Broken heart

This is a broken hearted post. No gimmick.

This is a swearing about how I said I never love again,

About how I woke up every morning with a big hole inside my heart,

About how I cried everytime I heard a love song,

About how I constantly missed his body wrapped around mine and how I deluded myself that I actually slept beside him.

About how I was playing possibilities of how my life turned out to be if I didn’t meet him,

About how I was regretting falling in love,

About how I was angry to myself for letting people in,

About how stupid I felt for still loving him after he resented me,

About how I begged, how I cried my heart out, how I manipulated every scenario, how I broke down, how I was so cynical of everything else…

It took me months to recover,

It took me countless sleepless nights with girlfriends, tons of un-replied sms, and a final morning when I didn’t feel the hole anymore.

No, I didn’t exaggerate it at all. Having yout heart broken is the worst feeling in the world. I have never and will never turn down a friend who needs me to be there when they’re broken hearted. Because all i wanted was a friend, and I remember how it felt so bad… to be broken hearted.

If you think I wasn’t strong enough, you’re wrong.

Every woman or man, no matter how strong, how independent and how awesome they are, would still be fallen into pieces when they were broken hearted.

If you think everything I said was bullshit then lucky you, you never had your heart broken.

Falling in love is a risky and dangerous act. Giving your heart to someone and trust them completely? I always thought it was too much, but then I didn’t realize it until it has already happened.

Did I love again?

Did I finally wake up in the morning without the hole in my heart?

Did I stop crying when I heard the sad song for the thirteenth times?

Did I erase the regrets?

Did I finally sleep alone without my girlfriends?

Did I smile again?

Of course, dear… =)

I remember a scene from sex and the city the movie when Mr Big left Carrie on her wedding day and Carrie was broken hearted and she said to her friends, “will I ever laugh again?”

I cried…. like crazy.

I couldn’t imagine the feeling of being so heartbroken you thought you would never laugh again.

But hey… she laughed again. :”)

I know, seriously I know, dear… it hurts so so so bad.

I know.

But there will be no rainbow without the rain and there will be no sunrise without the darkest dawn.

Maybe you’ll say “Cut that crap!” but I can’t do much now unless saying those craps hoping to make you feel better.

I just want you to feel better.

Because it’s better to love and to lose than to never love at all.

See, I’m saying those craps again.

Don’t worry. You’re gonna be fine. Trust me. =)

I’ll see you in four weeks. And we’re gonna laugh. I promise.

Love always,

Your very good friend.

So you thought this only happens in movie?

Disclaimer: Open your mind before you read. Everything happens for reason. This is one of them.

This post has been in the draft page for a year. Seriously. A year. I am so scared of people’s judgemental comments and the fact that Bandi’s sucky friend would start to talk about me behind my back again. But then I thought, hey, I’m not 20 years old anymore. I’ve grown up, they’ve grown up. I must publish this post just for the sake of closure.

I wanted to name this post “September Roller Coaster: Season Finale” for some reason but then I went with ” So you thought this only happens in movie?” for a funny catch.

So here it is…

[All the words in green below is written on July 2012]

We will have to go back to a post that was originally posted on 4th September 2006, but then being asked to be removed by some people (not Bandi) because, well they simply couldn’t handle it. However, I left the other short post alive.

This is a beautiful love story. Why we need to erase this story and pretend this never happened?

Bandi was okay when I asked, can I post that story again? He said, nobody will ever question or doubt your love to me as your facebook is full of “dishes that I cook for Bandi”, “Bandi’s breakfast”, “Bandi’s lunch”, and “Bandi’s dinner.”

“Come on! You love me too much. That’s just history.”

So, first of all, you all need to read this post I made back then in 2006. I didn’t edit any of the words AT ALL so we all can feel the juvenile atmosphere. So pardon some of my misspelling. :p

[All the words in purple below is written on September 2006]

Our Love story is OURS…

1 September 2006

Gw tepuk bahunya dua kali, “Boleh kenalan gak?” trus gw julurin deh tangan gw.

Dia kaget setengah mati. Dalam keadaan yang penuh keringat dia jabat tangan gw. Masih terlalu senang karena masuk final sekaligus amazed ada cewe segila gw yang berjalan melewati GSG yang crowded dan nyamperin dia yang lagi celebrate victory bareng temen2nya.

“Alex.”

“Maytri. Boleh minta nomor Hpnya?”

It was just a joke. It was a bet that I made with my friend. Yes! Gw dibayarin makan gratis di sentra! Linni, Cipen, Litta, en semua yang ada di GSG ternganga liat kejadian itu. Karena emang cuma orang gila yang berani malu kuadrat hanya untuk tarohan makan gratis di Sentra.

Unpar baru aja kalah dari Binus,, en gw malah ngajakin kenalan anak Binus karena tarohan makan di Sentra???

But I did it! And I’m so thankful that I did it.

Karena kalo engga,, gak akan ada dua hari penuh magical itu.

~~~

Gak nyangka pas sorenya gw ke Sentra atas, gw ketemu segerombolan tim Binus yang lagi makan. Anjiiir, gw malu! Koor ‘cieeeeh’ langsung terdengar gitu.

Gak lama ada cewe yang nyamperin gw bawa digicam dan nanya, “Boleh minta fotonya gak?”

“Hmm… Boleh, tapi gw mawnya foto berdua!”

What the hell I was thinking???

Anak2 Binus ngompor2in Alex untuk foto sama gw, akhirnya dia nyamperin gw dan duduk di sebelah gw, dan acara foto-foto pun dimulai.

I still can’t believe that happened.

Setelah itu, temen2 gw en temen2 dia ninggalin kita berdua.

Gw dan Alex… Alex dan gw…

Ternyata kita itu…. orang yang pernah ketemu di kehidupan yang dulu??? Bisa dibilang gitu? Hmm,, kayanya….

Semua keluar dengan mudahnya… Gw cerita segala hal, semua prinsip hidup, apa yang maw gw accomplish dalam hidup, kuliah gw, novel gw, SEMUA!

Dia juga… tentang komiknya, seberapa cinta dia sama voli, darah rendah-nya, nyokapnya, temen2nya, impian dia…

Percaya gak sih kita ngobrol hampir 4 jam padahal gw baru aja kenal dia???

He keeps saying, “Hmm… Lucu… Lucu…”

Emang, semuanya lucu banget yah, Lex?

Then, dia anter gw pulang… yang lebih anehnya lagi, gw tanya, “Maw mampir dulu?”

“Boleh… liat-liat…”

Dan gw ninggalin dia di kamar gw sendirian!!! Gila kan?! Padahal gw baru kenal!!!

“Lo tunggu di sini dulu yah, gw maw cuci muka.”

How could you be so comfort with someone whom you just met?

Di saat itulah dia bilang, “Kalo suka sama seseorang, kita harus bilang perasaan kita.” Prinsip yang sama dengan gw!

Dia liat-liat nametag gw, origami gw, foto-foto gw, mengenal gw lebih dalam hanya dengan hitungan menit.

Gw kasih dia origami bikinan gw. Bintang warna-warni yang segede kepalan tangan. Disimpen yah, Lex!!!

Terus edwin dateng ngejemput. Gw, Linni, Cipen en Edwin maw pergi jalan2, so sekalian anter Alex ke wisma tempat dia nginep.

Hmm,, say goodbye is always the hardest thing to do. Tapi gw taw bakal ketemu lagi besok pas final.

Baru aja sampe tempat makan bubur, sms bunyi, “ALeX”

Malem itu kita ngobrol, kalo kita kayak udah kenal lama banget… We said sweet things. Dan gw tidur sambil senyum…..

2 September 2006

Ketemu Alex lagi!!! Mukanya lagi stress berat karena tegang maw final lawan atma jaya. Dengan sepenuh hati gw teriak2 waktu dia tanding, sampe pita suara gw rasanya maw putus.

2 set pertama Atma menang, 2 set selanjutnya Binus menang, set ke-5 jadi penentuan… Skor ngalamin deuce beberapa kali, sumpah tegang banget!! Huhuhu, sayang banget akhirnya Atma menang… Rasanya gw maw nangis… Padahal dia cerita kalo dia pengen banget ngalahin Atma karena temen deket dia yang dulu satu klub Voli bareng dia waktu SMU ada di atma, namanya Patrick. Mereka temen baik, tapi pas di lapangan, tetep aja rival. Yoi gak, Lex? (That’s what you said)

~~~

Alex shock, dan karena darah rendahnya, dia pingsan. DANG! Sumpah, gw takut banget, mungkin that was the moment that I realize that He meant something!!

Gw ikut waktu dia digotong ke Korgala, dan dengan segenap keberanian gw masuk ke Korgala,, ketemuin dia. Gw nemenin dia sampe dia bangun, en balik ke GSG.

Sampe pintu GSG, I said goodbye. Dia masuk ke GSG, ada acara serah terima piala, dll…

Gw jalan ke sentra, karena ditunggu Linni, Cipen en Litta di sana… Sesaat gw mikir… “IS THAT IT?” Udahkah? Ini endingnya? Apa iya abis ini gw gak ketemu dia lagi???

Koq dada gw rasanya sesak yah?

Duduk di Sentra, nemenin anak2 makan, gw kayak mau nangis… pengen liat dia lagi…

Tiba-tiba, HP bunyi… “ALeX” CALLING

WAAAAA!!!!

“Maytri! Lo dimana?”

“Di Sentra bawah… kenapa?”

“Gw mau ngenalin lo sama Patrick.”

“Kapan? Sekarang?”

“Iya…”

Gak lama kemudian dia samperin gw di sentra, en ngajak gw balik ke GSG, maw dikenalin ke Patrick.

Gw nanya, “dapet medali gak?” karena dia ngoleksi medali hasil tanding Voli.

“Enggak, dapet piala…”

“Oooh… sayang yah. Tapi gak apa-apa, cuma lo satu2nya pemain yang dapet bintang.”

“Hah, bintang?” dia bingung.

“Heeh, bintang warna-warni yang gw kasih kemaren.”

Sampe di GSG, gw dikenalin sama orang yang udah dia anggep kembarannya. Hmm,, gw juga jadi pengen kenalin dia ke Ucup, my best friend.

Setelah itu, we were unseparatable. Kita makan di sentra, dia cerita macem2 dari jokes2 goblok, cerita hantu, masa kecil, mantan2 pacar, en ngajak jalan.

Trus kita ke kost gw dulu, baru deh jalan (dalam keadaan gw gak mandi, en dia juga settingan abis tanding Voli. Hahahaha), rencananya maw ke de Kosmo en ke IP. Waktu nunggu angkot, dia suruh gw pake jaket dia, karena dia tau gw gampang masuk angin. Dan dia bilang, “Gw suka liat cewek pake jaket cowo…” So sweeeet… Karena udah malem, akhirnya naek St.hall-Ciumbuleuit yang belok, nah… gw kan gak taw harus naek apa pas turun di gandok, jadilah gw minta Alex bwat sms cipen. Pas itu ada cowok en cewek yang duduk di depan kita di dalam angkot. Cowoknya nanya, “maw ke IP?”

“He-eh.” Gw jawab.

“Nanti bareng saya aja… maw ke IP juga koq…”

Jadilah orang itu ngajak ngobrol. Ternyata yang cowok itu anak Hukum ’89 en ceweknya Ars 2002. Yang bikin gw seneng, mereka pikir gw en Alex itu teman satu SMU, padahal baru aja kenal… hehe.

Sampe di De Kosmo, kita cuma muter2 doang liat makanan, tapi gw gak taw maw makan apa, jadi kita langsung ke IP. Dari situ dia udah mulai sering nurunin bando gw. Nyebelin… tapi ngangenin. :p

Dari de Kosmo ke IP kita jalan… talked about stuff like falling in love and so on…

Pas di ditulah gw bilang, “Lex… lo muncul di saat yang tepat banget yah…”

Sampe IP, Alex terus2an becanda, Gosh, he was so funny! Kita ke food court, akhirnya gw laper… gw pesen McD deh. For the first time of my life, rasa fillet o fish datar banget!!! Aneh…

Di food court itulah pembicaraan tentang ‘apakah kita berdua ini mungkin?’ dimulai.

Bisa gak kita long distance?

Apa iya kita itu jodoh?

Blah3x… Yang pasti saat itu, I didn’t give a damn, gw cuma maw nikmatin apa yang ada sekarang… That I’m with him… And I’m extremely happy in an actual definition.

“Maytri… fotobox yuks!”

Hahahaha! Gw seneng banget waktu dia bilang itu!!!

“Yuks! Cepetan sebelum tutup!” krn skrg emang udah jam 9! Buru2lah kentangnya diabisin en ngacir ke M Studio. Pas jalan ke M itulah dia bilang, “Seandainya kita berada di kota yang sama… gw pasti udah nembak lo…”

seandainya… seandainya….

“Lex… lo taw perasaan gw ke elo, kan?”

“Taw kok… gw juga suka sama lo… gw happy sama lo.”

“Gw gak suka sama lo kok… mungkin bakal kdengeran stupid, tapi… gw udah jatuh cinta sama lo…”

To qoute “A Lot Like Love”…

If you’re not stupid, then you don’t deserve to be in love.

Dalam waktu kurang dari 2×24 jam, May??? How come??? Gw sendiri masih belum percaya,, tapi gw yang ngerasain!!!

Ini fotobox-nya!

Ini fotobox-nya!

~~~

Beres fotobox,, dia ngajak gw ke GAME MASTER!!! Uuuuh! Buat orang2 yang mengenal gw dgn baik,, pasti taw kalo gw maw banget ngedate maen game! Gw kaget banget!

I always wanted to go to this kind of place on my date!!!

Damn you Alex, for making tonight so perfect!

Di game master kita maen macem2, dia ngajak gw maen DDR Drum machine itu loh! Gw kan gak bisa, “Gak maw aaah! Gak bisaaa!”

“Gw juga, udah, coba aja!! Apa sih yang gak bisa?”

Bener…. bener banget!

Truz maen racing, truz kita maen PANIC PARK!!! Oh I love that game!!!! Lucu banget! Semua orang HARUS, WAJIB nyoba maen game itu!!! Gw maen ampe dengkul gw biru en keringetan… Hosh… Hosh… And he did sweet thing that moment :)

Liat gw keringetan, dia nyeka keringet gw pake tangannya!!! Mampus gak tuh! Anjiir lu, Lex! Dasar buaya darat!!

Kita di game master sampe game master tutup, en pas keluar game master, IP udah gelap. Hahaha!

Gw inget pas turun eskalator, Alex ngomong, “Seandainya lo cewek gw…”

Huaaaaaaaaaa!! Iya… seandainya…. T.T

“Umm… sebenernya bisa koq, kalo emang lo maw…”

“Emang lo maw coba LD??” DANG! Bingung dah gw ditanya begitu. Prinsip gw tuh, amit2 gw sampe LD! Gak sanggup gw…

“Lex… kalo gw bilang gw maw… gw gak yakin bisa, gw gak maw nantinya ngerusak 2 hari yang perfect ini. Tapi kalo gw bilang gak maw… gw gak maw kehilangan lo…”

Hiks, dilemma.

I just don’t want to ruin it,, so please,, don’t talk about it.

Dari IP naek angkot sekali, turun di gandok… dia cerita kalo sebenernya pas tanding dia maw meluk gw… :) jujur yah, Lex… sebenernya waktu di GSG itu, gw udah maw nyamperin lo sebelum lo tanding…

~~~

Dari gandok kita jalan… sepanjang jalan, we held hand in hand. Saat itu gw sadar… dalam beberapa menit, dia bakal pergi dari kehidupan gw.

2 hari yang gila ini bakal berakhir….

Sepanjang jalan, kita ngobrol… saat2 dimana gw paling merasa nyaman bersama dia… gw bisa cerita semua hal yang gw gak kepikiran… saat2 dia bisa cerita jokes2 gobloknya, en kalo gw bilang, “Lo goblok banget seh, Lex!” dia bakal jawab, “Iyalah, gw kan IPS…”

“TERUUUUS??? Gw juga!” Hahaha,, sering banget yah Lex…

Dia juga nanya, kapan gw first kiss… Gw bilang, gak pernah… Gw bilang gw mau first kiss gue sama suami gue, trus dia ketawain se-tolol-tololnya. Kurang ajar.

Gw inget every detail semua kejadian yang terjadi 2 hari itu, pas di depan premierre, dia bilang, “Mungkin kita emang jodoh yaa…”

Huhuhu…. iya! Iya! Pasti!

Sampe kosan, dia nelpon taxi… en nunggu di kamar sambil merenung, huaaa,, abis ini kita gak akan ketemu lagi. Dia bakal ke Enhai, nginep semalem en besok siang pulang ke Jakarta.

Dia minta pendapat gw apakah dia harus ngelepasin Voli karena dia sibuk banget sama DKV en kegiatan2 dia… Dia ngerasa gak sanggup kalo semuanya tetep dijalanin. En gw bilang, “JANGAN!!!”

“Kenapa?”

Inget kan Lex, jawaban kita? Kita ngomong sama-sama…

Karena gara-gara Voli, kita ketemu…

Jujur yah, Lex… gw gak pernah bilang ini ke elo, taw gak… Gw suka banget liat lo maen Voli… Penuh semangat, selalu bisa ngebangkitin semangat tim lo. So, jangan dilepasin yaah… Lo menginspirasi gw untuk tetep semangat dalam hidup. Lo yang selalu bilang ke gw kan, apapun yang terjadi, gw harus semangat.

Gw terdiam cukup lama, mikir… apa jadinya hidup gw setelah ini… Setelah gw ketemu soulmate gw, terus ditinggal… Disorder kayak apa yang nanti bakal gw rasain…?

Tiba-tiba… He kissed me.

It just happened.

Dia cium pipi gw. A stolen kiss… Nggak pernah terpikir kalau pertama kali dicium cowok bakal stolen kiss…

Taw gak, saat itu, jantung gw pindah posisi ke perut. GOD, gw gak pernah ngerasain perut gw tiba2 mules banget kayak diaduk2 pake sendok semen! Muka gw pasti cengo banget saat itu. Sekitar 5 detik gw mencerna semuanya, gw pukul paha Alex kenceng banget. “BABI LO LEX!!! Itu first kiss gw yaaaa!!!!”

Alex cengar-cengir aja. “Kan di pipi,, yang di bibir buat suami lo..”

Gw rasa itu lucu banget… hihihi… Alex… Alex… dasar orang gila!

“Lex, lo gila ya?!”

“Gara-gara siapa gue gila?”

Hmm,, gw gak akan lupa every single word that you said, Lex..

Kita berdua gila. Bukan elo doang. Gue juga gila…

Sedihnya, Hpnya bunyi, ditelpon sama Blue Bird. Damn! Kenapa sih sinyal hari itu mesti bagus!! T.T

Gw anter dia ke depan… sebelum naek taxi, gw peluk dia eraaaaaaat banget… Gak maw gw lepasin rasanya… sampe mati juga.

But I had to… And I let him go…

Pcaya apa engga, pas taxi udah pergi, air mata gak berhenti2nya turun selama 10 menit ke depan. Gw kayak orang goblok yang ngegembok pintu sambil nangis, terus ngetok2 kamar Linni. “Liiiin….”

Pas Linni buka pintu kamar dan ngeliat tampang gw yang udah banjir banget, dia langsung shock. “Ya ampun, Maaay! Lo kenapa? Diapain lo sama Alex???”

Diapain sama Alex…?

Dicium?

Ditinggal?

Apa yah?

Hmm…. Dibikin jatuh cinta…

3 September 2006

Call me crazy, pas Alex bangun jam 10 pagi (si BABI emang), gw langsung ngacir ke Enhai, dianter Billy… (THANKS a lot Bil!!!!)

Gw ketemu dia untuk yang terakhir kali… Ngeyakinin kita berdua kalo gak mungkin bisa long distance, so… it’s that last time we said goodbye. Pas jalan di koridor enhai, dia nurunin bando gw lagi… Gw kesel banget karena rambut gw jadi berantakan, tapi gw taw… jailnya dia itu bakal ngangenin.

Gw gak bisa lama2, ditunggu Billy, so gw harus pulang. Dia anter gw ke motor, dan untuk yang terakhir kali juga, gw peluk dia lagi… Lex, lo harus tau kalo saat itu gw nahanin nangis. Entah kenapa gw gak maw nangis di depan lo… Mungkin karena gw gak maw image ‘crayon orange’ gw di mata lo rusak.

Waktu peluk dia, gw ngomong…

“Lex… inget yah…

1. kalo suka sama cewe lain, harus bilang gw…

2. Apalagi kalo sampe jadian…

3. Sering2 telpon gw…

4. Jangan pernah lupain gw… dan 3 hari terakhir ini

5. Kalo lawan atma lagi, menang yah! Hehhe…”

Dan pesan dia cuma satu,

“Kalo lo gak yakin sama perasaan lo, kalo lo gak ngerasain apa yang lo rasain skrg, jangan jalanin hubungan… karena cuma bakal nyakitin.”

Then, that’s it… I went away. Billy, mungkin lo gak taw, sepanjang jalan gw nangis di atas motor… goblok banget. Gw jadi gila… semuanya jadi abu-abu…

I’ve just found my soulmate and I’ve just lost him. How ironic is that?

Pas udah di kosan pun, gw gak berhenti nangis di kamar Cipen… goblok… goblok… gw jadi gila neh, kayaknya….

~~~

Waktu denger cerita ini, banyak tanggepan2 aneh dari orang2… antara, “Aaaaw… I envy you!”

“Alaaaah… itu mah bukan sayang!”

“Easy comes easy goes…”

“Pertahanin dia, May!”

Atau cuma ketawa sinis….

Joan yang paling lucu, dengan wajah pura2 lugu dia nanya, “Ini true story, kan?”

Yup, kalo ada orang yang ceritain gw kayak gini, mungkin gw juga akan ternganga gak percaya. “Ini true story bukan seeeh??”

I know it’s too impossible to be true, but I’ve felt it… with my soulmate… how great is that?

Bwat orang2 yang menanggapi cerita ini dengan sinis, gw cuma bisa bilang… Don’t be so cynical about this kind of love just because you haven’t felt it. Gw percaya kok, semua orang punya Alex-nya masing2… It’s just my luck to find him first.

Don’t look for your destiny, it’ll come to you after all…

Bwat Yoan, *speechless*, abis udah keluar semua pas kelas PerpPol. :P

Bwat Linni, Cipen, en Litta (para saksi hidup), kalo gak ada tarohan itu, gak akan ada ini semua.

Bwat Cupy, gw pengen banget ngenalin dia ke elo!!!

Bwat semua yang baca,, mungkin aneh, mustahil, apalah,, sayang hanya dalam waktu 2 hari… But it happens!!! I felt it! Gak ada yang lebih real lagi deeh!!!

Bwat Alex… Gimana nyong?! Gw udah bikinin blogs bwat lo neh! Gw gak pernah gak yakin sedikitpun sama perasaan sayang kita kok! En gw juga gak pernah nyesel sama semua yang terjadi selama dua hari itu… Cepetan publish komik lo! Biar novel gw happy ending! Inget janji lo di IP! En gw bakal selalu inget kata2 lo… Tetep semangat!!! En… “kalo emang lo jodoh gw… Kita pasti bakal ketemu lagi.” you always said that.

Alex…

Meeting you was Fate

Knowing you was Choice

But Falling in love with you… is totally out of my control.

-May, Septemberollercoaster 2006-

Today, six years after that happened, I finally look back and smile. No, not smile, I laugh!

Come on, it’s a beautiful story and we’re friends now, why not laugh about it? This “falling in love with stranger” thing is like one of my wildest fantasy since I was nine years old! Guess I attract universe to finally give this story for me. =)

FYI, this all happened when Bandi and I were in 3 months relationship and apparently one day before I met Alex, we decided to go “on a break”, giving each other space. Right after I came back saying goodbye to Alex, I went to Bandi’s place and broke up with him.

I should make a point now that I was doing Bandi a favor by really breaking up with him instantly after I gained my conscience back from the fairy tale. However we were on a break. (Not that I agree with Ross sleeping with other woman while he and Rachel were on a break. LOL)

Falling in love with Alex was inevitable. And the least I could do was being fair to Bandi by breaking up with him.
Well, like Kurt Cobain said, it’s better to be yourself and everyone hates you than become somebody else and everyone loves you.

For all of Bandi’s friends who were calling me a slut and people who accused me of cheating and whatever, this might be the answer for you for “Why did you do that to the nicest guy on earth?”

For me, I think what I did was right. I could have just played victim and stepped on the two boats, nobody knows right? (Nobody unless hundred of people on GSG watching me asking for his number. LOL) Or I could just go back to my normal life with Bandi and pretended like nothing happened.

But hey something happened. I fell in love and I will never lie of what I feel. So instead of being so angelic, I became a devil instead. I did let go the two of them.

Because it is the right thing. I was being fair.

You could comment anything and say that technically I was cheating but in my defense, falling in love with Alex was inevitable. He would have done exactly the same thing if he had a girlfriend.

Do you know what cheating is? It is having two or more love affairs in the same time under your conscience!!! (bold and underlined with three exclamation points!)

I wasn’t in my conscience on that time. It was a three days fantasy, and once after I came back to reality, the first thing I did was telling Bandi about it. And when he asked, “so what do you wanna do about it now?” I did the right thing, I said we should break up.

So what happened after Bandi and I broke up? Did I try a relationship with Alex? Hmm, I can’t really call it a relationship because what we did most of the times was arguing over the phone and remember back then inter-city phone calls weren’t cheap. We were only a student then and didn’t have spare money to buy train tickets to visit each other and we were so busy with college life we didn’t have time to console each other’s feelings. We were miserable and I must say everything was really hard with him. Because he was a male version of me. He was stubborn, selfish and crazily romantic.

We were falling in too fast and couldn’t wait to go out as fast. We made a mistake by taking the fantasy to the reality. Alex and me were bad news. In the end we did hurt each other more than we fell in love to each other.

Now the question is, after all this time, if now another Alex comes again into my life, will I do the same thing? No.

1. My feeling now is totally different from what I had with Bandi back then. We had only been together for 3 months and those were boring 3 months. And to be honest, if the Alex thing didn’t hit him that hard, he would stay boring for the rest of his life.

2. Things like this won’t happen twice.

3. I wouldn’t do juvenile thing like accepting a bet for a free lunch and ask a guy’s phone number in my age now. (You see the point? I was just being juvenile and that’s what we did on our college times.)

I knew this would be a controversial post, but I don’t give a fuck. For what it’s worth, everything happens for reason. I believe that.

However Bandi and I are together now, being stronger than ever. When I ask Bandi whether he’s scared of me ever do that again, he said no. “You and Alex were in the same city when I was in US for two years, and you didn’t even have thoughts of meeting him.” Well he’s freakin right!!

“You love me just too much. All you do is thinking about me, you don’t have time for drama.”

The climax for this post would be this:

So, the other night, Alex just showed up on my whatsapp, out of the blue, apologizing of what he did 6 years ago. I know he apologized before but somehow this time, it just felt so right. We talked in the middle of 2 am in the morning and we spent like one hour straight just to chat.

I used to say that he was my darkest hour before dawn and here it is, another surprise from universe, this story really ended in a dawn.

Like Alex said and I quote: “Once again, I apologize to you. I hurt you before and I’m sorry for that. I remembered you told me on 2007 that you feel like slapping my face. You know what? I deserved that.”

Anyway, we did meet again exactly one year after that. I post about it here.

Here’s some peek of the chat. I’ve edited the personal stuffs though.

Alex convo

I told him I already forgave him long time ago and I’m so glad he has grown so much from a very selfish guy to be this wise man and you know what? It’s because of a girl. (It’s always LOVE that conquers all! Yaiy!)

He also said he will definitely come if Bandi and I get married someday and will draw us for free! (He’s a professional illustrator now :)) He said he’s so glad we’re friends now, which we both should become in the first place. Please, Alex was like a male version of me, we should have been bestfriend since the beginning if there were no romance and drama involved!

He said he always knew Bandi was the one for me, that he never gave up on me through all those things and he said he also owe Bandi an apology. Well, that would be an epic moment when he apologize to Bandi. LOL

We agreed on two things: one, that what we felt for those three days was real and let it be just a beautiful fantasy. Two, everything really does happen for reason. That happened to me so Bandi and I would be like today and that happened to him so he would grow up (even he just realized 6 years later) and when he finally met this girl, he knew what love really is. =)

I’m so glad Alex and I talked it out.

For every pain and hurt that we costed each other six years ago, I’m so grateful it happened. It was a part of growing up.

Now is the time for my sotoy philosophy…

The reason why I made this post is that we should not run from our past or pretend it never happened by not talking about it. We have to make closure for every issues that we had in order to move forward. I believe that.

I personally love to have a closure with Alex and finally Bandi is okay talking about it, even though he still doesn’t want to mention the “A” name. haha

Don’t try too hard though to make a closure as it might not the time yet. Just remember everyone has different timeline and different standard of dealing with problems and pain. Let the time heals everything. Don’t lose faith. The closure will come, eventually.

Because time really does heal everything.

May, 17th July 2012.

Geez, It’s kinda weird that I read it again now, my life is so awesome!! Haha! How many people out there get to have an apology from a guy who hurt her so much 6 years before. And this post has been laying there in the draft page for a reason. You know what’s the reason? So I can make an inception post like this. Hahaha! A post inside a post inside a post. If this doesn’t make my blog awesomeness level went up, I don’t know what will.

Anyway, enough with the non-sense.

To comment about the story, seven years after, I just want to say… for all the excuses I made and the argues I tried to validate… I still think it’s the right thing to do even seven years later. What I did was right. (still)

This is gonna be my last post ever talking about this Alex guy. This is the season finale and I like the ending. We’re not best friend anyway like we said on the whatsapp one year ago because it would be weird for Bandi and Alex’s girlfriend if we’re bestfriend, this is not a sitcom.

We’re just a friend who wishes each other Happy birthday and talk once in a while especially when he’s about to show some of his drawing stuffs to me. But we’re cool. He’s living his dream and I live mine. =)

I don’t know what kind of sentences would be perfect to end this series of drama. I have been staring at the blinking cursor for the last 30 seconds and there’s no perfect words to say.

I guess…

Life is unpredictable.

One minute you had it all, the other you lost it. It’s so scary that your life and everything attached to you is mortal.

However life is too short not to fall in love head over heels. To really fall.

To fall in love and then to be heart broken and then to learn and to let go and to move on. That’s okay.

That’s life. Don’t be scared. Time will heal and you will be healed too.

Have your heart broken is inevitable, being miserable is optional. =)

Afterall, It’s always fun to hear a love story, no matter how bad the ending is… And you can always change your point of view and turn it around to be a happy ending.

P.S: For the twenty years old Alex and the twenty years old May: You two are damn cute! I’m glad you guys took the chance. =)

Cheers,

May, 26th July 2013

Dear you, who has broken someone’s heart.

Dear you,

You have no idea who I am or why I am writing this to you. I am not angry or in any negative attitude towards you. This is just a letter written to you, to let you know how hard it is to breaking up with you and losing you in a actual meaning of losing.

You are my best friend’s ex girlfriend, yet you don’t know me. You guys have so much history. Well, nine years say it all. My best friend, this guy, he likes you so much. Nope, he loves you. He was about to buy you a ring and propose to you. He’s in love with you. You crushed his world like no one would ever EVER understand. His world stops, you know.

I am a woman, I try my best to understand you. I would do exactly the same thing like you did because I am a woman. I will put my happiness, my life as my priority and I think you are smart. Well you are a doctor, you should be smart, otherwise we’re doomed. I respect your decision not to look back to nine years of history and stepping forward, creating a completely new page of your life. That is one hell of brave decision, I admire you for that. I believe you have tried your best to save the relationship and it’s his lost not to ever realize it before it’s too late.

However, I cried knowing that you asked him to let you go… in order for you to be happy. Because… I thought so too about myself. The difference is just that you really did that.

You did that… to my best friend.

He was about to propose to you. He fucking loves you very much you have no idea, woman!

I never see him like this. I didn’t know that a guy could be crushed like this. I thought only us, women, would cry or swear or drink and do stupid things when we break up with someone. I broke up once with someone I really really love and it was horrible I thought I would really die because of it. Every morning I woke up, the tears streamed down on my face and the world just stopped turning and the sun wasn’t there anymore. life was just so miserable I thought colors were really fading away from this world.

I know how it feels. And if you think you want to get through all that to have your new page of your life, I will totally understand. No, I don’t understand. He loves you so much, you should know that. What he really needs is just one last chance.

Doesn’t people get chance? This is a person who loves you more than any man could ever love you. Oh honey, you will never ever find another man who could love you like him. Are you sure you’re being sane here, letting him go, are you sure?? Are you really really sure?

I mean, do you stop loving him? Because that’s the only acceptable reason to let go off someone, am I right? Do you really know what you will be missing in your life? Are you really sure you wanna do this?

I just want you to know, if you ever read this letter, that he loves you so much and he really REALLY hope you could give him just one last chance to prove to you that everything will be fine again. I am not on his side and I am not blaming you for anything. I just know one thing for sure that he REALLY loves you. I know that. And I hope you could consider that. Because in this messed up world, you don’t find so many guys who are sincerely love someone like he does to you. I know it’s not a good reason to be with someone, but I know you love him too.

 

Regards,

May.

Another Long Distance’s Damage

Yesterday when I read my Whastapp message, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“It’s done, May.”

So, my bestfriend since primary school who has been in a relationship with this girl for 9 years gave me the flash news. They broke up, after a fucking 9 years relationship!!

They were high school sweethearts, survived through college challenge, managed through different working lives, but broke up because of… *drumroll please* Long Distance RelationSHIT!

He didn’t really mention that it’s because of the distance, but from his story, distance really did quite of damage on their relationship. Lack of communication, gilrfriend’s grumpy all the time (I told him I was too when I was in LDR, so this is normal) and finally they just grew up apart. (This part, I sincerely understand.)

People changed, people grew apart. They had the same reason with Bandi and I on this post.

After hours of trying to convince him to fight back for the broken relationship, I finally gave up and tried to be a supportive friend. Try to accept the fact that people do make up and break up. It’s part of the universe’s drama.

I was sad yesterday. The news affected my mood. It’s like having my parents divorced (even my parents didn’t love each other, at least my friends did.)

Later that night, I had a chat with my housemate and she told another story about her friends who has been together since high school, and only survived marriage not even one year.

So it’s true what people said that Long Term Relationship doesn’t guarantee the depth of the relationship. Well I still think however longer relationship gives you more time to know each other because all of the short term relationship that led to marriage always fell apart (in my point of view), but again, no guarantee of whatsoever.

Now I can’t imagine how do you move on from someone who had been spending days with you for the last nine years? Is that even possible?

Anyone has this experience?

In grieve,

May.

Cari SenDaL = Cari Cowok ???

Bulan desember tahun lalu,, gw jatuh cinta sama sepasang sendal teplek silver yang simple di Minimal Ipe. Tambah jatuh cinta lagi pas gw cobain sendal itu dan ternyata,, it looks good on my feet! Duh,, sumpah,, gw suka buanget (pake U) sama sendal itu. Just to know,, I’m not a spender or a shopper, so gw biasanya beli sesuatu karena gw butuh, tapi kali ini,, gw jatuh cinta sama sendal itu.

^^^

Sayangnya… sendal itu sedikit kegedean di kaki gw,, pas gw minta nomor yang lain, ternyata stock-nya udah gak ada. Sendal yang ada di kaki gw itu tinggal satu-satunya! Hiks,, it’s not the perfect one, coz it doesn’t fit me perfectly. Shit! Malem itu gw sampe mimpiin sendal itu segala…

Time goes by. Time heals.

Kemaren malem, gw jalan ke PVJ, rencana semula cuma maw nonton dan makan sushi,, but ketika masuk ke Bellagio, gw jatuh cinta lagi… DANG! There it is, sendal silver tipis dengan tali warna biru yang simple and (again) looks good on my feet! And this time, is much better.

Luckily, sendal itu tinggal satu en lagi special price! Dan nomornya emang pas banget di kaki gw! Ini yang namanya jodoh!

^^^

Moment itu membuka suatu konsep baru di otak gw, which is… sendal itu sama dengan cowok. Waktu gw ‘patah hati’ sama sendal yang di Minimal, gw sempet mikir, “Shit… gw gak akan ketemu lagi sendal kayak gini…” Coz that’s what broken-hearted people sees on things. Dan emang pas kemaren ini nyokap sempet dateng en ngajak belanja, gw gak berhasil ngedapetin sendal yang pas karena standarisasi sendal gw udah tinggi (selalu ngebandingin sama yang di Minimal). Dan biasanya, ketika lo mencari sendal, lo malah gak ketemu yang pas.

^^^

Karena desperate, budget bwat beli sendal itu gw pake buat beli baju en bra. So, ketika kemaren gw accidentally jatuh cinta sama sendal di Bellagio,, gw harus merelakan budget lain, yaitu budget bwat have fun di Jakarta yang udah gw rencanain bareng soulmate gw. Hiks,.. Tapi itulah yang bikin gw mikir lagi,, untuk ngedapetin sendal yang pas, ada harga yang harus dibayar. Tergantung lo mau bayar mahal apa engga untuk itu (baca: berkorban banyak).

^^^

Bwat cewek, cari sendal yang PAS itu susah banget! Gak segampang cari baju, kaos, ato accesoris lainnya, even lebih susah dari cari bra yang pas.

Sendal yang mahal belum tentu jatuhnya bagus di kaki lo. Dan ketika lo liat sandal bagus dari jauh, belum tentu nyaman waktu dipake. Yang nyaman dipake, belum tentu lo suka modelnya, warnanya…

Nemuin sendal yang pas (modelnya lo suka, comfy, and totally looks good on you) rasanya kayak menang oscar. Hehehe,, berlebihan banget ya? Tapi percaya deh, saat lo udah dapet sendal yang pas,, lo pasti lupa sama sendal-sendal yang dulu pernah lo taksir (tapi gak dapet). Coz gw juga gitu. Setelah punya sendal ini,, gw lupa banget sama yang di Minimal! It’s automatic, gals!

^^^

So,, here I am… Masih terus berjalan, mencari tempat-tempat untuk dikunjungi dengan memakai sendal yang PAS di kaki gw, yang yang pasti, with it I look fabulous.

Itu kan gunanya kita memakai sendalsepatubaju favorit kita,, to make us look more fabulous. Begitu juga dengan cowok. Carilah cowok, yang dengan dia, kamu menjadi sesorang yang lebih baik. Coz, it supposed to be he loves you not because you’re beautiful. But you’re beautiful because he loves you.

~MaY~

Dengan “Linger” versi Hip-hop

Gw gak akan lupa, gw sedang mengangumi poster “Old Trafford: The Theatre of Dreams” di kaca Manchester United Cafe, ketika akhirnya gw memalingkan wajah ke kanan, dan… DANG! He’s there. Gw bisa jamin kalo untuk sedetik, bumi berhenti berotasi, dan ion2 di sekitar gw menangkap semua rasa yang ditimbulkan. And for God’s sake, “Linger” pasti udah fade in kalo ini movie! Jantung gw pasti lebih cepet dari mobil F1-nya Kimi, kaki gw lebih lemes dari orang yang baru aja jogging sabuga 30 kali puteran, dan muka gw pasti lebih cengo dari grafield yang udah seminggu gak makan.

But, satu titik balik membuka titik balik yang lain. Akhirnya, malam itu, setelah kegalauan gw sambil nonton Fear Factor, gw mikir (lagi…) It’s all how you see it, May… Kalo lo melihatnya sebagai sesuatu yang lu rindukan, itu akan terus menjadi yang lo rindukan. Kalo lo melihatnya sebagai sesuatu yang lo takutkan bakal kejadian, saat kejadian, lo akan benar2 takut. Kalo lo melihatnya sebagai sesuatu yang pernah lo cintai, itu akan terus menjadi yang lo pernah cintai.

So, he came over later dan akhirnya dateng juga moment itu dimana, “When I see you, I feel like don’t wanna kiss you.”

Mungkin gw memang butuh ketemu dia dulu untuk sadar, kalo I’m much stronger that I thought. Gw seneng banget karena gw gak merasa menang, tapi gw merasa puas dengan konsistensi diri gw (yang kalo lo kenal gw, gw sangat amat jarang melakukan itu!) I’m so happy that gw ngebantu dia move on tanpa rasa sakit dan gw bisa menyupport dia untuk move on (juga tanpa rasa sakit).

As I said before, “We met, We’ve fallen in love, then it was failing, so what? Itu pembelajaran hidup namanya.” =)

Pernah nonton “The Holiday”? Taw yang adegan Kate Winslet-nya sadar kalo dia udah got over Jesper? Dan dia lompat2 kesenangan! Itu yang gw rasain!!! Bedanya, kali ini “Linger” fade in dengan modifikasi udah di remix jadi hip-hop! Hahaha! Yeeeeeaaaaiiiy!!!! I did it! I did it!!!!!!

_May_

Life is a Choice: “I’m taking my passion back!”

Setelah mencerna kata-kata “Aku BUKAN LAGI punya kamu” sebegitu lama,, akhirnya pilihan itu datang di saat gw pikir gw gak akan memilih apapun (karena gw selalu berpikir gw gak punya pilihan) di backstage kecil2an advis fisip waktu dengerin talkshow pas acara pelepasan sarjana. “Life is a choice”, Mas Bonggas nyebutin judulnya. Setelah itu, cerita2 inspiring dari Mas Banyu, Mas Sonny en Findie masuk perlahan2 ke otak gw yang sempit ini lewat kedua telinga gw yang biasanya diocehin bolot sama semua orang.

~~~

Maksud awal ikutan jadi panitia cuma karena taw bakal ada makan2 gratis, dan mengingat setiap fisip bikin makan2, catering-nya selalu enak, semangat lah gw dateng ke kampus pagi2 bawa jas almamater. Gak nyangka saat itulah gw memilih pilihan gw. Saat Mas Banyu bilang, “Progression is impossible without any changes.”

So,, sedikit tertawa gw mereka ulang kerjaan gw selama ini setelah ditinggal dia, orang yang pernah menjadi segala2nya bwat gw. Saking segala-galanya, gw sampai melupakan segala-gala yang lainnya. Inget sebuah lagu yang pernah diputer lewat speaker laptop Yoan (yang gw gak pernah taw dimana letak volumenya), “I’m too busy writing my own tragedy”. Yup! Gw tenggelam dalam ke-haru-biru-an gw dan gw menjadikannya comfort zone gw, sehingga gw gak maw keluar dari situ.

~~~

So, this is the moment where I’m making my own choice (krn semua orang BISA buat pilihannya sendiri),, itulah yang bisa membuat semua orang bahagia, yang kata mas Banyu, Kepuasan, kebahagiaan itu yang gak bisa dibeli pake duit ber-milyar-milyar. Gw membuat pilihan untuk berhenti terpuruk di dalam kehancuran hati gw (Cieeh, bahasanya), dan gw mengambil keputusan gw itu.

~~~

Memulai dengan mengganti playlist bunuh diri gw yang dulunya selalu dihuni lagu2 glenn pasca putus sama Nola dan lagu2 yang setipe itu (yang diperkirakan kalo kita dengerin 24jam penuh bakal buat kita bunuh diri), sekarang udah terisi oleh jajaran R&B top forty boleh ngebajak dari kompie Angel. Ngeberesin meja gw yang tadinya gak keliatan material dasarnya karena ketutup buku2 en kertas2 yang udah dari UTS semester lalu. Hebatnya lagi, semua buku en handout itu gw masukin ke kardus yg used to be kardus yang diisi barang2 kenangan dia. Gw rasa gw kehilangan sedikit idealisme gw, but that’s okay. Setelah meja rapi, gw bisa dengan mudah nulis to-do list dan gw tempel di stereofoam, dan akhirnya gw sadar, “Anjiiir! Banyak banget yang mesti gw lakuin?!”

Finish Job dari Creasion, Agenda Rapat Dekor senen ini, Bikin timetable Kakak Asuh, Laundry Bed-cover, kirim email ke publisher, surprise party bwat Cininta, finish Supernova, start tulis novel lagi, tugas perekin, tugas ekopolin, proposal Jazzcares, agenda kegiatan bwat fakultas (anjiir yang ini udah lewat deadline!)

Tapi senyum ikutan tersungging di bibir gw. So happy to be back in the business!

Yup!Yup! Yup! It’s time to get up and spread your wings, wonder woman!

Di film yang dulu gw dan dia pernah tonton sama2 (kamu pasti inget ini film apa, madu!), ada quote yg gw tulis di jurnal gw, “What’s wrong with falling down? We can always stand up again…”

Enough with all the tragic stories I’ve written (and I’ve been on), it’s time to make an inspiring one!

~~~

Patah hati sama Alex butuh 9 hari kelabu, hitam kelam untuk bangun lagi, with you it’s much easier, coz you helped me through it, and you know how lucky I am to have you.

We met, We’ve fallen in love, then it was failing, so what? Itu pembelajaran hidup namanya.

Kamu taw aku gak pernah sdikit pun nyesel dengan semua yang terjadi…

Hari ini, di sebuah perjalanan dengan mata kelilipan debu menuju Maranatha, gw nemuin satu teori baru. Kenapa orang gw suka banget makan pedes, padahal taw kalo makan pedes, gw pasti mencret2 en jerawat merah muncul dengan manisnya di muka. Kenapa gw juga masih suka makan cokelat malam2 en gak sikat gigi, padahal taw besok paginya pasti gigi jadi ngilu. Kenapa masih aja mengangguk2 setuju kalo diajak bolos kuliah, padahal udah taw nanti ketinggalan catetan en tugas. Kenapa masih aja makan mie instan, junk food, padahal taw gw bisa kena kanker…?

Ternyata itu semua mempunyai akar yang sama dgn pertanyaan, “Kenapa gw masih aja maw jatuh cinta padahal taw kalo patah hati, sakitnya udah sakit banget pake U gede (sakit BUUUANGEEET!)?”

Itu dia,, itu namanya menikmati hidup. Menghirup setiap inchi pengalaman yang ditawarkan dengan sangat tempting-nya oleh dunia. Oke, oke,, gw taw ntar pasti bakal ada yang comment: “May!Mencret2 en sakit gigi gak ada apa-apanya dibanding patah hati yaaa!!!!” Tapi… bodo amat!!! Hahahaha

~~~

Setelah gw bosan menjadi cewek patah hati yang engga banget, hari ini gw melihat Bandung dari Cisatu sampe Maranatha yang penuh debu dan becekan air dengan lebih indah. Mengajar anak2 SD ciumbuleuit yang kalo nulis 13 dalam bhs inggris “treeten” dengan lebih sabar, menghadapi crowdednya bubaran wisuda dengan lebih fun sambil nemenin anak2 intrex jualan. I guess I’m taking my passion back!

Passion untuk nulis, passion untuk tersenyum lagi, passion untuk makan pedes, passion untuk stop menjadi sinis dalam cinta, passion untuk makan indomie goreng dua sekaligus, passion untuk mandi hujan tanpa takut cacingan, passion untuk tertawa ngakak sampe perut sakit dan gak bisa nafas, passion untuk maen di kolam renang 2,4M padahal gak bisa ngambang, passion untuk bangun pagi dan melihat matahari terbit, passion untuk jatuh cinta lagi, passion untuk menikmati hidup…

~~~

Jadi, apapun yang terjadi nanti, gw pasti bahagia, karena gw membuat pilihan gw sendiri, dan memilihnya sendiri.

I won’t ever forget you, honey… you know that if ever I could, I wouldn’t!

My superhero, you’ll always be there in the little corner of my heart, stays constantly.

I just decided to make a choice for my self. That I’m moving on.

see you on March!

MaY

forever and ever babe…

Jatuh cinta itu gampang… apalagi sama kamu.

Cinta itu kayak nikotin. Your body needs it.

To quote “Marriagable”

Setelah semua keterpurukan itu, gw bertanya-tanya, kenapa gw bisa-bisanya marah, benci, kesel, stress, dan apakah gw menyesalkan bahwa gw pernah jatuh cinta sama dia?

Finally, gw mendapat jawabannya dalam suatu novel yang dipinjemin sama temen gw. Ternyata gw gak pernah marah sama rasa jatuh cinta itu. Gw gak pernah marah sama CINTA, karena emang CINTA gak pernah nyakitin gw. Gw marah sama dia, gw marah sama keadaan, gw marah sama orang-orang yang nge-judge gw. Karena ternyata mereka inilah yang nyakitin hati gw, mereka yang bikin gw marah, bukan CINTA.

Cinta gak pernah nyakitin gw, gak pernah nyakitin siapapun.

Cinta itu indah, well, terdengar seperti salah satu sinetrom Raam Punjabi (kalo kata Yoan), tapi emang begitu kenyataanya. Keindahan inilah yang masih bisa bikin gw tersenyum saat gw finally memutuskan untuk menghapus dirinya dari hidup gw, bukan menghapus cinta. Karena cinta itu konstan, selalu ada di hati gw, tergantung gw maw ngegunain itu ke orang lain apa engga.

“Love is the only rational act”, to quote ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’.

Kemarin gw baca Cosmo, dan ada 1 artikel tentang gimana kita bisa tahu bahwa bahasa tubuh yang kita lakukan mencerminkan deteksi cinta kita satu sama lain. Dan saat gw sadari bahwa semua point yang ada tertuju sama dia, lagi-lagi air mata gw turun. Bukan sedih, I swear! Tapi gw terharu, senang, bahagia, karena I’ve had found one yang bener2 bisa ngebuat gw jatuh cinta dan dijatuh cintai segitunya.

1. Gerak-Gerik anda berdua sama persis.

Lucu banget,, dulu kita sering menertawakan hal ini karena kalo lagi makan nasi goreng, kita punya cara yang sama, trus kalo lagi nonton vcd, kita punya posisi pewe yang sama.

2. Saling melihat saat pergi.

Ini yang kena banget di gw. Karena dia selalu begitu. Dia selalu melihat gw pergi, sampe titik terjauh gw udah gak terlihat lagi. I always knew that, honey…

3. Mata berbinar saat berbicara.

Hmm,, it’s one of sweet things.

4. Anda dan dia selalu duduk berdekatan.

Ya iyalah!!!

5. Ranjang berantakan bak kena badai.

Yup, yup, yup. Kayaknya gak mungkin ranjang rapi kalo ada dia. Hmm…

6. Anda dan si dia gemar adu kepala.

Ini nih yang lucu banget. Gw pikir itu gak menandakan apa-apa, ternyata adu kepala itu menandakan cinta. Hahaha. Kita kadang-kadang suka adu kepala, dan saat itu dia pasti natap gw.

7. Anda berdua kerap dandan matching.

Emang kayak anak panti asuhan sih,, apalagi pas pake baju kembar yang pergi ke IP, diliatin orang2 gitu,, tapi it was FUN!

8. Kode khusus untuk berdua.

Cubitan di perut, gigitan di setiap inchi tubuh dia, password kita, hmm… I miss all of it.

9. Gerak tubuh untuk menyalurkan cinta!

Membetulkan kaos dia, ngeringin rambutnya, guntingin kukunya, ngelap keringatnya, pokoknya hal-hal simple yang ternyata gak bisa gw lupain sampe skrg…

Hmm,, akhirnya si cinderella ini ketemu pangerannya. Walaupun akhirnya gak live happilly ever after, setidaknya, I’ve met my charming prince. Dan itu semua karena gw memutuskan untuk menggunakan CINTA di dalam diri gw, apapun resikonya. Dan taw gak, hal ini bikin gw sadar kalo sebenarnya setiap orang bisa dengan mudah ngerasain perasaan paling indah di atas muka bumi itu. Pilihannya cuma, maw ambil resiko atau engga? Maw terbuka sama orang lain atau engga? Kalo kita juga gak berusaha untuk terbuka sama orang lain, gimana orang lain maw ngasih cinta ke kita? 

Give it first, then take it when it’s offered.

Then enjoy it.

Love is so simple, the only thing that’s complicated is relationship. :p

Well,, when we finally said goodbye last monday, and he gave me the sweetest goodbye kiss ever, and I saw him walking away, I realized something. Cinderella ini akhirnya melonggarkan sedikit idealismenya, dan membiarkan logic takes part of this situation. We’re not Romeo and Juliet for God’s sake! Coz we’re not together at the end, and we’re not dead yet. We’re just two tiny dots on earth who falls for each other so deeply, but decided not to be with each other for our own good. Mungkin kita tahu kalo sampe we’re together, pamornya Romeo and Juliet bisa kalah sama kita. Hahaha. Coz we’re so cute, right, honey?!

Yang pasti gak ada satu pun dari cerita kita yang aku sesalin. Gak satu pun termasuk soal Alex, coz if I didn’t meet him, aku gak akan sadar betapa berartinya kamu bwat aku, dan aku gak akan sejatuh-cinta ini sama kamu. I’m so happy with all the moments, all the laughs, tears, pains, fears, passions and everything we’ve shared together. I’m so happy with all the memories left to remember you by. I’m so happy that we were crazy and stupid. I’m so happy I was in love.

I’m so happy it was with you. =)

I’m so happy I took the risk.

Coz it’s all so worth it.

…forever and ever babe,

MaY.

p.s Jangan lupa bawa susu strawberry pas Shrek 3 yaaa! =)