A letter to Universe

Dear Universe…

It took me two days to finally have accepted the fact that what happened to me was indeed not a nightmare. It was unfortunately real, which I later call as a lesson, sadly I must learned it the hard way.

What happened was a proof that you control every single thing in my life. The air I breathe, the water I drink in, the wifi signal, everything! And oh, the wind… Don’t forget you control the wind, and the rain, and apparently my window handles.

I have lost some things because you meant it to happen. And the first thing I must remember is… when you meant something to happen, it will happen no matter what. Sometimes, I, as a human, forgot that you had a better plan for me. I would just get angry and complain. How could the documents put secured inside a box got carried away by the wind? If I told people about this, they would think I used the “my dog ate my homework” excuse. And don’t start with the insurance company.

But again, I know you did this to me because you have a better plan.

I have always asked you for a life that is so interesting if it was a movie, and you did give me the Oscar winning one.

It wasn’t a sarcasm. I meant it. It’s just the way I talk.

Dear Universe…

Thank you for the lesson. I can assure you that the learning is in progress. For now I haven’t really understood the purpose of the lesson, but fear not, I eventually will.

Thank you for only taking the least important thing in my life, my belongings that could be measured by money; and keeping the most important things in my life, my future husband and my friends safe. Thank you for reminding me how lucky I am to have such supporting and comforting friends and a wonderful man who would go upside down for my sake and whose only mission in life is to make me happy.

Dear Universe…

I will never forget what happened last Sunday, the day I lost something and gain back my consciousness that I’m truly blessed, that nothing… nothing could break me, because people around me kept me strong.

I will always remember that in this life, some things that were meant to happen will happen no matter what, and that’s never my fault or anyone’s.

I will always remember that I can always find the money I’ve lost but I can never  find back the time I’ve lost. I can never turn back time.

I will always remember that no matter how difficult the circumstances are, there is always a way.

There is always a way and I’m going to find it. Because I’m a believer.

Dear Universe…

You didn’t make me reconsider about marrying him. You just made me wanting to marry him more.

There’s saying about “the darkest hour is just right before dawn.” I guess you’re so kind to let us walk through our darkest time hand in hand. It was dark but at least I have the love of my life holding my hand.

With that kind of intensity, I guess it would be one hell of remarkably beautiful sun-rise.

Dear Universe…

I hope this letter doesn’t sound like complaints, because it is truly not.

It is a thank you note for trusting me that I could stand tall against the hurricane. Yes, it is a long and winding road to the dream comes true, but nothing can turn me away. I’m a believer.

I will be the most optimistic girl you will ever know. I will stand tall against all odds. After eveything we’ve been through, I believe you know me. =)

Sincerely yours,

A girl who will always have faith in you no matter how hard you shake it.

10 things I’ve figured about myself when I get older

They said the age twenties is the most crucial time of growing up. Early twenties and late twenties can make a huge different and it is the time of self discovery and when we finally draw lines from rights or wrongs. Maybe it’s true. Since life will truly begin on 30, I guess I have to figure out everything about myself before then.

Remember all those things we wished we would do when we were young? Now it seems not that important anymore or it turned out we don’t enjoy it at all.

So, after some time of self discovery (cieh) here are ten things I’ve figured out when I get older (and wiser i hope):

1. I’m not a quitter.

I always thought i am. I used the “I’m a quitter” words to avoid things i didn’t want to do. But as i grow older, I’ve realized I am so not a quitter! For the things that I REALLY want, I always strive to get it. And I got it no matter what. I’m quite ambitious that way, which is not my favorite trait about myself, because ambitious people tends to be bossy and annoying but i kinda am.

2. I secretly love Beegees.

You know because Beatles were cooler and some people think Beegees is weird. But hey now I don’t care. :p Actually i love all the songs from 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. But I have a special place for Beegees songs in my heart. =)

Grease is the word, is the word that you heard. It’s got a groove, it’s got a meaning!

3. I love spending time in art museum.

This is quite shocking. I remember when I was very little and I was into paintings and then I became teenager and I was into manga because I thought classical paintings are boring but oh my I couldn’t be more wrong! It’s quite surprising for me because I’m not a classy lady but I do enjoy classical paintings so much. I could just stand in front of one and stare for minutes, wondering how many possible stories were hidden behind the piece. The interest is magnified when I borrowed one of the renaissance book from the public library last year. I remembered I saw Van Gogh’s starry night around 3 years ago when MOMA New York lent it for a show in Singapore and I was stunned. It was so pretty and freaking magical!!!! I then tried to read more about Van Gogh and the more I know the more I’m intrigued. Then I read more about renaissance era where people started to ACTUALLY got married out of love, when romanticism started to grow. Oh the beginning of true civilization… So yeah, it turned out I’m an art and history buffs :)

4. I am not a daredevil.

Remember when everyone’s bucket list filled bungee jumping and sky diving and stuffs like that? Well I had them too, but then I bungee jumped and I didn’t like it. Okay, it was fun but not something I would enjoy doing it all over again. I’m not a thrill seeker, as much as I want to be one, I am not.

5. I’m a little vain.

I love dressing up, putting make up and do my hair. I know it’s so weird that I just realize it now, when I’m twenty freaking seven? I mean I always knew that I care of how my body looks, i wanted to look sexy, but I never really cared about my skin or my hair or my nails. I guess years of years of neglect finally took its toll.
I don’t say I’m that vain until I wear make up everyday and starve to death just to lose a few kilos, ok! I just realize that now I begin to care of how I present myself. But I’m vain enough to spend hours in front of mirror. Yeah yeah weird right?

6. I’m a shoe addict.

I know I’ve loved shoes since long time ago but since I’ve worked and had my own income, I started to buy shoes like… a lot! I love oxford shoes the most, then boots, then mary-jane, then simple 7 inch heels (which is my current obsession now). I don’t like flats, I mean I don’t like how it looks but ironically I have to wear it everyday since I live in Singapore and that involves a lot of walking. And to complete the irony, most of my high heeled shoes had only worn once or even had never been worn. =(

The latest discovery I’ve made is UP Shoes. They are comfy, fashionable and most importantly they are made in Indonesia. =)

Too bad it costed me Rp. 100.000,– delivery charge per shoes in order to ship them to Singapore. So the second time I bought from UP, I asked them to ship to my cousin’s house in Jakarta.

I love Indonesian made shoes! They are great! =)

My latest insanity of buying shoes online.

7. I don’t like studying.

I used to want to have master degree, but then I never even once try to submit my scholarship application. So I figured it out, I never wanted it anyway. I just wanted it to follow everyone’s trend, but I guess I never wanted it, simply because I’m lazy to study.

8. I have a good palette.

Palette for my tongue and for color design. I know it sounds so shameless but I do have good palette for good food. I think it’s because I’ve spent too much time trying foods with Bandi and we liked to discuss about it, like what are the possible ingredients and stuffs. I think I’ve trained my tongue to slowly enhance the palette.

For the color palette, I don’t think it’s something new because I’ve been playing with crayons since I was toddler but I guess I’m getting my brain trained more lately.

9. My friends are so important for me.

Sometimes I’m thinking whether I should go back to Indonesia for good because I miss my friends too much. I wanna spend more time with them. That’s why I’m always glued with my phone because that’s the only way for me to keep connecting with them. :'(

But then I know I have priorities.

10. I am not my mom.

I had this fear of becoming my mom. But as I grow older I realize even though I’m almost like a clone of her, I’ve made decisions so different from hers. I think the best self-discovery in my life in when I realize that I’m not my mom. We are two similar characterized persons but we made different decisions because we have different thinking.

So much for the change, I was thinking of what hasn’t changed?

1. I always love football.

Something that never change… I love football, always. I may not watch league matches every weekend anymore but everytime Azzuri has international match, I will stand up for them. Always. It’s probably my lifetime passion.

2. I always love animals.

My Dog who loves to be pet but sometimes I'm too lazy to pet with my had. LOL

My Dog who loves to be pet but sometimes I’m too lazy to pet with my had. LOL

Another thing that never changes… ever. I love animals and I’m passionate about them. I love dogs the most of course. Never in my life have I not owned a dog at home. My very first bestfriend was my dog. =)

Word!

Word!

3. I am a romantic.

I’ve always been. It’s in my blood. =)

4. I am impulsive.

The impulsive thing I often do with Bandi is…

11:00 at night… Bandi and I stared at each other and one of us said, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” And then we burst out laughing. “Take your wallet!” And then we went to McDonald’s. LOL!

5. I’m always me.

Yeah, I am the crazy idealist passionate bitch who doesn’t stop until I get what I want. I am cheerful, honest, loving and loyal. If you’re kind to me, I will be even kinder to you. I am selfish, control-freak, self centered and I actually don’t like to share things. That’s just me. Always.

Photo 12-9-13 3 57 06 PM

So, have you figured out what changes and what never changes throughout your twenty-something age? This is the period of self-discovery. Discover or re-discover yourself! It’s fun! Try it! (Don’t forget to tag me if you try this. =D)

Cheers,

May, the adult hipster.

They said I’m different

Since I was a little girl I got used to be called different. I was different because I had tanned skin as a Chinese girl, I was different because I dared to say no to teachers when she was wrong. I was different because once I led a group of my teenage girlfriends to protest to a priest because I believed he treated us wrong. I was different because unlike my friends I didn’t agree with my mom. I was different because I didn’t do what other people do.

I was accused to be different, which is negatively set in our minds. To be different was wrong.

I grew older and I started to realize that being different is cool. That it is what makes me cool. I met some people who thought I was cool, to be different. I made friends, who later became my best friends. They proudly said, “that is so you.” of certain things they found that proved me that I had found my identity.

I was complimented to be different, which made me a unique individual that assured me if I died, the world would lose one special person.

Today, someone was laughing at me before my eyes and mocked me, “You’re different. You’re like alien. We will never understand what you think.”

Let me tell you how it happened…

There’s this guy in my office, let’s call him asshole. I did argued with asshole once because he said I’m a hypocrite. Asshole talked bad behind my back saying that I don’t really work for SPCA and that if my boyfriend worked as a coolie, I would never get together with him. I didn’t know why he did that to me. Probably because when the first time I joined the office he had a crush on me and giving me stuffs and made me Milo for breakfast. I told him I had a boyfriend and I really loved my boyfriend and then he started to talk shits about me. WTF. I didn’t know that such sad loser existed until I knew this guy.

I stood up for myself and shouted at him so the entire office would hear, “YOU ARE ONE PATHETIC LOSER. I feel sorry for your unhappy life but please don’t spread it to other people. You can live sad forever alone and nobody cares.”

yeah yeah I know it’s rude. But I don’t care. You stabbed me, I’d stab you back.

Anyway it happened like 2 years ago. Since then I never gave a shit about this guy. Then yesterday his long relative died and my colleague collected compassionate money. I swear to god I didn’t want to chip in. I didn’t feel I needed to. Why should I? This guy is an asshole and I don’t wanna waste my money on him. I think I’m being hypocrite if I say I gave the money willinglly. Crap, my heart is not that big. However I chipped in a little, unwillingly.

And then a girl said to me, “it’s called manner, you know.”

Then I replied, “well, it can be also called hypocrisy. Depends on how you wanna see it.”

She then talked about my other colleague’s upcoming wedding and how he spent almost 1/3 of the guests from our office. Some of them, he doesn’t even know. I told her that’s CRAP. “I will never invite anyone who is not close to me to my wedding. NO! Not even my relative.”

She then preached me of how wrong that was. We argued for a while but then I realized that I wasted my time because certainly we think differently. So I told her, “Let’s just say that we are two different people.”

And the words came out, “You’re different. You’re like an alien.” with a very degrading tone.

WHAT THE FUCK.

It’s been SOOOOO LOOOONNGG since I was offended being called different.

Let me tell you, lady. YES I am different. I am the kind of girl who will not say “you’re pretty” when you look like shit! It’s not called manner, it’s called hypocrisy. I am the kind of girl who will not untag my photo on facebook just because I look ugly. Well, sorry if you think you look ugly, that’s because you never appreciate your true self and of course because you’re aiming to the wrong standard of beauty. I am the kind of girl who will never understand why I must invite someone I don’t like to my wedding, pay for their meals and have a bullshit chit-chat with them. Hey! It’s my wedding day! MY WEDDING MY WAY!

If you don’t like it, that’s your problem, not mine!

Yes, I’m selfish, I’m stubborn. That’s just how I live my life and guess what, somebody fell in love with that, for REAL. I don’t give a shit about what people say if they’re not invited to my wedding. Why should I? They don’t feed me, do they? If I had to care of whatever people say about me, I’d be dead by now!
I am so sorry if in your life everyone has the same thinking, I’m sorry if in your world nobody gets to have their own opinion or even do their own things alone. I’m so sorry if having different thinking is wrong for you. I’m sorry that being fat and ugly is so sinful in your world because apparently nothing really matters inside because everyone is the same. I’m sorry that it’s so hard for you to live up to everyone’s standard and expectation but I don’t wanna live my life THAT WAY.
I let you know something:

Do what you want, Say what you mean because those who mind don’t matter and who matter don’t mind.

BURN!

I know you think a lot of people don’t like me, but HATE is a strong word. I know you don’t hate me, you just hate my guts. And that’s totally understandable. Because I know you secretly want my guts.

Well, did I tell that girl all of that? Nope. Guess the psycho-sotoy-analysis is too complicated. :p

I just told her, “I’m different, huh? Well, I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Cheers,

May, who seriously needs to chill. LOL

You got my body shakin!

WHO LOVES THE 90’S????

I know I do!

Yang cinta boyband, ngacuuuunggg!!!!! Mana suaranyaaaaaaa?!!!! *heboh sendiri*

So, last weekend a friend of mine posted The Big Reunion link on Path and thank god she did! Because then I spent the whole Sunday watching 9 episodes of The Big Reunion and the final concert!

The Big Reunion is the reality show with a mission of getting back the old boybands/girlbands together from their (mostly rough) split.

There are six reunited bands which are: 911 (my favorite!), 5ive, B*witched, Liberty X, Honeyz and Atomic Kitten.

I was a HUGE fan of 911 back then when I was a teenager. Lee Brennan’s face was all over my bedroom wall and I knew all 911’s lyrics by heart. When 911 sang Bodyshakin’ on the reunion concert, I still could sing it (almost) perfectly even the rap lines!

if you’re a huge fan of 90’s era like me, YOU REALLY SHOULD WATCH THE WHOLE REUNION STORY.

I post it here the one part of their finale episode when they finally do the concert. (You can see the other parts in youtube)

I spent like 10 hours watching the whole story and I shed a tear few times. I was sad because most of them had to go through post-popstar syndrome which is a mental breakdown of feeling lost, feeling life is meaningless and fame could make them lost their true identity.

Sean from 5ive had it first, and then Scott and they called it quit. The band was separated in 2000 and they all parted to different ways. Scott thankfully managed to put all the pieces back together, married the love of his life and had two beautiful sons. Richie had to move to Australia to start fresh so nobody won’t recognize him. Sean was lost for a while, and Abs hit the rock bottom. He was partying hard everyday, on crack and lost so many years of his life, and then went bankrupt… until he met a girl and started to renew his life. Now he’s living in a farm with 5 chickens, two horses and his ‘green thumb’. =)

911 was separated badly too. Lee couldn’t take the fame anymore and called it quit while Jim was furious with the decision. He never really talked until that day, they were being reunited and filmed!!! You guys must watch this show, seriously!

Lee, sadly, was separated from his wife Lindsay (from B*witched) last year, so being in the reunion rehearsal and everything kinda put a lot of tension on them. And I cried once when Lee had a talk with Lindsay and OMG he realllyyyy still loves his wife. :”(

Ok, I blabber a lot. The bottom line is, if you love the 90’s bands, especially British bands, this is a show for you!

Yesterday Bandi and I spent hours of singing our heart out with the 90’s songs like 5ive, 911 and boyzone and then accidentally went to local boyband like Co-Boy, Trio Libels and Cool Colors. remember? Hahahahaha! It was so FUN doing it! Ah…. reminiscing the good old times.

When we sang 911 songs, Bandi asked me, “Geez. You still remember all the lyrics. Didn’t you have life back then?”

I answered, “I was  TRUE MTV generation, Bandi. I watched it WHOLE DAY. I knew all the video clip, got the lyrics from Kawanku or Gadis magazines (because we didn’t have internet back then) and then learned my English from the lyrics. Dictionary was still a book (not the electronic one) and I had to flip one by one to finally understand the song. Yes, that was how I learn my English, through song.

Whenever there was 911 video clips, my cousin Renny would call me (on the landline phone) just to tell me to switch on the TV. So epic! Hahaha

When Bandi played this Video:

I was “KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”-ing like a teenager again. Geez IT FELT SO GOOD!!!! I remember I even knew all the dancing of Westlife videos back then. I used to do the dancing with all my friends.

Today, my spotify has been working very hard playing all the 90’s songs and I feel that today I feel more elevated. I don’t mean to be so picky but I have never feel connected to the music anymore since the 90’s era. Sure I love Taylor Swift’s songs but nothing can bring the good feeling like the old songs. Or maybe it’s the feelings I had back then that’s being brought back to life. You know how songs could revive your old feelings, right? =)

God, I had a great teenage life. So simple, so pure, so youthful.

How’s your teenage life?

P.S. Hey Bandi, if you read this, let’s do that again tonight! This time with the bodyshakin’ dancing! XD

P.P.S. However growing up I started to love rock music more and for every “what’s your favorite band?” question I would answer undoubtly DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL! And yeah I’ve watched Dashboard concerts three times and even met Chris Carrabba in person! ;)

Cheers,

May, not shameful of her boyband obsession.

Ten amazingly stupid reasons to get married

Yesterday I saw a very shocking photo on my facebook. A single acquaintance of mine got married. Huh? What?

Yeah. The last time I met her (not that long seriously) she was still babbling about how she is happily single. Somehow she decided to take a leap of faith stupidity that decided to get married faster than I even decide which dress to wear for Christmas dinner.

I know, I know, Strawberry has preached me thousand times about how people are happy with different things and not everyone perceive marriage like I do blah blah blah, BUT THIS DESERVE A BITCHING TIME.

I never understand why people got married with so FREAKINGLY stupid reason but Strawberry always told me that they have different value and I must accept the fact that some women are dreaming to get married, thus their achievement is to be married and be a wife. FULL STOP. Do I condemn a housewife? NO!!! I adore housewife who can juggle all the works in house and also take care of the kids. But you don’t marry the first guy who arrive at your doorstep, geez. You don’t pick a creepy guy from the street to be your husband, right? You get to know him, you fall in love, you commit, have a fight and then make up and then fall in love again and then get married.

You need LOVE to be married. And I don’t believe that people who just met three months ago could love each other unconditionally. Yes, you can count the SWOT analysis, you can study his/her family tree, bank account and assets, but you can’t test his/her love.

I am judgmental? No. I am an idealist.

So, let me list down the stupidest 10 reason to marry someone: (in randomly order)

1. Because he’s hot/rich/insert as you like

Do I have to explain this?

2. Because according to my parents/grandparents/insert as you like this is the proper time to get married.

(Other wise i have to wait another 3 years/4 yrs/insert as you like)

Yeah, I know someone who do that. You’re not ready yet but according to your grandparents, this year is a good year to get married. What rubbish.

3. Because I am old/my boyfriend is old

Because if you turn 35 years old and you haven’t married, you will die, right? That’s why you use this reason, right?

4. Because we’ve been together for so long.

LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP doesn’t validate any marriage. You think you know someone and you don’t want to waste any more time so you just get along with it. It’s not right. Remember that he might be the right person to marry, but do it with the right reason too, ok? =)

5. Because I am lonely

Get a cat! Or an inflatable dolls! Not a husband/wife!!!

6. To legalize sex.

THE WORST OF ALL. So you can’t handle the hormones, so you want to bang your gf/bf, then just do it! (with protection of course) Do you really have to get married to have sex? And then you know that you’re married and the worst thing happen, she’s pregnant and you don’t have a proper foundation and the kid is the victim of dysfunctional family.

Here’s the thing, if you want to stay virgin until you’re married, make sure your soul stays virgin too. Honor your commitment. But if you can’t, then don’t be a hypocrite. Don’t use marriage as an excuse for having sex.

7. Because I’m in a relationship and the next step is marriage

I think this reason is almost the same with no.4 so I won’t talk about it again.

8. Because it is bad luck to refuse a proposal from a guy.

This is true story. I have a friend who gave me a surprise by telling me she’s getting married with a man who hasn’t even been together with her for a year. I asked why, she answered because he wanted to get married and it’s bad luck to reject. Did he even buy a ring? Come on, any ring! Did he even made a romantic gesture asking you to marry him? NO!!! He just asked and she accepted because….

“My mom said it’s bad luck (pamali) to reject when a guy asked you to get married. If we reject, there would be nobody ever wanted to marry me.”

And people….. She’s pretty.

I bet million dollars that so many guys want to marry her. Sadly, pretty face is useless without a good brain.

9. Because my dying grandparents requested.

I’m sorry, this might be a sensitive issue. Because Bandi was bummed so badly when his grandma died and she kept asking Bandi to get married and he refused and when his grandma died, his family implicitly blamed him not to get married earlier.
WHAT THE FUCK. He was depressed for quite some time and bought me a ring. That was the rejection. Because I knew it is NOT the right time. And the right time will come.

10. Because I’m miserable and I want to be happy.

So you think marriage is rainbow and unicorn? Huh? So your happiness depends on other human being? OH MAN You’re so SCREWED!

Hey May, why don’t you mind your own business and stop bitching about marriage?

Well, I’m gonna tell you why. My mom and dad married with the wrong reason and look how I turned out? I’m technically crazy.

You have no idea what I had gone through in my childhood. I don’t say my parents are bad parents but they are certainly not working well together.

It is a miracle that universe sent me Bandi and I managed to want to get married. (Bcoz oh GOD I didn’t want it. The only marriage I know is horrible) But seriously, it is fine to get married with the wrong reasons as long as you don’t involve children. But when you has children and you two didn’t even synchronized as team work, would it be sad for the kids? :(

I’m a living proof, my friend. And trust me, you don’t want ME as your kid. :p

Please do think 1000 times before you get married. You have to be 100% sure that you WILL NEVER LOOK BACK. That this is what you want. And that person you’re marrying can give you security, safety, comfort and infinite love.

You trust that person with your heart, no terms and conditions.

And most importantly, you love that person passionately, wisely and unconditionally.

Cheers,

May, your favorite bitch.

Preparing to be Mr and Mrs Cahaya

Ten months to our wedding day… Beside picking the perfect flowers, the perfect gown and the perfect entrée, there is one thing I consider to be the most important thing for preparing myself to be Mrs. Cahaya, that is: having the talk.

The talk, when we discuss about how our finances would be planned, how we’re gonna raise our kids, how important sexual relationship would take part, where are we gonna be retired, who is gonna take care of our parents, and so on and so on.

I read this blog about a week ago and I have waited for a perfect time to ask Bandi to do the 100 questions. He had been busy with work lately so I asked him to spend the whole Saturday with me. He thought that we would only talk about the London itinerary which was half true but I had an ulterior motive too.

Actually I told him about the book on Saturday morning and that I had the extracted 100 questions that I wanted to discuss with him, but he went suddenly defensive and said something like “Why are you still questioning me? I thought we’re passed that.”

I told him not to judge before he even read the questions. This book was supposed to help us to prepare for marriage. He insisted that he was ready and he didn’t need any shrink to tell him about marriage. I kept arguing with him that I believe in human brain and logic for preparing the marriage. I know heart is number one to follow when you wanted to marry someone, whether you love him or not, but brain is what keeps you IN THE MARRIAGE.

In the end, I decided to not argue more and just dropped it.

We went to Starbucks for another brainstorming session of our Europe Trip. After we finished our UK itinerary, he apologized for being such an ass earlier, I said I’m not in the mood anymore for discussing the book’s question, but then Bandi bought us a Les Miserablés tickets for our London trip so yeah, I was suddenly in the good mood. LOL.

We moved to a restaurant and ate and started the first question. It was quite fun, and then we continued to the next question and the next question and the next question and Bandi admitted it, this is fun.

Here’s the 100 questions from the book, if you want to download it and do it with your fiance/fiancée.

Now, let me sum up the best long talk I had with Bandi last weekend. (We actually paused the questions because there wasn’t enough time on Saturday and we continued on Sunday) We spent about total of 10 hours discussing the questions, moved from Dim Sum Restaurant to Ramen place to Fruit Tart. So yeah, it was one sweet (and fattening) weekend.

First of all, it hit me that there were things that I didn’t expect Bandi would say and it calmed me down that there were things that Bandi knew about me so well that he could speak my words. It was like a fun rollercoaster ride.

We argued a lot in a part of how we are gonna be raising our kid(s). He kept saying like “If he skipped school..” or “I will ask him to…” and then I snapped, “Why do you keep using male pronouns?”

“Because I want a son!”

“That is so not fair! So if we had a daughter, you would so gonna resent her?”

“Of course I won’t….” silence, “BUT, I would love a son.”

“SEE? You want a son because you want to play football with him. You thought girls can’t play football!” And then there was a never-ending argument about a child that wasn’t even born yet.

And there was this question:

“Have there been times when you were uncomfortable with the way I behaved with the opposite sex? If so, when and what did I do?”

We both said “No.” And I love that. =)

Bandi and I never had any issue for going out with opposite sex. I have a lot of guy friends and he has a lot of female friends and we love how we are totally comfortable with each other’s friends.

And there was this question:

“How are we different? Could this be a source of future conflict? Do our differences complement each other?”

We took so long to discuss this one because sometimes our differences are the source of conflict while the other times, they complement each other. So this is tricky, however I suggest not to stop the discussion and jump to the next question if we were not fully satisfied with the outcome. In terms of characters, we complement each other. When we travel, Bandi is good with maps, I’m not. Bandi can’t plan, I can. Bandi is messy, I am organized. Bandi is physically strong, I am not really. I always think that we are perfect as travel buddy. When we cook, Bandi is usually the executor, he was the one who cooked while I prepped. When he finished with knife, I would at once washed it. It’s just automatic in everything we do like we’re in a team.

However we are different in our logic. There were so many times when our logical differences caused a big argument and often a fight. Come to think of it now, I can’t even name one… I have this tendency to forget what we were fighting about. So I guess, no matter how different we are, we would always find ways to compromise and meet in the middle.

And there were more questions:

“Would you prefer to live in the city, the country, or by the beach? Why?”

Before I answered it, Bandi spoke for me, “you would prefer city. You’re a city girl.” and then he grinned. He’s right. “So we settle for that now.”

“If we are unable to have children, should we adopt?”

Both answered without hesitation, “YES.”

“How would you react if our son or daughter told us they were gay?”

We actually talked about this before and we both tried to accept it for the sake of our kid.

“What are your views on pornography?”

Bandi answered easily, “I love it.” LOL.

I was okay with that anyway.

There were a lot of questions related to how our parents treated each other. Sadly in this part, we both didn’t have a lot of things to learn from but it was nice for us to figure it out ourselves. Like how are we gonna ground our children, what justifies our kid to be grounded and how much freedom we would give our children, etc. It’s good to know that Bandi and I are prepared for this, even though we don’t have that much references.

We talked a lot in this area, especially when this question came: “How did your family resolve conflicts when you were growing up? Do you approve or disapprove of that method? what will you change or not change to resolve conflicts in your future family?”

We disapproved most of the method that both our families used to resolve the conflict and we were thinking what was the better way to do it and discussed the sample case.

And then there was this question:

“Is there anything about marriage that frightens you?”

Bandi said “No.” And I answered, “The concept that I must live together with only one person for the rest of my life.”

He asked again, “That frightens you? And don’t you think that’s a problem?”

“Here’s the thing. I also always feel that I can never get enough of you. I always want to be close to you. Never once in my life I want to be somewhere else but to be here with you. So the concept of living together with ONLY WITH you for the rest of my life really excites me. That’s a paradox, right?”

This morning, a close friend texted me, “Now that you’re getting married, are you ready?”

I answered, “100% ready. Can’t wait to be Mrs. Cahaya.” And then we talked about how this is so funny. Two years ago, with the same guy, the same condition, I said I’m not ready. Then why am I ready now?

Then the paradox concept becomes clearer. Let’s say there is an apple, half rotten, half juicy, sweet and ripe. Two years ago, I saw the apple from the north side, where I could only see the rotten part, and then I was moving slowly towards the south side so I was leaving the rotten part and started to see the juicy part. Now, I’m fully standing in the south and looking at the juice, sweet apple. The apple never changes a bit. The apple is a marriage.

There are always bad and good things about marriage. Two years ago, I preferred to only see the bad side, thus the concept of living with only one person frightens me. Now, I prefer to see the good side, so I think not only the concept is frightening, it is also exciting.

The concept of marriage itself never changes. I change my point of view.

The apple itself never moved. I moved my position.

Enough with that, let’s move to the other question, this one’s a funny one:

“What is nagging? Do I nag? How does it make you feel?”

I answered first, “Nope, you almost never nag.” And then Bandi showed his smug face “You nag almost all the time. Here’s an example. Bandi I’m hungry, come home fast.

“Then just tell me you couldn’t come home fast.”

“Then you would say… It’s okay then, I would just starve… with your dramatic voice,”

And after I laughed so hard, I told him, “Seriously, next time you could just say no and go hang out with your friends.”

“I don’t want to do that because I promised long time ago that you’re my top priority.”

Awwwwwwww!!!!

And then, here’s the last part of the summary:

“What health problems do you have?”

Bandi asnwered, “I have a heart problem.”

And I was shocked.

“My heart is full of you, that’s the problem.”

HAHAHAHAHA! Nice move, Bandi! But you’re still paying the Ramen! XD

After we finished the 100 questions, now Bandi wants it more so I placed an order for the book in bookdepository.

I can’t wait for the book to arrive!!! I will post again when the book arrives, okay?!

For all the bride and groom to be, I may not be able to share tips for choosing wedding venue or wedding favors and stuff but I hope this question would do you good. This is one of the best preparation for your marriage. Don’t skip this part. Enjoy that deep conversation with the love of your life! ;)

Cheers,

May, the happy fiancée.

So you thought this only happens in movie?

Disclaimer: Open your mind before you read. Everything happens for reason. This is one of them.

This post has been in the draft page for a year. Seriously. A year. I am so scared of people’s judgemental comments and the fact that Bandi’s sucky friend would start to talk about me behind my back again. But then I thought, hey, I’m not 20 years old anymore. I’ve grown up, they’ve grown up. I must publish this post just for the sake of closure.

I wanted to name this post “September Roller Coaster: Season Finale” for some reason but then I went with ” So you thought this only happens in movie?” for a funny catch.

So here it is…

[All the words in green below is written on July 2012]

We will have to go back to a post that was originally posted on 4th September 2006, but then being asked to be removed by some people (not Bandi) because, well they simply couldn’t handle it. However, I left the other short post alive.

This is a beautiful love story. Why we need to erase this story and pretend this never happened?

Bandi was okay when I asked, can I post that story again? He said, nobody will ever question or doubt your love to me as your facebook is full of “dishes that I cook for Bandi”, “Bandi’s breakfast”, “Bandi’s lunch”, and “Bandi’s dinner.”

“Come on! You love me too much. That’s just history.”

So, first of all, you all need to read this post I made back then in 2006. I didn’t edit any of the words AT ALL so we all can feel the juvenile atmosphere. So pardon some of my misspelling. :p

[All the words in purple below is written on September 2006]

Our Love story is OURS…

1 September 2006

Gw tepuk bahunya dua kali, “Boleh kenalan gak?” trus gw julurin deh tangan gw.

Dia kaget setengah mati. Dalam keadaan yang penuh keringat dia jabat tangan gw. Masih terlalu senang karena masuk final sekaligus amazed ada cewe segila gw yang berjalan melewati GSG yang crowded dan nyamperin dia yang lagi celebrate victory bareng temen2nya.

“Alex.”

“Maytri. Boleh minta nomor Hpnya?”

It was just a joke. It was a bet that I made with my friend. Yes! Gw dibayarin makan gratis di sentra! Linni, Cipen, Litta, en semua yang ada di GSG ternganga liat kejadian itu. Karena emang cuma orang gila yang berani malu kuadrat hanya untuk tarohan makan gratis di Sentra.

Unpar baru aja kalah dari Binus,, en gw malah ngajakin kenalan anak Binus karena tarohan makan di Sentra???

But I did it! And I’m so thankful that I did it.

Karena kalo engga,, gak akan ada dua hari penuh magical itu.

~~~

Gak nyangka pas sorenya gw ke Sentra atas, gw ketemu segerombolan tim Binus yang lagi makan. Anjiiir, gw malu! Koor ‘cieeeeh’ langsung terdengar gitu.

Gak lama ada cewe yang nyamperin gw bawa digicam dan nanya, “Boleh minta fotonya gak?”

“Hmm… Boleh, tapi gw mawnya foto berdua!”

What the hell I was thinking???

Anak2 Binus ngompor2in Alex untuk foto sama gw, akhirnya dia nyamperin gw dan duduk di sebelah gw, dan acara foto-foto pun dimulai.

I still can’t believe that happened.

Setelah itu, temen2 gw en temen2 dia ninggalin kita berdua.

Gw dan Alex… Alex dan gw…

Ternyata kita itu…. orang yang pernah ketemu di kehidupan yang dulu??? Bisa dibilang gitu? Hmm,, kayanya….

Semua keluar dengan mudahnya… Gw cerita segala hal, semua prinsip hidup, apa yang maw gw accomplish dalam hidup, kuliah gw, novel gw, SEMUA!

Dia juga… tentang komiknya, seberapa cinta dia sama voli, darah rendah-nya, nyokapnya, temen2nya, impian dia…

Percaya gak sih kita ngobrol hampir 4 jam padahal gw baru aja kenal dia???

He keeps saying, “Hmm… Lucu… Lucu…”

Emang, semuanya lucu banget yah, Lex?

Then, dia anter gw pulang… yang lebih anehnya lagi, gw tanya, “Maw mampir dulu?”

“Boleh… liat-liat…”

Dan gw ninggalin dia di kamar gw sendirian!!! Gila kan?! Padahal gw baru kenal!!!

“Lo tunggu di sini dulu yah, gw maw cuci muka.”

How could you be so comfort with someone whom you just met?

Di saat itulah dia bilang, “Kalo suka sama seseorang, kita harus bilang perasaan kita.” Prinsip yang sama dengan gw!

Dia liat-liat nametag gw, origami gw, foto-foto gw, mengenal gw lebih dalam hanya dengan hitungan menit.

Gw kasih dia origami bikinan gw. Bintang warna-warni yang segede kepalan tangan. Disimpen yah, Lex!!!

Terus edwin dateng ngejemput. Gw, Linni, Cipen en Edwin maw pergi jalan2, so sekalian anter Alex ke wisma tempat dia nginep.

Hmm,, say goodbye is always the hardest thing to do. Tapi gw taw bakal ketemu lagi besok pas final.

Baru aja sampe tempat makan bubur, sms bunyi, “ALeX”

Malem itu kita ngobrol, kalo kita kayak udah kenal lama banget… We said sweet things. Dan gw tidur sambil senyum…..

2 September 2006

Ketemu Alex lagi!!! Mukanya lagi stress berat karena tegang maw final lawan atma jaya. Dengan sepenuh hati gw teriak2 waktu dia tanding, sampe pita suara gw rasanya maw putus.

2 set pertama Atma menang, 2 set selanjutnya Binus menang, set ke-5 jadi penentuan… Skor ngalamin deuce beberapa kali, sumpah tegang banget!! Huhuhu, sayang banget akhirnya Atma menang… Rasanya gw maw nangis… Padahal dia cerita kalo dia pengen banget ngalahin Atma karena temen deket dia yang dulu satu klub Voli bareng dia waktu SMU ada di atma, namanya Patrick. Mereka temen baik, tapi pas di lapangan, tetep aja rival. Yoi gak, Lex? (That’s what you said)

~~~

Alex shock, dan karena darah rendahnya, dia pingsan. DANG! Sumpah, gw takut banget, mungkin that was the moment that I realize that He meant something!!

Gw ikut waktu dia digotong ke Korgala, dan dengan segenap keberanian gw masuk ke Korgala,, ketemuin dia. Gw nemenin dia sampe dia bangun, en balik ke GSG.

Sampe pintu GSG, I said goodbye. Dia masuk ke GSG, ada acara serah terima piala, dll…

Gw jalan ke sentra, karena ditunggu Linni, Cipen en Litta di sana… Sesaat gw mikir… “IS THAT IT?” Udahkah? Ini endingnya? Apa iya abis ini gw gak ketemu dia lagi???

Koq dada gw rasanya sesak yah?

Duduk di Sentra, nemenin anak2 makan, gw kayak mau nangis… pengen liat dia lagi…

Tiba-tiba, HP bunyi… “ALeX” CALLING

WAAAAA!!!!

“Maytri! Lo dimana?”

“Di Sentra bawah… kenapa?”

“Gw mau ngenalin lo sama Patrick.”

“Kapan? Sekarang?”

“Iya…”

Gak lama kemudian dia samperin gw di sentra, en ngajak gw balik ke GSG, maw dikenalin ke Patrick.

Gw nanya, “dapet medali gak?” karena dia ngoleksi medali hasil tanding Voli.

“Enggak, dapet piala…”

“Oooh… sayang yah. Tapi gak apa-apa, cuma lo satu2nya pemain yang dapet bintang.”

“Hah, bintang?” dia bingung.

“Heeh, bintang warna-warni yang gw kasih kemaren.”

Sampe di GSG, gw dikenalin sama orang yang udah dia anggep kembarannya. Hmm,, gw juga jadi pengen kenalin dia ke Ucup, my best friend.

Setelah itu, we were unseparatable. Kita makan di sentra, dia cerita macem2 dari jokes2 goblok, cerita hantu, masa kecil, mantan2 pacar, en ngajak jalan.

Trus kita ke kost gw dulu, baru deh jalan (dalam keadaan gw gak mandi, en dia juga settingan abis tanding Voli. Hahahaha), rencananya maw ke de Kosmo en ke IP. Waktu nunggu angkot, dia suruh gw pake jaket dia, karena dia tau gw gampang masuk angin. Dan dia bilang, “Gw suka liat cewek pake jaket cowo…” So sweeeet… Karena udah malem, akhirnya naek St.hall-Ciumbuleuit yang belok, nah… gw kan gak taw harus naek apa pas turun di gandok, jadilah gw minta Alex bwat sms cipen. Pas itu ada cowok en cewek yang duduk di depan kita di dalam angkot. Cowoknya nanya, “maw ke IP?”

“He-eh.” Gw jawab.

“Nanti bareng saya aja… maw ke IP juga koq…”

Jadilah orang itu ngajak ngobrol. Ternyata yang cowok itu anak Hukum ’89 en ceweknya Ars 2002. Yang bikin gw seneng, mereka pikir gw en Alex itu teman satu SMU, padahal baru aja kenal… hehe.

Sampe di De Kosmo, kita cuma muter2 doang liat makanan, tapi gw gak taw maw makan apa, jadi kita langsung ke IP. Dari situ dia udah mulai sering nurunin bando gw. Nyebelin… tapi ngangenin. :p

Dari de Kosmo ke IP kita jalan… talked about stuff like falling in love and so on…

Pas di ditulah gw bilang, “Lex… lo muncul di saat yang tepat banget yah…”

Sampe IP, Alex terus2an becanda, Gosh, he was so funny! Kita ke food court, akhirnya gw laper… gw pesen McD deh. For the first time of my life, rasa fillet o fish datar banget!!! Aneh…

Di food court itulah pembicaraan tentang ‘apakah kita berdua ini mungkin?’ dimulai.

Bisa gak kita long distance?

Apa iya kita itu jodoh?

Blah3x… Yang pasti saat itu, I didn’t give a damn, gw cuma maw nikmatin apa yang ada sekarang… That I’m with him… And I’m extremely happy in an actual definition.

“Maytri… fotobox yuks!”

Hahahaha! Gw seneng banget waktu dia bilang itu!!!

“Yuks! Cepetan sebelum tutup!” krn skrg emang udah jam 9! Buru2lah kentangnya diabisin en ngacir ke M Studio. Pas jalan ke M itulah dia bilang, “Seandainya kita berada di kota yang sama… gw pasti udah nembak lo…”

seandainya… seandainya….

“Lex… lo taw perasaan gw ke elo, kan?”

“Taw kok… gw juga suka sama lo… gw happy sama lo.”

“Gw gak suka sama lo kok… mungkin bakal kdengeran stupid, tapi… gw udah jatuh cinta sama lo…”

To qoute “A Lot Like Love”…

If you’re not stupid, then you don’t deserve to be in love.

Dalam waktu kurang dari 2×24 jam, May??? How come??? Gw sendiri masih belum percaya,, tapi gw yang ngerasain!!!

Ini fotobox-nya!

Ini fotobox-nya!

~~~

Beres fotobox,, dia ngajak gw ke GAME MASTER!!! Uuuuh! Buat orang2 yang mengenal gw dgn baik,, pasti taw kalo gw maw banget ngedate maen game! Gw kaget banget!

I always wanted to go to this kind of place on my date!!!

Damn you Alex, for making tonight so perfect!

Di game master kita maen macem2, dia ngajak gw maen DDR Drum machine itu loh! Gw kan gak bisa, “Gak maw aaah! Gak bisaaa!”

“Gw juga, udah, coba aja!! Apa sih yang gak bisa?”

Bener…. bener banget!

Truz maen racing, truz kita maen PANIC PARK!!! Oh I love that game!!!! Lucu banget! Semua orang HARUS, WAJIB nyoba maen game itu!!! Gw maen ampe dengkul gw biru en keringetan… Hosh… Hosh… And he did sweet thing that moment :)

Liat gw keringetan, dia nyeka keringet gw pake tangannya!!! Mampus gak tuh! Anjiir lu, Lex! Dasar buaya darat!!

Kita di game master sampe game master tutup, en pas keluar game master, IP udah gelap. Hahaha!

Gw inget pas turun eskalator, Alex ngomong, “Seandainya lo cewek gw…”

Huaaaaaaaaaa!! Iya… seandainya…. T.T

“Umm… sebenernya bisa koq, kalo emang lo maw…”

“Emang lo maw coba LD??” DANG! Bingung dah gw ditanya begitu. Prinsip gw tuh, amit2 gw sampe LD! Gak sanggup gw…

“Lex… kalo gw bilang gw maw… gw gak yakin bisa, gw gak maw nantinya ngerusak 2 hari yang perfect ini. Tapi kalo gw bilang gak maw… gw gak maw kehilangan lo…”

Hiks, dilemma.

I just don’t want to ruin it,, so please,, don’t talk about it.

Dari IP naek angkot sekali, turun di gandok… dia cerita kalo sebenernya pas tanding dia maw meluk gw… :) jujur yah, Lex… sebenernya waktu di GSG itu, gw udah maw nyamperin lo sebelum lo tanding…

~~~

Dari gandok kita jalan… sepanjang jalan, we held hand in hand. Saat itu gw sadar… dalam beberapa menit, dia bakal pergi dari kehidupan gw.

2 hari yang gila ini bakal berakhir….

Sepanjang jalan, kita ngobrol… saat2 dimana gw paling merasa nyaman bersama dia… gw bisa cerita semua hal yang gw gak kepikiran… saat2 dia bisa cerita jokes2 gobloknya, en kalo gw bilang, “Lo goblok banget seh, Lex!” dia bakal jawab, “Iyalah, gw kan IPS…”

“TERUUUUS??? Gw juga!” Hahaha,, sering banget yah Lex…

Dia juga nanya, kapan gw first kiss… Gw bilang, gak pernah… Gw bilang gw mau first kiss gue sama suami gue, trus dia ketawain se-tolol-tololnya. Kurang ajar.

Gw inget every detail semua kejadian yang terjadi 2 hari itu, pas di depan premierre, dia bilang, “Mungkin kita emang jodoh yaa…”

Huhuhu…. iya! Iya! Pasti!

Sampe kosan, dia nelpon taxi… en nunggu di kamar sambil merenung, huaaa,, abis ini kita gak akan ketemu lagi. Dia bakal ke Enhai, nginep semalem en besok siang pulang ke Jakarta.

Dia minta pendapat gw apakah dia harus ngelepasin Voli karena dia sibuk banget sama DKV en kegiatan2 dia… Dia ngerasa gak sanggup kalo semuanya tetep dijalanin. En gw bilang, “JANGAN!!!”

“Kenapa?”

Inget kan Lex, jawaban kita? Kita ngomong sama-sama…

Karena gara-gara Voli, kita ketemu…

Jujur yah, Lex… gw gak pernah bilang ini ke elo, taw gak… Gw suka banget liat lo maen Voli… Penuh semangat, selalu bisa ngebangkitin semangat tim lo. So, jangan dilepasin yaah… Lo menginspirasi gw untuk tetep semangat dalam hidup. Lo yang selalu bilang ke gw kan, apapun yang terjadi, gw harus semangat.

Gw terdiam cukup lama, mikir… apa jadinya hidup gw setelah ini… Setelah gw ketemu soulmate gw, terus ditinggal… Disorder kayak apa yang nanti bakal gw rasain…?

Tiba-tiba… He kissed me.

It just happened.

Dia cium pipi gw. A stolen kiss… Nggak pernah terpikir kalau pertama kali dicium cowok bakal stolen kiss…

Taw gak, saat itu, jantung gw pindah posisi ke perut. GOD, gw gak pernah ngerasain perut gw tiba2 mules banget kayak diaduk2 pake sendok semen! Muka gw pasti cengo banget saat itu. Sekitar 5 detik gw mencerna semuanya, gw pukul paha Alex kenceng banget. “BABI LO LEX!!! Itu first kiss gw yaaaa!!!!”

Alex cengar-cengir aja. “Kan di pipi,, yang di bibir buat suami lo..”

Gw rasa itu lucu banget… hihihi… Alex… Alex… dasar orang gila!

“Lex, lo gila ya?!”

“Gara-gara siapa gue gila?”

Hmm,, gw gak akan lupa every single word that you said, Lex..

Kita berdua gila. Bukan elo doang. Gue juga gila…

Sedihnya, Hpnya bunyi, ditelpon sama Blue Bird. Damn! Kenapa sih sinyal hari itu mesti bagus!! T.T

Gw anter dia ke depan… sebelum naek taxi, gw peluk dia eraaaaaaat banget… Gak maw gw lepasin rasanya… sampe mati juga.

But I had to… And I let him go…

Pcaya apa engga, pas taxi udah pergi, air mata gak berhenti2nya turun selama 10 menit ke depan. Gw kayak orang goblok yang ngegembok pintu sambil nangis, terus ngetok2 kamar Linni. “Liiiin….”

Pas Linni buka pintu kamar dan ngeliat tampang gw yang udah banjir banget, dia langsung shock. “Ya ampun, Maaay! Lo kenapa? Diapain lo sama Alex???”

Diapain sama Alex…?

Dicium?

Ditinggal?

Apa yah?

Hmm…. Dibikin jatuh cinta…

3 September 2006

Call me crazy, pas Alex bangun jam 10 pagi (si BABI emang), gw langsung ngacir ke Enhai, dianter Billy… (THANKS a lot Bil!!!!)

Gw ketemu dia untuk yang terakhir kali… Ngeyakinin kita berdua kalo gak mungkin bisa long distance, so… it’s that last time we said goodbye. Pas jalan di koridor enhai, dia nurunin bando gw lagi… Gw kesel banget karena rambut gw jadi berantakan, tapi gw taw… jailnya dia itu bakal ngangenin.

Gw gak bisa lama2, ditunggu Billy, so gw harus pulang. Dia anter gw ke motor, dan untuk yang terakhir kali juga, gw peluk dia lagi… Lex, lo harus tau kalo saat itu gw nahanin nangis. Entah kenapa gw gak maw nangis di depan lo… Mungkin karena gw gak maw image ‘crayon orange’ gw di mata lo rusak.

Waktu peluk dia, gw ngomong…

“Lex… inget yah…

1. kalo suka sama cewe lain, harus bilang gw…

2. Apalagi kalo sampe jadian…

3. Sering2 telpon gw…

4. Jangan pernah lupain gw… dan 3 hari terakhir ini

5. Kalo lawan atma lagi, menang yah! Hehhe…”

Dan pesan dia cuma satu,

“Kalo lo gak yakin sama perasaan lo, kalo lo gak ngerasain apa yang lo rasain skrg, jangan jalanin hubungan… karena cuma bakal nyakitin.”

Then, that’s it… I went away. Billy, mungkin lo gak taw, sepanjang jalan gw nangis di atas motor… goblok banget. Gw jadi gila… semuanya jadi abu-abu…

I’ve just found my soulmate and I’ve just lost him. How ironic is that?

Pas udah di kosan pun, gw gak berhenti nangis di kamar Cipen… goblok… goblok… gw jadi gila neh, kayaknya….

~~~

Waktu denger cerita ini, banyak tanggepan2 aneh dari orang2… antara, “Aaaaw… I envy you!”

“Alaaaah… itu mah bukan sayang!”

“Easy comes easy goes…”

“Pertahanin dia, May!”

Atau cuma ketawa sinis….

Joan yang paling lucu, dengan wajah pura2 lugu dia nanya, “Ini true story, kan?”

Yup, kalo ada orang yang ceritain gw kayak gini, mungkin gw juga akan ternganga gak percaya. “Ini true story bukan seeeh??”

I know it’s too impossible to be true, but I’ve felt it… with my soulmate… how great is that?

Bwat orang2 yang menanggapi cerita ini dengan sinis, gw cuma bisa bilang… Don’t be so cynical about this kind of love just because you haven’t felt it. Gw percaya kok, semua orang punya Alex-nya masing2… It’s just my luck to find him first.

Don’t look for your destiny, it’ll come to you after all…

Bwat Yoan, *speechless*, abis udah keluar semua pas kelas PerpPol. :P

Bwat Linni, Cipen, en Litta (para saksi hidup), kalo gak ada tarohan itu, gak akan ada ini semua.

Bwat Cupy, gw pengen banget ngenalin dia ke elo!!!

Bwat semua yang baca,, mungkin aneh, mustahil, apalah,, sayang hanya dalam waktu 2 hari… But it happens!!! I felt it! Gak ada yang lebih real lagi deeh!!!

Bwat Alex… Gimana nyong?! Gw udah bikinin blogs bwat lo neh! Gw gak pernah gak yakin sedikitpun sama perasaan sayang kita kok! En gw juga gak pernah nyesel sama semua yang terjadi selama dua hari itu… Cepetan publish komik lo! Biar novel gw happy ending! Inget janji lo di IP! En gw bakal selalu inget kata2 lo… Tetep semangat!!! En… “kalo emang lo jodoh gw… Kita pasti bakal ketemu lagi.” you always said that.

Alex…

Meeting you was Fate

Knowing you was Choice

But Falling in love with you… is totally out of my control.

-May, Septemberollercoaster 2006-

Today, six years after that happened, I finally look back and smile. No, not smile, I laugh!

Come on, it’s a beautiful story and we’re friends now, why not laugh about it? This “falling in love with stranger” thing is like one of my wildest fantasy since I was nine years old! Guess I attract universe to finally give this story for me. =)

FYI, this all happened when Bandi and I were in 3 months relationship and apparently one day before I met Alex, we decided to go “on a break”, giving each other space. Right after I came back saying goodbye to Alex, I went to Bandi’s place and broke up with him.

I should make a point now that I was doing Bandi a favor by really breaking up with him instantly after I gained my conscience back from the fairy tale. However we were on a break. (Not that I agree with Ross sleeping with other woman while he and Rachel were on a break. LOL)

Falling in love with Alex was inevitable. And the least I could do was being fair to Bandi by breaking up with him.
Well, like Kurt Cobain said, it’s better to be yourself and everyone hates you than become somebody else and everyone loves you.

For all of Bandi’s friends who were calling me a slut and people who accused me of cheating and whatever, this might be the answer for you for “Why did you do that to the nicest guy on earth?”

For me, I think what I did was right. I could have just played victim and stepped on the two boats, nobody knows right? (Nobody unless hundred of people on GSG watching me asking for his number. LOL) Or I could just go back to my normal life with Bandi and pretended like nothing happened.

But hey something happened. I fell in love and I will never lie of what I feel. So instead of being so angelic, I became a devil instead. I did let go the two of them.

Because it is the right thing. I was being fair.

You could comment anything and say that technically I was cheating but in my defense, falling in love with Alex was inevitable. He would have done exactly the same thing if he had a girlfriend.

Do you know what cheating is? It is having two or more love affairs in the same time under your conscience!!! (bold and underlined with three exclamation points!)

I wasn’t in my conscience on that time. It was a three days fantasy, and once after I came back to reality, the first thing I did was telling Bandi about it. And when he asked, “so what do you wanna do about it now?” I did the right thing, I said we should break up.

So what happened after Bandi and I broke up? Did I try a relationship with Alex? Hmm, I can’t really call it a relationship because what we did most of the times was arguing over the phone and remember back then inter-city phone calls weren’t cheap. We were only a student then and didn’t have spare money to buy train tickets to visit each other and we were so busy with college life we didn’t have time to console each other’s feelings. We were miserable and I must say everything was really hard with him. Because he was a male version of me. He was stubborn, selfish and crazily romantic.

We were falling in too fast and couldn’t wait to go out as fast. We made a mistake by taking the fantasy to the reality. Alex and me were bad news. In the end we did hurt each other more than we fell in love to each other.

Now the question is, after all this time, if now another Alex comes again into my life, will I do the same thing? No.

1. My feeling now is totally different from what I had with Bandi back then. We had only been together for 3 months and those were boring 3 months. And to be honest, if the Alex thing didn’t hit him that hard, he would stay boring for the rest of his life.

2. Things like this won’t happen twice.

3. I wouldn’t do juvenile thing like accepting a bet for a free lunch and ask a guy’s phone number in my age now. (You see the point? I was just being juvenile and that’s what we did on our college times.)

I knew this would be a controversial post, but I don’t give a fuck. For what it’s worth, everything happens for reason. I believe that.

However Bandi and I are together now, being stronger than ever. When I ask Bandi whether he’s scared of me ever do that again, he said no. “You and Alex were in the same city when I was in US for two years, and you didn’t even have thoughts of meeting him.” Well he’s freakin right!!

“You love me just too much. All you do is thinking about me, you don’t have time for drama.”

The climax for this post would be this:

So, the other night, Alex just showed up on my whatsapp, out of the blue, apologizing of what he did 6 years ago. I know he apologized before but somehow this time, it just felt so right. We talked in the middle of 2 am in the morning and we spent like one hour straight just to chat.

I used to say that he was my darkest hour before dawn and here it is, another surprise from universe, this story really ended in a dawn.

Like Alex said and I quote: “Once again, I apologize to you. I hurt you before and I’m sorry for that. I remembered you told me on 2007 that you feel like slapping my face. You know what? I deserved that.”

Anyway, we did meet again exactly one year after that. I post about it here.

Here’s some peek of the chat. I’ve edited the personal stuffs though.

Alex convo

I told him I already forgave him long time ago and I’m so glad he has grown so much from a very selfish guy to be this wise man and you know what? It’s because of a girl. (It’s always LOVE that conquers all! Yaiy!)

He also said he will definitely come if Bandi and I get married someday and will draw us for free! (He’s a professional illustrator now :)) He said he’s so glad we’re friends now, which we both should become in the first place. Please, Alex was like a male version of me, we should have been bestfriend since the beginning if there were no romance and drama involved!

He said he always knew Bandi was the one for me, that he never gave up on me through all those things and he said he also owe Bandi an apology. Well, that would be an epic moment when he apologize to Bandi. LOL

We agreed on two things: one, that what we felt for those three days was real and let it be just a beautiful fantasy. Two, everything really does happen for reason. That happened to me so Bandi and I would be like today and that happened to him so he would grow up (even he just realized 6 years later) and when he finally met this girl, he knew what love really is. =)

I’m so glad Alex and I talked it out.

For every pain and hurt that we costed each other six years ago, I’m so grateful it happened. It was a part of growing up.

Now is the time for my sotoy philosophy…

The reason why I made this post is that we should not run from our past or pretend it never happened by not talking about it. We have to make closure for every issues that we had in order to move forward. I believe that.

I personally love to have a closure with Alex and finally Bandi is okay talking about it, even though he still doesn’t want to mention the “A” name. haha

Don’t try too hard though to make a closure as it might not the time yet. Just remember everyone has different timeline and different standard of dealing with problems and pain. Let the time heals everything. Don’t lose faith. The closure will come, eventually.

Because time really does heal everything.

May, 17th July 2012.

Geez, It’s kinda weird that I read it again now, my life is so awesome!! Haha! How many people out there get to have an apology from a guy who hurt her so much 6 years before. And this post has been laying there in the draft page for a reason. You know what’s the reason? So I can make an inception post like this. Hahaha! A post inside a post inside a post. If this doesn’t make my blog awesomeness level went up, I don’t know what will.

Anyway, enough with the non-sense.

To comment about the story, seven years after, I just want to say… for all the excuses I made and the argues I tried to validate… I still think it’s the right thing to do even seven years later. What I did was right. (still)

This is gonna be my last post ever talking about this Alex guy. This is the season finale and I like the ending. We’re not best friend anyway like we said on the whatsapp one year ago because it would be weird for Bandi and Alex’s girlfriend if we’re bestfriend, this is not a sitcom.

We’re just a friend who wishes each other Happy birthday and talk once in a while especially when he’s about to show some of his drawing stuffs to me. But we’re cool. He’s living his dream and I live mine. =)

I don’t know what kind of sentences would be perfect to end this series of drama. I have been staring at the blinking cursor for the last 30 seconds and there’s no perfect words to say.

I guess…

Life is unpredictable.

One minute you had it all, the other you lost it. It’s so scary that your life and everything attached to you is mortal.

However life is too short not to fall in love head over heels. To really fall.

To fall in love and then to be heart broken and then to learn and to let go and to move on. That’s okay.

That’s life. Don’t be scared. Time will heal and you will be healed too.

Have your heart broken is inevitable, being miserable is optional. =)

Afterall, It’s always fun to hear a love story, no matter how bad the ending is… And you can always change your point of view and turn it around to be a happy ending.

P.S: For the twenty years old Alex and the twenty years old May: You two are damn cute! I’m glad you guys took the chance. =)

Cheers,

May, 26th July 2013

That day when the universe revolves around you.

It’s the day.

The day when you can do anything you want, seriously anything.

The day when everything’s just so right.

The day when you feel the most special of all.

That day when you’d love all the attention to you on facebook and twitter and path and all of those. (Hell yeah I am loving the attention! XD)

The day when you are assured one more time that you are deeply loved, that you are surrounded by people who loves you like crazy.

The day when you are not only gaining age but also gaining weight for all the cakes and sweets!

The day when you are not only getting older but also getting wiser, getting lovelier and of course sexier!

The day when once in a year, the universe revolves around you.

The day it’s the birthday.

And I had mine like a blast yesterday!

I had hundreds of wishes (no “hope you’d get married” ones unless from boyfie’s mom), lots of presents (which I reaaallly really love!), maximum amount of sugar and sweets, drank the best milkshakes ever, went to animal shelter, played with the dogs, ate my favorite food, kissed my favorite person, joked with my favorite people, watched free pantomime, went on a picnic while watching a Shakespeare’s play (seriously isn’t it the best or what?) and I laughed and laughed and laughed.

I am loved, blessed, healthy and happy. I can’t possibly want more.

Photo 20-5-13 11 22 53 AM

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you people! THANK YOU!!!!

Cheers,

May, having a blast.

How do I get here?

Sejak kecil, gue selalu pengen pindah dan tinggal di luar negeri. Kenapa? Simply karena gue mau actively speaking English. (Because I love love love English)

Pengennya sih milih negaranya, mau tinggal di UK (gara-gara Enid Blyton) terus ganti Amrik (gara-gara semua bukunya Francine Pascal) dan akhirnya jatuh cinta sama Prancis (tapi nggak bisa bahasanya) Hehe. Tapi waktu jaman kita remaja dulu, hanya ada dua cara untuk bisa meng-eksport diri ke luar negeri:

Satu: Lo mesti pinter banget, so dapet beasiswa untuk sekolah di luar negeri dan ujung2 nya kerja di luar negeri juga.

Dua: Lo mesti jadi anak orang kaya, so bokap nyokap lo bisa sekolahin lo pake Dollar (atau Euro)

I was neither. Nggak dua-dua nya.

Ada satu lagi sihh caranya, Lo mesti cantik banget dan tinggi so bisa di-rekrut jadi model. Hahaha ini lebih impossible lagi. So, gue cukup sadar diri, gue nggak cakep, nggak pinter dan bonyok gue kagak tajir. Satu-satunya cara untuk gue bisa cabut hidup di luar adalah dengan kerja keras keberuntungan.

Banyak temen2 gue yang bilang gue itu hoki, tapi nggak ada yang bilang gue itu hard-working, karena emang I am not. Hahaha. (Gue mesti cari temen baru nggak sih?)

Gue itu pemalas, tapi mau banyak hal. Untungnya I am very lucky.

Sebenernya luck is a state of mind. Kalo mau gue liat dari sisi buruknya, gue bisa bilang shit hidup gue crappy banget. Ortu gue better be divorced aja deh daripada perang tiap hari, abang gue on crack all day dan nyusahin hidup gue banget, cowok pertama yang gue cinta meninggal pula! But then entah kenapa, gue grew up with a lot of great friends, yang membuat my teenage years (yang penuh dengan kegalauan kalo kata abg jaman sekarang) turned out to be quite awesome. Entah kenapa juga gue grow up to be a very cheerful girl. Gue lupa sejak kapan, tapi gue selalu consider myself as the lucky one (selain of course consider myself as the sexy one. Hahaha shameless).

Mungkin ini bawaan bokap nyokap gue yang selalu bilang “Ya udah untung kamu nggak kenapa-kenapa” setiap kali gue kenapa-kenapa. Kalo dompet gue ilang, nyokap bilang gitu, sepeda gue ilang dia bilang gitu, gue jatuh ke kandang ayam trus jidat dijait juga bilang gitu. (Woy padahal gue kenapa-kenapa bo!) So I ended up always saying “untungnya…” dan gue selalu merasa gue hoki.

Ke-hoki-an gue ini mencapai puncak nya waktu gue SMA. Waktu itu gue, nyokap dan abang gue tinggal di Bogor dan Bokap gue kerja di Jakarta. Dia pulang tiap weekend doang. Abang gue mulai balik lagi ke addiction nya dan nyokap takut dia masuk penjara jadi nyokap mau kirim dia ke China. Di-ekspor lah jauh-jauh biar nggak berurusan sama polisi. Karena jatah uang abang gue udah abis (dia pindah lima biji SMA bo! Bayangin tuh berapa puluh juta abis buat bayar uang pangkal) nyokap gue pake jatah uang yang mestinya my college fund untuk ship him off to China. Walhasil, I don’t have college fund. So, how am I going to go to College???

Disinilah pertama kalinya I believe in miracles. Gue dapet PMDK dong. Hahaha! Gue kagak pinter deh, sumpah! Gue cuma masukin application itu sekali dan cuma satu Uni, and I am accepted to the only Uni I applied!!! Hahaha hoki abis. Jadi deh duit masuk gue ke College waktu itu cuma bayar sks doang. Hahahaha. Waktu semester 2 akhir, bokap gue kena heart attack, terus dia nggak bisa kerja lagi. Dia balik ke Bogor dan stay sama nyokap di Bogor. Ini artinya both of my parents nggak menghasilkan uang dan I had to quit college. I was so broken hearted and devastated.

Again, my luck has never left me. Sejak semester 3 gue dapet scholarship sampe gue lulus. Again, GUE KAGAK PINTER deh, sumpah! Gue bisa dapet beasiswa karena gue aktif di kampus dan gue jadi ketua organisasi Kakak Asuh gitu. Gue bilang ke admin Jurusan gue kalo parents gue stop working dan gue applied for a scholarship and I got it! =) Sebenernya the whole process is complicated. I make it sound so simple, aren’t I? Yah maksudnya gue mau menceritakan tentang luck-nya dulu nih.

Intinya, gue lulus. Nyokap gue berderai-derai air mata deh waktu gue lulus. Dia bener-bener nggak nyangka gue bisa graduated, jadi sarjana!!! Hahaha. I was so happy too. I reached a phase in my life that I believe in miracles. Faith. And pure luck.

Gue masih tetep mau tinggal di luar negeri, tapi again, gue kagak pinter, tajir atau super cantik. So I hold that thought. Apa gue hook up sama bule aja yah di Bali terus bilang gue hamil biar gue dikawinin terus diboyong kesono? Apa gue jadi flight attendant aja yah? Apa gue jadi imigran gelap?

Banyak deh ide gue buat bisa cabut dari Indo. Bukan karena gue gak cinta Indonesia, tapi simply because gue mau ngerasain hidup abroad (and the fact that I don’t wanna live with my mom). Hahahaha. Nyokap gue sih orangnya asik, kagak pernah ngelarang2 gue, mau gue nggak pulang semaleman juga dia nggak pernah nanyain, terus nyokap kalo lagi lempeng asik diajak ngobrol, dia suka baca buku so kita suka tuker-tukeran buku dan bahas buku. Tapi nyokap gue rada sangat neurotic, jadi gue bisa ribut besar sama dia untuk beberapa hal dan because I love her, I can’t stay with her.

Long story short, gue memulai karir sebagai freelancer di Jakarta. Gue ngajar Phonics ke murid-murid international school dan I was paid quite well, enough to financially support my parents. Ada lah sisa sedikit untuk ditabung.

Mau tau nabung untuk apa? Untuk kabur ke Singapur! Haha. Semua orang bilang gue gila. Lo mau kerja apa woy? Lulusan ilmu politik pula, experience nya cuma pernah ngajar dan jadi jurnalis tiga bulan. Gue sendiri juga kagak tau.

Gue cuma bilang “I believe in my luck.” And they said “Don’t push your luck too far.”

Setelah 2 tahun gue nabung, gue kantongin duit $2000 dan cabut ke Singapore! CAN YOU IMAGINE IT? Tempat tinggal gue pertama kali gue hijrah ke Singapore horrible banget deh! Gue tinggal serumah sama uncle-uncle genit yang suka nggak pake baju! X(

Untung roommate gue baik jadi kita watched each other’s back. Gue denger cerita-cerita anak Indo yang juga mencari peruntungan disini, mereka nunggu 2 bulan atau 3 bulan untuk dapet kerja. Emang duit segitu cukup buat gue? Mereka sih enak dapet suntikan dana dari orang tua nya, nah gue? Kalo gue nggak dapet kerja, emak bapak gue mau makan apa bok? Apa, hah? Apaaa? (jum in jum out)

Gue sempet mikir sih, kalo dalam sebulan gue nggak dapet kerja, gue bakal balik lagi aja ke Jakarta dan mulai freelance gue dari nol lagi. (Saat itu gue udah hand over semua murid gue ke orang lain) Waktu gue bilang ke nyokap gue soal rencana gila gue itu, nyokap gue kagak worried sama sekali loh. Gue bilang ke dia, “Tapi entar kalo aku gak dapet kerja, kita makan nasi pake garem aja ya!” Dan dia cuma ketawa. Nyokap bilang gue itu anak hoki, jadi pasti berhasil dapet kerja.

And she’s right. =)

On the third day in Singapore, I already got a job. (And I’m still in this job until now. Haha) Sumpah gue nggak percaya banget kalo segitu cepatnya dan segitu gampangnya gue dapet kerja! Ini nggak pake koneksi orang dalem atau gimana. Gue cuma happened to stumble on a two weeks old advertisement dan applied for the job. After I applied for the job, gue baru tau kalo itu koran lama. Eh gue langsung ditelepon sama manager nya, dia bilang orang yang di-hired seminggu lalu baru dipecat, dan dia liat resume gue masuk hari itu dan minta gue kerja ASAP.

Kalo bukan pure luck then what the hell was that? My best friend who was in Singapore that time shouted, “YOU’RE LUCKY BITCH!” Hahahaha. I am.

And it happened. I live abroad. Mungkin belum di Prancis. But I do live abroad. Bukan karena gue pinter, bukan karena parents gue tajir melintir, bukan karena gue cantik, tapi karena gue lucky. (And yeah, even though it’s more of Singlish, but I do use my English actively.)

Do you believe in law of attractions? I do. I can’t wait for universe to start another conspiracy to make the rest of my dreams coming true. Full of surprises and exciting.

There was the time when universe surprised me to make one of my dream comes true, and I didn’t even try. It just happened. So yeah, I bet law of attractions is indeed true.

Kadang gue suka duduk bengong sambil minum kopi… mikirin hidup gue yang penuh surprises. Gue suka bertanya-tanya apa hidup gue seru begini karena nyokap gue? Nyokap gue itu… gimana yah. Hubungan gue sama dia tuh aneh banget deh. Kadang akurrr banget, kadang bisa nggak ngomongan ber-bulan-bulan. Tapi satu hal yang pasti, gue seneng nyokap gue udah kasih gue kebebasan bikin keputusan sejak gue SMA. Menurut gue freedom and trust are the value that she passes to me. And I will definitely do the same to my future kids.

Sumpah deh, nyokap tuh nggak pernah ngelarang gue. Dan karena gue kagak pernah dilarang, gue nya jadi lebih hati-hati kalo bikin suatu keputusan, karena gue tau gue yang nanggung semua konsekuensi nya. Gue udah merasa gue jadi orang dewasa waktu gue umur 15 tahun. Gue hidup sendiri sejak umur 18 tahun dan I enjoyed every second of it. Emang mungkin ada negative nya karena gue jadi independent dan sedikit membuat gue cocky dan selfish. Gue selalu merasa gue bisa ngelakuin apa-apa sendiri dan nggak butuh bantuan orang lain, which is I realize now (when I grow more) that it was wrong.

Mungkin kebebasan gue itu juga yang membuat gue nggak pengen nikah. Most of my friend bilang setengah alasan mereka mau buru-buru nikah sama sang pacar karena mau keluar dari rumah. Gue nggak menyalahkan alasan itu krn menurut gue, hidup sama parents lama-lama itu nggak sehat. You have to at least nge-kost bbrp bulan untuk ngerasain hidup sendiri! Nge-kost kek waktu kuliah, home stay ke luar negeri kek, tinggal sama sodara di kota lain kek, yah gimana kek asal ngerasain hidup sendiri. (Atau ini mah gue nya aja yang iri sama temen2 gue yang keluarga nya kompak?! Hahaha)

Nyokap gue nggak pernah sekalipun suruh gue married, nggak pernah nanya-nanya juga apa gue ada planning untuk married. Gue nggak tau juga sih exactly nya kenapa gue gak disuruh married pdhal kan biasanya orang tua kebakaran jenggot tuh kalo liat anaknya pacaran lama-lama, pake tinggal di luar negeri pula bareng pacarnya. “Daripada kamu hamil, lebih baik kamu kawin!” Hahaha.

Waktu si Bandi pindah ke Singapore for good (setelah freaking 2 years of LDR) nyokap gue relieved banget. Dia nanya apa gue tinggal jauh dari Bandi? Waktu itu lumayan lah, 30 menit naik train. Nyokap bilang, cari rumah aja buat tinggal bareng biar kamu aman. Keren banget dah nyokap gue! Akhirnya gue kumpulin temen untuk sewa rumah bareng-bareng biar gue nggak usah repot2 visit each other sama Bandi. At least living in a same roof could bring us much much closer (dan irit duit MRT). Masih ada loh yang nanya, “Emang dikasih sama orang tua lo?” Hahahaha. I am freaking twenty seven years old. Think about that. Terus ada lagi yang nanya, “Eh lo ke Eropa berdua aja sama Bandi, nggak apa-apa tuh?” Nah yang ini gue nggak tau balesnya gimana… “apa-apa” tuh maksudnya apa? Emang gue mesti bayar mahal-mahal ke Eropa untuk “apa-apa”? Di belakang semak-semak juga bisa kaleeee!

Kadang gue suka mikir juga, (ah kebanyakan mikir lo May) kalo gue punya keluarga yang harmonis kayak di film-film jaman 70-an gitu, mungkin hidup gue beda. Kalo bokap gue kagak heart attack yang pertama (waktu gue SD) mungkin bokap gue udah tajir melintir banget skrg, terus kata Bandi kalo gue anak orang kaya gue bakalan jadi tipe cewek-cewek spoiled brat gitu yang kalo turun mobil mesti dibukain supir dan kerjaan gue cuma naik turun pesawat keliling dunia pake koper Louis Vitton. Hahahahaha

But then gue inget, I am a lucky person. That is why universe didn’t turn me into that spoiled brat. Hidup gue yang sekarang itu exactly the life that I wanted. All the tears and wounds had made me what I am today. =)

The luckiest moment in my life is probably the day I met Bandi. He is no doubt the best thing that had (and willl ever have) happened to me. I’ve been sharing fears, dreams and happiness with him all these years and I finally understand what true love is.

One time I sent a letter to my mom, telling that I fell in love with Bandi but I was scared that someday our relationship would turn like hers with my Dad. She said that it won’t and again I must trust her that if she said it won’t, it means it won’t. I did trust her. =)

This post supposed to talk about my luck and my journey to finally terdampar di Singapore, dan seharusnya penuh dengan filosofi2 kacangan gue. Look how nggak jelas this post turned out to be.

Whatever, what do I know, right? I am twenty seven (in a couple of days) and while other woman is planning future for their babies, I am blogging about sotoy philosophy. Hahahaha. But one thing for sure though. Sometimes Most of the times, all you need is a little luck. ;)

"LUCK" ring.

the little luck.

Cheers, May, the lucky one.

P.S: I am writing this to remind myself who has been quite ungrateful lately of how lucky I am.

P.P.S: Dear Colson who probably didn’t understand shit about this post. Don’t worry, sir, you don’t miss a lot. This is just my hormonal crap. Hahahaha!

Would totally high-five Kartini.

I have never had a role model for a very independent woman in my real life and somehow I always use Ibu Kartini’s name for all the brave things I do.  I love my mom but she’s not my role model. She’s strong and smart and (again) I love her, but still I can’t look up to her. (This will offend the extreme Chinese-minded people about “you must bayar budi to your parents.”)

Anyhow, when I read some of RA Kartini letters, I was so overwhelmed of how a twenty years old woman on that era could think like that? How did it feel to be a feminist in the beginning of twentieth century? It must be very VERY scary! And again, she was TWENTY YEARS OLD!!!

I look back into my life, I think I’m pretty fearless like Kartini. The situation now surely is not even half scary of the situation back then, but I guess if I died and met Kartini, she would totally high-five me. I came to Singapore with nothing but a suitcase and 2K money in my pocket. I still didn’t have a job, not even an interview when I first came here. All I had was a simple gut and a very strong faith. And yes I did it.

I used to think being a feminist means I didn’t need men in my life or I didn’t need men beside me to validate my existence. I was wrong. It turned out that my life had become much MUCH better once Bandi came into the picture. Being a feminist doesn’t necessarily means we could degrade men or treating them badly. It means we’re equal with them.

I won’t mind if a man offered me to bring my grocery bag, or offered me a seat. That doesn’t mean I’m weaker than him. It’s a good manner. But I will mind when a Chinese parent said “Only a son is entitled for a house, because daughter will later be taken by her husband.” or when my Indian colleague said “You are not allowed to do that [please insert any bad behavior] because you’re a woman.” Go to hell, really. This is freaking 2013 and people still saying things out of gender?! (I’m not demoting any race, they’re just samples.”

Let me give you one very annoying sample that I always encountered:

“When a man sleeps with a lot of girls, he is THE MAN. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she is a SLUT.” Is that fair? NO FREAKING WAY! Women are also entitled for her sexual freedom.

Again, it’s an individual choice for women or men to do WHATEVER they want, regardless of their sexes. It’s not anybody’s freaking business and stop commenting “Because you’re a woman.” Go find a time machine and go back to 1900 and please make sure you were not born.

I am not an extreme feminist. I still accept the fact that women tends to be better for being a home maker and men are better for being a bread winner. But again they are tendencies. Women are not supposed to be judged just because they don’t do what societies did or what societies asked them to do.

My mom is not a feminist. She once scolded me for letting Bandi do the dishes. Her exact quote was “You can’t let a man do the dishes. It’s your job.” And I told her “Why can’t I?” And when she replied “because he’s a man”, I didn’t even bother to argue.

Does washing dishes make Bandi less of a man? No. That makes him a GREAT MAN. He NEVER even once use the “because I am a man” or “because you’re a woman” sentence of our argument. We are equal. And that’s feminism for me. He’s not under me and I’m not under him. (Didn’t mean as a dirty pun though. XD)

I once argued with a friend who was insisting that man gets the last say in a relationship/marriage. She brought religion/culture/social aspects to the argument. I couldn’t say her argument was wrong, because even though I said it was wrong, it wouldn’t change anything. It’s up to individual preferences how they are going to do with their marriages. I won’t ask every woman to get the last say of everything. I don’t do that too. It’s not a matter of right or wrong, people! It’s a matter of equality. That women get a say too in everything. The last say would be for the one who is right, not the one who has the penis.

Some people say I’m too straight forward, some people say I’m honest. Well guess this is just the way I talk. I don’t use gimmicks.

Kartini said some very risky things back then in 1900’s. She was being honest, not only to society but also to herself. If she could, then any women in 2013 could! Don’t be scared! You’re not imprisoned in the kitchen anymore, women! Say what you want, do what you’re capable to do. Kartini is waiting for us somewhere above to high-five all of us. =)

Cheers,

May, Ready to high-five!