Another three months absence, again, I’m back with a flash news. I don’t know how to say it in the best way. So let me describe and picture the moment.
8:15 in the morning, Joo Koon MRT, on my way to work. There he was, waiting for me with his smirking smile. No words were spoken, just a shrieking high-pitched sound from my throat, and a warm long hug.
He came back to me. He did.
He actually literally did.
Flying 32,187 kilo meters to say, “I want you back.”
I still can’t believe he did that.
Should I ask now what I’d say to him? Wasn’t it a definite yes?
The best thing about the yes is that I say a yes to a short distance relationship. Yes, yes, yes, he’s back here in Singapore, FOR GOOD. Yes, yes, yes how obvious is that for a yes?
And yes, since we’ve lived in the same page of atlas now, the “when” question has been popped every time we meet old friends. Since the distance was the only thing that kept us apart, now there’s no reason to not getting married.
Ow, Oh, getting married.
This post would be a very long post.
About four years ago, at the church, we talked about getting married on 19th of March 2011. I didn’t remember how we picked that date, but I remember why. He thought that if on that day we’re still together, then this relationship must be a serious relationship and a commitment-phobia like me should have solved all the issues.
Now the date just passed. Well do I see any ring? No. No. No no no no no. NO! It was obviously a No.
Saying “Yes” and “No” is an easy thing. To be committed about it is what’s hard.
I don’t think it’s weird having a long term relationship and still not ready for marriage. However people shouldn’t get married because of “it’s been a long term relationship” but because “I am so ready for marriage (and all the shits).” Not only people should marry the right person, but also with the right reason.
I have the right person here with me. Never even a second I’m doubting him as the best. Yes, I would never find a better man for me. Then why am I not marrying him?
Because I’m NOT ready. Because marrying him when I’m not ready will destroy everything we have been built. The trust, the feeling, the well communication, the romance, and everything that has gone well.
For me, marriage is a lifetime commitment. Lifetime love? Sure I can love him for the rest of my life. But Committing to be his wife, legally attached; sharing his bank account, his bed and children; cleaning his toilet, his family mess, and his potty when he’s old? Am I ready for that?
I don’t wanna saying “Yes” for only “Yes, I will love you for the rest of my life,” cause that would be easy.
I wanna say “Yes, I will love you for the rest of my life, and I will be committed to that,” and the most important, with 100% assured tone.
I will say that “Yes” word someday… When I’m ready. Not when I need to, or even worse, when I have to. I don’t care how old I’m gonna be on that day, I don’t care how many people had been asking, I don’t care about all the traditional or scientific facts about marriage, all I care is me and him and the commitment between.
Don’t get married when you’re not ready, girls. Wanna risk it? Well, it’s a lifetime risk. So, make sure you’re ready.