#30daysblogging Epiphany

Day 19

Post is an idea from Erry.

From someone as ngocol as Erry, it was kinda surprising when she gave me a serious topic to post about. She told me that she had a turning point in her life when her Mom passed away and not long after that she conceived Fathir. I don’t know if her turning point changed her life so much, and I don’t know if it was also called Epiphany, but I guess I will talk about my Epiphany now.

I don’t know what is turning point… so maybe I haven’t had any. I know something about Epiphany. Based on dictionary, Epiphany means a moment of sudden and great revelation or realization. So it’s like an eye opener, a moment that makes you realize something that has been clouded all of this time.

This happens last year on February. Bandi missed a flight back home to Singapore, so I had to flight home alone. I’ve already written the story here, so I will not repeat again, but I will tell you why this Epiphany changed my life.

Before that day, I was this girl who never wanted marriage. I did turn down Bandi’s first proposal attempt to marry me and I was so close to let him go (not because I didn’t love him, but because I wanted to set him free.)

I tried so hard to open my heart and love fearlessly, but somehow I just couldn’t. Bandi was frustrated with me. He felt that he already tried everything to assure me that his love is true and that we were made for each other but somehow… somehow… I just couldn’t open my heart. I could say that… I loved Bandi with insurance. I did love him, I wanted a privilege to be his girlfriend, but I still wanted a ticket to go out from the relationship whenever I wanted. I needed an insurance. So whenever I felt like leaving him, I could.

(I know I know, what a bitch, right?)

You guys would probably think I’m a bad person. I could accept that. I was.

But that night, I changed.

I had the epiphany. I was so close to let him go and with all the missing-the-flight things and all the signs from the universe (FYI I believe in signs) I really really thought that I had to let him go.

And then there he was… knocking the door at midnight. He came home. And he brought back all of his legal documents that I’d left at the airport and he also brought my luggage that was left at Soe-tha airport. He was like trying to assure me that he was a superhero. Everything he did was like saying there you go, universe. I made it. Nothing can make me stop coming home to her. Nothing.

It seems silly, I know. But it’s something that’s hard to explain. It’s something that’s really really personal actually and here I am sharing with you.

That moment might not instantly make me want to marry Bandi, but it was the moment I started to think about what I really want in my life.

And him was the only one appeared everything I thought about it. It was kinda scary because I have never put anyone in my life as my priority before and suddenly I realized I have invested so much feeling on somebody it was overwhelming and scary and new for me. And deciding to carry on was the best decision I’ve ever made in my entire life.

Dreams changed and he was my new dream. And I didn’t mind.

Cheers,

May, feeling content.

My fiance is not THE prince charming

No, he’s not the prince charming who rides a white horse and brings me to his kingdom. No, he’s not driving Ferrari and pick me up anywhere when I call him. No, he’s not cleaning my debt, or buying me handbags I can’t afford. He’s not anybody from the hollywood love stories nor fairy tales books.

My fiance is just a regular nice guy who loves watching football while drinking beer and eating pizza. He’s just a hardworking auditor who’s very dedicated to his job. He’s just a normal guy who’s happened to be adventurous, kind and loving.

He didn’t save my life. Where or whom he was saving me from?

He didn’t make me happy. I was already happy.

He didn’t change my life. What should it be changed?

So when I was being asked, “How do you feel? In a week your life is about to change!”

I felt that I had to write this…

Oh… I hope it won’t change. Oh god, I hope marriage doesn’t change my life.

Because I’ve already loved my life. I love it that I’ve been sharing the last 8 years with him and it’s been nothing but great. So I don’t want my life to change. Sure we hit rock bottom now and then but we hit it together. The point of living this life is not avoiding the pain, but having someone to share the pain with.

My life is not painless, but it’s just perfect… now, It was perfect eight years ago, and it will always be perfect til we say goodbye on our death bed… (and being reunited in our next life).

He’s not a prince charming, to me he is perfect.

He’s not driving Ferrari, to me he is perfect.

He’s not cleaning my debt, to me he is perfect.

He’s not anybody from the fairy tales, to me he is just perfect.

I hope nothing will ever change because to me, “us” is just perfect.

~~~

Love always,

May, who will be walking down the aisle in a week.

~~~

Dear you, it was a great talk yesterday and yes things are not the way it used to be, but it doesn’t mean our feelings changed. I love you even more each day. I know you know that.

Loved. Blessed. Inspired.

Before Bandi proposed to me, he had already told me that he wanted a church wedding, so when I said “yes”, I knew what I said yes too. I knew I had to go through all the catholic administration hassles because well… I’m a non-catholic.

When Bandi and I met the priest for the first time asking for a marriage, he told us to pick either a marriage preparation course or a weekend retreat for couples. And oh I’m so glad Bandi picked the second one.

This Catholic Engaged Encounter was supposed to be just “a thing we had to do in order to get married” but then it turned out to be so meaningful that it was probably one of our turning point as a couple. :)

I can’t blabber the details of the EE (engaged encounter) because they advised us not to blog about it for personal stories they’ve shared and also it is better for anyone to come there clueless and open minded.

The environment is non-threatening and safe for the non-catholic partners. I met a lot of interfaith couple and it was soooo comforting to know there are a lot of couples out there who are struggling like us. The best thing was… The priest and the mentoring couples assured us that inter-faith marriage is just as lovely as same-faith marriage and that we should see the inter-faith marriage as a blessing instead of hindrance. That’s so heart-warming. (In your face, people who said inter-faith marriage won’t work!)

Bandi and I were free from handphones and we focused completely on each other. We were communicating so intensely and intimately. We poured our hearts out in writings. It’s so amazing how Bandi could be so different to tell his feeling when he was writing instead of talking.

I can’t say a lot about the details but I really recommend every catholic/inter-faith with one catholic couple to attend this retreat before they get married. Bandi and I love this retreat and we’re glad we did it. =)

If anyone googled about CEE and directed to this post, listen…

Come with open mind and positive attitude and you will benefit so much from this retreat. =)

One or two things to share with everyone (and also a reminder for me in the future)…

  1. When you feel something’s wrong, always ALWAYS communicate with your partner. Don’t assume. Talk.
  2. To love is a decision. It is a verb. You have made a decision to love. =)
  3. Say “forgive me” when you know you’re wrong and mean it. Lower your ego.
  4. If you can’t solve a problem talking, try writing to each other. It’ll work.
  5. Be the person who always sees good in others.

And this is from a girl who didn’t believe in marriage. How ironic is that? But I’m so glad I erased my doubt because I believe marriage could be wonderful. :)

Cheers,

May, leaving the cynicism. 

 

The bridesmaids trip and the sambel ijo.

Sorry it’s been too long since I made a proper post. This one, too, is not a proper post. It’s another rambling made on the train home, using my oh-so-smart phone.

I went to Bandung and Jakarta on the Chinese new year holiday and yes I pigged out like craaaaazy and I went back to Singapore SICK! Yes, apparently eating too much gorengan and sambel ijo can make you sick. Was having fever alone by myself because nobody was home yet! T.T

Indomie pake sambel ijo tertuduh

Indomie pake sambel ijo tertuduh

The next morning after that indomie and gorengan fiesta everyone were having sore throat and fire on their asses. We stayed together in one hotel room and everyone were fighting for bathroom. LOL.

Anyway, now I’m so busy juggling my mind between work and wedding planning. I have finally finished doing all the stationary for the wedding and hopefully it will go printing soon. Yes, as a certified OCD freak, I have to design all the stationary myself, and the decorations, and the table setting, and the canvas design.

I don’t complain though. The reason why I decided to make a DIY wedding is because I looove doing DIY! :) On the other hand, the D-Day planning is quite rough. I was so stressing out I might shout at my bridesmaids once or twice. Oh well I must be the most irritating bride ever. But in my defense, I was shocked by how expensive renting tiffany chairs can be. Arrghhh!

Road trip to Bandung. It was supposed to be bridesmaids only but well, I have awesome friends who are so helpful. =)

Road trip to Bandung. It was supposed to be bridesmaids only but well, I have awesome friends who are so helpful. =)

The beautiful mess on our table.

The beautiful mess on our table.

Wine tasting and finalizing menu.

Wine tasting and finalizing menu.

All vendors are checked but both wedding bands: the musical wedding band and the put-on-the-finger-ring-wedding band.

Uh oh, why am I ramblings about wedding? I just can’t help it. I feel like I’m constantly thinking about it, just like the time when I was in college and I was the chief head of an event. I was also stressing out. I cried once in front of the rest of the committee. What a day.

To be honest, I have already had my wedding meltdown. One afternoon when Bandi and I were brainstorming our guestlist, I suddenly cried and I told him I was stressing out because I have this bad habit to micro-manage everything even though I know it’s wrong. And Bandi was just being his usual sweet kind adorable self, telling me everything will be fine. And yes, I bought it. =)

I’ve spent the last three days editing my wedding video. Yes. I even created and edited my own videos! Freak! But I love doing it. =) I’m so gonna show it off later! It’s soooo cute it made me cry a couple of times when I watched it. It wasn’t a video actually. It was a compilation of thousands of our photos since the very beginning of our relationship. It was a love story. A real one. Ahhh! I can’t wait to show it off!

Ok ok, now let’s not talk about wedding anymore. Lately I’ve been drinking juice in a daily basis and it really makes me feel so much better! I usually drink apple-beetroot-carrot-celery juice but sometimes I mixed with cucumber, mint leaves. I also make smoothies from banana and berries sometimes. It’s been two month since I started drinking juice daily and I don’t get tired easily anymore. I also feel like having more energy than I was before. Well, I guess this is a good habit that I must keep.

Anyway, what’s your plan for the Valentine’s weekend?

Bandi and I will go for a 3 days 2 nights retreat for a catholic marriage preparation course. And I was asking him “will we sleep together?” and he was laughing like crazy, “this is a catholic activity, dear. TELL ME ABOUT IT!” Hahahaha! Duh! I thought since it’s in Singapore they would let the bride and groom to be to sleep in one room. LOL.

But I will prefer this over any romantic Valentine’s getaway. :) I know it’s important for him so this is important for me too. :)

So that’s it for now. I’m hoping to read so many lovey-dovey posts on my wordpress timeline this coming weekend! Don’t forget to tag me if you’re writing a love story! =)

Cheers,

May, exciting for the weekend!

Where do you wanna get married?

Bandi and I came from different city in Indonesia. He grew up in Palembang and I grew up in Jakarta. I then spent my high school in Bogor and moved to Bandung, where I eventually met him.

During (almost) eight years together, we have spent (almost) half of it in Singapore, a quarter of it in Bandung and another quarter in a Texas-Jakarta Long Distance Relationship.

So, where should we get married?

It is of course a rhetorical question since we’ve known all along where it is.

We would love to get married in Bandung. It would be questionable for most of our friends because hey, it would be easier to my friends and family if we would just get married in Jakarta, right?

But, Bandung…

It is a city where we first met, where we had our first fight, our first kiss, our first dream, our first dance, our first breakup and make up, the first time we claimed “our song” and the other thousand memories. It is true that we have so many sweet memories in Singapore too, however we first moved in together when we were in Singapore, but why Bandung left such a great impact in our life?

The breeze of the wind when we stepped out from the plane brought us back to the days when all we did was dreaming. We didn’t know the real world back then. We just knew that we would change the world. Well, we didn’t really change the world, but we’ve changed each other’s worlds.

It was a night in October 2006 when we had our first kiss. I was having a very bad flu and almost a fever. The first kiss was anti-romantic, but extremely unforgettable. We didn’t have social media back then, so I texted only to my three bestfriend, “I just had my first kiss.” I wouldn’t want the moment to be happened in any other way. It was imperfectly perfect.

It was November 2006 when we had our first dance, literally under the moonlight, with The Blowers’ daughter played at the back. It was supposed to be a party for my campus and I thought it would be the crazy one but they played a romantic song instead. Bandi wore Giordano pink shirt and a pair of jeans and I wore a simple white top embroidered with black flowery pattern. Bandi put his arms around my waist and I rested my head against his shoulder and I swear the world stopped for a moment. He’s been owning my heart pretty much ever since.

We had our very first adventure in Bandung, where we learned to grow up together. We were different people back then. We were restless, fearless, so alive and full of dreams. We initiated our dream to conquer the world together.

We said, we could be anything.

And we believed in it.

We are now still as alive as we were then, but we’ve grown into adults. We have responsibilities and baggage. We had responsibilities and baggage too back then, we just decided not to care.

Oh how I loved you then… And I love you still now. I’m just loving you in a more growing up way now.

We might only send each other love letters every once a year now, or we don’t initiate romantic act as often as we did, but it doesn’t mean we don’t love as much as we did. We know for fact that we can only love more. It is impossible not to love you more each day.

And Bandung… is not only a city. It reminds me of our youth, the time where we were happily crazy, where we opened our heart, letting someone in.

Bandung is the place where I fell in love, not only to you, but to myself too. It is where I started to live to the fullest and where I decided to make my dreams come true.

So yeah getting married in Santorini sounds fun too but hey, Bandung has the memories that are just too priceless to ignore.

Bandung is magical. And if there’s only one place I could always go back to, then Bandung is the one.

I will marry you, in our favorite place on earth… just because.

I guess you can’t agree more. =)

Cheers,

May, going to Bandung soon!

Is everybody capable of falling in love?

I was sitting in the MRT train, on my way home from work. I was tired and it bugged me that I still had to do some house chores when I reached home. I sighed and then I received a text from someone and it instantly put back a smile on my face. I giggled because he gave me a reason to.

I looked up and there was somebody who stared at me, unhappily. If you don’t know this, in Singapore, people like to stare at other people who laugh, giggle or joke with their friends. I always remind myself not to care because we can’t always understand what other people have gone through on their life that they decided to become unhappy.

I get it. This world consists of so many types of people. Happy people, unhappy people, sad people, cheerful people, grumpy people, strong people, weak people, optimists, pessimists, realists, idealists…

But I was wondering… “Is everybody capable of falling in love?”

If love is a universal language, is everybody in this world capable to speak love?

If love is the most powerful thing in the Disney world, does everybody have the chance to acquire it?

I’ve known some people who have never fallen in love in their entire life. Is it because they didn’t find the one, or is it because they are not capable to love?

I didn’t mean “not capable to love” as a bad thing. It’s not because they have bad characters or attitudes because trust me, I’ve known a loooot of bad people who fell in love. By “not capable to love” I meant they don’t open their heart.

Imagine this scenario:

A man, let’s call him “A” has an introvert character. He didn’t like to go out and socialize. He lived his life studying and then graduated and then worked and then in some point his parents found a woman for him to marry and he married that woman. He had kids and then he grew old and he died. But he probably never fell in love, not because he was a bad person or anything. He just didn’t have the chance to fall in love.

Let’s change the scenario to this one:

After graduate, A worked in a office and his colleague was a sweet girl who had the same hobby with A. They talked all the time and they decided to hang out after work and since forever, A finally felt comfortable to talk with someone. He shared so many things with this woman and he fell in love. He asked her to marry him and she said yes. And they shared their lives.

See the point? Your life can be changed with just one moment.

But my question is… is everybody capable of falling in love?

What if A found this woman attractive but in the end he didn’t fall in love because he thought it would be easier just to marry the woman his parents chose? Because he thought falling in love was messy and full of trouble, so he chose not to. How if he resisted to love and spent the rest of his life not to ever love again?

He is NOT unhappy. He might be happy. But he also could be happier. Or is he?

I don’t know. I will never know.

But I really really wish that everyone in this world has the same chance to fall in love. It’s up to them to choose love or not to choose love, but at least I wish everyone has fair chance.

Because to fall in love is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Because to fall in love is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

And I wish wish wish wish wish everybody has fair chance.

Cheers,

May, the hopeless romantic.

Kenapa foto prewed penting untuk orang Indonesia?

Setiap kali orang tau gue dan bandi lagi preparing a wedding, pertanyaan paling sering muncul pertama kali bukannya “kapan?” atau “dimana?” bahkan boro-boro bilang “congratulations!” Pertanyaan yang muncul biasanya “prewed dimana?” atau “udah prewed belum?”

Gue pernah nulis kebingungan gue akan foto prewed dan mengapa itu mesti ada, tapi itu ditulis ketika gue belum engaged dan belum tau apa apa soal gini gono nya wedding.

Makin kesini makin sering muncul pertanyaan “prewed dimana?” seakan2 wedding nya dimana itu nggak sepenting prewed nya. Jawaban gue dan Bandi adalah “kita ga prewed” lalu diikuti dengan senyum manis. Tanggapan mereka biasanya “APAAAH??” dengan mata jum-in jum-out ala sinetron Indonesia.

Di kala masa masa slacking gue, gue pun mulai berpikir, kenapa prewed itu segitu pentingnya? Paket wedding di Palembang yang termasuk foto prewed pun harus dirombak karena Bandi request untuk keluarin foto prewed dr paket krn kita emang nggak prewed. Muncul komen menyayangkan dr pihak keluarga kenapa kita gak foto2 prewed dan dicetak di kanvas gede utk ditaruh di entrance gedung. Gue pun berpikir, apa sih foto prewed itu??? Dari mana muncul kata2 prewed?

Kata “prewed” adalah kependekan dari “pre-wedding” yang artinya “masa sebelum pernikahan” yang artinya lagi adalah masa pacaran. Dan foto prewed bisa di-definisikan sebagai “foto-foto semasa pacaran” bener gak tuh, analisa gue?

Mungkin beberapa orang butuh prewed karena semasa pacaran mereka segitu in love with each other nya sehingga kerjaan nya cuma sayang2an aja so mereka jarang foto-foto atau mungkin masa pacaran mereka terlalu singkat. So intinya mereka butuh foto-foto yang representatif untuk ditaruh di wedding mereka, thus they need a professional photographer to capture their lovey-dovey moment.

Kalo lo bilang kata “prewed” di luar negara Indonesia, pasti kaga ada yang ngerti. Sure, di Singapore ada juga foto2 prewed dengan sebutan “wedding photoshot” dan orang amrik nyebutnya “engagement photoshot” so basically it’s only about the difference of the word, intinya sama: foto berdua dengan pose manis/romantis/cute untuk nantinga ditaruh di wedding.

Gunanya apa? Sudah gue jelaskan diatas. Analisa gue sih foto prewed itu gunanya untuk dipamerin di wedding.

Trus kalo gunanya cuma se-simple itu, kenapa gue dan bandi harus bayar mahal2, harus rempong make-up panas2, bawa2 baju bagus dan ganti baju di wc umum, dll?

Kalo emang gunanya cuma buat ditaruh di entrance gedung, gue punya RIBUAN foto berdua sama Bandi!

Lalu, gue mengambil kesimpulan…. Orang indo itu kan gengsi nya tinggi, makanya yang ditanyain itu adalah lokasi prewed nya, “prewed dimana?”

Semakin jauh/mahal si prewed semakin bergengsi lah si penganten. Ya gak? Iyalaaah ngaku ajaaa!

Destination yang populer untuk foto prewed itu biasanya Bali dan Singapore. Gue bisa ngerti kalo BALI emang cantik lah untuk foto2 romantis begitu, tapi kalo Singapore? Romantis dari maneeee siiiihhhh??!! Yah tapi kan yang penting foto prewed nya di luar negeri, masalah romantis mah nomor dua lah.

Sejujurnya gue banyak liat foto-foto prewed yang lokasinya bagus-bagus, gaunnya bagus-bagus tapi ekspresinya nggak ada booook!!! Sebagus-bagus nya semua props dan kamera yang digunain, si foto nggak akan “kena” kalau ekspresi nya maksa. Menurut gue, lokasi, gaun, make-up itu nggak penting. Yang penting ekspresi si kedua pasangan. It’s just my opinion yah.

Anywaaaay, gue juga menarik kesimpulan kalau pasangan calon pengantin ini sebenernya pengen jalan2 romantis berduaan, tapi kan selama pacaran itu “gak enak” jalan2 berdua, ntar diomongin orang, jadilah pake term “mau pergi foto prewed” LOLOLOL. Kidding… Not!

Well, Bandi and I love traveling together since forever and we never give a fuck of what people say. So at least the memories behind the photos aren’t the trouble of changing gowns in the public toilet. :p Yah intinya segala sesuatu yang udah dieksploitasi di Indonesia itu pasti udah banyak udang di balik bakwan nya lahhh!

So, untuk orang2 yang memandang sedih ke arah Bandi dan gue pas kita jawab “kita gak prewed”, tolong jelaskan kenapa gue dan Bandi mesti buang buang duit kalau kami berdua punya stock foto2 kayak gini???

Photo 2-11-13 11 43 27 pm

The movie marathon set me up in the romantic mood.

Another beach photo, which turned out to be dramatic. Taken on November 2012 at Boracay Island, Philippines. Even though the photo is heavily edited nothing is photoshopped. We used self-timer and didn't expect that it would be this good. =)

 

Photo 1-11-13 12 11 35 am

Photo 4-6-10 10 26 48 am

Photo 21-10-13 10 45 53 pm

Photo 23-12-13 10 27 53 am

Photo 16-10-13 7 37 58 pm

 

Photo 16-10-13 7 42 41 pm

tumblr imperfect

Love unconditionally

Lokasi tempat eksotis: checked!

Pose romantis: checked!

Editan luar biasa: checked!

Smokin hot people in the photo: checked!

So yeah, Bandi thought we didn’t need to waste money by doing prewed lahhh. But anyway, jangan diambil serius lah post ini yaaa, gue cuma iseng aja. Nggak ada maksud mau offence orang2 yang foto prewed di Spore. ;)

This post is only for fun bitching.

Bandi and I did our “save the date” photoshoot in Singapore too, come on. Dan kalau mau disebut prewed boleh juga lah. Bandi and I did a photoshot for fun with our lovely friend/photographer. His girlfriend begged us to do prewed photos for fun and if we didn’t do that she wanted to jump off the bridge. So yeah, we did this to save someone’s life. That’s you, Fefe! I saved your life!

I will spill the what-so-called pre-wed photos later on okay?

But for now, let’s just say Bandi and I have already had too many stock of photos to use on our wedding. :p

Cheers,
May, who loves taking photos too much.

Broken heart

This is a broken hearted post. No gimmick.

This is a swearing about how I said I never love again,

About how I woke up every morning with a big hole inside my heart,

About how I cried everytime I heard a love song,

About how I constantly missed his body wrapped around mine and how I deluded myself that I actually slept beside him.

About how I was playing possibilities of how my life turned out to be if I didn’t meet him,

About how I was regretting falling in love,

About how I was angry to myself for letting people in,

About how stupid I felt for still loving him after he resented me,

About how I begged, how I cried my heart out, how I manipulated every scenario, how I broke down, how I was so cynical of everything else…

It took me months to recover,

It took me countless sleepless nights with girlfriends, tons of un-replied sms, and a final morning when I didn’t feel the hole anymore.

No, I didn’t exaggerate it at all. Having yout heart broken is the worst feeling in the world. I have never and will never turn down a friend who needs me to be there when they’re broken hearted. Because all i wanted was a friend, and I remember how it felt so bad… to be broken hearted.

If you think I wasn’t strong enough, you’re wrong.

Every woman or man, no matter how strong, how independent and how awesome they are, would still be fallen into pieces when they were broken hearted.

If you think everything I said was bullshit then lucky you, you never had your heart broken.

Falling in love is a risky and dangerous act. Giving your heart to someone and trust them completely? I always thought it was too much, but then I didn’t realize it until it has already happened.

Did I love again?

Did I finally wake up in the morning without the hole in my heart?

Did I stop crying when I heard the sad song for the thirteenth times?

Did I erase the regrets?

Did I finally sleep alone without my girlfriends?

Did I smile again?

Of course, dear… =)

I remember a scene from sex and the city the movie when Mr Big left Carrie on her wedding day and Carrie was broken hearted and she said to her friends, “will I ever laugh again?”

I cried…. like crazy.

I couldn’t imagine the feeling of being so heartbroken you thought you would never laugh again.

But hey… she laughed again. :”)

I know, seriously I know, dear… it hurts so so so bad.

I know.

But there will be no rainbow without the rain and there will be no sunrise without the darkest dawn.

Maybe you’ll say “Cut that crap!” but I can’t do much now unless saying those craps hoping to make you feel better.

I just want you to feel better.

Because it’s better to love and to lose than to never love at all.

See, I’m saying those craps again.

Don’t worry. You’re gonna be fine. Trust me. =)

I’ll see you in four weeks. And we’re gonna laugh. I promise.

Love always,

Your very good friend.

If I never met Bandi

Sometimes I play what-ifs with Bandi and he (unwillingly) played along. The what-ifs were various from “what if you could only live by eating only tuna forever?” (Bandi hates tuna smell) or “what if I had a growing penis, would you still marry me?” to the serious what-ifs like “what if I couldn’t have children?” Or “what if I had cancer?”

But the most occurrence what-if question was “what if we never met?” How would our lives be?

You guys must know that I’m head over heels in love with Bandi. I mean, I don’t only love him, I LOVE HIM, with capitals.

So how would our lives be without each other?

Sadly to say, the answers weren’t so romantic… If we never met, I would probably met somebody else and that guy probably would fall in love with me so hard because well, I’m adorable, and then if I loved him so much too then we’d be in relationship. But most importantly, if I never met him, I’d probably be a serial dater, and of course I would work for UN, probably lived somewhere like Congo or India, to lead a Unicef team to build school, empowering unskilled women and stuffs like that. I would move around every two years to different parts of the world. I think it was the single life I’ve always wanted.

What about Bandi? Well he said he would not go to US because he wasn’t so motivated to “see the world” before he met me. He would probably finish his degree and went back to his hometown, found a girl and married one.

But then…. I realized something just now.

Our answers were not true at all!!!

Come on!!! It is so impossible that Bandi was created to be someone else’s husband. I mean, I bet all the money in the world that he was created custom-made for me!

So I was thinking… If we never met back then in college, then we would definitely meet sometime later in our lives. Let me make up some scenarios…

1. What if my father didn’t come back from Australia and I was born there and lived there for the rest of my life?

Well in this case, I think Bandi would probably still go to US for his college because he got the scholarship, and then he continued to work there and in some point his company allocated him to Australia, and then we finally met maybe somewhere in Sydney. I was walking my dog and my dog walked towards him and I dressed my dog in Italian Jersey and we started conversation with “you like football, huh?” and we fell in love.

2. What if Bandi was accepted at NTU and went to Singapore for collage?

I would still be living my life almost the same. I probably didn’t go for UN because I needed to support my family financially so I preferred to work in Singapore. Bandi had finished his college and continued working in Singapore too and at some point we met, probably in an Indonesians outing in East Coast park. We rode bikes and then I saw Bandi’s Juventus key chain and I mocked him and then we had a conversation about football and we fell in love.

3. What if I never got the scholarship in college and I had to drop-out from it before I met Bandi?

I would probably be working my ass off in my twenties and would live in Jakarta all my life, while Bandi continued his college in Bandung and went back to his hometown to continue his family’s business. My high school friend, Septian married Bandi’s high school friend, Erlina and we were both invited to their wedding. We met on that wedding and we started the conversation with “you like football, huh?” and we fell in love.
(P.s. Septian and Erlina are true characters and they did have their wedding last month. True story.)

4. What if Bandi dropped out from junior high school and became a punk and he lived in Palembang of all his life?

I would still be living my life almost the same but then in 2009, when I was working in Femina I was sent to Palembang to cover the Indonesian beauty pageant and when I visited one of the good pempek (fish cake) stall I met Bandi. Bandi was riding his motorbike and I saw his Juventus painted helmet and I commented about it, “you like football, huh?” and then we had the conversation about football and we fell in love.

5. What if Bandi never came back from US and never asked me back?

This would be the saddest of all because I would think he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I would probably face a very difficult time to move on but then I would eventually make it. Three years later I received a scholarship from an American Fine Arts college and I moved there. And I wrote in my facebook status, “Living my dream”, checked in Atlanta, USA. Bandi read it and took his car keys, drove all night from Austin to Atlanta and the next morning when I opened my door, there he was, standing still and looking straight at me, saying “hey you.” And then we fell in love all over again.

Not only this post has proven that I’m a drama queen and a good story maker, it’s also trying to say that love will always find the way.

I believe that it is impossible for Bandi and I not to meet. I may believe in fate, I may not. I don’t know. But I know somehow Bandi and I were meant for each other. If we didn’t meet nine yeas ago, then it would be another time. But I’m sure that we eventually would. We would always find each other.

It’s true that I am a romantic and I’m not scared to show off my love to Bandi. I think it is a good thing because before I met him, I was a skeptic. I’ve always been a romantic, but I had a trust issue back then. I loved the feeling of falling in love but didn’t really trust anybody to fully read my soul. That was probably why I didn’t believe in marriage too. However, I’m so glad I opened myself to Bandi and I know this sounds so Disney-like movie but it’s true that…

Love is the most powerful thing on earth.

I’m gonna share a personal story which really moved me. I had a bad relationship with my brother. He abused me physically and mentally when we were kids. I never loved him and I blamed him for all the bad things happened to me up until my teenage years. He apologized and then did bad things to me and my family again and then apologized and then screwed up and apologize and then screwed up and repeat a thousand times.

Four years ago I’ve had enough and I confronted him. I asked him to never disturb me and my mom again. We fought and he kicked my stomach and he threatened to kill me. Three months later I moved out from Jakarta to Singapore. I’ve never talked to him again for so long.

Last week, he sent me a facebook message. He apologized for everything he’s done to me in the past. I had just finished my make up and I cried (Shit I have to re-do my mascara.) He always apologized before, but somehow this time he seemed sincere. He apologized without asking money, or things (in the past he apologized when he was out of cash.)
A week after that my sister texted me that my brother is undergoing a medication for a serious illness. I was sad. I never thought I would ever care about anything happened to him.

I never talk about my brother. Most of the stories were sad but I guess it’s never too late to love someone. For all my life, I’ve never loved him. Last week was the first time I heard “I love you my sister” from him. It tore down the wall I had built between us instantly. I had forgiven him and decided to learn how to love a brother, the thing I never thought I would ever do. And most importantly, I let myself to trust him.

I was so hurt I never thought I could ever trust anyone, especially guys. Meeting Bandi was the best thing that happened to me. Not only he loves me unconditionally, he taught me how to love back, how to let other people to love you the way you are, be honest with your feeling and not to be scared. Loving is trusting. You open your heart to a risk of hurt or betrayal. But to love is a wonderful feeling. It is so powerful it can change your life.

I watched Frozen the other week and I was sobbing like crazy because the movie was so damn good and it taught us that love indeed is a powerful thing. You just have to use it right.

Back to my what-if question, “What if I never met Bandi?”

I would never be born in a world where I would never meet Bandi because his purpose of life is to give my life meaning, and my purpose of life is to give him dreams. Universe meant it to happen.

Oh and I’m sooooo glad I did meet him. :)

“So you like football, huh?” and I played his keychain.

“Yes. Juventus!”

“Ew, bad choice.”

“You?”

“Parma!”

“HUAHAHAHAHA” he mockingly laughed.

I was angry and I accidentally broke his keychain. From that moment on, I was “the Parma girl who broke my keychain” for him and he was “that annoying juventus guy who had a cute keychain” for me.

The rest was history.

Cheers,

May, loving bravely.

How to make the perfect proposal

This post is personally written for all the men out there! ;)

It’s been three months since the proposal and I still can remember every detail of the sweetness. I must say it’s probably one of the greatest days in my life and I would love to remember it forever. And I bet every men would love to create one perfect day for their loved ones too. So let me help a little bit.

Bandi asked me yesterday, “If you were a guy, how would you propose your girlfriend?” and I told him it depends on what’s my girlfriend like because proposal must be personal. My proposal might not be perfect for somebody else and vice versa. I asked him why he asked about that and he said since the proposal, some guys have asked him how to make the perfect proposal. Oh, isn’t that cute…?

Bandi also asked if it would be a better proposal if he proposed to me in Paris. I told him I don’t know that and I will never know because it didn’t happen but if you asked me whether I had the perfect proposal then the answer is yes. =)

Everything about my proposal is so personal and specially planned for me. That is why it was so perfect.

So guys, let me tell you…

how to make the perfect proposal…

1. Make sure she’s ready for marriage.

Don’t propose on the third date for god’s sake! LOL. My ideal timeline would be after at least 3 years being together. Make sure you’ve known her that well and make sure you know she wants marriage! If she doesn’t want it, try to make her want it with you! Have a talk about where this relationship is going and stuffs like that before you really propose. Just make sure that both of you are on the same page! If you two haven’t, then abort the plan!

This happened to me and Bandi. 8 months before the proposal he surprised me with a trip to Bandung and he wanted to propose but then I told him not to because I was still not ready for marriage so he aborted the plan. Just have faith that the right thing will happen on the right time. Be patience. =)

2. Location is everything!

There are two things that you must think about when you decided to propose to her: Where and what ring. We’ll talk about the ring later.

Think about the place she loves the most. Remember that you must elevate her mood in order to make the perfect proposal so you must bring her to a place that would give her a good mood. Some of the ideas are: her favorite restaurant or a restaurant where you had your first date or when you told her you love her or stuff like that. Beach, if she loves beach. Somewhere high and romantic like Singapore flyer (for example) but if she’s afraid of height (like me) don’t do that! A garden with so many candles or any dim-lit place with so many candles.

Another idea from the comments: Museum! This would be the perfect place for the history/art buffs. What about Disneyland? Who wouldn’t want to be proposed in Disneyland! =D

Whenever the proposal venue is, it would be more awesome if you took her on a flight. You surprised her with a flight ticket and bring her to her favorite city. It doesn’t need to be Paris or Maldives lah, somewhere memorable for both of you would do the trick.

Bandi did surprise me with a flight ticket and the feeling was… so awesome. He chose our favorite restaurant where we used to watch sunset on New Year’s eve. =)

3. Lighting, song and other personal touch.

Now that you’ve brought her to the venue, you may add personal touch such as your song with her, or the video that you prepared for her. Video is highly recommended because trust me, no matter how suck your video editing skill is, she will be touched and cry! I did! Song is also good enough to elevate mood. =) And don’t forget one special magic to elevate the mood, lighting!!! Some said most of babies were made out of good lighting. LOL

If she loves flowers and you know her favorite flowers, it is also highly recommended to give her flowers. Flowers are known to elevate mood too. =) My favorite flower is red rose (yeah I know, so predictable) so Bandi gave me 77 stalks of red roses to reflect our seven years together. I didn’t know why he didn’t just give me seven stalks, it would save him some bucks. LOL.

Personal touch like riddles, photos, cute messages, anything that can make her smile and happy. =)

Bandi did seven chain message because it was our seven anniversary when he proposed and he wrote riddles inside each envelopes (because I’m playful) of the things we never do before. Just try to be creative and do something that she will love.

Bandi also asked me to dance because I told him once that my idea of a perfect date must involve dance. ;)

4. You’re not a superman. Ask for friend’s help.

If you’re not that creative or if you’re stuck, don’t be ashamed to look for help. Try to reach out to her bestfriends. You can ask them for opinion or idea, but hopefully you created the whole idea by yourself because you’re marrying her so you must know how to make her happy. If you don’t then you’re screwed for the rest of your life. Asking for a help is allowed if you can’t do the showtime yourself.

Bandi asked my friend, Gery for a help, to pick up the roses and videotape the proposal.

5. The perfect ring.

If all of above failed to impress her, I bet the perfect ring will! Women are designed to be weak of sparkling things. LOL. I used to think I’m not a jewelry kind of gal but then I also fell in love with my ring. :p

First of all, it is okay to ask your girlfriend her dream engagement ring. You may ask her what kind of ring she want. Don’t worry that she will find out about the proposal. Everyone knows you will propose her eventually but she will not know when and where. Don’t take risk on this one because the ring will be stuck with her forever so you better give her something pretty to look at every single day of her life.

Ask her what kind of rock she wants? Diamond is probably the most common choice but she may ask for other type of jewels such as Ruby, Amethyst, Emerald, etc. Then what kind of gold? White gold? Yellow gold? Rose gold? If she can’t decide what kind of ring she wanted, try to understand her style. Is she vintage, classy, whimsical? If you still can’t decide, you may buy the Solitaire Diamond Ring. It’s the safe choice but also guaranteed will impress her. I know it seems like a lot of work and a lot of research but it’s gonna be once in a lifetime so it’ll be worth it.

Remember this: you don’t need to buy her the big carats. It’s not about how expensive the ring is but about how it suits her personality. If she truly loves you she won’t care about the size. =)

For my case, I’m that kind of girl who knows what she wants so I told Bandi the details of my dream ring. LOL.

6. Take photos!

My only mistake was probably the fact that I didn’t take many photos. But maybe it was because I was so shocked and speechless. Bandi did videotape the proposal moment but because the light was so dim, the video was like a total blackout. We only took two photos before we went out from the restaurant. It was taken also because my friend reminded us to take one. if he didn’t remind us to take photos, I might not have anything to remember the day by. So, remember to take photos! Lots of photos!

7. Do you really have to get on one knee?

YES YOU DO! LOL

No seriously, don’t ask this stupid question. It’s not a real proposal if you don’t get on one knee. I know it will look stupid and silly but it will melt your girlfriend’s heart, SERIOUSLY!

When the showtime has finally come, take out your ring box and get on one knee. You may say sweet words before you say the magic words.

What Bandi said was… (not in exact words, because I forgot the exact words) “We have been together for seven years and it’s been a great journey and I want to keep doing it for the rest of my life, so…” and then the magic words, “will you marry me?”

By the time you say the magic words he’s probably already crying like hell and let the ring do the magic. ;)

Good luck!

8. Commitment

This is the most important thing of all. Take note that after she said yes, she’s no longer your girlfriend. She will be your future wife, the one you’ll be spending the rest of your life with so make sure you are fully committed to her. From the moment she said yes until you take your last breath, she will be your top priority. It won’t be too much of a task when you love her that much. =)

The aftermath

The first thing we did after the proposal was finding the wedding date. I have this idealism that somebody is not really engaged until there are a ring and a date. So we straightaway decided on a date. Thankfully it wasn’t so difficult. =)

The second thing to do was telling your parents and close friends. With social media these days, it would be easier to just post it on facebook. Please take note that you have already asked your girlfriend’s parents to take care of her and propose to her before you actually propose to her. This is very important. It’s a good manner to show that you’re being serious.

The third thing to do is… start planning the wedding and have fun! =)

When to propose and when not to propose?

I know not everyone do proposal in Asia, even though I must say it’s getting more and more popular. So there are pros and cons about proposal, however it is individual preference to do or not do it.

Not to propose

Some relationship has already started with too serious commitment which means from the first time they got together they already knew they would get married, so I think proposal is not necessary for the case. Some also prefer the proposal to be held between family, which we call it engagement where the ring exchanges is witnessed by the whole family. If the proposal will be held this way I don’t think personal proposal is still necessary.

To propose

If your family is not so strict about culture and tradition, personal proposal is necessary. Why do I think it’s necessary? Because once you said yes, it’s like the whole new commitment. You’re getting married. You’re saying yes not to the ring, but to marriage. I think it’s necessary to be committed to each other first before you tell your whole family.

But whichever your choice is, the most important thing is the commitment for the marriage itself. =)

Is the woman allowed to propose?

YES! Of course woman is allowed to propose. However, it is advisable to have the non-public proposal because usually men don’t like to be seen being proposed. You know men and their huge ego. People would mock him for not having the balls so better to have private proposal in a private venue.

Soooooo, I think this post pretty much explains I’m in a very good mood. LOL. Why am I in a good mood? Well, yesterday I was staring at my ring and mumbled, “It’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever had in my life.”

And Bandi replied, “really? I think YOU are the prettiest.”

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

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If you’re stuck with ideas you can always email me for proposal ideas. Trust me, I have millions of them! Remember, I’m a self-claimed romantic. ;) I always love to hear love stories and help to develop them.

My friends usually look for me for anniversary ideas or gift ideas and I’m always happy to help simply because I find it fun to do things like surprises and gifts and parties. =)

Good luck with your love story! I bet it’s beautiful!

Cheers,

May, the self proclaimed romantic.