heart to a risk of hurt or betrayal. But to love is a wonderful feeling. It is so powerful it can change your life.

I watched Frozen the other week and I was sobbing like crazy because the movie was so damn good and it taught us that love indeed is a powerful thing. You just have to use it right.

Back to my what-if question, “What if I never met Bandi?”

I would never be born in a world where I would never meet Bandi because his purpose of life is to give my life meaning, and my purpose of life is to give him dreams. Universe meant it to happen.

Oh and I’m sooooo glad I did meet him. :)

“So you like football, huh?” and I played his keychain.

“Yes. Juventus!”

“Ew, bad choice.”

“You?”

“Parma!”

“HUAHAHAHAHA” he mockingly laughed.

I was angry and I accidentally broke his keychain. From that moment on, I was “the Parma girl who broke my keychain” for him and he was “that annoying juventus guy who had a cute keychain” for me.

The rest was history.

Cheers,

May, loving bravely.

Effortlessly Beautiful

Disclaimer:

This is a repost I made back then on June 2012. I feel like bringing this post back to the current timeline because I had done something terrible that I’m not proud of. I just want to remind everyone (and myself) that we don’t need to feel insecure (even though you’re on PMS) of what other people said. This post brings smile on my face, I hope it does the same to you. =)

Growing up, I’ve never been the pretty one. I grew up okay, with crooked teeth and pimples on my face. My skin has always been tanned because I was always out, playing basketball or chasing kites. I was so freakin happy, I didn’t realize I was physically unattractive. My mom never taught me how to take care of my skin or how to do hair and stuff and my sister went off for college. I was growing up with so many guy friends and not so girly girl friends. I never had boyfriends until high school.

I fixed my teeth with braces and tried to comb my hair everyday (Yes I was so carefree I didn’t even comb my hair sometimes) when I reached puberty and I was hopelessly having major crush with a guy in high school. Anyway I never feel beautiful. I only know and feel that I am a very cool girl that guys like to hang out with, talk about football with and of course they would chase my friends instead of me.

Comes to think of it, I’m so thankful with the way I grew up. I never overrate beauty. I always believe it’s what’s inside that matter, that physical appearance can  deceive you. Unfortunately I was taking it too seriously by never taking care of my body, which is wrong. It is true that physical appearance can’t tell who you really are, but it is good to look presentable. But beauty is another thing, it is what’s inside. It is the way you laugh and the way you appreciate what really matters in life. And if no guys could see it, then he’s probably not the one.
I appeared to be a little cynical about love back then. (Come on I was teenage and having fun with my girlfriends was all I wanted.) So having a boyfriend never came across my mind. Seeing so many heartbroken stories and facts that guys were assholes and jerks, I thought I would never meet my prince charming. Until I was 20, there were still no prince charming coming with white horse, but deep down inside I still believed in love like fairy tale. Everynight I was daydreaming and creating love story plot. It changes everyday, but the prince would always the same. The guy who will see me the way I am.
Meeting Bandi was a lifechanging moment of my life. I finally understand the feeling of being beautiful without even trying.

It’s true that make up could make you look pretty, but does it make you feel pretty? I admit I wear make up since I was in college, once in a while. Whenever me and my girls went clubbing or attended a party or special events. Make up does make you look presentable, and yeah realllllly make you look good in the photos. But wearing make up every single day of your life is sad. That way, make up is not something fancy to boost up your presentation points, that way, make up is a mask that you wear everyday because you don’t love the way you look originally. When you’re wearing make up to gym, you know you have a problem.

I can’t judge that everyone who wears make up have a low self esteem. I know for some people doing make up is hobby, while some others do have a problem with self esteem.
So since we talk about beauty  I believe we must have stumbled on make up pep talk. Ok, so beauty is overrated. Why do girls want to look pretty? They are either want boys to notice them, or they want to take photos and post it on facebook.
Let me tell you the moment when I feel pretty the most. It was drizzling and i haven’t showered since morning. I was so tired of working my temp job attending ticket counter. At first I didnt know anyone staring at me from afar. But then I realize Bandi has been standing there (I dont know how long) waiting for my shift to end. He smiled at me when I looked at him. He has this look on his eyes that I can’t describe with words. I felt so beautiful by the way he looked at me. He stared at me like he never see a beautiful girl before. This may sound very stupid, but in my life til date, I never feel prettier than that moment. I wanted to describe more about the moment, but I stopped on my keyboard just now, didn’t know what to type. The bottom line is, I felt so beautiful just by the way he looked at me. It’s something magical and unexplainable. (I know unexplainable is not even a word. So, see? no words can describe I have to make up a word!)
And anyway, since that day, I always be effortlessly beautiful.
After that moment, I never have issue with my self esteem, with my pimples or my crooked teeth. When people comments about them, I just said, it’s how I look, like it or not.
When shallow people I met preach me to buy expensive skin care, or push me to lose weight or ask me to stop playing under the sun because I’m so tanned, I never listen to them. I only smile and nod and sometime say “you think so?” so they won’t feel rejected.
But the truth is, there is only one person out there whose thought of my beauty I really mind. And I know in his eyes, I will always be beautiful no matter what. So why bother of what other people say?

Beauty is overrated. Magazines and E! make people think that being beautiful is about fair skin, perfect hair, flawless make up and skinny body. Well people have to start differentiate between beautiful and presentable. If you’re an actress, of course you have to look presentable so people will enjoy seeing you and adore your beauty. But do we expect normal people to be that expensive-pretty too? No way we cannot afford that silliness, financially and mentally. We’re normal people! We just need to find someone who sees us the way we are. And then, we will always be effortlessly beautiful.

Remember what Dr.Seuss said, …for those who mind dont matter and who matter dont mind. :)

Someday all the pretty girls will be old and wrinkly and all the botox in this world can’t save their perfect faces. But you could always have that guy who always sees you with that sparkling eyes, timelessly.

He will see you, in your late seventies, just as beautiful as when you were twenty. No matter what, you will always be effortlessly beautiful in his eyes.
Once you’ve found that guy, don’t ever let go. He’s the one.
I have always been a believer. Love is what changes my life from a sucky cynical crap to what I am now (still the same crap. LOL)
Written with smile,
May.16th June 2012

Seventh

Yes, today Bandi and I are celebrating our seventh anniversary. Seven freaking amazing years. Each year I get fall deeper in love with him and looking forward for many years to come.

I decided to pick my seven favorite photos of us and show it off here. Trust me, it’s very VERY hard to just pick seven from thousand of photos of us. (Yeah, I’m horribly narcissistic and he followed somehow)

So here goes my magnificent seven, in random order.

1. Good time, bad time.

Photo was taken on Christmas 2007. I got the idea from some clip in youtube. Love how this photo turns out. =)

Photo was taken on Christmas 2007. I got the idea from some clip in youtube. Love how this photo turns out. =)

2. Something happened on the way to heaven.

Photo was taken by a dear friend around August 2007. We both didn't know that we were being photographs. We were going up to the campus. Bandi was dressed up because he was going to meet his lecturer about his thesis. I was going to go for a class of course. Really love these photos.

Photo was taken by a dear friend who had just borrowed an SLR, around August 2007. We both didn’t know that we were being photographs. We were going up to the campus. Bandi was dressed up because he was going to meet his lecturer about his thesis. I was going to go for a class of course. Really love these photos.

3. Hang on to you.

Photo was taken on June 2010 at Seminyak, Bali. I was supposed to sit on Bandi's shoudler but I was scared so I was struggling to go down but Bandi didn't let me. My friend who held the camera decided to freeze this moment. =)

Photo was taken on June 2010 at Seminyak, Bali. I was supposed to sit on Bandi’s shoudler but I was scared so I was struggling to go down but Bandi didn’t let me. My friend who held the camera decided to freeze this moment. =)

4. The Jump.

Taken on the same day with the previous photo. Bandi and I bungee jumped in double six, Bali. It was a scary yet exciting moment, but definitely a moment to remember. =)

Taken on the same day with the previous photo. Bandi and I bungee jumped in double six, Bali. It was a scary yet exciting moment, but definitely a moment to remember. =)

5. The beach, the skies and the kiss.

Another beach photo, which turned out to be dramatic. Taken on November 2012 at Boracay Island, Philippines. Even though the photo is heavily edited nothing is photoshopped. We used self-timer and didn't expect that it would be this good. =)

Another beach photo, which turned out to be dramatic. Taken on November 2012 at Boracay Island, Philippines. Even though the photo is heavily edited nothing is photoshopped. We used self-timer and didn’t expect that it would be this good. =)

6. The New Year Kiss.

Bandi and I have our tradition to always kiss on the new year's time. So when the countdown ended, he reached out to me and gave me a new year kiss for 2013. We didn't know that a friend captured this sweet moment. =)

Bandi and I have our tradition to always kiss on the new year’s time. So when the countdown ended, he reached out to me and gave me a new year kiss for 2013. We didn’t know that a friend captured this sweet moment. I love how dramatic it looks because there were no faces in this photo but I could feel the love in the air. =)

7. And I got yours.

Photo was taken just last month at Henderson's bridge, Singapore. It was a sunny day and a fun day. I love how Bandi and I accidentally wore contrast-colored outfits. =)

Photo was taken just last month at Henderson’s bridge, Singapore. It was a sunny day and a fun day. I love how Bandi and I accidentally wore contrast-colored outfits. =)

So, those are my favorite photos during our seven amazing years together. Oh how I wish I could put our 100 favorite photos because that would be easier for me to filter them out. LOL.

Since the this year’s anniversary falls on Friday, we’re gonna theme it anniversary weekend! We still don’t know what we’d do. Maybe we’ll go on a dinner date and buy 7 different cakes and 7 lottery tickets or we’d watch 7 different movies all day and probably eat 7 different type of foods. LOL.

Seven is his favorite number, that’s why We’re gonna make this special. =)

So, which one is your favorite photo? ;)

Cheers,

May, never thought to be in love this long… with the same guy.

My favorite photobox with him. =)

My favorite photobox with him. =)

UPDATE: all my plans are ruined because Bandi turned out to make plans better!!! Hahaha! He surprised me at four in the morning to pack some clothes and bring me to Changi airport!!! Hahahaha! I always wanted an impromptu trip from a guy I love and today it happened. He prepared 7 great things for us but for this, I’ll just say I’m very happy. Truly happy. Let me just keep all the details private for myself. :)
Oh god I really love him. :)
Bandung, 7th June 2013, May.

Blabbering about wedding, Disney’s princes, Euro Cup final, and a chance of getting knocked up.

This is a blabbering post. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn ya!

So yesterday I tweeted that it’s been 6 years and 6 months together with Bandi. Apparently some people found it weird that I don’t do anything about it. They expected me to plan my wedding by this time of relationship and again, “in this crucial age” of a woman, of all the “We, women must have kids before 30 blah blah blah”.

Apparently readiness of having a kid is not the first priority. They were so scared that having a kid after 30 years old will turn the kid to be autistic. Well people, I tell you something. I also don’t want to have an autistic kid. I wish my kid to be healthy mentally and physically. Universe is so kind to me, I believe I will have the best kid possible. But people, do you prefer to become a parent when you are not ready to pass down value, when you don’t even know what’s your purpose of life, when you’re still as selfish as Kim Kardashian? NO! Your kid will turn out to have mental problem, a lot of psychological disorders and maybe, *knock on wood* will be a teenage slut because apparently she doesn’t get attention from her parent. WHAT JUDGES THAT IS BETTER THAN AUTISTIC?

When I was a teacher, I taught autistic kids. They are difficult. I know. But they will be easier when the parents are willing to communicate and cooperate with us, the teachers, than those normal kids who like to talk bad words and push other kids to bleeding (who are ALWAYS the ones having dysfunctional parents).

I’m not a parent, who am I talking about dysfunctional parents? I don’t know how hard it is to be parents. BUT I WOULD LOVE TO BECOME A PARENT SOMEDAY. A GOOD ONE.

Not when my age hitting 29, but when I am ready. If I turned out to be ready before 30, then it is a bonus. If I got knocked up before 30, then it’s a luck for Bandi. (LOL. Ignore the last sentence)

Ok, let’s go back to the main idea of this post (the ones typed in black font).

Then people frowned upon my travel guts. That I’m willing to save money to travel but I’m no at all closer to wedding. I know what makes me happy, and if it’s not a wedding and a house, does that make me a social criminal?

(AGAIN, I would love to get married (chillax Bandi!)) I am not resenting wedding. NO, that’s not true. I love weddings. It’s just that it’s not my priority now. It’s like I want Macbook and travel to India. Then I prioritize India first before buying a Macbook. So, after I travel to India, then I will think to buy the Macbook again. But right now, I don’t want to buy the Macbook because my mind is filled with India. GOT IT?

Then again, what’s with the “Oh Poor Bandi, he had been waiting for May to be ready for too long…” WTF, people? Bandi is not waiting for me to get married. Remember the Italy vs Spain EURO CUP FINAL?

The Italy vs Spain EURO CUP FINAL side story

Bandi and I are tifosi numero uno of Italy National Team. We have different team on the Serie-A though. He’s worshiping Juventus while I’m forever with Parma. But when it comes to national team, we pour our heart out for Azzurri. In 2006, when we first got together, Italy won the World Cup. We were so happy we thought we are meant to be together forever, but everything went down hill ever since. Italy performed worse and worse. EURO CUP 2012 is a shock, including Balotelli’s performance. AND THEY WENT TO SEMI FINAL!!! We were so surprised, in a good way though. We never expected them to go this far.

Then Bandi said, “If they won the Euro Cup, We’ll get married the next weekend.” And I said yes.

Italy went to FINAL FOR GOD’S SAKE! They freaking defeated Germany!! Then I prepared myself to write a simple guest list, and to buy a cheap simple white dress. I was thinking to buy 7 stalks of Lilies for my hand bouquet and picked the church across our flat for the simple ceremony. I told Bandi that any rings will do.

It’s good to know that getting married in Singapore is damn easy! Government dying to have the citizens to be married and producing babies, thus getting married here is a piece of cake. I just need to bring 2 witnesses and then sign the paper.

But then, I’m ringless now. All because of that too-good-Spain national team!!!

My point is… I’m a girl who lives with impulse dramatic moments. I know I will marry Bandi eventually. (Come on, what’s about him not adorable?) but I just have to wait for the moment to happen. That moment of “This is it. Let’s do it.” People may not understand what I mean because wedding should be planned right?

But I know what I want. Again, I’m a person who really knows what I want. And for now, I don’t want wedding. I want to travel the world. And that’s not a sin. That doesn’t make people right to perceive me as immature and irresponsible. I’m just getting what I want, like all of those women looking for any guys to grab as long as they can get married.

Oh yeah about that, what’s wrong with that women? It’s really pissing me off!!!

Nowadays, with the ticking clock, women would grab any men they saw and got married. Just because they needed to be impregnated. THAT IS SO STUPID OH MY GOD I WANNA SHOT MYSELF.

Try falling in love, ladies. It’s worth the wait.

4151332269_554c6d57fb be patient good things come to those who wait by Mykl Roventine at flickr

Let me tell you about my Shoe Philosophy.

A woman going shopping, she finds a nice wedges shoe. She tries it on. Oh, too big, there are no other numbers left. She puts it back and walks to another store. Wow, a very striking red stiletto.  She tries it on and it’s too small. She thinks, “I can live with it. I probably won’t find any shoe better than this.” So she buys it! And she lives with that painful foot all of her life.

If only she could be patience and walked to another store, she probably would find a fit winter boots that would be very comfortable for her.

Of course you can’t compare men and shoes. You can always throw away the stiletto and buy a new one. But this is just a way to perceive relationship. Usually the shoes that are being forced into your feet will hurt you, even though it looks good on the outside, you’re dying on the inside.

Don’t just grab the stilettos nearest to you, walk around and find the perfect one. It’s worth the wait and worth the effort. I believe that there is one perfect person custom made by god for anyone. I never doubt this, because I have found mine. And it feels soooo good in every way. And if only everyone wanted to wait to find the perfect ones, there will be no war.

I hate when women give excuses like, “All men are jerks”, “I’m on my thirties, it’s easy for you to say that coz you’re young!” or “I have already waited for too long.”

BULLSHIT. You’re just too lazy or too scared or too self-centered or too pessimistic. (Oh I have pessimistic people, they are the worst!)

Women can not always blame men when the relationship ends. Even if your men cheat on you, you must have blamed your judgement by choosing him at the first place.

Don’t swear on me for having a lucky life. I PERCEIVED MY LIFE AS LUCKY, THUS I BECOME LUCKY.

I was growing up in a very suicidal family, I wished everyday for my parents to be divorced, but they had worse, they must live with each other and tried not to kill each other everyday. I was always depressed about it back then, but now I laugh on it, sometimes I joked about it with my sister.

I blamed my parents for my skeptical perception of love and marriages, for my mental disorders and my suicidal attempts. I blamed my brother for taking all the attentions from me, for going to jail so I had to work my ass off for money so he won’t be killed by the other prisoners, for all the hatred I had created for myself, for my parents and for society. I cursed my friend for having a good parent, for having a caring brother and flawless skin. I was one hell of angry person. (I am still anyway. (LOL)) I closed my heart so tightly I was afraid a simple shake would kill me.

But then I met Bandi, and everytime I rest my head wrapped around Bandi’s arms, all the hatreds magically dissolve to be love, the world stops turning and it’s only me and him. It’s a very wonderful feeling and it’s true that they said Love Conquers All. It really does. It conquers all the differences, the fights about who should compromise to whom, the debate of whether Jesus Christ is just a really cool guy but not a messiah, a screaming over a smelly sock, a headache of managing our money, the lost house keys, or should we watch Juventus or Parma’s game or which cities should we visit first.

What I was trying to say is… Falling in love like in the Disney’s movie is real. The prince might not be riding the white horse, but he could still treat you just the same like the real prince.

And that being married doesn’t necessarily equal to being happy. This is the correct equation:

Equotation

So if that guy makes you happy, then get married, make babies, repopulate the earth, I will be so excited to attend your wedding. But if he still treats you like shit and you’re still marrying him, then shame on you, woman! Shame on you!

I guess this is the end of my blabbering today.

Be happy people! Life is too short to be grumpy!

Cheers,

May.

We should’ve never questioned True Love

I just watched this movie, “Letters to Juliet” and it was fascinating! The plot was actually very common for a Hollywood love story. I mean, I watched tons of these kinds.

But somehow this movie stole something from me. Maybe it was the setting (the world’s capital love story: VERONA), maybe it was the soundtracks (couple of Colbie Caillat’s, Italian Orchestra and Taylor Swift’s Love Story) or maybe it’s simply because believing True Love isn’t that naïve anymore.

The opening of the movie itself amazed myself that I needed to hit ‘pause’ button and wrote it on my twitter. :p

Well, I’m not writing a review for this movie. I just felt the urge to write right after I watched the movie, coz Sophie (the leading lady) wrote a story from a scratch on her little notebook (not the electronic notebook!) and I felt I was a bitch when I said I didn’t write much just because I haven’t got my new notebook (the electronic one!) From now on, I’ll start a book from a scratch, on an actual notebook. ;) Yes, I’ll sell my PC at this end of the month coz I’m moving abroad. I’m not gonna tell you where to yet, but I was pretty stressed about the whole moving thing. Working permit, will my saving be enough, where to stay and everything. I kinda lost my faith a little bit… well I’m not gonna bore you with this irritating problem, coz it’s not the point anyway.

The thing about Sophie I love the most is she believes true love from the beginning to end, without even questioning a little bit.

Naïve? Not Really.

Why? Because when you really believe in something, it will eventually become real.

I grew up believing true love from Hollywood movies, a stack of Danielle Steel’s novels, along with MTV’s top forty love songs. If I think about it now, I would totally think the teenager me is going to die alone. LOL.

But somehow, however impossible it may seem, when you believe it so hard, it will be real eventually. I believed it hardcore. I should’ve never questioned it.

I never witness true love myself, yet I still believe it. My parents are… well, they are great, but they don’t fit each other. It’s a miracle to see them not fighting and blame each other for a day. I get used to it now, I think it’s kinda pathetic but I concentrate more to the fact I didn’t turn out to be one of those cold woman who doesn’t believe in love. I just don’t believe in marriage. I have my reasons, but somehow now I’m open with that option. :)

As Sophie said in the movie, ’What’ and ‘If’ are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? I don’t know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it’s never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn’t it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart.

Always have

Name all the bravest things you’ve done! Bungee jumping, traveling alone to the stranded country where you don’t understand the language, riding the fastest roller coaster, or whatever. But the bravest thing I’ve ever done is following my heart and believed in it. You’ll be surprised how great the courage you’d take when you love someone so deeply.

I’m a hardcore dreamer. And I’ll always be. But you should know that dreams are evolving too. They are compromising you each day.

My dream proposal is: Paris + diamond ring + romantic walk along the Seine river. My dream honeymoon is: Santorini, Santorini and Santorini.

But somehow, I know that it’s not the what, where and how that matters. As long as it’s with the WHO I love, then I’m living my dream.

So?Always will

Let’s BELIEVE! It’s happening!

May

100 Reasons to keep loving you

So we’re in a long distance relationship, so the romance gets out of sight, so it’s boring just with the messenger and skype, so what?

Today is a very special day and I’ll tell you why keep loving you is very easy…

  1. You let me switch the porridges, when I bought the bad one and you bought the yummy one.
  2. You let me name your motorcycle.
  3. You always give me the last bite.
  4. You got me a glass of water when I coughed.
  5. And you took a tissue when I sneezed.
  6. You were there when I was sick; never let me out of your sight, even though my mom was also there.
  7. You bought me my favorite book.
  8. You bought me a dog; even though you didn’t like dogs.
  9. And you took care of my dog, and you call her our dog.
  10. You let me trim your eyebrows.
  11. You remembered the shirt I wore on our first date; it doesn’t fit me anymore though.
  12. You always bring me strawberry milks.
  13. You are never not saying “I love you” in one day.
  14. You came to my place at dawn when I said I miss you.
  15. You wrote me a letter, a nice one.
  16. You always washed your feet before came to my room.
  17. You accept the fact that I have OCD.
  18. You printed my thesis first, before yours.
  19. You always picked me up at work.
  20. You brushed your bathroom tiles when you knew I was coming.
  21. You gave me a nickname, a sweet one.
  22. You printed me a personal T-Shirt.
  23. You always say good night before I sleep
  24. .And you say good morning when I wake up.
  25. You always kiss me when we meet.
  26. You never forget to hold my hand while we walk.
  27. You sent me magazines when I said I was bored.
  28. You let me switch the TV.
  29. You let me pick the movie.
  30. You kept all the things I gave you, even it’s only a post-it.
  31. You read a Mars and Venus book I gave you, and remembered it for almost 2 weeks.
  32. You made everything hard to be easier.
  33. You are a fun person to be with.
  34. You are a good kisser.
  35. Your bum is so sexy.
  36. You’re so hot when you’re sweaty.
  37. You’re smart. You really are.
  38. You really nail the map.
  39. You don’t like other girls but me.
  40. You eat a lot.
  41. You’re counting stuffs without calculator.
  42. You have an irritating voice, and we matched in the karaoke room.
  43. You taught me to play pool.
  44. And you taught me to swim in the pool. So it’s two pools then.
  45. You have very nice teeth.
  46. You always laugh at my jokes.
  47. You always say I’m cute, even when my face is oily and I have a bad-haired day.
  48. You remember my PMS period.
  49. You know exactly where my moles are.
  50. You didn’t notice when I gained weight.
  51. But you noticed when I lost weight.
  52. You love my dishes and you cooked for me too.
  53. You wash the dirty dishes with me.
  54. You complete my sentences… correctly.
  55. You are my truly best friend.
  56. You made me eat the spinach.
  57. You made me do things I thought I won’t… like bungee jumping.
  58. After we bungee jumped, you said, “See? there’s nothing to be afraid of as long as you’re with me”
  59. You watched me sleeping.
  60. You read every post in my blog.
  61. You never let me go out at night without a jacket.
  62. You bought me cajuput oil, coz it makes my tummy warm.
  63. You brought me souvenir from every cities you’ve visited, I knew you were thinking of me all along.
  64. You bought me 3 different rings until I said “I like it.”
  65. When I lost that ring I really liked, you bought me another one.
  66. You booked Eiffel Tower for next 3 years.
  67. You made my birth date as your ATM pin number.
  68. You love to dance with me.
  69. You learned chess for me, so we can play it together.
  70. You count the exact amount of the distance between our cities, and the number is amazing: 10276 miles (1:02 am, 7th of June, it’s the day when we got together).
  71. You made me a mixed CD, and I love it.
  72. You never ask me to choose between you and my dream. (and now my dream is to be with you)
  73. You bought me a book about going around the world and wrote it inside, “Let’s!”
  74. Even you were having a seasick; you asked me whether I’m okay with the high tides.
  75. You bought me a cupcake a year after I asked you one. (and you still remember you promised me)
  76. You watched Glee, even you don’t like musical drama, just to have a conversation with me.
  77. You let me name our future children.
  78. You asked me what kind of dogs I want in our future house.
  79. You always put me on your imaginary future.
  80. You made me eggnog.
  81. You let me use your paypal account.
  82. And you weren’t mad at me when I overused it.
  83. You like to say nice things about me. Those really make my days.
  84. You miss me every single day. I just know it.
  85. You brought me to the zoo and accompany me all day to explore it, even I knew you were bored with zoo.
  86. You flew a thousand miles for celebrating my birthday. That’s the sweetest thing everyone had ever done to me.
  87. You always always always support my dream, even though it seems impossible.
  88. And when it became clearer, you told me, “See, I knew you can do it.”
  89. You always trust my guts, even when I don’t trust myself.
  90. You always say “Mmm, comfort!” everytime you hug me.
  91. You like my hair, you said it smells good.
  92. Your internet cookies automatically lead to my name when you type ‘twitter’.
  93. You kissed me on the sea.
  94. You believe in god, though I don’t, you’re okay with it.
  95. You said your god is nice and he will look out for me too.
  96. You never change, you always love me.
  97. You made a facebook account just so I could put “in a relationship with… YOU”
  98. You still treat me as sweet as on our first date years ago.
  99. You are one gorgeous god’s creation, I bet he really put some serious thought when making you for me, since he knows I want a lot of things.
  100. You love me, unconditionally. Enough said.

Still wondering why I said I’m very lucky? :p

god's gorgeous creation

Have a very happy birthday cupcakes. I’m sorry I can’t fly there. But you know I’ll always love you no matter what.

Love, May.

“believing true love”: Let’s figure it out.

Couple days ago I heard a surprising relationship news from my friend and her excuse was only, “I’m looking for the best person“.

I don’t wanna be too judgy about relationship thingy since I’m not a saint myself. But hopping from one guy to another guy in order to find a perfect one really seems so naïve and unreal for me.

We will never find a perfect person for our mate.

That’s the ugly truth.

But we can always make a perfect relationship with an imperfect person.

I talked with my baby about this and our summary was:
Yes, both of us are annoying. We can’t stand each other’s annoyance. When we’re getting married one day, maybe we’ll kill each other. :D
He’s lazy, I’m noisy. He’s the exact opposite of weak, while I’m a control freak.
But we love each other, and we’ll make it work, whatever happens.

You can’t just break up with someone just because he’s not good enough, or just because he doesn’t tick one of your check lists for a guy.

Or just because he moved thousand miles away.

Bandi is faaar from my expectation as a person I would like to spend the rest of my life with.
I always wanted to have a cross-culture boyfie, a romantic lover with an extreme cool job (definitely not an accountant).
But hey, I fell in love with a boring movie lover, who’s surprisingly a very brave guy who travels everywhere.
He’s really gross. He’s numb of romantic things.
But he loves me to death, as I do to him.
And we see that it is the only thing that matters.

He told me, everyone has their own way to find their soulmate, some people met in church, train or even in a one night-stand. But this post is not about how u met your future wife/husband. It’s about keeping them thru good and bad times.

Yes, no one is perfect. I’ve stated very clear about that. And one more time, the point is about to make what’s imperfect to be perfect in our eyes.

I won’t talk about physical attractiveness, because it’s too shallow. You and me know that in 20 years or 30 years of marriage, it’ll be gone away, right? So, let’s talk about personality.

I haven’t figured out about what is exactly the perfect combination of relationship. Is it opposite attraction, or same interests, or opposite characters such as phlegmatic and choleric, or what? Coz I happened to hear any of those stories that works in relationship and marriage.

So, I made a second guess, that personality and physic don’t matter that much on finding the perfect one, when you really REALLY love someone. Somehow, you’ll just make it work. Like a magic, waa-lah! Suddenly she/he is perfect in your eyes.

Now the big question is, how do we make it? How could we make what’s imperfect to be perfect in our eyes? coz romantic quotes sometimes are just like shit, who talks easily without giving the detailed tutorial.

well, unfortunately, I can’t also give the detailed tutorial. Can’t you see the tagline of this blog? “Believing true love” means I’m on my way there, also still figure it out.

Maybe the only thing I can say is…

If you’re willing to figure that out (about believing true love and those novel-based-romantic thingy) with him, then he’s the one. I mean, believing those shits are hardcore, man! True love? I even had Goosebumps when I typed that. But somehow, when it comes to Bandi, I have this extra energy, to believe things that unbelievable, to do things that seemed impossible. So… why not?

Why not figure it out?

I never called him “babe”, instead I called him “nyet” (means Monkey in Bahasa). We fight all the time, talking shits to each other, but we’re damn good at making up. I had a crush on someone else, and I felt comfortable to come clean with him. Lies are not available in our dictionary. We’re best friends. We mock each other all the time. And for all I know, those things don’t die in 20 or 30 or 50 years of marriage.

So?
Let’s figure it out.

I dare you.

May