That little push

Today I browsed around the travel websites to find a cheap air ticket for Cinnamon and Apple Pie’s Wedding. I managed to find a perfect timing and price for the ticket yet I didn’t hit the book button.

Yesterday I received phone call from an NDP committee telling a good news that I’ve passed my audition and would be eligible to join a team to perform at NDP this year. I was excited yet there’s this weird feeling when she said “Will you be able to commit a practice every Wednesday and Saturday onward?”

THEN IT HIT ME. I am afraid of commitment. I know it’s an old news but it’s kind of sad to know that I still am. I thought I’ve taken care that. I thought I’ve grown up. I thought I’m settling down.

Why am I still hating the idea of committing and staying put for something? If I bought an air ticket, I knew that I MUST go to Medan on that day, and I was afraid that maybe… MAYBE I’m not in Singapore anymore at that time.

I still love the fact of me living a life of wondering of tomorrow, that next week I will wake up in a different part of the world, or tomorrow I’ll fall in love with a total stranger, or next month I’ll be bungee-jumping off a bridge. I’m still waiting for the impromptu. And I hate it.

I want to settle down. I want to be committed.

I remember the day when Bandi bought our Europe ticket, it was after days of me saying “maybe we’ll do this tomorrow.” Bandi said, “I know why you don’t want me to buy this ticket today. Because you’re afraid that for the next 10 months, you have no other choice than to stay with me.”

I said, “No waaay!”

He said, “Why would it be then if it wasn’t because your silly commitment issue. Geez May, I’m buying you a ticket, haven’t asked you to marry me.” Then he chuckled and hit the book button.

And guess what, now I am so excited about the trip. Sure I was petrified on the day he bought that ticket. It was like a VERY BIG commitment. To save money and keep track for the saving, to keep my job ( I surely can’t resign), to never take leave, and to REALLY fly to Europe eventually, with him. If I wanted to just keep thinking about it, I will never buy that ticket. But Bandi did a little push, and he did the right thing.

So yeah, maybe all I need is a little push.

It’s like when I learned how to ride a bike. I never wanted to let go off my foot from the earth because I was scared.

It’s like when I jumped off the cliff at Boracay. I never wanted to jump ever because I was scared.

It’s like when I learned how to swim, how to drive and how to love… unconditionally. It all was scary at first. Even though I knew it’s gonna be amazing, I was still scared. So I had that. I had a little push.

And I’m glad I had it.

So again, maybe I just need that one push.


Like this one?

Like this one?


May, who is obviously talking about marriage.

9 thoughts on “That little push

  1. hahaha… dulu gua juga bermasalah banget lho ama yang namanya commitment. tapi gak separah lu kayaknya may… :P

    jadi sekarang push nya udah cukup atau belum? :D

    push itu emang perlu. tapi bukan satu2nya yang bisa bikin orang untuk jalan ke depan. tetep harus ada niat dan kemauan dari orangnya.

    coba aja bayangin, kalo orangnya emang keukeuh gak mau jalan. berdiri sekuat mungkin dan gak mau ngelangkahkan kaki. pas di-push, yang ada dia malah jatoh. sakit.

    push baru meaningful, kalo yang di push juga mau melangkahkan kakinya, nah baru bisa maju ke depan dengan kombinasi kemauan melangkah dan push nya itu.

    moga2 analoginya make sense ya… :D

    so the question is…. push nya udah ada.. tapi kemauan/niatnya juga udah ada belum? :D

  2. yeah, u need that little push and i will *devil grin* hahaha… anw, u’re so on fire though to ur commitment to write a post in a week.. (hopefully it will last long haha). Good luck with ur little push, u’ll find it soon dear ;)

  3. Hmm… Mey, gw juga punya masalah sama commitment. But I think, in a way, yours is a little bit too much.. Trust me, elo akan melewatkan banyak kesempatan bagus dalam hidup lo kalo lo ga berani melangkah. Gw bisa ngomong kaya gini, tapi tetep aja, gw sih ga berani bungy jump, ahahaha^^… But seriously, gw sendiri kalo flash back emang banyak ngelewatin precious opportunity karena ketakutan gw.
    Kenapa tadi gw bilang “in a way”?? Karena menurut gw sebenernya in the other hand elo juga pemberani kok mey!! Lo pindah ke Singapore, hidup mandiri & bertanggung jawab buat diri sendiri, itu kan komitmen yang besar juga loh. Gak semua orang bisa ngambil komitmen kaya gitu. Pindah ke Singapore is fun kan Mey? Jadi?? Komitmen itu ga semenakutkan itu kan??

    • Hahaha yeah it’s fun and scary but still the fun part was more than the scary part. Gue tuh berani berkomitmen as long as itu hanya menyangkut diri gue, spt pindah ke spore SENDIRI. Tapi kalo udah menyangkut orang lain, rasanya rada susah gitu krn somehow gue orang yg sangat selfish. Bukannya gue punya isu mempercaya orang, tapi gue punya isu dengan percaya bahwa orang itu akan sanggup bertahan sama gue ga? Karena yah gue tuh selfish dan tipe yg melakukan apapun because i want to.
      Sbnrnya berkomitment utk pergi ke europe, planning everything with him itu juga udah komitmen beeesaaar buat gue. So i’ll start with that kali ya. Hehe.
      Thanks for your kind words Di… :)

  4. ce May kaya ceceku ya berarti :) perlu di push supaya berani maju~
    Kaya omongan Ko Arman, yang penting juga ‘mau’ nya udah ada apa belom… Kalo udah mau, kan kalo di ‘push’ bukannya jatoh doang kaya pas bungee jump tapi bisa terbang sendiri juga^^
    eh, perbandinganku aneh yah? /gubrak/
    yah, pokoknya, mau lah, jangan takut lah
    mungkin sekarang cece masih di lembah belom mau mendaki gunungnya, tapi di atas gunung itu ada pemandangan yang lebih indah daripada di lembah lho ce :D
    eh kok aneh lagi sih… ah, ya sudah lah :lol:
    semangat cece!!!! :)

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