Since I was a little girl I got used to be called different. I was different because I had tanned skin as a Chinese girl, I was different because I dared to say no to teachers when she was wrong. I was different because once I led a group of my teenage girlfriends to protest to a priest because I believed he treated us wrong. I was different because unlike my friends I didn’t agree with my mom. I was different because I didn’t do what other people do.
I was accused to be different, which is negatively set in our minds. To be different was wrong.
I grew older and I started to realize that being different is cool. That it is what makes me cool. I met some people who thought I was cool, to be different. I made friends, who later became my best friends. They proudly said, “that is so you.” of certain things they found that proved me that I had found my identity.
I was complimented to be different, which made me a unique individual that assured me if I died, the world would lose one special person.
Today, someone was laughing at me before my eyes and mocked me, “You’re different. You’re like alien. We will never understand what you think.”
Let me tell you how it happened…
There’s this guy in my office, let’s call him asshole. I did argued with asshole once because he said I’m a hypocrite. Asshole talked bad behind my back saying that I don’t really work for SPCA and that if my boyfriend worked as a coolie, I would never get together with him. I didn’t know why he did that to me. Probably because when the first time I joined the office he had a crush on me and giving me stuffs and made me Milo for breakfast. I told him I had a boyfriend and I really loved my boyfriend and then he started to talk shits about me. WTF. I didn’t know that such sad loser existed until I knew this guy.
I stood up for myself and shouted at him so the entire office would hear, “YOU ARE ONE PATHETIC LOSER. I feel sorry for your unhappy life but please don’t spread it to other people. You can live sad forever alone and nobody cares.”
yeah yeah I know it’s rude. But I don’t care. You stabbed me, I’d stab you back.
Anyway it happened like 2 years ago. Since then I never gave a shit about this guy. Then yesterday his long relative died and my colleague collected compassionate money. I swear to god I didn’t want to chip in. I didn’t feel I needed to. Why should I? This guy is an asshole and I don’t wanna waste my money on him. I think I’m being hypocrite if I say I gave the money willinglly. Crap, my heart is not that big. However I chipped in a little, unwillingly.
And then a girl said to me, “it’s called manner, you know.”
Then I replied, “well, it can be also called hypocrisy. Depends on how you wanna see it.”
She then talked about my other colleague’s upcoming wedding and how he spent almost 1/3 of the guests from our office. Some of them, he doesn’t even know. I told her that’s CRAP. “I will never invite anyone who is not close to me to my wedding. NO! Not even my relative.”
She then preached me of how wrong that was. We argued for a while but then I realized that I wasted my time because certainly we think differently. So I told her, “Let’s just say that we are two different people.”
And the words came out, “You’re different. You’re like an alien.” with a very degrading tone.
WHAT THE FUCK.
It’s been SOOOOO LOOOONNGG since I was offended being called different.
Let me tell you, lady. YES I am different. I am the kind of girl who will not say “you’re pretty” when you look like shit! It’s not called manner, it’s called hypocrisy. I am the kind of girl who will not untag my photo on facebook just because I look ugly. Well, sorry if you think you look ugly, that’s because you never appreciate your true self and of course because you’re aiming to the wrong standard of beauty. I am the kind of girl who will never understand why I must invite someone I don’t like to my wedding, pay for their meals and have a bullshit chit-chat with them. Hey! It’s my wedding day! MY WEDDING MY WAY!
If you don’t like it, that’s your problem, not mine!
Yes, I’m selfish, I’m stubborn. That’s just how I live my life and guess what, somebody fell in love with that, for REAL. I don’t give a shit about what people say if they’re not invited to my wedding. Why should I? They don’t feed me, do they? If I had to care of whatever people say about me, I’d be dead by now!
I am so sorry if in your life everyone has the same thinking, I’m sorry if in your world nobody gets to have their own opinion or even do their own things alone. I’m so sorry if having different thinking is wrong for you. I’m sorry that being fat and ugly is so sinful in your world because apparently nothing really matters inside because everyone is the same. I’m sorry that it’s so hard for you to live up to everyone’s standard and expectation but I don’t wanna live my life THAT WAY.
I let you know something:
Do what you want, Say what you mean because those who mind don’t matter and who matter don’t mind.
I know you think a lot of people don’t like me, but HATE is a strong word. I know you don’t hate me, you just hate my guts. And that’s totally understandable. Because I know you secretly want my guts.
Well, did I tell that girl all of that? Nope. Guess the psycho-sotoy-analysis is too complicated. :p
I just told her, “I’m different, huh? Well, I’ll take that as a compliment.”
May, who seriously needs to chill. LOL