It’s the point of my life when I have finally realized that I have a mental disorder. I still try to be open-minded and accept the fact that everyone might have disorder too.
I always thought I’m a little perfectionist of how I like things to be organized, how I like my facial foam and my shampoo to be really clean, how I wrote almost everything in my journal, and stuffs like that. But when all the obsessions had become more and more disturbing, I know for sure that I have an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
And these are my symptoms:
- I have the same nightmare about toothache over and over again (could be like 5 times a week).
- I kept thinking or imagining bad things happen, even though I tried to resist it.
- I could almost cry when I saw only tiny spot on the inside tab of my facial foam, and thought that somebody used it and then became more and more nervous.
- When I chatted with my boyfriend, and he misspelled the words, I restart the chat window and got mad because everything is not perfect anymore.
- I checked my journal like 10 times a day, over and over and over again.
- I got anxiety when somebody sat on my bed (scared that the pants might be dirty).
- I knew when somebody moved certain things in my room, and I got very mad.
So I feel pathetic and think it’s very very disturbing now. I always thought having OCD is a good thing, that you can always remember where you put something, that you would always be organized. But it turns out that perfectionist and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder aren’t the same.
“Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is one of the most difficult to understand of all psychiatric illnesses. Persons who have this condition find themselves repeating certain behaviors or thoughts again and again and again and again. They know the repetition is unnecessary, but are unable to stop themselves.”
I’ve googled it and read most of the articles suggest to see psychiatrist, but since it’s expensive, I’ve found the ways to try a self-treatment for OCD:
- Relaxation, such as yoga or meditation to reduce stress and tense.
- Saturation, “Through saturation, the client is directed to do nothing but think of one obsessional thought which they have complained about. After a period of time of concentration on this one thought (e.g., 10-15 minutes at a time) over a number of days (3-5 days), the obsession can lose some of its strength.”
Somehow I believe that as long as you try something really hard, you’ll get it, so… it’s all about how you see it, it’s really hard to resist about OCD, though. At least I’m very aware that I’m in one.
I have a funny story about OCD, it’s about my friend’s sister who had an OCD about liking things to be organized, especially books. She visited my University’s library one day and it was very big – full of books and very messy. You know what happen to her? She PASSED OUT! :D
One more fun fact about OCD: David Beckham is also having an OCD! Yippi! He said the condition leads him to count clothes and place magazines in straight lines and symmetrical patterns. And he added that one of the reasons why he keeps having tattoos is that he is addicted to the pain of the needle. So, even thought I have a mental disorder, at least the most handsome and sexiest guy has the same one like mine! :P