Here I am, standing tall in the crowd of the Orchard Road on the Saturday Night feeling lonelier than ever.
I can’t remember when was the last time I walk slowly, when was the last time my hands being held sincerely, when was the last time being sane, and being whole.
I want to dance freely, in the rain, if I could. I wanna feel loved again. I want a cup of ice coffee with just a drop or two of hazelnut syrup and two spoons of milk. That’s a latte. It’d just be easier if I ordered a latte.
I’m heading to the nearest coffee shop now. There are about 7 coffee shops in this one big street but I can’t seem to find it. I’m chasing my comfort and my relaxant from caffeine coz you don’t give them anymore.
I’m broken hearted, more than I have ever been before.
I, myself, broke my heart. Again.
I’ve walked this street for the hundredth times, memories juggling through my mind. You, that scarf of yours that made me warm, myself in your arms and those little sweet pinches on my cheek.
I was a fool of giving my heart away. Of trusting people too much and of a thought that I could actually love someone.
The fact is, I don’t have the capacity to love. I don’t have ability to share my life with someone. or anyone.
Shit! Where is this coffee shop?!
I’ve been going round and checking the directory of this fu**ing building twice but I can’t find it!
I’ve been counting my steps and I hate to stop to check the directory when my step stops at odd numbers. I also hate you.
I also hate the fact that memories of you is more rigid than the picture of you, of us. There are no picture of us.
There’s only this mental picture in my head. keep rolling like a sixty’s movie.
There goes my coffee shop. I can catch my breath now. I can drink my comfort, I can get lost in my fake daydream and I can pretend I’m in love with you again.
May, Orchard road, 14th January 2012